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TeenChat
Teenchat is a chatroom website created at least 100 years ago by a Pedophile named Dan. Dan or Faggot for short, spends all his time pretending to be a 13 year old girl so he can cyber with other 13 year old girls who usually turn out to be old fat pedophiles too. (See Irony)
Teenchat attracts thousands of basement dwellers and fatfucks who often think they're getting in flame wars with each other when in reality, it looks more like two people with Down's Syndrome squaring off in a Special Olympics event. When Teenchat isn't hosting it's prime Special Olympics events, it is a squirming mass of uglies and fatties desperately trying to score internet love.
This article is actual proof of Teenchat's faggotry simply due to the most recent author of the majority of the "Resident Troll's" subsection; this fool is clearly trying to virtually stalk many of the acclaimed trolls on Teenchat but he is so much of an autistic whale that he cannot actually get the names correctly, nor can he spell the word "epitome" correctly. This, as said, is proof that Teenchat is a virtual Darfur in the making, witnessing many episodic electronic genocides.
www.Teenchat.com, for idiots who cannot figure this out already, is the link to the actual website. BEWARE: You are entering a domain that can only be designated a virtual Caligula's asshole. Non-virgins not included.
The TC Camwhores
Rebecca Goldsmith: Also known as Twisted Angel and BitchOfDaCursed. Bec is one of the most hideous looking creatures to ever stalk Teenchat. She claims she stopped coming online, but she really just switched to another room. She makes up rumors about other people and then acts innocent when questioned about it. Her face is disgustingly twisted, she sucks the government dry, every month so she can pay her bills and feed her child, instead of getting a job like a normal person. She refers to herself as sexy, fucking hot, and claims to have a nice body, but she has to make up boyfriends, so people won't know how lonely she is.
Brittany Ann: Also known under the alias Britt and most recently BrittsOface, she is so obese that she fanned Taco Bell on her Failbook. Brittany Ann is the epitome of internet whores having become impregnated by the seed of one of the Teenchat basement dwellers by the name of Patrick. Patrick is a classic deadbeat and poor Brittany Ann was abandoned to care for her unplanned child alone. When not ignoring her child to read constant updates on the latest Grade-Z meat products on offer at Taco Bell, she is sitting in the 20 Something's room since Last Thursday trying to fend off trolls with dry sarcasm and indifference. Brittany Ann pretends that the trolls do not affect her when really she is weeping and convincing other people to secretly troll them back for her vengeance. Not satisfied with having the spawn of a basement dweller, she continues to camwhore it up with various e-losers, sending nudes and close up shots of her sloppy vagoo to everyone who will accept them. When the aforementioned e-loser tires of her, she will attempt to publicly (OL not IRL, as the concept of IRL is foreign to her) humiliate him and accuse him of having been deeply in love with her and then rejected. Sadly, this will be the pattern of "love-life" that Brittany Ann will endure until the end of time. She can now be found in the Singles chat on the old Teenchat site.
Jazzie ThA cool - A nigger girl who goes coo-coo for bananas whenever people talk about food in chat. Not much else is known... mostly because no one cares.
Dolce: Dolce is a ham-beast/professional ass-master that spends all her time in the Nerds room because her mom is a pill popping whore who got super AIDs from fucking random guys on eharmony.com. Dolce got depressed because her mom abandoned her for her internet boyfriend and didn't leave her any food. She was so depressed in fact that she ate her pet dog Stumpycat. Dolce has decided not to wipe her ass in hopes she will contract some form of AIDS and lose some weight.
ownedLittleSub - It is rumoured that she was the biggest druggie and whore around like 2 - 3 years ago and now is "clean" yet she's still on palace talking about the best drugs to take, talking about how shes anorexic. I guess trying to get a burger inside this girl is about as hard as the previously mentioned elephant / oister scenario. Like She keeps saying all her problems like shes proud of it but if anyone says something about it to her she freaks out. She's a fucking train wreck. Also she cuts herself and she taught her little sister how to and now her sister cuts herself. Even though she has a boyfriend and is moving in with him, she still talks about sleeping with other guys. And she will fuck ANYTHING that gives her attention.
Peju: Is just a disgusting black person that is jealous of everyone around her because she looks like Wharf from Star Trek. Her forehead is dented and it looks like she she may actually be made of shit irl and it just melted a bit. Her nostrils flare when she gets angry and they look like they're going to try and swallow you. She is forever thankful to Dolce who conceived Peju when she accidentally farted out one of her binges in the early days of TC. She is no longer with us... an hero.
nanatarara: This Muslim girl is seventeen years of age. She suffers from a severe case of mental retardation and is hopelessly in love with the troll "GODLYGODOFGODS aka SUPERSAIYAN." Her real name is Deanna and her eyes are reminiscent of a love child between XenaConehead and Jack Skellington made famous from the Nightmare Before Christmas film. Laying false claims of loving everyone and hating no one, she requested tips from her only real friends (other regs and trolls from the site)tips on how to not only blow a guy but have cyber sex. Her typing ability leaves one to wonder if she's actually a five year old girl who's coined such phrases as "rahuuuul" or her personal favorite and most catchy phrase "i am so fucking done." It's likely she's poor and lacks a computer missing virtually all keys except the lettered ones. Between her keyboard and glasses which resemble coke glasses sitting on her nose, it's safe to say Deanna is simply another reg wanting to marry "GODLYGODOFGODS" for his "money."
Drakkar: Josepeh or Joey is TeenChat's newest closet homosexual. Known to beg females to get on cam in an attempt to hide his own sexual confusion, everything about this guy screams "I SUCK DICK." Known to be emotional and pathetic amongst his peers, this guy tries desperately to troll but can't make the cut in the trolls section and is far too ugly to be in the studs section. If he can ever come fully out, he'll be a wonderful addition to the TeenChat faggots. As is, he's been known to whisper or secretly message almost every girl in a desperate attempt to find a mate. Being a virgin at his age cannot be easy. It's possible he suffers from bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. Lets give him our best wishes that eventually he'll find a girl or guy on TeenChat that appreciates his lame attempts at seduction and his catch phrase "<3." However it's widely speculated that when he does come out of the closet it'll be to his closest online friend "Ben" the only man who can accept him for what he is and in return is idolized. This fucker was caught trying to talk to multiple underage girls. There's even speculation that he's talked to some single-digit age girls. This hairy ape-looking faggot would bone anything over the age of 3. 'She's old enough to pee, she's old enough for me!' is this guy's favorite saying. Hopefully the police catch this sick motherfucker and put him in jail. He likes to sexually harass young girls so we'll let the inmate 'Bubba' sexually harass him. And treat him like a young girl.
The TC Studs
Dayne: aka Socrates sits on his computer all day while pretending to be drunk and acting like a beaver. He is in love with Noir (Lora) who only likes little boys in gradeschool; obviously she is a Pedophile. Dayne is a basement dweller who lures children into his lair, teaching them about Scientology.
Lupo Borracio:Keith or as he sometimes imagines himself "Kadence B" is a "brony" suffering from a sexual identity crisis. A virgin until recently he apparently fucked the local teenchat whore Christina in real life, however their relationship ended after he was too disgusting for her to maintain it. It's said that every second she spent around him naked was disgust incarnate and ever sexual act she did with him was forced on her part, coming from a slut who'd blow a dog that says a lot. Keith's dick has made it on TeenChat, I was unfortunate to see this picture and all I can say is that it's very small and very deformed, also "I <3 u". to that I can say "I fel srry 4 whuevr u iz" there is also supposedly a photo of him in panties going around. What a freak.
Forest: Forest is mentally retarded. He comes to the Nerds room and is obsessed with molesting his 6 year old sister.
Josh Bailey: Josh is a bi-curious furfag who came in the Nerds room. One night he decided to show his cock to everyone hoping he would make some friends and be accepted. When people threatened to send it to his school he started to cry and throw a a fit like a little assburger and then proceeded to hang himself. (See an hero)
not Josh: Not to be confused with the Josh mentioned earlier, this cunt lives in the outback picking ticks off his ass and a poor fat slob that lives in his owner's basement after being obtained in a poker game held in Korea. He was likely raped several times by a large black man named "Bubba" before escaping from his capture due to "Bubba" choking on a chicken leg. Josh now enjoys his days on TeenChat making a living by fucking Kangaroos for profits. As an aboriginal "whatahead" he hates other races because of his own identity crisis which may explain his social retardation ways on TeenChat.
Killuminati: Killuminati's IRL name is Jeremy and he is a standard wigger. His lair is the 20 Something's room. Not content with simply typing every sentence in ebonics, Killuminati has the uncontrollable urge to announce how badly he "clowns" on people and how wonderful of an amateur rapper he is. Killuminati lives in Arizona and he is constantly sunburned. If he ever met a black person in real life, he would urinate in his extremely saggy pants. He is one of the many victims of Brittany Ann's camwhore ways.It doesn't really matter if any of this was true or not, as Killuminati will forever be a basement dwelling wigger.
Stass: Stass is a 22 year old balding Souljaboy fanboy with a fetish for sweaty man bulge. He fell in e-love with an equally disgusting e-beast named Sarah, but was promptly denied. (I GUESS UGLY PEOPLE CAN CHOOSE NOW). In an attempt to get another e-date, Stass pretended to be a weightlifter. Clearly as a cheeseburger enthusiast he has never touched a dumbbell in his entire life and now people just play along for the lulz.
Mauve - "One fag to lead them all"- A pock faced acne prone male chauvinist who likes to be tough guy and talks about how good he is at banging all the nasty skanky chicks in the chat room. "Pete" also likes to brag about how he chloroforms girls and rapes their unconscious bodies. If you tell him he has a tiny dick and sucks in bed, the room will explode.
Stu (ifriedmycat): Stu is a 40-Something virgin who frequents the 20-Something's room. His main interests include spouting cliched come-ons at 16-year-old girls and spewing insults (so poor and nonsensical that they can only warrant an utterance of what) at anyone who dares challenge his insatiable desire for CP. Each poorly constructed insult will end with a classic acronym like LMAO or PMSL. He comes off as so unbelievably retarded that it's possible he is actually an extremely successful troll. But more than likely he is just a laughing stock. As of yet, no photographic evidence of "ifriedmycat" exists and the intranets thanks him as he is surely ugly as sin.
Totes McGotes: This guy is a cock sucker but he's a sweet cock sucker. This queer is always high and doesn't seem to let others bother him online. Good for him. If Drakkar can ever come out of the closet, perhaps "Totes McGotes" or (IRL) Adam can show him the ropes to being a faggot, the ropes being a string of pearly cum on his lips.
Steve Anderson Steve Anderson is a 50 something year old man, who claims he's in his 30s. Even though no one believes him, he continues this act, to lure young children in. He likes them under 12, and hair free.
John Thomas: John Thomas aka JT is an Australian in his 60's (frequently referred to as pedophiles) who also frequents the 20-Something's room. He is the king of butthurt. JT will treat you with kindness as long as you are an attractive wimmins willing to provide pics plz and thus show your true camwhore ways. If his presence OL is questioned due to his over-ripe, dust covered, ashy and withered age or he is denied pics, he will proceed to call the Waaaambulance and have a rage-fit over "age-ists". JT also fancies himself a musician by the name of Arvids Peterson but truly he is a hippie/hipster wanna-be hybrid beast, way over due for Death.
It is highly possible that John Thomas is actually this man (since they are both filthy kangaroo riding Aussies with a tendency for sexual deviance):
gunit: A faggot from UK chat. He is self-loathing for numerous reasons, but most of all is that he never did his GCSEs. He had this brilliant realisation that, in his own words, "Well, no need to sit my GCSEs even though I spent two years studying for them ". There was this rumour that he had a wife that he neglected for a 13 year old, but that's considering the fact that if a woman want to take an interest in someone with no future. It's not too bad, he does taxes for a living. Other than that, he hits on at least ten 13 year olds an hour and fails with flying colours. He also has an obsession with 'sif' and 'harsh', but his most classical line is "get ur tits out", which resulted in at least one restraining order... per day. His name, gunit, actually means G-Unit. An Irish man wanting to be a nigger? Think on that. You'll find him on UK chat at least most of the day or crying himself to sleep.
Shaun: Another faggot from UK chat. Has a short attention span, but seems to "LOVE TEH COCK" as he is seen playfully bullying with the other guys in the chat, but has no experience with how to approach it. He falls asleep a lot due to being on the chat all the god damn time, but he'll turn it around and say the conversation bores him. Like Chews and gunit, he'd also asks girls to 'get ur tits out', which may add to the fuel that it's a UK phenomenon rather than the trait of a few basement virgins.
SirBritish: A faggot from the UK chat who is also up and running for the Milhouse Award. Lacking the manliness of the 'other virgins', he whined, cried and nearly killed himself over his ex, who dumped him for some autistic guy in America. But it didn't stop there. His shit was stolen by his room-mate, possibly because he didn't commit fellatio on him. And as of recent, lost over £400 in his account because his pin number probably was 1111. It seems not only humanity wants him dead, but the laws of nature does so too. Nearly everyone on UK chats hate him, which is surprisingly considering those who visit UK chat are already self-loathing enough. You tend to find him mostly whining about every little thing on teen chat or trying to argue with some members, who respond with a 'tl;dr' and block him. His biggest comedic moment was when he said that the bullying just helps his 'recovery process'. No wait, his biggest comedic moment was that he said it with a straight face. Nothing ever goes right for SirBritish and we suspect it'll be a month before he finally cops it.
Enjoy the monotone and cliched covers provided via MySpace Music:
Is this the real JT or a troll hoax? The mystery shall forever endure:
Resident Trolls
Tranquility: also known as "Lizz" or "Lego House" I was going to put this "girl" in the camwhore section until someone showed me a picture of her. If anyone deserves to be in the trolls section it's this fat bitch. After observing this ogre a few days, I realized that she's not only fat and hideous, she's completely fucking retarded. Never has anyone typed "Wut?" to blatantly obvious questions to try and ignore a direct insult to her hideous fucking appearance as this abomination. I would type more about this horrible creature but nature has already done more than any explanation can.
GODLYGOD: Also known as GODLYGODOFGODS, WWWWWWWWWWWWWW, SUPERSAIYANRAH and "Rah", this curry muncher who is probably just the "I wish I was Indian" version of a weeaboo, loves to troll day and night while intoxicated on TeenChat. He can be found in various rooms bragging to his minions and lackeys of his latest internet exploits. If you are not slobbering on his e-cock or quivering in fear, you will become one of his trolling targets. He boasts that he is an internet celebrity and an elite h4x0r and that he can bring down TeenChat. If he had any humanity/truth to his boasts, he would bring down TeenChat for the good of the internets. He will forever be a friendless virgin (e-fans don't count), choking on his own tears and lulz. He was in love with Samira but found out she was complete Arab and that brought on tons of LOLZ. The uninformed dolt who attempted to first author this section confused "Rah", whom is naught more than an ACTUAL curry munching closeted-homosexual who works at Curry in a Hurry and is trying to get a degree in engineering proper deepthroating techniques, with "Alex". Do not confuse the AOL support faggot with Alex, whom is nothing short of a God amongst men. The Big Bang was merely a result of him having a massive orgasm; the individual who wrote this originally was the recipient of that orgasm..said recipient is now angry that Alex's glorious..yet..flaming, load burnt his throat muscles thusly prevent him from delving further into the act he so prides himself in: guzzling cum. He's recently discovered a cartoon known as "Dragon Ball Z" and decided he'll idolize the race prominent on the show making claims that he'll go "SUPER SAYAIN" and that he cannot be killed. Of course we all know this is simply his insecurity coming out, showing off for his new love interest "nanatarara" to who he claims to hate. However it's simply the way he knows to love as his father likely abused him and told him how much he loved him when he touched his young son's Dragon Ballz.
The Zombz: TeenChat's local orange farmer. This guy has apparently done it all, everything from teaching to boxing. He likely once used the excuse ( Going to the gym ) every night but it's believed he was being forced by his Aunt to get offline for a while so they can use the Mexican family computer. Zombz is known for his comebacks ( U MAD BRO, Kid, and You're fat ) This would appear to be him assaulting himself vicariously. The Zombz legend can be described as such. Living in Mexico where he sells Oranges to the drivers passing by on their way to work, he made his first $10. This made the Zombz feel like a full grown adult, from here he told his Aunts that they should no longer call him kid(He's 24 at this point) So he took that comeback from his Aunts and started using it on teen chat.. One of his buddies(Hector) come up to him one day and said { Zombz, you sell them Oranges LIKE A BOSS} So thats where that saying came from that he loves using on teen chat. And the best one of all, his Aunts made him join the gym cause he was such a fat lil kid, and at the gym he was called FAT KID and FATTY a lot. But after months of sweepng the floors, handing out towels to the gym members he started losing a small portion of weight, and this made him feel man enough to start using FATTY on others. A great many things can be said about the Zombz, he's recently developed a fondness for the number 1 on TeenChat, often idling for extreme periods of time only to instantly return when the chance to grab the first slot became available. It's been said that the Zombz was once married to a female who broke his heart. Another theory is that he simply married an animal that's life expectancy was shorter than your average humans, such as a dog or sewer rat which are prominent in his country of Mexico.
The G: TeenChat's local pervert. The G is everything that can go wrong sexually with a male. The G also know as "Girish" his Indian given name is known to play nice with girls of TeenChat until given the opportunity to launch such phrases as "Youre hot show me your titties." or "I know you are young but you are mature, be my girlfriend." A preference for girls under the age of sixteen the G is an e-pimp like no other. As decedent of royal blood the G is India's Prince of PreteenPoon. "Girish" as he's called by man enjoys the claim of being intelligent and lacking any form of concern for his online reputation, however often secretly converses with the females of TeenChat telling them that he is socially retarded and tries very hard to fit in. Also claiming to own a record company for Snake Charmers and Peasants of his home land proven legit by a Facebook page called "The G Streets." Everyone loves a pedophile.
KylieDidntDoIt: Likes talking shit to everyone, and is known for being one of the most annoying girls online. Everyone has been trying to get pics of this girl since the rumor came out about her proving to a few REGS on tinychat that she really cant lick her own nipples. Known for posts such as PHAGGOT, HOR, PHUKKERS, and a few other lame ass things. She seems like an alright girl if she wasnt such a horny bitch all the time. Rumor is that she's a virgin but a lot of us think thats bullshit. Loves bragging about how her ass sags, so if anyone can get a pic i would be more than happy to post it. Drop in and ask Kylie how Bri's, and 80% of teenchats asshole taste's, I'm sure she can tell you.
grlwholuvsgrls: She's supposedly new to the scene, but already has a reputation for calling people TWATS. This girl seems to have several girls after her E-PUSSY and a few guys also. She can be found on teen chat almost every night with her fingers or tongue stuck up Kylie's TWAT, or some other random. She is likely one of the four creators of the "Burn Book 2" made famous as of late on TeenChat. Her posts appear to be written by nanatarara, however it's likely they're simply friends riding the same short bus to school.
north st4r: Also known as Damien. This troll is a tricky one as he lacks enough intelligence to pick a screen name worth remembering. He uses several names often with numbers in them to show off his internet power. This troll is the epitome of cyber pimp, though he's taken as a joke from even the most rudimentary internet whores. He's often laughed at in whispers and isn't to be taken serious as he's Batman's Robin to the following troll. However, he no longer logs in as much due to having been shamed and laughed out of TeenChat.
Zombification strength, black st4r and hundreds of other equally "creative" screen names who ultimately has the "pimp" name of "Nick". A child so hideous his own mother beats him out of shame. While being bullied through school, allegedly graduating two years ahead of time, Nick discovered TeenChat in a desperate attempt to be accepted. Being a nerdy virgin even outdoing that of 4chan residents, this chat provided him a chance to talk to creatures of the opposite sex without having to stare at his own feet. Born with a face so ugly he denies it's him, he regularly spends time "trolling" in the shadows of TeenChat, tucked safely away behind his keyboard. This child is bipolar, self-loathing, and has shown it quite often with his random retorts of "LOL" "LMAO" and other equally retarded comments about how little he cares only to tell someone in secret "I hate them!"
Barbie: Barbie is the ultimate in successful trolls. She always manages to gain the attention of the entire room with her claims of being an accomplished model with "hair just like Taylor Swift". The opposite of "Rah", who only manages to troll in all caps with meme insults like "y u mad, bro" and "LOL U A GAY", Barbie utters her bullshit with the utmost confidence. Instead of responding to accusations or questions about her claims, she will list her measurements, post her MySpazz, proclaim that everyone is jealous of her and then sit and admire the chaos and rage she has created. Barbie is so insane/genius that she has created a fake MySpazz for her trolling alias and has completely adopted the persona of her character. It is not known if Barbie is a man or woman IRL but it's guessed she is probably a basement dweller virgin with unmatchable trolling skills who will soon be overtaken and consumed by his/her own creation.
Mike Williams: A keyboard warrior so bothered by what people online think of him, he requested this page be locked for an entire year. Known to use a great many names, usually involving some form of faggotry and anime combined, this troll is idolized by several others. Pretending to be superior to every other, he edited his own Encyclopedia Dramatica to make himself look better. A self-proclaimed "handsome stud", he's no different than the other TeenChat virgins with the one exception of an overly obnoxious and delusional sense of self-importance. He is Zombification's mentor and Master, yet despite their many fallouts, they have rekindled their closet homosexual romance with numerous rimjobs and bukakke's time and time again.
The Bump Ad
The Bump Ad is a disgraceful and failed attempt of Dan to garner more popularity to his already flooded cesspool of a website. MySpazzfags can gleefully have their acne-ridden, shit-eating grin faces shoved into the corner of the chatroom via a pointless and easily rigged promotion method. Mostly camwhores and shirtless closet-fags use The Bump Ad to gain more internet stardom while Dan uses it to find more 16 year-old girls to fondle. Lately, The Bump Ad has become a trolling tool for humiliating noobs and causing them to BAWWWWW over the whole chatroom seeing how ugly they are. It has also become a means of trolling Dan himself via rigging his promotion system and making Goatse and other out-dated memes "Number 1 on The Bump".
All of them are asking for it:
Gallery
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NO HOMO -
The Creator of TC -
A Typical TC User. -
Assmaster -
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Forest Molesting his Baby Sister -
Josh Hanging Out
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Peju
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See Also
