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Jackal
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Jackal is in an internet sissy fight with  shm00plol.Please dig up lulz on them both. |
—Christopher Banks | ||
Jackal (Power word: Christopher Michael Banks), also known as YourAnonNews, is a beekeeping moralfag and the current Five Star General of Anonymous. Like Sabu before him, he rose to power by not actually doing anything himself, and unlike Hann, this actually proved to be a worthwhile strategy for him and his quest for e-fame and real money. Jackal has used his status as Leader of the Party, the country, and the Army to fleece newfags out of their hard-earned jewgold in order to "attend an Occupy rally" in Chicago.
Like all past and present grorious readers of Anonymous, Jackal went through the super secret initiation process not once, but twice. The former leader, Sabu told all the gullible bees of #antisec that Jackal's ascent had to be kept a secret for some unknowable reason. It was some time after this that the kids in #antisec learned, along with the rest of the world, that Sabu had been working for the FBI for months, and that he was most likely paving the way for Jackal to be his successor.
Before Anonymous
Jackal, like most aspiring anarchist types, had the typical wife and 3 kids, held down a 6 figure job, and in general had the life of a NORP until he saw the light, got a divorce, torched the house and 3 cars mid-divorce (Or so he told everyone in #antisec, possibly in some bid to fit in), hooked up with a wanna-be porn actress and slut in Colorado, and rebooted his life as a black bloc hooligan who likes a bit of the old ultraviolence. In short, he traded the American Dream for a life of endless mediocrity, and somehow thinks he is a better person for it.
CabinCr3w and Anonymous
Like Sabu before him, Jackal's never actually done anything except dick ride off the work of others for e-fame, like some internet version of a welfare recipient. He somehow positioned himself as a leader of CabinCr3w, despite the fact that w0rmer (Who went down like a bawws without giving the feds anything useful on anyone) and Kahuna did all the real work of doxing politicians whose info is public and dumping databases and posted them on the internet. This proved to be a good racket for him until all the people doing the heavy lifting got v&, but by then, Jackal's name was firmly established.
As with all Anonymous leaders before him, all comrades of the legion must funnel dox and hacks through him, so that he may assign the proper credit and famewhore it as his own work. All comrades are also expected to answer to him without question, lest they be ruined by his Personal_army of bored, horny teenagers, or packeted with the botnet he claims to possess, which includes every PC in Iraq. Especially obedient subjects may be permitted to have API keys to YourAnonNews, so long as they only tweet harmonious and relevant messages. Those who teet things that people find funny, or otherwise abuse this highest of privileges that the God-King of Anonymous can bestow upon them, are sent off for re-education, never to be seen or heard from again.
Like most Party Leaders, Jackal preaches the anti-capitalist ideal while he and Emmi beg for jewgold on the internet, in an obvious attempt to cash out on their e-fame, and so that he can pay child support and buy enough weed to run his own dispensary. Other people have called them on this bullshit, and their sorry excuses are still fun to read.
Tl;dr: This dumb shit and everyone who drinks his Kool-Aid forgot to read this important message from our sponsors before going out and buying their Guy Fawkes masks at the local Halloween store.
e-war with Shm00ptheGod
Jackal is such a good doxer, that he can have other people do all the slave labor, and then talk up a storm like he is this master dox hacker that no one can defeat. That is, until Shm00ptheGod came along.
At first, Shm00p got Jackal's dox wrong because he found the wrong Christopher Michael Banks. With tips from actual anons and a touch of guidance from bros, the conclusion was reached that in order to find Jackal, Emmi would have to be found. This sounded like a challenge, since those same sources said that Jackal did such a good job of scrubbing her dox off the internet. As it turns out, Jackal did such a fine job that Emmi's dox were found after kicking her twitter handle into pipl.com, scrolling down halfway, and following the clues for 2-3 pages. Wham. Bam. Thank you, ma'am.
The grand irony of the situation is that before the dox were released (Along with screencaps of the rules for posting on YourAnonNews), Jackal arrogantly went on VinceInTheBay and stated that Shm00p sucks at doxing (No seriously), while Shm00p had been sitting on his dox for weeks, just waiting for the eve of a certain popular state-sponsored Anonymous holiday.
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BLACK BLOC 4 LYF -
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Typical Jackal propaganda picture. -
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I guess nobody ever told him, "Never get a bitch's name tattooed on your arm. You will regret it some day."
How to Be YAN
Because the beekeepers demand rules, a set of guidelines was posted for those using the YAN and related accounts. It is easy to see the true level of narcissism and unwarranted self importance you are dealing with here when reading through these suggestions put forth by "the official account of Anonymous". Hey, you can't have anarchy without some structure, right?
Emmi
Emmi (Power word: Amelia Hale Cohen✡) is Jackal's submissive little jewess and general purpose cum dumpster. She likes to fuck her future tattoo artist in exchange for him applying a carbon copy of a tattoo outline on a different arm every 2-3 days, so that she can look like one of the cool kids on Twitter.
She is also a butterface, to the point that she has to wear a Guy Fawkes mask, partially obscure her tits, and not expose too much of her vagina (Which looks like Blue waffle in the making) in order to make herself marginally more fappable. Since she's an aspiring porn actress who is too ugly to be in any movies, she's settled for having more nudes of herself on SexyFawkes than anyone else. Somehow, her status as Queen of Anonymous, combined with the fact that she's a sluttier than average camwhore, has given her the idea that she gets to shit talk all the prettier anon women (re: All but the hambeasts, and probably even a few of them) for her own personal amusement.
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OH GOD WAT KILL IT WITH FIRE -
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She would probably suck dicks for retweets, as well
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Classy as fuck
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Emmi, working on becoming the female version of Goatse.
This is a YouTube video
Related Articles
External Links
- Official Website
- Hack The Planet 4
- Archive of Jackal's dox
- Archive of Emmi's dox
- Rules for posting something to @YourAnonNews
- tl;dr pastebin that contains logs about Jackal and the FBI at the beginning
JackalAnon
YourAnonNews
CBanksDenver
YourAnonWeather
YourAnonMusic
YourAnonNudes
YourAnonNoms
SexyFawkes
sqindy
Colts_Insider
arlik1968
EANDJ4LYFE
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Jackal is part of a series on Visit the Anonymous Portal for complete coverage. |
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Jackal is part of a series on Visit the Social Media Portal for complete coverage. |
| Jackal is part of a series on "Leaders" of Anonymous
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INDIVIDUALS Barrett Brown | Darr | Eric Bauman | Jackal | Kirtaner | KYAnonymous | Magoo | moot | Neuro | r3x | Paul "Fetch" Carnes | Rfjason | Rorschach | Ryan | Sabu | Splongcat | Starkiller88 | The Gentleman | WBM | zaiger FACTIONS |
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| Featured article November 17 & 18, 2012 | ||
| Preceded by Chanarchive |
Jackal | Succeeded by Grumpy Cat |
