Bernie Sanders

Bernie Sanders^✡ (or B.S.) is a batshit insane American politician who represents the 9,615-square mile patch of progressive inanity that is Vermont. After having served nearly a quarter of a century in federal office, a demented Sanders developed delusions of grandeur, and announced a 2016 presidential candidacy, apparently believing America is ready to elect a senile socialist to its White House.

Aided by an army of well-off young white people on the Internet, he has become a meme candidate, along with Donald Trump and, previously, Ron Paul. Sanders is expected to do about as well in his quixotic quest for the presidency as the last Vermont politician that was popular on the Internet.

Political career

Bernie Sanders was inspired to get into politics as a kid by Adolf Hitler. Liking Hitler's unique brand of national socalism, Sanders decided to become America's first self-described democratic socialist to serve in the U.S. Senate. After biding his time for over fifteen years in the less-glamorous United States House of Representatives, Sanders finally got his chance upon the retirement of Jumpin' Jim Jeffords, and was elected amidst a wave of anti-Bush sentiment in 2006, but mostly lucked-out by nature of running in the shithole that is Vermont.

Soon however, Sanders became painfully aware that his idol never settled for a lowly Parliament position, and decided it was time to try for something bigger.

2016 presidential campaign

Black Lives Matter interupts a speech by Bernie Sanders. Nothing of value was lost.

Bernie Sanders announced his bid in April of 2015. Sanders has raised a decent amount of online loot from deluded college hipsters on the coasts, but still trails a scandal-plagued Hillary Clinton by double-digits nationally. Sanders' base mostly just consists of young white males, and it has been noted that he has a problem winning the support of minorities, women, older voters, more religious people, Southerners and poorer Democrats. In short, he's not going to win the Democratic nomination.

Black Lives Matter

To further prove the point of how Bernie Sanders stands zero chance of winning anything but safe races in Vermont, he has recently become a favorite target of Black Lives Matter, because he's an old white guy from Vermont, a state that is 95% white.

A shameful display took place in August 2015, when two Black Lives Matter agitators took the microphone from Sanders and hijacked his own campaign event, with the cucked Sanders just meekly taking it. Even more pathetic, Sanders subsequently apologized for not reaching out to black voters sooner.

Polls have shown Sanders in the single digits with blacks, the voters that propelled Obama over Clinton in South Carolina in 2008. In short, no upset is impending in this race.

Political positions

Sanders greets his entire constituency.

College, day care, health care, etc.

Free!

Guns

Bernie Sanders thinks Americans are too stupid to own cetain types of guns. Ironically, Vermont has some of the most lax gun laws in the nation.

Marijuana

The only reason you support Bernie Sanders. Sanders supports legalizing marijuana, because he knows one needs to be high to think voting for Bernie Sanders is a good idea.

Minimum wage

Bernie Sanders believes flipping hamburgers is, in 2015, worth $15-an-hour.

Store selection

	“	You don’t necessarily need a choice of 23 underarm spray deodorants or of 18 different pairs of sneakers when children are hungry in this country.	„
	—Bernie Sanders, longing for a Venezuelan grocery store.