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Call of Duty: Black Ops 2

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Call of Duty: Black Ops 2, aka Carl on Duty: Black Cops 2, Campsite simulator: The Electric boogaloo, Cock of Doody: Black Cocks 2 or Cash Cow of Duty: Money Whoring 2 is the latest game from the fags that brought you Call of Duty: World at War and Black Cocks.


Campaign

So apparently Alex Mason and his buddies got fucked over in South AIDSfrica in the 1980s, and they somehow unwittingly help a future iluminati leader plan on doing the US in. The other half of the game consists of everything blowing up, people getting fucked up the ass with machine guns and actual robot military men.

Confirmed Characters

  • Alex Mason: The same brainwashed and crazy bastard from Black Cocks 1 returns for the first half of the game.
  • David Mason: Loser son of loser dad.
  • Frank Woods: HOLY SHIT FRANK WOODS SURVIVED HIS JIHAD ON KRAVTCHENKO BUT HE WAS ROYALLY FUCKED IN THE LEGS AND NOW HE IS FORCED TO HELP A SPIC CONTROL THE US ARMY!!!
  • Raul Mendez: A beaner who is this game's antagonist. He can either be raped by you or simply caught in the end.

Multiplayer

Confirmed Perks

Weapons

All anyone usually cares about.

Primary

Assault Rifle

  • AK-47: Since every single game from CoD4 onwards needs it's terrorist/nationalist weapon of choice, this faggy piece of shit returns to blow loads in the player's face.
  • AN-94: Complete reskin of the AK-47, so it's pointless to put in the game.
  • M16: Such an uncommon weapon, Treyarch.
  • Commando: Copy and pasted from the original Fag Ops.
  • Galil: So Treyarch includes a weapon that no military in the world uses due to how shitty it is and once again has return to be the most used weapon in multiplayer.
  • FN FAL: Moar like Fail, amirite?
  • Type 95: The FAGmas gets replaced by the same chink commie bullpup rifle from MW3. It will probably be even more overpowered than it was in that game.
  • Type 25: Treyarch is now pandering to the AZN fan base by including more gook shit.
  • M4A1: The signature weapon of the US army.
  • M8A1: A nazi-trash weapon, because CoD protocol always dictates at least 1 per game.
  • SCAR-H: Why Treyarch, why?

Submachine Gun

  • Vector K10: Treyarch lazily reuses the MW2 skins, because the animators are to lazy to come up with new skins and animations.
  • Uzi: Useless SMG is useless.
  • Chicom: Bullpups are becoming more common, now there's a bullpup SMG.
  • PDW57: A fictional weapon. Seriously Treyarch is now putting make believe weapons in a game that strived for realism all this time.

Light Machine Gun

  • Mk46: Shitstick that everyone will use because in MW3 it was rape incarnate.
  • LSAT: Britfag LMG.

Sniper Rifle

Shotgun

  • KSG: Russfag weapon that players got butthurt over in Black Ops due to it not being included in multiplayer.
  • M1216: Select fire shotgun.

Secondary

Handguns

  • M1911: Call of Duty's signature handgun.
  • KAP-40: Futuristic looking pistol.
  • Five-Seven: M9 Beretta replacement. Doubles as an infield emergency dildo.
  • Raging Judge: A revolver. It's not even a real weapon for fuck's sake.

Launcher

  • RPG: Included in this game for the same reason as the AK-47. Used by Niggers in the 1980s half of the game.
  • MM-1: Free fire or lock on fuckstick that nobody cares about.
  • FHJ-18 AA: A rocket that has erectile disfunction

Grenades

Lethal

  • Frag grenades: Rendered obsolete by semtex, like in the other past installments.
  • Semtex: Sticky grenade. You will hear these going off almost as much as Claymores.
  • Tomahawk: Axe that sounds badass when you throw it. You will always miss and get raped when using it.
  • Bouncing Betty: Or Buttsecks bitch, launches into the air and explodes, raping anyone and everyone.

Tactical

  • Flashbangs: Ghey sounding detonation. Doesn't do shit.
  • Shock Charge: EMP grenade renamed.


Zombies

Apparently now a carbon copy of Left 4 dead as when you die you respawn as a zombie. Also, you are allowed 8 players instead of 6.


See also

Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 is part of a series on

Gaming

Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

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