Cory Doctorow

	“	Cory Doctorow is another self-editing Wikipedia vanity biographer ... Doctorow's Wikipedia bio neglects to list the four universities he dropped out of, or what he was studying at the time. But it does say 'Like many travellers, he has photos of his preferred haircut that he brings with on extended trips for when he has to visit a new barber while on the road.' That's useful encyclopedia-quality information.	„
	—On Corey's Wikipedia Narcissism, (archive)

Cory Doctorow^✡ is an egotistical ass/Internet celebrity/hipster/self-promoting Jew and IRL bureaucratic fuck. Ten years ago he was just this guy, y'know, who'd fucked up and flunked out of no less than three university degree programs. Realizing that he was rather a dim bulb as a result, he decided to be Mr. Braunschnozz, bullshitting, shoving, and brown-nosing his way into as many bureaucracies and cushy positions as possible.

This is one of Cawy's favourite tourist photos, since he shows everyone what he thinks of them. Only problem is that his Magic Kingdom is covered up (see below).

He's Canadian but just couldn't stand the weather or maybe the god-worship people in Toronto failed to show him. So he moved to San Fagcisco in the 1990s, because "famous", moved to London in late 2003 (complaining about Bush and the war in Iraq all the way across the pond), and in 2015 moved back to LA. Because of gentrification. Or something.

BoingBoing

BoingBoing's front page

Cory likes to say that he runs the BoingBoing (gee, isn't that just the whackiest!) web logs. Cory (or Dr. O, as he likes to be called) and his underlings steal ideas from other popular weblogs and post them on BoingBoing, usually years after everyone else forgot about them—showing, like Paris Hilton, that you really don't need any skills to be popular. If you keep telling everyone you meet that you are popular, it will eventually work.

What does he post there? Incredibly lame, butthurt, whiny shit like this. Good luck with your latest Crusade To Save The Hotel Industry, Mr. Assclown.

“	The VIII Commandments of the Well-Labeled Inn I. Thy lamps shall have large, obvious switches that are not obscured by the shade nor hidden on their bases, nor their power-cords. II. Thy wall-switches shalt be labeled with the parts of the room they correspond to. III. Never shall thine electrical outlets be controlled by light switches, lest they cause a device to go uncharged overnight. IV. Thine faucets shall be as plain as fuck. V. Yea, and thou shalt label them, with large, sans-serif writing, HOT and COLD, in red and blue, for an icy shower at 4AM doth enrage a traveler and lo, first degree burns art a liability for thee and thine underwriters. VI. Thy shampoo, conditioner and moisturizer shalt be labeled in the largest type that will fit on the bottles, for travelers may not be able to find thine goddamned lightswitches, and yea, may not wear their glasses to take a shower and thus be incapable of reading the tiny curlycue type used to label the bottles. VII. Thine housekeepers shall never leave the TV on, even if thy in-room entertainment system has a muzak channel it can be turned to. VIII. Thy TVs shall have large, obvious, front panel off buttons.	„
—yes, Cory really wrote this shit

EFF

This guy wastes our air.

Until Cawy took over the EFF (Electronic Frontier Foundation), it was devoted to freedom of speech and action on the Internet. Under his careful guidance, the EFF has become the Electronic Fuckface Foundation, a career step for lawyers and opportunists like himself. Cawy is now Mr. EFF, too! Everyone at EFF loved Cory so much they shipped his pale ass to Europe, then he "resigned."

Play-acting

More than anything but stacks of money, Dr. O likes pretending to be an author. He releases his books both in stores and on-line under an open source license so that he will have a convenient excuse for their shitty sales. He drops a lot of 1337 in his books, as if desperately trying to say

Hey, man, I'm fully down with those groo-vey hacker cats, like, daddy-oh.

Cawy has the uncanny ability as a short story author to take a subject that you would think might be really boring--like IP law, venture capital, yard sales--and by adding just a few sci-fi elements to it, turn it into something really amazingly boring.

Apart from the pre-rhinoplasty nose, Cawy has really prettied his Second-Life avatar up! Who wouldn't want to fuck this?

Second Life

Since he's too lazy and unimaginative to make stuff up, and doesn't have to try too hard with all the money he gets from being an IRL bureaucratic fuck, Cawy's stories are all drawn from his exciting experiences in Second Life.

Internet Disease

When Dr. O isn't busy pretending to be an author or a journalist he likes to log on to wikipedia and manipulate the article about himself, although apparently he is incapable of signing. And when called on it, he piddles like a little girl. A quick look at his contributions shows the depth of his love affair with ... Cory Doctorow.

Cawy in another favourite pose, playing Twotsky in a T-shirt (wouldn't his folks be proud!). Hard to find a pic. of this guy that isn't ridiculously flattering, which is a symptom of internet disease.

Not to mention the pukestorm he started by creating an article about Phil Sandifer in 2007. Or his frequent editing of Wikipedia articles about certain "internet celebrities". Cawy can't seem to not fuck TOW up whenever he touches it.

Invite him to your next "digital summit". If you're lucky and managed to balm his ego hard enough, perhaps he'll put on a red cape and run around the room like a hyperactive 2-year-old.

Disney Obsession

Obsessed with the Walt Disney company, he even calls his haircut the Magic Kingdom. Whenever forced to travel without his personal barber, Dr. O carries a picture of the Magic Kingdom (yes, the haircut) on his person.

Plain old insanity

His daughter bears the unfortunate moniker of Poesy Emmeline Fibonacci Nautilus Taylor Doctorow (no, really).

See also

• Dave Eggers
• BoingBoing
• The Daily Dot
• Subhuman Filth
• BoingBoing vs Violet Blue: Strap-on Smackdown!

External Links

• Opinion piece in the Guardian by CD, which - surprise! - gives a CD piece in BoingBoing as a reference (true to form, it's a review of a book that manages to completely avoid discussing the book itself)
• Dr. O caught out manipulating his own Wikipedia biography
• A blog devoted to showing what a jerk Cawy makes of himself in his BoingBoing blog—it's not very selective, but if you really want to see Cawy proving he's a smug, self-centered, opportunistic attention whore, have a look. The maker is obsessed; there's even a graphing section.
• ihatecory.blogspot.com - Collection and review of anti-Cory content on the web

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