Fidget spinner

Since the beginning of humanity itself, there have been toys, and the toys that explode into popularity for no logical reason. The early 19th century saw the wildly successful Toy Trains, the 1940s the deceptively simple slinky. In recent history you may remember other trendy toys like whacky wall walkers, charms, slap bracelets, pogs, beyblades, yugioh cards, tamagotchis or minion plushies. But none of these will ever come close to the outright bizarre viral popularity of the Fidget Spinner.

The Fidget Spinner (a throw back to the fidget nigger of the year before) was originally designed as a hand held device for children with autism, ADHD, ADD or any number of other things starting with the letter A to play with in their free hand, so they could focus better in class. However, the Internet took one look at this device and decided it had a greater plan for it: Memedom. Since gaining an audience on Facebook and other social media platforms sales for the device have skyrocketed, some people owning dozens of the things. Since it is a small, handheld object that has gone viral in popularity, naturally the trend to stick them in the anus has also gone viral.

Capitalist Spin

Like all fads there's fucktons of easy cash to be made, which has spawned thousands upon thousands of knock-offs, gimmicks, accessories and the like. From the "gotta go fast" crowd trying to find the fastest spin, to the Sparkledogs type that go for glowing, blinking, strobing, eye stabbing add-ons, to the MAKE THE LOGO BIGGER brigade trying to create the largest spinners possible, there's no shortage of opportunists trying to weasel their personal taint on into the mix to try and make more money.

Youtube is another area ripe for exploitation. Simply putting the words "fidget spinner" in the title of your video can instantly increase your viewership and ensuing ad revenue.

MEIN FIDGET!

The Germans recently decided to cleanse their culture of the social impurity that is fidget spinners. Millions have been rounded up and will be sent off to be righteously incinerated like the Godless heathen vermin that they are. That and, "they come from China"... which, I guess is supposed to imply something, we're not quite sure. Apparently Germans hate the Chinese as much as they do Jews and fun children's toys, but I guess that kind of goes without saying. Meanwhile of course Kinder Surprise Eggs, a notorious choking hazard, are still perfectly acceptable to have in Germany! Hypocrisy... not just a fun word to say slowly and feel your lips jiggle about.