BakaRed

A long time ago, over 9000 years for the religious fundamentalists, the universe was a cold, empty, lonely space where nothing really happened. One memorable day, two hydrogen atoms slowly rubbed up against each other and a thought was born. Having a sudden urge for a pizza and some beer the thought realized, for the order to go through, it would need a name for a credit card and so it named itself BakaRed.

the universe at the moment of BakaRed's creation

The Church of BakaRed

Just like that vision you had of God when your Mom walked in on you jerking it with a belt around your neck.

BakaRed is a benevolent god who has been known to reward loyal, new converts with a lap-dance from an over weight 50 something stripper and unlimited amounts of booze made from his secret prison pruno recipe that is well known for causing blindness after 3 drinks. The religion dictates that the lap dance comes first and then all the bad booze till your blind. Other rewards include diseased whores, a kick to the balls, the deflowering of your sister and games of Russian Roulette, with a cocked and loaded automatic pistol, with you going first. For those of you who have no chance of ever getting laid might we suggest the diseased whores followed by a rousing game of Russian Roulette, because, well, it was only a matter of time.

The Hero of a Thousand Faces, Great Mike

the birth of Great Mike or how he described it to me

the face of Great Mike

Looking out upon the world, BakaRed saw that it was too orderly, too tranquil, too perfect and knowing that the newly created humans would excel best in a world that challenges him, plots against him, is always out to get him and represents constant danger - he created The Great Mike to bring a little chaos to this brand new world. Having missed out on The Garden Of Eden because the snake got there first. The Big Flood because he was waxing his surfboard and World War 2 because he started reading Atlas Shrugged and didn't finish it until the 70's because no one reads that book for enjoyment. The only people who have ever read it did so because it was course material for a class. Also, He had no hand in Rap or Disco. Things like that can only come from something so evil it would even make the devil squirm. If you're looking for someone to blame, start by going down the line of Jewish CEO's of record companies. I digress, it wasn't until The Great Mike met a young senator by the name of Al Gore, who would later invent the internet would The Great Mike's destiny become clear to him when he convinced the then Senator Gore to send a dick pic to his secretary over the fledgling internet followed by first use of the excuse, "What? OMG I thought I was sending it to my wife".

The world as we know it now, since the advent of the internet

See Also

• God
• Religion
• internet
• cults
• giant spaghetti monster

BakaRed is part of a series on Truth Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage.

BakaRed is part of a series on Obscure Religions

Click topics to expand: Major Religions • Minor Religions • Trollianity • Deities • Religious Icons • Other Religions • Related Articles Links to separate templates: Christianity • Judaism • Islam • Atheism • Scientology • Cults • Portal of Truth Buddhism • Hinduism • Satanism • Wiccan & Pagan Trolldin • Lolki • Lönguncattr • NXIVM • Ragnaröfl • Martin Luther King Day • Catnarok BASEDGOD • God • Kim Il-sung • RaptorJesus • Santa • Satan Claus • Xenu • Yahweh Ted Haggard • Tom Cruise • John Travolta • Rifqa Bary Voodoo • Church of Euthanasia • Environmentalism • Objectivism • Children's Immortality Project • Jedi Church Enlightenment • Halloween • Questionable logic • Crocoduck