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The xChan Effect
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The xChan effect refers to the phases a person goes through once they first enter a *chan website. Often thought to be a myth perpetrated by pretentious shitposters on /b/ in order to feel good about their "secret club", recently there has found proof of its existence by an unknown party.
Documented here on ED, is the *chan effect, in all its cycles complete with symptoms.
Stages
The stages of the xChan effect are:
- Newfag, n00b
- The first stage; Consist of being a fucking retard that fails at everything. Unable to comprehend the anonym concept. May be a nymfag still lingering onto old nym conventions in various nym forums/blogosphere.
- Moderatefag, f00l
- The second stage; Newfags that are aware of their faggotry eventually decide to stay and learn what it means to not be a newfag, yet are still considered newfags. Heavily start to experiment with being a channer. May get infected by The Cancer, became a fallen, or be turned into a Weeaboo.
- Agedfag, l33t
- The average person on a chan that knows what he/she is doing. Know the rules, common chanspeak. Avoid becoming the cancer, know what cancer is, and how to combat it.
- Oldfag, w15e
- few make it to this level. Most have been on a *chan since the beginning. Able to recall most history of the *chan. Some begin to show signs of non-creativity. Many have left the *chan forests to venture down the rabbit hole into the cipherspace jungles or to escape back to the cyberspace plains.
- Enlightened
- The final stage, You realize that after your years of
posting the same memes over and overhard work, you are still just a fag.
Newfags
A newfag is the most hated scum on the tubes (hated more than mainstream internet culture). To be proud of being a newfag is equal with being proud of taking it in the ass. Generally, a newfag is considered cancer and fails at everything.
Typical newfags:
- 13-year-old-boys
- MySpace camwhores/retards
- People who watch g4tv
- Furfags
- Bob Saget
- AnonymousThought
- Gaia users
YouNO U
Newfags also have a tendency of having a bigger mouth than a 16-year-old-girl so they end up telling their friends everyone they can think of which spawns even more newfags.
Newfags also tend to:
- Repost anything old
- Follow directions posted on /b/
- Always save the .gif as a .js (4chan.js) and then shit many brix.
- Do tri-force threads until 4chan(or any other chan) implodes.
- Type shit that agedfags tell them to.
- Really think that if they post in a hook up thread that they will score with a girl.
- Sage fucking everything.
- Play RedTube Roulette.
- Ask for advice on /b/.
- Repost a "You Laugh, You Lose" picture every 30 minutes.
- Post in, or start a "Roll Thread" on /b/ or any other board on a *chan
- Use 133tspeak
that isn’t used on any chan - Fall for any troll of ANY type.
- Mistake the meanings of memes.
- Use "irregardless"
- Praise Boxxy as a god
- Using emoticons, and get offended when told to GTFO :(
- Using a high level of namefaggotry or tripfaggotry, just to be cool
- Claim to be oldfags
Moderate Fags
There's a time in every newfag's life when they have to make a huge decision: stay or leave. If luck's involved, the 13-year-old boy will either lose interest or become an hero. To be a moderatefag is to have self-awareness of his/her faggotry but try to use it against everyone (and fail).
Moderatefags are:
- Teenagers that are considered more mature than their generation but are just as retarded
- People who tend to not use chan culture in public yet still fail to use it on the interwebs when it’s necessary
- Take the chan sites too seriously and try to make them into secret clubs (like Fight Club).
- trying to troll but end up being trolled.
- posting text pictures telling people to post in their fail tread.
- Forcing memes
A major moment when most newfags made their journey into the second stage was when mootles changed the basic rules of his image board 4chan. By changing the posting rules, many newfags posting on 4chan’s boards (especially /b/) where deterred by the new rules and left for Gaia Online. Newfags who didn’t leave eventually accepted the new rules and became moderatefags, but they still failed at everything.
The Demi State
Although not considered a direct part of the xchan effect, the demi state is the transition between Moderatefag to Agedfag. This transformation takes place between 8 months to a year or more, depending on how much of a faggot the person was.
While in Demi State a person on a chan:
- Makes threads that have meaning but may or may not fail
- Have threads that aren’t considered cancer
- Make threads that have more than 25 posts before 404ing into oblivion
- May or may not keep any moral value
To be in the demi state is to be fucking confused on what the chans are. So they start doing a magical thing that results in less fail.
What this means is that they are on their way to balancing their time on the chans and gathering more information (or in other words that are so simple a newfag could understand; Lern2lurkmore).
—Some fag stating the obvious. | ||
Agedfag
at the right time
and won't fuck it up.
The Agedfag is the second most common type of chan user (second to the amount of newfags). To be an agedfag is to not fail and accept failure when it occurs. Unlike newfags, agedfags know what the fuck they’re talking about which results in win.
Agedfags include:
- People who use the chans and don't fail at life (yet).
- People who have the ability to say the right thing at the right time.
- People who can produce win without effort or have the capacity to do whatever it takes to produce win without looking like a fag.
- The ability to troll with success.
- Have a girlfriend that isn’t shit ugly
- Have the ability to hack into the easiest targets.
- Typically more mature chan user who is young adult.
The agedfag takes the internet with perspective and hates anyone who acts like a fag on the tubes and IRL. Most agedfags are to smart for mainstream internet and have joined chan culture because of it. To mess with an agedfag can be costly, but usually isn't. The job of the agedfag is to be a positive role model for the newfags, and to fight cancer to the death. Agedfags also understand the concept of keeping the chan culture out of mainstream culture, an ability newfags lack. They also have the ability to accept the death of a meme.
OldFags
And even this is too young for most oldfags
— Some Newfag failing at explaining what an OldFag is | ||
It is hard to say what it is to be an Oldfag. Oldfag is the smallest group (newfag being the biggest) and the acts of an Oldfag are rarely seen, but when they are witnessed, it is describe to be the most epic moments on earth. The most common description of Oldfags include:
- People who have been in chan culture since the beginning.
- The best trollers on the webz
- Not you
- Uses Linux
- Are mods
(definitely false cause mods=fags)and not newfag mods. - Are the best scriptkitties, haxors in the business, and share a love of water lilies.
- Never claim to be oldfags and do not use the term newfag.
Most Oldfags leave a chan all together, which would’ve been caused by heavy amounts of fail in the chan. If an Oldfag does leave a chan forever (except for caturday, which is the holiest among days) they will most likely have made their own chan or a website that is based off of chan culture(e.g. Encyclopedia Dramatica {psst, ED was a spinoff of TOW trolls, fgt}, Anontalk). Most Oldfags that stay with a chan fight cancer by creating epic threads that defy all reasonable posting rules and have a teaspoon full of cleaver.
/b/tard Porn desensitization
/b/tard porn desensitization syndrome is the eventual occurrence of every /b/tard that isn't an underaged cunt summerfagging at /b/. This terminal disease occurs when a /b/tard, after having browsed /b/ for long enough, will start to become unable to even find any "regular pronz"(a term used loosely.) worthy of the /b/tard's masturbation. You see, /b/ tends to expose their brains to all sorts of abstract, disturbing, horrible porn that the non-/b/tard would be driven to vomit and cry at.
While not every /b/tard contracts this debilitating illness, it is important to know the warning signs and stages.
Stages of /b/tard syndrome
Stage one: The naive newfag
When one first enters /b/, they think to themselves "OMG FUNY KITYS!!!! I HURD YU LIKE SWAMPERT!". For they are a poor naive bastard who's never been on /b/ before, and at first, the excess of porn may even seem shocking to them. They probably don't even use porn to fap yet. Becomes turned on by titty-shots alone.
Stage two: Fapping to regular porn
After a week or so, the newfag will start to lose his sense of "That's wrong omg" and fap to all sorts of porn, camwhores, but hasn't dwelved into anything TOO hardcore.
Stage three: Porn tolerance starts to rise
Usually occurs after a few months of stage two. The /b/tard finds them self fapping to increasingly hardcore porn. May step into the "taboo" region, but may still feel "dirty" afterward.
Stage Four: Fapping to increasingly taboo porn
The /b/tard will start to fap to more and more ungodly things. Scat, incest, Guro, Vore, just a few of the horrors the /b/tard will insert him fantastical self into. Increasingly unable to find "regular" porn fappible.
Stage Five: Almost terminal
At this point, the /b/tard can never go back/cure himself of this symptoms. He will be fapping to things that lurk in the nightmares of children, as well as the children themselves. Almost completely unable to fap to even "regular" hardcore pronz.
End Stage Symptoms
The /b/tard is now completely terminal.
The end stage symptoms include, but are not limited to:
- Fapping to Guro, Shitting dick nipples, scat porn, CP, wincest, or, god forbid, a combination of all.
- Unable to fap to even the most beautiful of women, unless they're covered in shit and Pocky, let alone any sort of "regular" porn.
- "Two Girls, One cup? Kinda hawt, but I just can't even get it up to that. Fucking tame bullshit. Fuck that, need mah Baby Shitter!
The /b/tard will start to do fetishistic things in IRL, despite not even having a fetish to the thing(Some argue the /b/tard contracts ALL fetishes), such as, but not limited to:
- Jerking it with shit.
- Pasting hardcore CP all over his walls, maybe on his bed bed, and fapping onto all of them.
- Neglecting all else just to find something that can turn them on.
Not a pedophile, just a /b/tard
Many a /b/tard, jaded for years of fapping to pretty much anything, will start fapping to CP. This isn't necessarily pedophile in nature. When one has fapped to pretty much everything, it just stops being hot. So, in order to get it up, it might just take something considered stigmatic, taboo. What they end up fapping to, despite the fact that previous to being a /b/tard, they were as stigmatized by it as the rest of society, is CP. This isn't necessarily because they find little children attractive, but because it is considered taboo by the NORP. Even with other taboo porn archetypes, such as scat, guro, vore, etc., CP is considered the ultimate "Don't even go there" of porn, therefore making it a /b/tard-magnet.
Prognosis
Grim. The logical destination is being V& for looking at live-action loli, and if not that, being unable to find ANYTHING fappible, resulting in exploding testes from the poor /b/tard's horniness. It's usually what destroys the /b/tard's life.
See Also
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The xChan Effect is part of a series on Visit the Chans Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article September 30 & September 31, 2013 | ||
| Preceded by DarksydePhil |
The xChan Effect | Succeeded by 4chan |