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Dead babies
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This article needs moar dead baby jokes. You can help by adding moar dead baby jokes. |
dead_babies is a LiveJournal community dedicated to fucking hilarious humor. Found here, you'll often encounter photos of abortions, miscarriages, and deformed children, as well as various gruesome accidents and images such as the pain series. It was created and is moderated by shared_boxers, of Marriage is love fame. All of them perfect for generating butthurt among Concerned Mothers.
Some faggots (such as Crazayjillay) disapprove of humor that isn't watered down and sitcom-friendly and want dead_babies shut down. This was a futile effort and dead_babies exists to this day.
Other sick fucks (such as Inheritrix) fap to this kind of shit.
You can use dead babies for lulz and drama in various Pro-Life communities. You can find support in Childfree. They can also be recycled.
Also Baby Fucking is always alright, especially if they are dead.
Dead Babies and Something Awful
In 1984, Something Awful featured a website dedicated to a mother's miscarriages as an Awful Link of the Day. This led to hundreds of angry emails about it, and after attempting to reason with the angry would-be mothers, the authors wrote up a feature highlighting the craziest replies. This led to the phrase, "Your poison womb is making heaven too fucking crowded", which, while quite funny on its own, literally rewrites the comedy books in context: viewable here.
Dead Babies are great for breakfast AND for dinner
—Chip tha Ripper- famous for composing Interior Crocodile Alligator | ||
Examples of Dead Baby Jokes
The pinnacle of high brow humor, dead baby jokes are appropriate at charity events, dinner parties, Jew, weddings, circumcisions, and perhaps most appropriately, funerals for dead babies. Click on the [+] to open:
[+]Blenders
Q: Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
A: So it can finish sucking you off.
Q: How do you get 1000 babies in a phone booth?
A: Liquify them in a blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Nachos.
Q: What is this vessel that I'm putting your baby into?
A: A blender
Q: What should you do when your baby is stuck in a blender?
A: Use a straw.
[+]Javelins
Q: How do you stop a baby from turning around in a hallway?
A: Throw a javelin through its head.
Q: How do you stop a baby from falling down a manhole?
A: Throw a javelin through its head.
Q: How do you stop a baby from falling down a well?
A: Throw a javelin through its head.
Q: What's 3 feet tall and can't walk through a door?
A: Baby with a javelin through its head.
[+]Food
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a Mars bar?
A: About 500 calories.
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and doughnuts?
A: Doughnuts go straight to your thighs.
Q: What's the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
A: Dead baby doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth.
Q: Why do they boil water when a woman is giving birth?
A: If it's born dead they can make soup.
Q: What do you get when you mix a dead baby, and a pint of cum?
A: LUNCH!
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and an apple?
A: I don't cum all over an apple before I eat it.
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion?
A: I don't cry when I chop up a dead baby.
Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: Two scoops ice cream, two scoops dead baby.
Q: What the best part of waking up?
A: A dead baby in your cup.
[+]Infanticide
Q: What’s worse than seeing a dead baby lying on the road?
A: Missing it with your car.
Q: What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
A: Twins in an acid bath.
Q: What do you get when you put a knife into a baby?
A: An erection.
Q: Why should you never cut off a baby's head?
A: You'll lose your dick.
Q: Why shouldn't you slit open a baby's throat?
A: You might cut your dick.
Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
A: I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
Q: How long does it take to kill a baby in a microwave?
A: How the fuck should I know? I was too busy masturbating.
[+]Sports
Q: What's blue and yellow and at the bottom of the pool?
A: A baby with slashed floaties.
Q: What's blue and yellow and red and floating in the pool?
A: Floaties with a slashed baby.
Q: How do you stop a baby from drowning?
A: Take your foot off its head.
Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
A: You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead baby and a football?
A: One is fun to kick, the other is a football.
[+]Anti-Jokes
Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a dumpster?
A: 32.
Q: What is funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby next to a kid with down syndrome.
Q: Why did the baby drop its ice cream?
A: Because it was hit by a school bus.
Q: What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
A: You can't unload bowling balls with a pitch fork.
Q: How long does it take to paint a room with dead babies?
A: Depends how hard you throw em.
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
A: You can't fuck a table.
Q: How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
A: Nail its other hand to the floor.
Q: What's funnier than ten dead babies stapled to a tree?
A: One dead baby stapled to ten trees.
Q: Why did the dead baby fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
Q: What's the difference between babies and grannies?
A: Grannies don't die when you fuck them in the ass.
Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby in a clown suit!
Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
A: Juliana Wetmore
Q: What's red white and stringy and hangs around in trees?
A: Baby hit by a snow-blower.
Q: What is red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A: Baby in a microwave.
Q: What’s funnier than six babies in one trash can?
A: One baby in six trash cans.
Q: What's red and has 10 arms?
A: A pitbull in a maternity ward.
Q: What is red and creeping up your legs?
A: A homesick abortion!
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: 'Cause it was stapled to the chicken.
Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: A pile of 100 dead babies.
Q: What's even grosser than that?
A: The live one at the bottom trying to eat its way out.
Q: What's even grosser than that?
A: When it goes back for seconds.
Q: What do you get when you cross three dead babies and a sheet of glass?
A: An attractive coffee table.
Q: What's cuter than a newborn baby?
A: A dead newborn baby.
[+]Copypasta
New mother: Doctor, doctor, is my baby alright?
Doctor: I have some good news, and I have some bad news.
New mother: Tell me the bad news first.
Doctor: The bad news is, it's a ginger.
New mother: Oh my God, no!
Doctor: Calm down, miss. The good news is, it's dead.
"You've got to see what your baby is doing!" shouted the doctor as he burst out of the delivery room and into the waiting room. "What?!" yelled the child's father as he leapt to his feet. "He's literally FLYING around the delivery room! Here, I'll show you!" replied the doctor as he shot back into the delivery room. A few seconds later, he emerged with the baby in his arms. "Watch!" he shouted and tossed the baby into the air. The baby landed on the tile with a thud. "What the Hell?!" the guy started to shout, but the doctor interrupted with, "No, wait, watch this!" and he scooped the baby up and threw him harder. WHAM! The baby bounced off the wall and plopped to the floor, again. "Oh, my God!" shouted the man, and started to grab at the doctor. "No! He was doing it earlier," protested the doctor, "Watch this!" He again scooped the baby up, flung open the waiting room window and hurled the baby four stories down where it splattered onto the sidewalk. Enraged, the man clutched at the doctor's throat and pinned him against the wall. "WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO TO MY BABY!?" He screamed. "Relax," laughed the doctor, "It was a stillborn."
Man: How is my newborn baby?
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Man: What's the bad news?
Doctor: Your baby is mentally retarded.
Man: What's the good news?
Doctor: He's a stillborn.
Famous Dead Babies
Links
- How about some BABIES FOR BREAKFAST BABIES FOR DINNER?!
- dead_babies - dead baby jokes
- Dead Babies: More fun than mouth rape!
- kewl pix
- ThisIsACryForHelp - Dead Baby Dressup Flash series
- Banned from YouTube! - Dead Baby video! (with introduction)
