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Bisexual

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Male bisexual in its natural habitat.
Female bisexual in traditional costume.
Surprise!

Bisexuality, (Noun.): The ability to reach down any person's pants and be satisfied with whatever you may find (except for a small penis).

  1. A fag that just says he's a bi to make it seem like less of a fail.
  2. A fag who has installed a window in his closet.
  3. A fag who is really straight, but he wants girls to think he's uber 1337 and hawt.
  4. Someone who is just being greedy.

Not to be confused with the Fake Bisexual, who are known for their addiction to BBQ-Ripple flavored ice cream, vague attraction to electronic music and fondness for deviant sex with anything that has a pulse (preferably), Bisexuals are known for their great ability to be attracted to both genders, therefore giving them better chance to have a fuck. The popularity of bisexuality indicates that it's most likely a retarded fad.


The theme song to bisexuality.

Characteristics

Real bisexuals have the following common traits, also known as superpowers:

  1. Ability to make everyone jealous and horny at the same time
  2. Superpower of wanting to sleep with everyone except you
  3. Superpower of annoying breeders and fags in equal measure
  4. Cry A LOT when they are made fun of
  5. Ability to eat pussy while taking it in the ass
  6. Disturbing tendency to mouth off when someone gives them shit (when they don't have something else in their mouth, that is).
File:4A28596D00000578-5496665-image-m-8 1520970966618.jpg
Andrew Leach, bisexual and an hero. Bullied in school because of his bisexuality, Andrew nonetheless prevailed by becoming an hero.

Bisexuals are insane, depressed and suffer from teh emo, except when they don't. Their sickening ambiguity causes most right-thinking people to get sand in their vagina and constantly carp on about their sexual indecision. Nearly all bisexuals are successful traps, which annoys fags and bulldykes as they fail badly at impersonating the other sex in comparison. It may also annoy heteros since most would not appreciate the fact Sally Jane has a large cock and a hairy ass.

Any group of bisexuals will generally be more alive than their monosexual counterparts, because as we all know, bis are all rampaging sex vampires from the planet BBQ-Ripple and can't wait to shag anything with a pulse. Apart from you, of course.

A good litmus test for the different shades of faggotry can be quickly deciphered by the following conditions:

Types of Bisexual

Real Bisexual

Classic bisexual behavior.
Bisexual sex
  • Moderately talented (a large amount of the time at sucking cock)
  • Takes all kinds of drugs or alcohol sometimes all at once
  • Constantly listening to Portishead
  • Changes personal image and fashion sense every two seconds, reports of bisexuals wandering around in costumes of planets and flowers they stole from the fancy dress store are commonplace
  • Possesses a disgustingly alien, inhuman, succubus-like personality
  • Suffers from schizophrenia
  • Does not exist on the internet
  • Only careers able to fund cocaine habit and elitism are acting, music and art
  • Often confuses cock for phallic objects such as guitars or shotguns
  • Writes traditional diaries or journals, often with blood
If you notice,all bisexuals are successful actors,such as Justin BIeber. Why,you may ask? Because they have the sensitivity of a faggot,and the confidence of a dirty,dirty heterosexual. Thus creating the perfect entertainer,especially when it had to do with love and romance.

Fake Bisexual

  • Fulfills none of the conditions of the above yet claims to be one. See main article for helpful tips on how to deal with such a person. May have been brainwashed by Aneros.

Faggot

Emosexual

  • Is an emo, scene kid or hipster fag.
  • Draws a sense of sexual satisfaction from photoshop.
  • Should be raepd hard by sweet, sweet Bubba until they admit they are not bi. Emos may, however, like the bleeding on their ass since it's a all-new way of cutting, as well as having something great to whine about.
  • Aren't gay because they experimented with their friends and called it Not gay because Girls think Bi guys are HAWT
  • Is gayer than most things.

Bi-Curious

How to explain daddy's new 'special friend' to your eight-year-old.

Generally, bi-curious people with cock crave teh cock while those with pu55y crave teh pu55y, but are too chicken-shit to do anything about it. Others, however, like fake bisexuals are merely in it for the street cred (see, for example, Daddy's Money Lesbian).

It is common for virgins to be bi-curious, and often they will have sex with the same gender before having sex with the opposite gender. This often causes them to realize they were actually never really bisexual in the first place. Bi-curious people who only have sex with the same gender often consider themselves homosexual, but make the same discovery that they were really horny and desperate.

Breeders often confess their bi-curiosity to fags in an attempt to create some kind of cocksucker solidarity. What they fail to realize, however, is that this is as lame as telling a black guy you once had a really deep tan.

In other words, a bi-curious woman is any girl who has had at least 2 or 3 beers. A bi-curious man is a gay man who hasn't come fully out yet.

Exceptions

David Bowie, world-renowned bisexual musician. He's fucking dead now.

Scientists and gas station attendants estimate there are approximately 71 actual bisexual people in the world. They include Vin Diesel, Channing Tatum, Roseanne, Lady GaGa, Ann Coulter and Hoveround. All of these people are sick perverts and should be approached only with Kevlar underwear and a drink-spiking test kit.

See also

External Links

Bisexual is part of a series on

Homosexual Deviants

Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage.

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