Notch

Moar info: Minecraft.

The Man, The Myth, The Asspie

Notch, (powerword: Markus Persson), is a bald fat swede who stole some good ideas from a shitty game and a geinus but totally unplayable game and made a shitty voxel-based java engine sandbox game called Minecraft (not to be confused with Mein Kampf). Well known across the tubes as a Grand Wizard of creating drama with the slightest butthurts deserving several twitter posts. Due to the rate that he uses twitter and the common occurence of extreme butthurt it leaves no doubt that he is a total reverse oreo. Other than that nobody cares, however becasue he is an autisim master of the highest level he has been crushed by waves of internet stress which forced his hand and compelled him to sell his h0m0jangs and mincerafts for 2.5 billion McChicken sandwitches.

Couldn't hold all the ones and zeros, SOLD OUT!!11!111!!!1!!!one!!!!eleven!!

On sept. 15 2014 the fat POS Notch sold all the Mojangs to Microsoft mainly for the lulz and $2.5 billion americunt monies because he is too fat to run a company. Although it wasn't about the money (lie), it was totally about the money (Truth) and now Notch is an even richer fat POS.

Once the news broke all yougoobers that make crazy fedia off them mynecrufts 360 noscopes then collectivley shit out their organs and receded to the sewers from whence they came, never to be heard from again.

Letter from a lazy fat swede who is too succesful to be succesful:

I'm leaving Mojang

I don’t see myself as a real game developer. I make games because it’s fun, and because I love games and I love to program, but I don’t make games with the intention of them becoming huge hits, and I don’t try to change the world. Minecraft certainly became a huge hit, and people are telling me it’s changed games. I never meant for it to do either. It’s certainly flattering, and to gradually get thrust into some kind of public spotlight is interesting.Oh no, I made something almost sorta good and now people want to talk to me, HOLY SHIT!

A relatively long time ago, I decided to step down from Minecraft development. Jens was the perfect person to take over leading it, and I wanted to try to do new things. At first, I failed by trying to make something big again, but since I decided to just stick to small prototypes and interesting challenges, I’ve had so much fun with work. I wasn’t exactly sure how I fit into Mojang where people did actual work lol no they didn't, but since people said I was important for the culture, I stayed.They were wrong, and no think good, and also wrong.

I was at home with a bad cold a couple of weeks ago when the internet exploded with hate against me over some kind of EULA situation that I had nothing to do with. I was confused. I didn’t understand.WAAAAAAH THE INTER-NETS ISN'T LOGICAL, I SAID TO MYSELF AS I BURIED MY FACE IN A GALLON OF ICE CREAM. I tweeted this in frustration. Later on, I watched the This is Phil Fish video on YouTube because I am a successful version of Phil Fish, I have come to accept that and started to realize I didn’t have the connection to my fans I thought I had. I’ve become a fat bald symbol. I don’t want to be a fat bald symbol, responsible for something huge that I don’t understand, that I don’t want to work on, that keeps coming back to me. I’m not an entrepreneur. I’m not a CEO. I’m a nerdy computer programmer who likes to have opinions on Twitter.

As soon as this deal is finalized, I will leave Mojang and go back to doing Ludum Dares HA HE ALREADY QUIT THAT, FUCKING LOSER and small web experiments (read: fapping to doom sprites). If I ever accidentally make something that seems to gain traction, I’ll probably abandon it immediately.

Considering the public image of me already is a bit skewed, I don’t expect to get away from negative comments by doing this, but at least now I won’t feel a responsibility to read them.

I’m aware this goes against a lot of what I’ve said in public. I have no good response to that. I’m also aware a lot of you were using me as a symbol of some perceived struggle. I’m not. I’m a person, and I’m right there struggling with you.

I love you. All of you. Thank you for turning Minecraft into what it has become, but there are too many of you, and I can’t be responsible for something this big. In one sense, it belongs to Microsoft now. In a much bigger sense, it’s belonged to all of you for a long time, and that will never change.

It’s not about the money. It’s about my sanity.

-Markus gobbles Peters-sen

Potential 4chan Buyout

On October 3rd, 2016, Notch expressed interest in potentially buying out 4chan and getting rid of a lot of racism, sparking a flamewar as other fags like Martin Shkreli wanted to buy 4chan and delete several boards and perpetrate censorship. The fag who bought 4chan from m00t was interesting in removing a lot of content from the site and wanted to sell it off. Thus, being faced with nothing but bad choices, 4channers lashed out against the usurpers. Notch posted in a thread about the situation and got into a flame war on Twatter: