JonBenet Ramsey

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There once was a prostatot named JonBenet, whose parents fail at naming. However, someone, possibly from /b/, decided to terminate her career ~~prematurely~~, causing much lulz, some internet drama, and resulting in some fucktard creating a 'Who killed Jon Bennett Ramsey page' which may have attracted up to 6 hits. This unfortunately didn't even make fail in terms of internet drama. At least they could have let her create and delete an LJ account first. Of course, massive amount of vids have been posted on YouTube by the emos.

JonBenet's Retirement

A TL;DR of the case

JonBenet Ramsey retired from being a prostatot in 1996 durring X-Mas. She was found dead after a kidnapping note that looked exactly like Patsy Ramsey's handwriting was found next to a trashcan full of thrown away practice ransom notes on paper that belonged to the Ramsey family inside the home. Her body was found in a windowless/doorless wine cellar after John Ramsey found her there searching rooms with entrances and exits for the police. The family was so distraught they're little cash cow retired early that they popped Xanax like it was 1999 and called their friends to come over and clean their house. JonBonet's body was found to have a massive strike cracking the skull, a heart in pen on her palm, goo in her vagoo that according to autopsy doctors was getting tapped hard and rough regularly, marks on her neck from that kinky ass choking shit she was into, and stun gun marks all over her back that in no way were related to a video John had in his home called "How to create a mind slave using a stun gun".

Ramsey's fight false accusations

Conspiracy Dipshits will constantly point fingers at the family saying that they killed their daughter. These accusations are false and completely unfounded. It is completely normal to hire a lawyer and refuse to answer questions when your child is found dead. The blame game got so nasty that when the Ramsey family were taken to court a jury bullied the Ramsey's by finding them gulity of gross neglect, however luckily the D.A. assigned to the case stood up to those bullies and refused to sign the paper that would press the charges and dropped the case. Reasons why people keep saying the Ramsey's did it are:

Stun gun marks all over JonBenet's back and a videotape John had in his home called "How to create a mind slave using a stun gun" which was about using a stun gun to brain wash someone into being your mind slave
Pinapple in her stomach from the breakfast that was on the table that morning
A vagoo so loose and torn up judges might stop letting her win her little miss prostatot competitions and suspected to be the reasons for JonBenet's retirement
The ransom note being in mommy's handwriting, with a trash can full of practice ransom notes, asking for a ransom of $118,000 which was the exact ammount of Daddy's bonus
Daddy finding the body in a room he wasn't asked to search and contaminating the body full of DNA

Rest assured, these are just coincidences. The real killer is out on the lose and this is the completely normal behavior of innocent victims.

Daddy the ladies man

John Bennett Ramsey, not to be confused with his dead crotch fruit JonBenet Ramsey, for some reason just keeps having women disapear/die around him. Women in his life who mysteriously diapear include:

His first daughter who died mysteriously in a car accident
His Daughter JonBenet
His wife Patsy who died of cancer
Natalie Holoway. No realy, John Ramsey was dating Natalie Holoway's mom when Natalie decided to be the next act in Jorn Vandersloots magic show where he makes women disappear.

As a successful man who sold an extremely over valued website to a top defense contractor, who has had every single one of his daughters die in odd circumstances I'm sure nothing strange is going on and you can feel 100% safe around this man if you have a twat.