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Bomberman (Game)
Bomberman is a game where you play as an Jew terrorist who magically shits out bombs for the purpose of blowing all sorts of shit up, and rides on colorful kangaroo things with special powers. This game was invented by Jew for use in the training of sand niggers to bomb the fuck out of everybody. It is often quoted as a precursor to every single Halo game, every single Gears of War game, and every single Mario game. It is also the basis of the Catholic religion, and is revered as God
How to Play
- Place a bomb where an enemy will be within the next 4 seconds
- GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY
- ????
- Profit!
Developement of the Bomberman Franchise
Bomberman started out like most Nintendo franchises, as a jihad trainer, which would soon evolve into THE EXACT SAME THING, but with sub-par graphics.
Unlike most Nintendo franchises however, it further evolved into absolute crap with the release of Bomberman Zero. Rumor has it that the name was Bombing An Hero, but a typo led it into being another Bomberman.
Later they turned Bomberman into a complete cashgrabber, releasing Bomberman themed everything; Jew, Scrabble, padded underwear, and Uno, just to name a few (a matter of mention, the Bomberman themed padded underwear's slogan is "in case of bomb droppings").
The Bomberman Games
- Original Bomberman: As described above, you have to go through the levels and kill shit. It's an old game so there is no plot. The sequel attempted to add an actual plot to the game — a black person robs a bank, you get framed for it, and you have to blow shit up to escape prison — but it failed miserably as it really was the exact same thing as the original in gameplay.
- Super Bomberman: The SNES Bomberman games all followed the same formula: at least 5 evil dudes come from outer space and you have to blow shit up, then you have to defeat their leader by blowing more shit up.
- Bomberman 64: Bomberman enters the world of 3D and kills stuff. Aliens come to destroy Bomberman's planet so he embarks on an epic adventure to stop them, with the help of some flying black person. The game is modestly good, featuring five story-mode worlds , and a mediocre boss battle as the end of each. Each boss runs at 100mph around you so the only way to win is to stand in the middle and spam bombs in all directions until you finally knock the bastard out and throw him off the stage. The game mechanics implemeted coincidentally developed a hilarious multiplayer game (provided you actually ever had more than one friend), allowing you to catch incoming bombs, throw other players off of edges, and pretty much do anything that has something to do with throwing, kicking, and bouncing.
- Bomberman 64: The Second Attack: Bomberman meets a talking animal named Pommy who refers to himself in the third person and is all whiny and shit. He makes up for it by generally staying out of your way during actual gameplay, and you can evolve him into a bunch of different shit by collecting food. The game is technically two-player because you can have someone else play as Pommy while you play as Bomberman. As for the plot, someone builds a super-powered galactic machine thing that creates black holes and uses it to trap planets. Bomberman has to kill stuff, find robotic battle armor that gives him extra abilities, fight retards who control fire and shit, and take their powers from them until he finds the Jew responsible and tries to kill that Jew only to find out that he was actually a space pirate who got possessed when he found a treasure that had the soul of an evil demon sealed inside of it which then possessed him and made him evil. Bomberman then learns that the evil demon possessing the guy isn't the main bad guy either; instead, he was just the evil half of the being who created the universe. Bomberman then has to kill said being to win the game.
TL;DR: Use bombs to kill God.
- Bomberman Generations: Bomberman goes on a gay adventure on the Gamecube with some pokémon to stop some newfags with beards from taking the worlds drugs. This was unacceptable. His fuck buddy Max, an emofag transformer, went missing on the planet tentacle rape but actually just went searching for some loli without telling Bomberman so he could keep it for his greedy ass. He collects some retarded pokemon things and battles them to get MOAR pokemon things in order to raep them. Sounds like a rollicking good time already!
Bomberman Jetterz: Bomberman goes on another retarded adventure but on the Ps2 this time. This time hitler is pulling a planet into another planet for teh lulz,the planet being pulled is bomberman's planet so that made White bomber(bomberman)pissed off so he got a spaceship and pursuaded that transformer guy max to come with him,the pokeymanz are back too but they have a use this time and OHMAIGAWD DEY EVOLVE.So they gaym paly is like this:Go to a place,get a pokehman,ride that pokehman,bomb shit,make new bombz,kill boss,WTC a giant engine,Repeat.Protip:Did u know this game was based off teh animu that bomberman haz? :3
- Bomberman: Act Zero: After the new generation of consoles was released, the Bomberman developers saw another chance at getting easy money, this time on the 360. They quickly sought out to create the game and two hours later their masterpiece was complete! Essentially its exactly the same as the original bomberman, but with ever-so-slightly improved graphics, and a brand spankin' new $60 price tag. Yep, thats right, sixty dollars; 60 dollars to play the same fucking stage 100 times with only ONE LIFE. That, and the online multiplayer will make you want to kill yourself. Some argue that Bomberman 64 is at least 100 times better.
- Pocket Bomberman: So you can play Bomberman at a car, when you're dad is driving you to Wal-Mart to buy some dildos.
See Also
External Links
- TOW
- Hudson Entertainment official website
- Best. Commercial. Ever.
- People that need to have Bomberman on their ass
- People that need to have Bomberman on their ass
- People that need to have Bomberman on their ass
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