Swenglish

from [email protected] <[email protected]>

date Oct 29, 2006 9:55 PM

subject Goodbye

The following is an email sent to you by an administrator of "A Forum For Everyone". If this message is

spam, contains abusive or other comments you find offensive please contact the webmaster of the board at

the following address:

[email protected]

Include this full email (particularly the headers).

Message sent to you follows:

Well it was fun, then it wasn't. Then it was again... Then I came to the realisation I really don't give

a crap about some numpty ass forum when my life is more interesting than anything anybody writes here.

To all that care I have moved on. To all that don't .... Well for the last time Fuck You from me. :)

Nice, eh?

History

Cheesey Swenglish logo

Littlefair whines about ED

Swineglish (Swenglish) is a rarely visited forum set up by Littlefag and Ass Vegan after being banned from everywhere else on the Internet for being lame, the sole purpose being to whine about being banned, talk about how great they are, and beg dirty, lonely, skanky whores for free sex. They misunderstood the advice "you need to get more pussy... and leave me alone son, I'm your fuckin' mom for godsake!" as meaning they should increase the tonnage (and acreage).

During its short lifetime, Swenglish went down more than a sorry crackwhore at a frat party. On August 17th, 2006, Littlefag took it down on purpose as a public expression of how butthurt he was about appearing in æ. This is believed to be the only intentional outage in the history of Swenglish. In response to the lulz at this, Swenglish was reinstated along with a post explaining why the forum was recently offline. At last count Swenglish had been fucked up by Littlefair at least a hundred times.

Anti-Troll Measures

To date, Littlefag (self-proclaimed "king of the trolls") has at various points implemented the following anti-troll measures on his canned phpBB forum:

• Setting account activation to require manual admin approval
• Requiring users to log in to read the board
• Randomly banning anonymous proxies.
• Banning the letter L in usernames (way to go, superadmin!)
• Randomly deleting accounts of completely valid users.
• Banning Googlebot (WTF???)

The point in trolling this den of douchebaggery is somewhat mitigated by the fact that Littlefair regularly breaks the board as a result of his own technical incompetence.

Swenglish Drama

Swenglish is a petri dish of Internet drama, The original members all fled from The Local after their attention whore tactics were ignored or ridiculed. The primary purpose of Swenglish is to talk about The Local.

Pity Party

Immediately upon starting a new forum with Littlefag, Ass Vegan started a discussion about why people left The Local called, dramatically enough, How were you abused on TL.

Some choice answers:

• I was abused by spammers/trolls for having opinions, and one well-established TL member really insulted me when he criticized my new apartment. --Kitten
• We are all the misfits not deemed quality enough to post our opinnions, that TL site is nothing but communist. It is like burning a book and that is seen as communist in the US so let the little commies have it this place is much better --Ass Vegan
• I too have never been banned from TL but I have been trolled and abused. That place is just riddled with trolls. Someone needs to shine the sun on that forum and turn 'em all to stone. --Kitten
• To complete nutcases have started a hat campaign against me and are giving grief to all I know. They contact my ex, they contact my old friends, they contact my new friends. stiil I smile though the methods they try are insane. They dont have the balls to attack me so they attck others to annoy me. --Littlefair

Love Triangles

At least two internets love triangles played out their drama in part on Swenglish.

Ass Vegan/Blondie/Esme: Ass Vegan, true to his previously established pattern, couldn't survive without constant female attention for two whole weeks while Blondie was on vacation with her kids and partner. He moved in on Swenglish newb Esme, who in a vindictive fit of female rage produced cybersex logs and cock pix at the demise of the e-affair. Blondie or Brian's bit, as she signed at least one email, publicly proclaimed that the status of her involvement with Ass Vegan had been "just friends" however several blog entries and email tell a contrary story. Unfortunately Blondie managed to get her Encyclopedia Dramatica page removed.

Littlefag/Andersson/Benzed: Littlefag had taken up with the married Andersson in Gothenburg, and after a clandestine weekend with her in a hotel in Malmo, came clean about the fact that he was an unemployed deadbeat dad. At this point, Andersson, at loss for a way to extricate herself from the relationship without arousing Littlefair's psychotic rage at being rejected, played the "I'm going to focus on my marriage" card. Little is known about what transpired, however even after promising her husband that she would cut Littlefag out of her life, she continued to loiter about his forum. Around the same time, Benzed, a 30-something unemployed New Zealander living with (and off of) his girlfriend, became a staunch defender of Andersson's virtue. It's unknown whether the Andersson/Benzed affair has been consumated, however it is definite that Benzed would enormously improve his situation were he to score a sugar-momma like Andersson. As he is given to trawling MySpace for the JB, it doesn't matter that she looks like a pro-ana rodent.

Preferred Drama-generating techniques

• Attention - First and foremost, Swenglish caters to Attention whores. The result is a constant resurrection of old drama and quarrels that occurred on forums from which the primary Swenglish posters were banned. Also prominently featured are inane posts about nothing just for the sake of posting something.
• Internet stalking - Every user on Swenglish has been stalked at least 100 times. Mostly by each other.
• Posting Drunk - Fully half the users of Swenglish (not including sock puppets and banned users left on the list to make it look like more than six people post) are raging alcoholics who suffer from Internet poor disease. They somehow manage to pay their ISP bills and buy the booze, possibly funded by selling their children's toys.
• Cat fighting - Given the number of middle-aged camwhores and drama queens on Swenglish and the propensity of Littlefag to bring down the banhammer on any potential male competition, regular catfighting over e-cessibility to Littlefag's alcohol-induced limpdick breaks out. This often results in the loser either quitting forever or being banned, only to return a few days later.

Notable (L)Users

"Blondie" shows off her acreage

• Aneud - a fat Romanian camwhore who only posts pics of her cleavage on LiveJournal. Littlefag made her a moderator in the hopes that someday she would let him cum on her saggy tits.
• Ass Vegan - Littlefag's partner in the pursuit of the pipe dream of heterosexuality.
• Blondie - the Southern Charms pr0n star Zoe4you.
• Dakyras - Buttboy "admin" who wishes he was Littlefag.
• Esme - The Tart du Jour causing strife between Ass Vegan, Blondie, and Littlefag. Otherwise, a completely non-notable Internet bimbo.
• Jason - Neocon flunky who mostly sniffs around hoping that Selena will spread her legs.
• knocklegoggin - Littlefag's bank account, nappy changer, sheet washer and sperm receptacle.
• Ms._Divine - a trailer park queen who surfs for cybersex while chain smoking Virginia Slims and whippin' herself up into a pussy batter frenzy.
• Selena (AKA 'Shrill'ena) - the only chick on Swenglish worth seeing naked, unfortunately she\'s dumber than a rock with all the charm of a 13yr old boy's jerkin' sock.
• Voodoo - Littlefag's faghag slag.

Quotes

ITS HAPPENING, THE SWISS ARE TAKING OVER

• "There is a mirror on Littlefag's ceiling. It has that etching that says Objects in Mirror Appear Larger Than They Really Are." -- Blondie

Swenglish Timeline

• July 20, 2006: Littlefag and Ass Vegan inflict the pitiful abortion known as Swenglish on the unsuspecting internets. Most users are still unaware of it's existence.
• August 17, 2006: Littlefag takes Swenglish offline because he was made fun of on the internets.
• August 19, 2006: After many lulz at his expense, Littlefag descides not to quit the internet forever and puts Swenglish back up.
• August 23, 2006: All topics of discussion other than Encyclopedia Dramatica banned by official decree and ph34r of pwnage. Much snivelling ensues.
• August 30, 2006: All attempts to register have been denied. Message sez: Username is not permitted. Tried registering: Spittlefair, Spittlefare, spunksucker, spunklapper and Bill Suk before boredom set in.
• October 27, 2006: Now averaging one post per week. Most recent posts(the best of which have been deleted by a mod.)focusing around a lulz fest at the expense of Littlefag's birthday party in Stockholm which was very fail, as no one showed up. Including the internet's poor Littlefag.
• October 29, 2006: Goodbye cruel world email sent to all members of Swinenglish. Littlefag breaks forum for good.

Swenglish is part of a series on Sites Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage.