Schlager

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Slager is the retarded underdog of the music industry, the mutilated bastard child of sing and song writers, the compression of puke, piss, cum, shit, tears, pubes and sweat served chilled in a bucket with a thick straw. Where educated people listen to everything from Brahms to Jay-Z; schlager, its lyrics, linguistics and musical composition are targeted towards the bottom of the humanity including your uncle.

All schlager festival posters are made by retards.

Origins

Due to human diversity, schlager and folk singers are a widespread phenomenon. The need to sing is in our DNA thus any country houses the potential for schlager. The USA has Country and western but western europe has Schlager. Thats the proof poor self-assessment and low intelligence is everywhere. Untill the end of time we'll just have to deal with their shit. There is a direct relation between patriotism and the adoption of Schlager, since patriots are idiots.

Recognition

Since the larger part of society is made of inbred teens with 24 year old mothers, schlager has an undisputed position. If you want to become a schlager singer or band you have to comply to:

• Sing in your native language
• A mixture of your native language and english equals english.
• Sing about the things your feelings and be sincere about your primate emotions.
• Always look the same.
• Keyboard's are the only valid music instrument. (since its cheaper to produce, old schlager is made with real instruments)
• have music videos that cost 10 euros and share them to your public
• Be in gossip magazines for reasons including: adultery, makeovers, drug abuse, marriage and divorce.
• Optional: USI

If female then:

• Wear lots of makeup
• Look like Dolly Parton but fatter

If male then:

• Look like a whale
• Look like a raped truck driver

Typical folk singer song titles

Typical songs include titles such as: (i'm blanking, fill in the gaps here)

• Any song-title with an american-girl trash-whore name that ends on the letter A or E.
• Anything with a sexual pun with simple synonym joke.

Schlager around the world (with examples)

Germany, Austria and Switzerland

When your daughter looks like this, you're listening to schlager.

Countries of origin.

Super schlager party mix! Heino Andreas Weiss ratatata Bergfuhrer Rot sind die rosen Its snoop d-o-dobbel gizzel Previous Video | Next Video

Holland and Belgium

Baila baila Hey Marloes (she's hot) srs Vleeskroket ??? hoppa cannibal corpse remix Previous Video | Next Video

See also

• Wesley Willis
• Rednecks

Schlager is part of a series on Music Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.