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NASCAR
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This article isn't lulz just yet, but its coverage can spark a lollercoaster. You can help by reverting people who delete shit, and vandalizing their user pages. See this article on Google? Want to add something? Join us! |
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—Kyle Busch, a NASCAR "athlete" after losing fair and square | ||
The National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing (or NASCAR for short) is a sport where hicks in heavily stripped down sedans go round and round in circles. This "sport" is mentally proven to make every viewer besides the rednecks go to sleep within one nanosecond, it is highly popular in burgerland. Americunts are known to love NASCAR because they are fat fucks who are too lazy to actually play a real sport. It is not uncommon to see people inbreeding in the bathrooms of the track during a 300/400/500 WHO FUCKING CARES? mile race. After someone wins the race, said driver does a burnout that instantly deafens anyone that isn't a fan not wearing earplugs. However, Rednecks are known to have less sensitive ears than the average joe due to the fights going on 24/7 (getting involved most of the time) and driving trucks without a muffler.
Fans
NASCAR fans are known to have IQs in the single digits, because these fucks cannot comprehend a race with actual right turns, so they resort to just watching left turns for hours on end. There are Road courses (tracks which you turn right) however, but NAStards just don't watch them.
Why Nobody Likes NASCAR
A good starting point for the bullshit that is this "sport" would be the most honest approach possible: destruction. We all wanna see that one guy send the other guy into the wall...but we also want to see them survive to the next weekend (so, you know, they can do the same thing all over again). The problem is that after a certain point, or rather a certain amount of speed, the cars themselves start becoming projectiles with a penchant for flying into the fucking stands, potentially killing hundreds. If you don't have an idiot to milk, you dont have a "sport".
Another perspective is when you change the rules in such a way that the sport becomes even more boring than it already was beforehand. As soon as concepts such as "the playoffs" from sports like football started getting applied to NASCAR, you tend to get exactly what middle management wanted. Nobody else, just middle management, because it "looks good" and "sells itself".
And if it doesn't sound boring enough to you, NASCAR made the fucktarded decision to reduce their cars horsepower to 550HP (later 670hp) making racing even more boring than it was before
Notable Drivers (or wannabe drivers)
- Jason Jacoby - a fucktard who actually believes he'd be the best NASCAR driver when he only uses virtual racing
- Richard Petty - The "king" of NASCAR
- Dale Earnhardt Sr. - When he died, NASCAR did too
- Dale Earnhardt Jr. - Overrated driver who is only popular because of his father
- Alan Kulwicki - The complete opposite of Earnhardt Jr. (well, except for the dying part), no "daddy's money" and ran his own team
- L.W. Wright - The D.B. Cooper of NASTurd
- Rusty Wallace - Back then, you had two colors to pick from: Gold and silver
- Kyle Busch - Whiny idiot who cries when he gets wrecked out, when wrecking is the only reason why people watch it. Welcome to NASCAR, faggot.
- Matt Kenseth - Somehow managed to win an entire season despite winning only one race, only remembered for having his name used as a byword for his supposed legacy[1]
Videos
What NASCAR is in a nutshell
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