Heath Campbell

Heath Campbell (aka Papa Hitler) is a simple all-American man with a life just like me or you. He too wakes up every morning, has a bowl of 3rd Reich-O's, combs his toothbrush mustache, slips on his D-Day best, and visits his local catholic church once every Sunday. He and his lovely wife also happen to be self-proclaimed white-supremacists and Aryan master-race.

Out on an afternoon stroll after a hard day's work slaughtering Semites.

	“	I was raised not to mix with other races.	„
	—Heath Campbell telling it like a champ

The family

He's asking the person behind the camera for permission to end his brown-haired father.

I really don't want to know what the fuck is going on in that kid's head.

Any time you create a new character in a video game, be it an MMO, Single-player, or Role-playing game, one of the very first fundamental choices you're pressed with his naming your character. This is the dilemma Heath was faced with upon having his first son. After many long conversations and much careful planning, he and his wife decided upon the most sensible conclusion: Adolph Hitler. Thus, little baby Hitler was born. They later had two daughters named JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, but nobody cares about them.

It wasn't until a year after Baby Hitler's birth that they began running into a harsh, distasteful persecution the likes of which hasn't been seen for at least seventy years. That's right; they were denied by a local super market to have a birthday cake with their darling son's name on it. In a last act of desperation, Heath rushed to his house, equipped himself with the latest and greatest in biochemical self-defense weapons (in the event of an attack), a gas mask, and a badge from the world's most influential movement, and then made heroic journey into the local Walmart. Fortunately for him they were more than ready to accommodate his lifestyle choices and thus prepared the cake in record times.

Final resort

This image has nothing to do with Campbell. I just thought you'd want to share in the boners.

	“	If I have to give up my Nazism, then so be it. I’ll do it.	„
	—Campbell, finally bending over to the great hammer of justice

After having his latest creation repossessed by the government, Heath decided to take a final stand. He cleaned himself up in ways that would put his war-council to shame, pocketed the nearest copy of Mein Kampf, and marched into the courthouse to demand custody over his all of his children. What followed may or may not have been the most epic court proceeding that's ever occurred in the history of the world. But you'll never know because the fucking court ruled that it the hearing and its outcome be made private. The end. Article over. Go home.