JohnOfE

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JohnOfE is a furry faggot from New Zealand who is openly and proudly in love with Norbert Beaver from that Angry Beavers cartoon that aired on Nickelodeon in the 90s and nobody gave a shit about, to the point that he swears up and down that this cartoon character is his soulmate (even though this character had a girlfriend on the show!). Proving that he is totally batshit insane, he (and his plushie) wear a silver wedding band as if they were married, and he's written a TL;DR essay "rationalizing" both his obsession with Norbert and his desperate desire to fuck a dog. There is even more baaaawing about how much he wants a doggy butt-buddy on his dog blog.

Statement by JohnOfE

	“	I'm not so bad once you get to know me. I'm really an alright guy, a bit odd compared to people you think are normal. I'm your typical reclusive guy who spends his days working and his nights resting, enjoying music and TV. Perhaps the only thing that sets me apart from you is what I do when the lights are out and my door is closed. It's not shameful, unless you think sex is just that. What is do is typical of any human being, I have sexual attraction and great love, the difference between the usual and I is that my love is for that of a cartoon character named Norbert Foster Beaver.	„
	—Save trees, eat beavers.

Activities

• JohnOfE made his own plushie to suit his personal needs; it features a strategically placed hole complete with a removable prosthetic ass that he ordered from Delights of the Flesh.
• JohnOfE spends most of his spare time either fucking his home made Norbert doll, or adding moar beaver images to his freaky obsession website, before blogging about it all on furaffinity.
• JohnOfE thinks he is an artist, but he sucks at drawing. He can, however, draw Norbert really well, but that's only due to the fact that he's drawn more than 500 pics of him over the past 6 years.
• As well as drawing, JohnOFE has attempted writing fanfiction featuring that fucking beaver, all of them consisting of typical furry bullshit. The only exception is one known as Beaver Soup, where he (played as John) stalks Norbert before capturing him and, raping, killing, and skinning him, then finally eating him for dinner. Very fucked up, and TL;DR.
• JohnOfE has a tattoo of his favourite fuck buddies, Norbert and Dog, on each of his shoulders.
• Other paraphiliac interests include Coprophilia; the fetish of shit. Before JohnOfE virtually choped his nuts off with cheical castration drugs, he activly participated in coprophiliac acts on his own. As shit is very hard to get out of fake fur, Norbert was never allowed take part. JohnOFE would time these events for when the landlady wasn't home; god forbid the horrible smell of shit coming from the showers drain outside would gain unwanted attention as he washed the remains of his muddy sport off himself.
• JohnOfE; since finding this article, has proceeded to add moar of himself to the gallery, typical of any attention whore faggot. He enjoys all forms of attention and in spite of the fact ED is tempted to delete fucking everything he has ever submitted, it would defeat the lulz and mocking this article brings upon him. Revert with caution.

Dog Drama

Warning: Keep out of reach of JohnOfE.

JohnOfE is a dog fucker wannabe and an attention whore. He has not fucked a dog yet, or so he claims, but he often baaaws about his desire to on his website and how unfair it is that bestiality is frowned upon.

“	Maybe I'm simply doomed to a life where the only satisfaction I can get is with a dog, it's a desirable outcome for me, I just can't get what I want, there's no opportunity, it's practically hopeless. I will continue my banter with Norbert Beaver until opportunity comes.	„

He should definitly not be left alone with any dog of any kind. To his credit he has seen a doctor about his doggy fantasies and been prescribed cyproterone acetate, a chemical castration drug, but it's effects doesn't fix the sick thoughts he has at night.

“	Eventually I'd succumb to my thoughts and do what I feel to be not such a big deal, but it'd ruin things for myself and everyone because of the negative view everyone has on such an act. It's hopeless, the only way is to be as careful as possible and keep it a secret. The first step is getting my hands on a dog, that's hardest thing to accomplish at the moment. how I wish. In fact I'm sure that's thing that's making me to crazy now, is that no matter how I try, I just cannot get to a dog, there's no opportunity. I'd go pretty far out of my way to get this, if I knew how I get one I would. I would do what ever I want and no one would know. if I was found out I don't really care; I can go to court in front of a jury, be convicted of bestiality and probably sentenced to supervision, maybe a fine and some community work. It'd be worth it and I'd do it again. I'd do it until I get sent to prison, where I would most definitely commit suicide. I want to die, but why so soon? I might as well get something done before I go. I've got all the time in the world, most of which I spend working and sleeping, all the while tormenting my brain about what I should be getting done in regards to dogs. I will get what I want, I have to make it happen. There's no question. All this coming from someone who is on "no more sex" pills and has no sex drive. This is how badly I want it, there's no sex drive pushing this at all, it's all me, my brain, not my dick. I need dogs and that's all here is to it.	„

Anyone who comes across this sick fuck should chop his dick off or for extra points; his head and put him out of his misery.

Social Life?

Dog from Footrot Flats. The actual image used on JohnOfE's tattoo.

JohnOfE often frequents the local gay cruising club where he can be molestered by old men who don't mind a skinny white boy who likes to pretend that he's getting fucked by a beaver as long as they get to fuck him sensless. Sadly, he cannot return the favour as only his plushy or a dog can give him an errection, so he is left limp-dicked, dissapointed and full of other mens cum. As a result of this (i.e. his unattraction to humans in general) he is still riding the virgin bandwagon, apparantly getting bumfucked doesn't count.

JohnOfE's immediate family accept that their boy is a lost cause, hiding their dissapointment so that he doesn't commit suicide. He maintains that he is happy spending his days alone with a soft toy but everyone knows that it's doomed to be a case of dying alone.

JohnOfE works at an electrical wholesaler where he is known to be into furfaggotry and even dog fucking by most of his co workers who ignore this fact so that they don't get fired for smashing the shit out of this sick fuck.

JohnOfE claims that he does not care what people think of him and enjoys being ostracised (fortunate, as there is no way any halfway decent excuse for a human being would choose to associate with him).

Furry Interests

Like a polygamist that has many wives, JohnOfE has other characters than Norbert Beaver that he lusts after as well. Most notably:

• Brian Griffin: Family Guy
• Dog: From the NZ comic series Footrot Flats about a farm dog. This strip is apparently NZ's answer to Peanuts and Garfield.
• Daggett Beaver - Norbert's ugly-ass retarded nigger brother (yes, I admit I watched the show!)
• ...And many other characters who have come and gone over the years who are no longer relevant, such as Roger Rabbit.

Gallery

• 
  The surrogate body of Norbert Beaver
• 
  The most recent photo on file 2011

See Also

• Atimon
• Attention Whore
• BitingBeaver
• Dalavesta - Another "dog lover."
• Mattmurderface
• Vanity Page

External Links

• johnofe.com The Norbert Beaver Obsession fan site - All the beaver faggotry you could possibly ask for.
  • A furry tale JohnOfE being interviewed on video about being a furry for someones University Project.
• JohnOfE on Fur Affinity.
• JohnOfE on Ink Bunny.
• JohnOfE on Tumblr.
• JohnOfE on Youtube.
• A mirror of his masterpiece, Beaver Soup. As well as being incredibly fucked up it is also rife with poor spelling and grammar.

JohnOfE is part of a series on Furfaggotry Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.