Dreams

Dreams are the second most deadly topic for visitors to personal journals. Only bad poetry results in more reader fatalities. Some sadistic bloggers go beyond idle cruelty and render their dream recounts as poetry, making their web sites terminally toxic to any surfer innocent enough to read beyond the first line. Federal law currently prevents their extermination but new legislation is pending.

The brains of people who inflict their dreams on others are different than the average human's.

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Look out, he has a DERAM

Freud theorized that dreams are a revealing glimpse into the secret workings of the human subconscious. Examining this previously hidden realm via the internets reveals the human subconscious is mainly preoccupied with TV ads, scraps of porn, and short clips from action films. This does not stop bloggers from sharing their latest dream in excruciating and poorly-spelled detail.

The Human Mind Unhinged

• Better Humans
  • "I dreamed I was a butterfly."
• About.com Holistic Healing
  • "I dreamed I was John Lennon."
• ichthyology
  • "I dreamed I was a spy."
• flickr.com
  • "i dreamed i was a sex boitoy for bi-curious straight men"
• The Weekly Shriek -- Ducks, Peas and Cleavages
  • "I often dream I’m gliding across the sky with my arms extended – and then that pleasant sensation turns to terror as I plummet into an abyss that looks like Mick Jagger’s mouth."
• Bryan Adams Blog
  • "Recently, I dreamed I was a bacon inspector."
• J-Walk Blog -- Blogger's Dreams
  • "Last night I dreamed I was a cell organelle (probably a ribosome)

Dreams on #ed

	“	<Kashiwaba_Tomoe> starts out, Im some hermit/weaboo with a lightsaber who almost never leaves the bed ala rip van winkle, and even then almost never leaves my room. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> For some reason I get stuck with an asian loli. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> As I she starts to get the hawts for me, I come to realize moar and moar were I am, or at least notice what it looks like. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> Im inside of some spherical chamber, adn the exit is a portal (tasty caek kinda portal) <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> Beside the portal exit is a teslacoil type power sauce. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> And the whole thing is in a sorta TARDIS type displaced location or some shit. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> Anyway, the loli comes and goes, near paedo happenings increase. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> Then she comes back freaked out, and an old rotary style telephone comes thru the portal, with the cord leading back thru. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> I pick up, and the voice on the other end is that of the Borg from star trek. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> Tand they go.... <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> "We are the Borg. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> Lower your shields and surrender your ships. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> Your culture will adapt to service us. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> Resistance is ......' <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> Then they pause before finishing, and switch to a Dalek voice <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> EXTERMINATE! <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> EXTER-MINATE!! <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> EX-TER-MI-NATE!!! <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> Then a dalex with a borg style laser eyepiece comes thru, and goes 'YOU WILL BE EX-TER-MI-NA...' <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> BOOM!!!! <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> The tesla coil generator thingey zaps the shit out of it. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> Then two come in <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> BOOM!!!!! <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> Then four, and eventualy enough that they take the generator out and come for me. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> So I get up from my bed, grab the loli, and grab a portal gun, and start portaling arround the room. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> Then I upgrade it to be a gravity-portal gun. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> Then I do a portal out of the place, causing it to blow up. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> then as I leave, I'm riding the loli like a tricycle or some shit, using her hair as a handle, and fly thru space, with the explosion chasing me, and dalek re-skinned borg cubes blowing up behind me. <Kashiwaba_Tomoe> Then my cats hissed at eachother and I woke up.	„
	—#ed

	“	<Beefcake> I was in the local toy store buying space marines <Beefcake> when 4 niggers burst through the door <Beefcake> waving guns <Beefcake> and they rob the store <Beefcake> and steal my space marines <Beefcake> so I run out <Beefcake> and they're all getting into a classic mini cooper <Beefcake> the tiny ones <Beefcake> so I run to the mini cooper <Beefcake> and lift the front end <Beefcake> so the front wheels don't touch the ground <Beefcake> with 4 niggers inside <Beefcake> just as I'm standing there <Beefcake> a cop drives by on a motorcycle <Beefcake> pulls his gun and shoots the blacks <Beefcake> I'm still standing there with the mini <Beefcake> he pulls out a medal that looked like an iron cross <Beefcake> pins it on my chest <Beefcake> and drives away <Beefcake> and then I woke up <Beefcake> nigga can't take my space marines	„
	—#ed

Dealing With Dream-Tellers

Someday, you will be approached by someone who wants you to hear about a dream he once had. This dangerous situation can arise IRL or OL. There are a number of socially correct responses.

• No.
• No, really. I don't care.
• Go post it on Dreamviews, you freak.
• Look, fucktard, shut up already about your stupid dreams.

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Dreams is part of a series on Psychology