Bear Grylls

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Edward Michael Grylls, nicknamed "Bear", is the star of the TV show Man vs. Wild. In this show, he shows off his survival skills in exotic locations or in the middle of nowhere. There is a macro of him, similar to Advice Dog, where the punchline is usually him needing to drink his own piss, overall this douche is a complete masterpiece of idiocy. He also stars in a British Version of the show which is called Bear Grylls: Born Survivor where, unlike Man vs. Wild he seems to spend fuck loads of time naked in frozen rivers. Recently he has been appointed chief scout for the world, which actually promotes him to the world’s greatest stealth paedophile, making the Pope second with Micheal Jackson in third.

Edward Grylls claims to have been a member of the SAS, but fellow members cite him has being a pack mule. His Man vs. Wild show is highly suspect as even inexperienced outdoorsmen can find fault in his show. It would appear that he suffers from some form of hormone deficiency, as no matter the length of time he spends in the wild; he always remains clean-shaven.

Man vs. Wild Show Format

Get dropped off in random location by helicopter
Be a 5-minute walk from a 5-star hotel
Eat innocent animals for lulz
"I knew a man, who was living in this area and he made a crucial mistake. By not eating bugs off the ground to get extra protein, he died."
Have explosive diarrhea from the dumb shit he ate
Drink your own piss

Born Survivor Format

Get dropped off by a helicopter and plummet down to earth at over 9000 miles per hour
Get into a staged situation all about how you can survive in the place you will NEVER visit
Realise that eating beetles and having a explosive diarrhea is a shit idea and eat camera man, say they died in a freak accident involving sharks in the dessert
Jump naked into a frozen river for no apparent reason
Drink own piss

Bear's Favorite Pastimes

Eating bugs, fungus and small defenseless animals
Running around naked in the middle of fucking nowhere
Getting on the piss every Friday night
Pretending to be spending 48 hours in inhospitable conditions
Getting paid to all of the above, then calling in the chopper to take him back home.