Fernando Burtoni

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Medved Ramuchkin, more famously known as Fernando Burtoni, was the troll persona of Joe DDM, who is indisputably the cancer that's killing Tinychan. However, the article has been left in its otherwise original state for historical purposes.

Drama

Medved has generated a huge amount of drama throughout his life, and doesn't seem to get that everyone hates him for it.

Internets

The post that started it all.

In terms of internet drama, Medved has so far generated lulz on FA only, almost exclusively with AssButt, SeaweedPrincess and their friends. His reign of terror only lasted for seven months, when Dragoneer finally got his shit together and b& him.

Late 2008

Medved's first forays into causing drama happened in November and December of 2008, where he successfully made a total ass of himself.

Episode 1

Medved, as F_B, found an image by Radyapaunix that contained a hyooman, and said that it was awful and shouldn't be on FA because it's not furry. This led to a big shitstorm, where he got his ass thoroughly whooped.

Episode 2

Yep, that's him.

A week after that, he saw a link to some troll art of him, which depicted a fat dragon holding a stick of butter saying things that Medved had actually said to AssButt and Radyapaunix's characters. Of course, being oh-so-offended, he started the shitstorm again by pointing out that "his" fursona (actually, his former best friend's) was a calico winged cat that was skinny. All hate art afterwards featured him as fat. Then, out of nowhere, he claimed that AssButt was trying to steal his character, and then she actually started to pretend to. To counter this, he linked to pictures of "his" fursona on his friend's DA from 2006. As his friend joined DA when he was 12, and had outdated information on it, a person known as Phelix reported his friend's DA, which subsequently got b&. Then, AssButt started to claim that the fursona was hers, and this generated tons of lulz as he couldn't resist getting butthurt. He then whined about it to a mod, who posted his BAWWWing on IRC. AssButt got it, and deleted the pictures which pissed off Medved.

Mid 2009

Episode 1

Medved's friend FredMcKinney (who has left the internet for good) was getting trolled, and being the stupid fuck he is, Medved jumped in to save the day. This was his first encounter with SeaweedPrincess, who made sure that Medved got his butt trolled off.

Episode 2

About a month or two after the third incident, Medved commented on one of SeaweedPrincess's journals. He subsequently got hit with a massive flood of troll, which he completely deserved.

Episode 3

A few days later, Medved accidentally faved a pornographic submission. SeaweedPrincess made a reference to this in a journal and in her avatar, and then reported him to a mod. He posted on the offending journal that he's 12 in an attempt to bring the ban around quicker, but all that happened was him getting his account age-locked. Sadly, he wasn't banned... but that was to come later. He then made a PA request on 711chan's /i/, asking him to raid SeaweedPrincess. When his proxy's IP got posted on there in his ban message, he moved in with his cousins Mikhail and Vladimir.

Episode 4

After faking his death and getting in to a fuckton of IRL shenanigans, Medved got back on FA and started trying to troll SeaweedPrincess and her friends again. He got b& quickly. Thank God.

IRL

Faked suicide

Medved, a while after moving in with his cousins, claimed that he had run away and committed suicide. Here is his suicide note:

Dear Mom, Dad, Uncles, Aunts, Cousins Mikhail and Vladimir and my favourite kitty Habanero-tan: By the time you see this note, I'll be DEAD :(. Im going to the lighthouse to jump off the rocks and drown myself or crack my skull on the rocks. To clear up any confusion, here's where my stuff will go: Vladimir gets my SUPER FREAKING AWESOME trumpet and my external hard drive full of furry porn. Mikhail gets my Xbox 360 and my LIVE account (I've left 800 points on it so you can change the name to something else) and my box of furry porn that Ive drawn. He also gets Habanero-tan. Mom, Dad, my uncles and my aunts can split up the rest, Including the sex toys :D.

While he was "dead", Vladimir sold his expensive but shitty antique trumpet for $9,650 CAD and bought a way better trumpet with the money. Mikhail spray-painted his name on to the Xbox and changed the gamertag, and burned the box of porn at his parents' wedding anniversary, in their big Siberian-style bonfire.

Fun with police

During the period in which everyone thought he was dead, Medved was actually escaping down to the border, likely trying to get to his other cousin's place in Mount Vernon. At the border, he attacked a policeman while rambling strange shit about SeaweedPrincess. He got tased, and died in hospital due to heart problems induced by fetal alcohol syndrome and set off by the tasing.

About the fag

Social life

Medved is an active member of the community. He contributes massively to his school, is very popular, and gets pussy very often. No, actually, that's wrong. Medved has, over the past few years, alienated all but one of his friends through his furfaggotry, and got rid of his last friend, Tom Anderson, by first stealing his character and making it his MURRsona and then getting him caught up in his internet drama. He is not at all involved in extracurricular activities, and is probably the worst person in the school band.

A compilation of shit on him from his cousin Mikhail

• Medved has never gotten higher than a B in school, despite claiming that he's a straight-A student.
• He looks up to great role models such as DracoGuard.
• He thinks that he's good at trumpet, but his neighbours have actually phoned the police about the "infernal noise" that comes from his house nightly.
• He's scared of skinny people.
• He has been caught fapping to furry porn on his iPod Touch in school numerous times by his classmates.
• He dyed his hair green when he joined the Green Party youth group.
• He claims that he's so perverted because he got raped by a bald female priest at an early age (WTF).
• He buys sex toys from Bad Dragon.
• He gets all butthurt about anyone criticising him.

Quotes on him

“	Don't want to sound like a douche or anything, but I'm not going to be your friend anymore. First you stole my character (not like I really care about Fernando, but I don't want your actions associated with me), and then you confirm my worst fears about what you'd do under the name Fernando_Burtoni and cause an epic shitstorm on the internet. Gb2Moscow.	„
—His former friend Tom

“	He'll be b& hero.	„
—Mikhail Ivanov, the day that Medved faked his death

“	This is why we don' want those damn whiteys on our reserve. Their kids don't get stoned ev'ry day, they play their musical instruments really loud an' the whole neighbourhood gets piss'd off. Then they run away to Surrey an' be assholes at the border and give Spuzzum a bad name.	„
—Some native guy from the reserve near Spuzzum

“	Yiff in hell, furfag.	„
—Anyone in the right mind

“	How unoriginal... you named your cat after a kind of pepper after I named mine Pepper. Yes, habaneros are peppers, and honourifics DO NOT make things more kawaii.	„
—His ex-friend Tom, discussing cats

“	MEDVED, ARE YOU WATCHING HARDCORE FURRY PORN IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS?	„
—Pretty much every teacher Medved has had since grade 7

External Links

• furaffinity

Fernando Burtoni is part of a series on Furfaggotry Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.