Abigail and Brittany Hensel

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The measureless internet has had its share of sensations and stars. Some of these people, places, and things have gone on to surpass the internet and cross over into the realm of reality, causing newscasters and ordinary citizens to stop what they are doing and utter “what the fuck?” out loud to nobody in particular. Yes, the likes of Mr. Hands--with his affection for horses, 1guy1jar--with his fondness for putting things in his ass, and the Craigslist killer--with his zest for killing; all of these internet personalities have made the crossover into mainstream culture in a big way. There is one persons, however who surpasses all of these minor leaguers. Her name is Abigail and Brittany Hensel and no, we don’t have nudes unfortunately.

Background

Born in Minnesota in 1990 as a pair of conjoined dicephalic twins, Abigail and Brittany Hansel share various portions of one human body, while also dividing up various motor and mental skills.

Youth

After various surgeries (including an amputation of a third arm) and several processes (spinal correction for chest expansion), Abigail and Brittany grew up pretty much as any normal child with two heads in Midwest America would.

How It Works

Both twins are ambidextrous and share in the duties when it comes to controlling what their body is doing. While this might seem to be an advantageous situation, one must consider the fact that Abigail and Brittany are teenage girls who cannot think straight enough to tie their shoes, let alone decide what is for lunch.

Common questions asked when an Abigail and Brittany thread shows up:

If one has to poop, who feels it?
What if one gets horny?
Pics and/or Vids?
Can one twin punch the other in the face?

These questions, though they appear often and in great number, remain unanswered by the twins. Speculation into the matter has led to furious fapping sessions by thousands of teenage boys the world over.

Physiology

If I was Abigail I'd cut Brittany's head off so that I could have more lungs and an extra heart!! :)

NOT the twins in question, but just as evil looking.

	“	i think that they are a work of art and that no one should critisize the way they look because most people couldn't deal with what they do.	„
	—Some hippy on stinkzone.com

Abigail and Brittany share a unique physiology that renders most doctors and just about everybody else speechless when they see her for the first time. Most reactions are nervous at best and some are downright rude. While most conjoined twins do not survive long due to complications caused by their birth, Abigail and Brittany have survived to adulthood and display excellent motor skills. They even lettered on their high school volleyball team. To better understand these conditions, here is a list of the Hansel twins shared components:

2 heads. Brittany’s head is 15 degrees off center and points outward. Abigail’s head is 5 degrees off center laterally, giving Abigail the appearance of being in charge of the two.
2 completely separate spinal cords
2 spines with ribs bridging the two columns
2 arms (originally 3, but rudimentary central arm was surgically removed)
1 broad ribcage
2 breasts, so get that “Total Recall” fantasy out of your head, pervert.
2 highly fused sternums, traces of bridging ribs
4 lungs

Their sister Cindy has the opposite problem

1 diaphragm, but not THAT kind of diaphragm.
2 hearts, leading most researchers to believe that it is nearly impossible to kill this mythological monster.
2 stomachs
2 gallbladders
1 liver
Y-shaped small intestine
1 large intestine with one colon
2 left kidneys, 1 right kidney
1 bladder, with three kidneys this has to be a pain in the ass.
1 set of reproductive organs, causing a collective “Aw shucks!” from millions of horny freaks.
1 slightly broad pelvis
2 legs
1 butthole. The twins flip a quarter to see who wipes.

Adulthood

In early 2009, the twins turned 18, becoming legal for porn in most states. Sadly, this has not been an option the twins have pursued, thinking college is more important than cashing in on the fact that they can do six guys at once.

On campus, the twins explore their sexuality

Abigail and Brittany are now sophomores at Bethel University in Minnesota. Posts on the campus internet forum from several of the more "loner" type students indicate that they are being stalked. Nevertheless, it is reported that they have been experimenting with sex in their co-ed dormitory, Cumberland Hall.

The twins have also completed their driver’s education and are now both legal to drive. What this means is that there is a person with two distinct personalities driving around on the roads of America. This may not seem very dangerous or important at first considering the fact that there are literally millions of crackpots walking and driving around all the time in America, it is only until one realizes that this particular dual personality has to control different body parts to do it. for example: while both girls control the steering wheel, Brittany controls the radio and the lights…what happens when they get confused or if they fight over the songs playing on the car stereo?

Grammatical Persona

The twins often do not share the same affection for things and may argue.

	“	The bitch won’t let me get McDonald’s…the bitch is in a taco mood.	„
	—Abigail, disappointed in Brittany’s food choice, refers to her in the third person.

In the English language, most forms of writing include a persona that defines the writing. If a person were to be describing the events that happened to another person, the describer would be using the Grammatical Persona of “third person singular.” In Abigail and Brittany’s case, they often switch back and forth from first person singular to third person singular depending on their state of agreement or their current mood, often confusing whoever they are speaking or writing two. When dealing with them, it is best to just nod and smile…and try not to stare at their chest.

Sexuality

The question on everybody's mind, it seems.

Upon reaching 18, this picture of the twins began to float around the web.

Side by side comparison.

It was soon debunked as a 'shop.

Seen in hi-res.

	“	Sexual feelings will be very difficult to deal with, if they eventually have any. I have no idea how they will handle such a situation unless they can obtain 2 mates (or one??) that can live with 2 personalities with one body.	„
	—Some dipshit expert.

	“	Is it embarrassing to each of you if you have sex/ masturbate/ do anything with a guy?	„
	—A curious /b/tard.

When any oddity is posted on any board, amid the cries of “post vids” and “anus plz kthnx” there is often an honest questioning of the sexuality of that particular oddity. In the Hensel twins, this speculation goes above and beyond what is a normal post due to the girls sharing one set of sexual parts. Often, they are asked openly (where they probably won’t answer) if they share horniness or if one gets hot, what does the other do. While they do share tactile function and while one personality controls that half of the body, what exactly does happen when such occurrences happen?

	“	So yeah, the right side head has feeling in the right side hand…right?	„
	—Speculation on whether the Twins can share a lesbian relationship.

Quotes And Questions About The Twins

Rule 34

Common trolling technique.

Common topic discussed.

This guy wants to be their friend and take pictures of "her."

An excellent idea.

I lol'd.

This could be an ~~epic~~ terrifying threesome.

She's/they're gonna suck cock at $5 a pop. Two heads are better than one.

As with most other people with sicknesses, handicaps, or some mutation that makes them “different” to other human beings, the Hansel twins have their fair share of “OH GOD THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL” comments. They also garner a set of comments that are the extreme opposite of such sugary mush.

	“	wonder what it would be like to employ them?	„
	—Porn director Hellen Bedz.

	“	Will they marry? Two men in their lives? Those two men will have to accomidate each other. One home or two? Taxes? Births? What huge implications and circumstance. How old are they now? Does anyone know?	„
	—Ew, imagine the bedroom situation…

	“	Who takes the blame when you fart?	„
	—A fine question.

	“	what's gonna happen if one dies first?	„
	—A question as old as time itself. (the surviving one will very quickly die of either of shock or organ failure)

	“	If there has ever been a case for prenatal care and legalized abortion, this is it…	„
	—Some dude on neatorama.com

	“	hey anonymous - Did you think it was clever to make fun of these girls? It is beyond me to understand how heartless people can be sometimes and how content they are to bask in their own ignorance. Fuck you.	„
	—From one of several thousand “discussions” on /b/.

	“	So if they ever really have sex, which one feels it?	„
	—Another anonymous quote from /b/.

	“	Would sex with them count as a threesome?	„
	—These posts occur over and over.

	“	wow, these girls have some serious guts!	„
	—RIMSHOT!

Their cousin Vickie

	“	Some of these comments are pretty shallow and mean folks, let’s put our heads together and come up with some better ones…	„
	—Oh the irony…

	“	As soon as I heard my school's baseball team is playing theirs, I jumped at the chance to see a couple of freaks after school.	„
	—A baseball fan.

Vickie in dopplegang-bang

	“	What happens if one of them commits a crime and gets sentenced to prison? Would the other be forced to go to? That would be unconstitutional. These girls can get away with anything!	„
	—This is an excellent point, and coupled with the two heart thing…they are unstoppable!!!

How To Troll

The one one the left is the hot sister.

She's beautif...no wait, THEY are beautiful!

There have been several thousand epic trolls using the Hensel twins as bait. One of the more popular ways to start an argument that will last for several hundred posts is to just say the words “Two headed girl” in any post relating to her. This is an old trolling technique that still may work, but now that the twins are older, there are several other, newer trolls to utilize:

Mention anything that has to do with sexual function

Wonder openly if they have a single soul. This works best on religious forums.

Mention marriage in any form.

Say any of the following quotes in a post:
- Two heads are better than one.
- I bet they give great head.
- You can do anything if you put your mind to it.
- The situation has come to a head.
- I can't get her/them out of my head.
- When it comes to being great people, the twins are at the head of the class.

It must also be noted that any time you refer to the twins as one entity, there will be an instant backlash and a wave of mind-bending rage headed your way.