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Will Beback

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Will McWhinney Jr. or Will Beback, also known as Willmcw, User2004 and Will Bareback, is a Bureaucratic Fuck and close ally of SlimVirgin and Chip Berlet on Wikipedia. He is known and respected among fellow Wikipedia admins (fellow fucks) as the inventor of Wikistalking. Like most non-teenage bureaucratic fucks on wikipedia Beback is really gay.

And we mean really really really really really gay. As in gayer than Elton John's pink feather boa having nasty, unprotected gay sex with his bejeweled sunglasses. On the scale of gayness ranging from passing bi-curiosity to big fucking fag, Beback makes Caligula look like Hugh Hefner. He makes Liberace look like Don Juan. Titus Andronicus did not need to bring a faggot to bright-burning Troy because Will_Beback was already there.


Contact Willie at work!

+112133874287

A flaccid personality

Like most Wikipedia Bureaucratic Fucks, Beback is obsessed with cock, but not e-penis, Will only goes for the real thing. In fact he's so obsessed with cock, or "Wikistalk" as it is sometimes called, that he spent his first two years on wikipedia patiently explaining how he goes about measuring his own diminished organ on the talk page of his favorite Wikipedia article, Human penis size.

 
"When I stretch really hard I can reach 2 whole inches!"
In the modern world, penis size is measured by stretching the flaccid organ. It has been determined that a stretched penis is very close to the same size as a fully erect penis, without the variations that you mention. This fact is not mentioned in the article, and so the references to the size of flaccid penises being unrelated to their tumescent size is confusing. -Willmcw 07:20, 10 Dec 2004 (UTC)[1]

But, among his many fetishes, none is more prominent than censorship. Ever the drama queen, Beback frets endlessly about the validity of any claim reminding him of his own diminished stature. So he became an expert in the scientific measurement of the human penis through extensive self trials.

"Self-selected" and "self-measured" are two different problems, and this source has both. The size of the sample is irrelevant if it has not been randomly selected.[2]

To compensate for this problem Beback spends most of his time on Wikipedia maintaining the List of male performers in gay porn films. Beback explains his qualifications for this list in his own words:

I maintain a lot of school articles[3]

Uh huh.

It's all just a "lifestyle choice"

 
Will Beback on a recent changes patrol.

In real life, Beback can usually be found leading groups of furry-clad environmentalists into the redwood forest for a weekend long orgy of gayness, granola, and gonorrhea. He always keeps his Blackberry in tow on an accessory belt of overpriced tech gadgets, sex toys, and disinfectant nappy wipes, ensuring that he is never away from Wikipedia (or butt sex) for more than a couple hours. Parents have been warned of William's deviant behavior.

Before blessing Wikipedia with his measurement expertise, Will spent many years desperately trying to become a reality show contestant. In 2003 he auditioned for an episode of NBC's "To Catch a Predator" when it came to Los Angeles, but was rejected. Undeterred, Beback spent the next year travelling to the hit series' other filming locations in Florida, Virginia, and Kentucky. There he auditioned again to be a contestant but was always passed over by the show's panel of judges, although he did make the outtakes special in Season 3 when he tried to stuff the cookies host Chris Hanson gave him into his pants. Hanson said "Yeah, I remember him all right. He camped outside my trailer with a laptop, trying to find our decoys in the chat rooms. That guy was screwed up even by our standards."

Will is preoccupied with the topic of "outings" of notable Wikipedians. This is a topic with which he has had much experience, as the "outings chair" for the Gay and Lesbian Sierrans of Los Angeles.[4]

During the day he sells manicure products from a shopping mall vendor cart, which he is always careful to position in front of the Abercrombie & Fitch store. His routine consists of intensely scrutinizing Gay boys in denial as they blow their parents' pay checks on clothes that are made to look like they came from the Salvation Army store, but without the lice and stains from a homeless guy who pissed himself. About half past noon every day he takes a lunch break at TGI Fridays, drops by the men's room next to Footlocker to say hi to his special friend Carlos on the custodial staff, then wheels his cart in search of business on a circular route that always takes him by Hollister and American Eagle Outfitters. He then returns to his perch in front of Abercrombie, pulls out his blackberry, and adds another Wikipedia entry on penis size. Beback's proximity to the aforementioned stores also qualifies him as an automatic expert on their goods and especially their clientele, so he owns the wikipedia articles on them as well.

A real McWhine-er

 
Will's mummy (Bonnie) holding a photo of his dear dead dad. - Is daddy proud of his gay child-loving son?

Will_Beback is an administrator of the attention whore variety, so he spends his entire day prowling the internet in search of something, well literally anything, that reflects upon the mundane trivialities of his cock-obsessed life. Mention his name and he signs up and assumes his role of Wikipedia Bureaucratic Fuck. Bewarned Because Beback is more vaginal than a menopausal Rosie O'Donnell at an gynecology convention. He throws a hissy fit whenever something about him isn't sourced to Wikipedia standards. And he'll spend the entire day...except for his hourly measuring sessions...pissing around on it before moving on to the next victim website that google produces.

Beback will inevitably come here to do the same thing in due time. In fact he's already been here because Beback is everywhere that the word Beback is named. Incidentally he's also everywhere the word Bareback is named. You can hear him from his mating call: <lispy twang> "you got a source fer that?" </lispy twang>

It doesn't matter if Beback is on Wikipedia or not - he always acts like he's on Wikipedia and when he's on Wikipedia he's acting like he owns the place. The Beback has been known to show up on distinctly non-Wikipedian forums like Making Light where he insists that they rewrite their posts to conform to Wikipedia standards. When everyone else there responds to him with a collective "Fuck you" he crawls up in the corner and whimpers for a while then goes over to Gayfurrywikipedianbuttsex.com and instructs other wiki-fags like him how to measure themselves.

Need proof that Will is a massive monkeydick? Try this small sample:

Wet(back) Dreams

 
"Will_Beback at the Rio Grande looking for a wetback to hook up with"

When he's not busy keeping the Abercrombie & Fitch article atuned to the needs of its younger customers in the 12-18 age bracket, or promoting the virtues of his favourite BoyLover BBS, Will becomes a wiki-warrior for illegal immigration. He likes illegal immigrants almost as much as he likes measuring his cock.

Though no reason is stated, it has long been rumored that Beback became an open borders activist for personal reasons. It is suspected that in 1993 immigration officials deported Beback's domestic partner, a Mexican drag queen named Juan-Julio who is better known to her clients as Esmerelda, the Tijuana Firecracker. Beback's strategy of repatriation with his long lost Latina love is using Wikipedia to pressure INS for his return. He uses his Wikipedia powers to rewrite every immigration article so it ends up advocating a new special Q-Visa category for middle aged mexican trannies weighing at least 275 pounds.

While waiting for Esmerelda's return he frequently goes down to the Rio Grande in search of migrant workers to help across the border for a small non-monetary payment.

He is known to the border agents by his codename "Willy the Rainbow Coyote."

Relation to Slimey

Beback has a special non-sexual relationship with a scary prostitute named SlimVirgin. Like most ugly promiscuous goth women SlimVirgin is a fag hag, and that makes Will_Beback her pet fag. Most conversations between Slimey and Beback are more menstrual than a tampon commercial in the middle of a Delta Burke marathon on Lifetime. And the sad part is, Will Beback always plays the role of the whiny chick who complains about her flow. [5][6][7]

Listen to Will's Nasaly voice!

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/cd/War_elephants.ogg

(He calls his accent Californian, but we all know what a lisp is)

2007 Arbcom attempt and the "final curtain"

Willie wanted to be an ArbCom person. Go and laugh. He lost, of course. A faggot is a faggot. And then a 2012 arbitration was filed against his scrawny gay ass, for fighting with "TimidGuy" over TM articles (Willie hates TM, Scientology, Werner Erhard, Lyndon LaRouche, you name it. Anyone not liberal or faggy enough is his enemy.) And so, SlimVirgin's favorite meatpuppet was b&d forever and a day.

In March 2014 he begged like a little bitch for "access, please good sirrahs", and the Arbcom fuckheads gave it to him. Although with a few restrictions, which means he can't fuck with "new religious movements" and other asswipe subjects he was obsessed with....so he didn't start editing again.

Other crap

 

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