Dreams

Dreams are the second most deadly topic for visitors to personal journals. Only bad poetry results in more reader fatalities. Some sadistic bloggers go beyond idle cruelty and render their dream recounts as poetry, making their web sites terminally toxic to any surfer innocent enough to read beyond the first line. Federal law currently prevents their extermination but new legislation is pending.

The brains of people who inflict their dreams on others are different than the average human's.

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Look out, he has a DERAM

Freud theorized that dreams are a revealing glimpse into the secret workings of the human subconscious. Examining this previously hidden realm via the internets reveals the human subconscious is mainly preoccupied with TV ads, scraps of porn, and short clips from action films. This does not stop bloggers from sharing their latest dream in excruciating and poorly-spelled detail.

The Human Mind Unhinged

• Better Humans
  • "I dreamed I was a butterfly."
• About.com Holistic Healing
  • "I dreamed I was John Lennon."
• ichthyology
  • "I dreamed I was a spy."
• flickr.com
  • "i dreamed i was a sex boitoy for bi-curious straight men"
• The Weekly Shriek -- Ducks, Peas and Cleavages
  • "I often dream I’m gliding across the sky with my arms extended – and then that pleasant sensation turns to terror as I plummet into an abyss that looks like Mick Jagger’s mouth."
• Bryan Adams Blog
  • "Recently, I dreamed I was a bacon inspector."
• J-Walk Blog -- Blogger's Dreams
  • "Last night I dreamed I was a cell organelle (probably a ribosome)

Dealing With Dream-Tellers

Someday, you will be approached by someone who wants you to hear about a dream he once had. This dangerous situation can arise IRL or OL. There are a number of socially correct responses.

• No.
• No, really. I don't care.
• Go post it on Dreamviews, you freak.
• Look, fucktard, shut up already about your stupid dreams.