Amy's Baking Company

Amy's Baking Company is the best restaurant in the world, where you can expect to be treated with the respect you, as a discerning customer of exquisite taste, so richly deserve.

Lol, just kidding, it's a festering shithole run by a pair of batshit insane assholes.

The Restaurant

Amy Bossington had a dream. She wanted to open her very own restaurant. Unfortunately, she had no training, and couldn't cook worth shit. Then along came Samy Bouzaglo. For reasons too fucking retarded to list, he decided to fund her stupid dream, and the two were later bound forever in ill-advised matrimony. In 2010, Amy's Baking Company was born, and didn't do half-bad for a while. But then they decided to turn their bakery into a bistro.

You Just Don't Know Good Food

Almost immediately, they started receiving negative reviews on Yelp, much to the butthurt of Amy. The reviews cited piss-poor service and lousy food, on top of the rude behavior of the managers. Amy and her husband decided that the only way to fix this problem was to maturely respond to the negative criticisms by logging onto Yelp and insulting people in a five-star review of their own restaurant.

“

Dear Joel,L. It is blatantly obvious to me why you were ALONE on a Saturday night!

Read any of the reviews that have been written about us and you will see that EVERYONE loves us!! The only people that don't is our "Competition". We knew you had been sent by another restaurant before you even ordered your $14.00 Pizza.

The Pizza was fresh and amazing. The reason the tomatoes had different texture was because I use three different heirloom tomatoes and some of them are sundried. So of course they are going to have a different texture from the fresh ones!!! But perhaps you are only accustomed to tasting the ones that come "fresh from the can!"

Moving on to the "Store bought Dough" Comment. PLEASE!! My dough is made fresh every day from 100% organic ingredients. Perhaps your palate is not sophisticated enough to tell the difference.

As for you having the Patio all to yourself unless you have been living on another PLANET it is summertime in ARIZONA MORON!!! Only TRAMPS and LOSERS want to sit outside in 110 temperatures!!!! We are hiring because we are so busy that we need to hire more people. You just so happened to come right after a huge rush. And the people did not change their mind for the Margarita Pizza they ordered. They were still enjoying their amazing Caesar salad and I thought perhaps you would appreciate not having to wait so long for your pizza. Which was just coming out of the OVEN.

I am the CHEF and the owner, and I am the one that made your Pizza.

As for the no smoking comment everyone knows that it is against the LAW to smoke within 20 feet of a public place. But perhaps you think you are above the LAW. Have a little respect not everyone wants to subject themselves to being around second hand smoke.

And as for the overpriced menu items if you think that $12.00 is too much for an ENTRÉE sized ORGANIC Salad or $14.00 is too much for an AMAZING Pizza then perhaps you should go to the PITA JUNGLE that is just a stone's throw away. And if you get lucky maybe you can even dig up someone up to take with you so you can share a $5.00 Falafel. Do US a favor and keep your ugly face and you ugly opinions to yourself and go back to the restaurant that you really work at!!

I would LOVE for anyone who reads this review to come to ABC and try our Pizza. If you don't like it then I guarantee you don't have to pay for it.

„

— Amy, on Yelp

Take careful note of the ALL CAPS, baseless insults, and wild excuses. They will be a recurring theme.

This incident was later picked up by the local news, who wrote an article about it on their site.

Kitchen Nightmares

Gordon Ramsay decided to try his hand at saving this sinking ship of a restaurant on his television show, Kitchen Nightmares, in 2013. Needless to say, it didn't go very well. A clip of the episode was posted before it was aired on Reddit, and was later taken down and had its comments disabled following the inevitable shitstorm.

Right off the bat, Amy exposes her craziness to the world by rambling about how haters and bloggers have been trash-talking her business and lying about her food, how she loves her cats, and how she knows Ramsay will tell everybody how lovely her food is.

And thus begins the downward spiral into chaos. We learn that she thinks that the bun on a salmon burger should be spewing liquids at the slightest touch, that raw pizza dough is "crisp and crunchy", that her husband steals tips from waitresses, that she sells ravioli she buys from the grocery store and calls it fresh, and how, like an aspie on deviantArt, she and her husband collapse into sputtering insanity at the slightest hint of criticism.

Funnily enough, this is probably the calmest Ramsay's ever been on television. And considering he just straight walks out on the restaurant at the end, that's saying something.

The Aftermath

Almost straight away after this was aired, Amy's Baking Company's Facebook page exploded. Like the mature, responsible, even-headed adults they are, they figured this was the perfect opportunity for an ALL-CAPS SHIT-FLINGING CONTEST. This went on for several hours, during which time this shit was spread all over Facebook.

The next day, they claimed their page was hacked.

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