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Keeshaun

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Keep running, stop only when you can go no further, sleep where you fell. If you wake up in the morning, you'll know you survived.

The Man Behind the Magic

   
“ 		 
i need u to be my mat damon
  		„
  		 

—Keeshaun

OH HE AIN'T LIKE DIS

Keeshaun was a character developed as part of a series of trolling sessions made to the Linksys customer service live chat system found here. This is one of the less popular trolling types seen posted on e/b/aums, but has produced epiclulz consistently for those willing to wait in line for their go at it. Keeshaun was interacting with customer service representative Bernhard A. who seemed hesitant to talk about his love life, or comment on the threesome Keeshaun took part in. It is likely most of the victims that night were Indians, and had little or no clue what the fuck was going on. Later, other e/b/aums posters attempted to troll Bernhard A. with varying amounts of win and fail. Several other memes are mentioned with in this trolling session, a key element of any successful raid. Other memes mentioned included Oh shi-, as well as over 9000, and also that "it's not gay if balls don't touch". The trolling was well received, and soon archived for generations of hackers on steroids to learn from.

The Transcript

Here is the Full conversation between Bernhard A. and Keeshaun For Great Justice:

Bernhard A. (10092): What can I do for you today? Keeshaun: hurs the deal

Bernhard A. (10092): Okay.

Keeshaun: like last night i was wit dis girl an she was lookin up sum shit on google

Keeshaun: anyways so dis mornin

Bernhard A. (10092): Okay.

Keeshaun: i woke up an she was gone, but my main webpage was changed

Keeshaun: and my router cord was missing

Keeshaun: the fuckin POWER CORD ya kno?

Keeshaun: that bitch basically stole my fuckin power cord and changed meh goddamn SETTINGS

Keeshaun: okay, so how do i get another fuckin powercord

Keeshaun: cuz i gott check my motherfucking fantasy bball

Bernhard A. (10092): Power adapter.

Keeshaun: adaptor raptor

Keeshaun: yeah

Bernhard A. (10092): Alright.

Bernhard A. (10092): May I know where are you located right now?

Keeshaun: the usa

Keeshaun: o is you mean like wat state?

Bernhard A. (10092): Better for you to call our Customer Service Department at 1-800 5465797 to further assist you in that concern.

Keeshaun: why is the better than Berhard A?

Keeshaun: i mean why cant berhard my man do it?

Bernhard A. (10092): They can help you on how to get a new power adapter.

Keeshaun: like cant u hook me up with a raptor adaptor or wtever that shit is

Bernhard A. (10092): I apologize for I can't do that.

Keeshaun: For you can't do dat?

Keeshaun: y the hell not, cost u guys like 10 mutherfuckin cents probbly

Keeshaun: its not my fuckin fault yall didnt have that shit like permanently installed into my router

Keeshaun: WHY THE HELL is it removable n shit anywayz?

Keeshaun: So some stank ass hoe come up in my house and steal it

Keeshaun: like they dont make tires on wheels you can just take off u kno?

Bernhard A. (10092): I'm very sorry for it is supposed to be separate.

Keeshaun: Okay but how is dat my fault?

Bernhard A. (10092): It's not your fault.

Keeshaun: okay, listen dis bitch done stole meh fuckin raptor adapter. All I'm askin is...when i buy somthin i want it all to be connected together

Keeshaun: so shit cant get stole

Bernhard A. (10092): As much as I would like to help you right away, I apologize for I don't have that here.

Keeshaun: oh well like dont you guys have a number

Keeshaun: fo when u need to help a brotha out?

Bernhard A. (10092): Yes.

Bernhard A. (10092): You can call our Customer Service Department at 1-800 5465797 to further assist you in that concern.

Keeshaun: So can i say "ay yo my main man Berhard A. wants you to send me a fucking adapter?"

Keeshaun: like will u be my nigga on the inside?

Keeshaun: like fuckin matt damon in that movie

Keeshaun: member he was like 'one hand washes the other' an shit

Keeshaun: with leonardo dicaprio

Bernhard A. (10092): Alright.

Keeshaun: i need u to be my mat damon

Keeshaun: Okay, wait u stay right here

Bernhard A. (10092): Okay.

Keeshaun: i calling

Keeshaun: an ima tell you what they say

Bernhard A. (10092): Alright.

Keeshaun: hm

Keeshaun: its makin me listen to all these numbas an shit

Keeshaun: okay, im waitin fo an operator

Bernhard A. (10092): How is it?

Keeshaun: Is good i guess

Keeshaun: its kinda borin right?

Keeshaun: LOL!

Bernhard A. (10092): No problem.

Keeshaun: kai im waitin so ima just talk to you

Keeshaun: u got a girl du?

Keeshaun: like a main squeeze?

Bernhard A. (10092): Somewhat.

Keeshaun: Ooo shit duu

Keeshaun: so "its complicated" huh?

Bernhard A. (10092): Exactly, kind of sophisticated.

Keeshaun: ooo shiat like a motherfucking playstation 3 right?

Keeshaun: BIG AND BLACK AND SHINY AND SHIT

Bernhard A. (10092): Yes.

Keeshaun: okay listen

Keeshaun: ima tell u somethin nigga

Bernhard A. (10092): Sure.

Keeshaun: i been with this girl once she fuckin had a PENIS

Keeshaun: watchu think about that?

Keeshaun: i mean, like...our bals aint touch so it wasn't gay

Bernhard A. (10092): Weird.

Keeshaun: which part?

Keeshaun: that she had a PENIS or that our balls aint touch

Bernhard A. (10092): First part.

Keeshaun: YOU TELLIN ME NIGGA oh shi-

Bernhard A. (10092): How is your call there?

Keeshaun: yeah they just picked up

Keeshaun: im splainin about the bitch stealin that shit

Keeshaun: holdon

Bernhard A. (10092): Okay.

Keeshaun: they sayin this motherfuckin cord gonna cost over 9000 dollahs

Keeshaun: FUCKIN HELL BERHARD

Bernhard A. (10092): What do you mean, it doesn't cost that much?

Keeshaun: OH YOU RIGHHT LOL they was just playin

Keeshaun: YALLS NIGGAS IS FUNNY AS HELL

Bernhard A. (10092): Okay.

Keeshaun: okay they said "ask berhard why he said we'd send him a fucking raptor adapter"

Bernhard A. (10092): Please ask them where you can purchase a new one because you lost your own.

Keeshaun: WAIT WAIT NOW YOU IS BEIN A MOTHAFUCKIN MARIE ANTOINETTE OR WHATEVER THAT DUDES NAME WAS

Keeshaun: ANTHONY OR WHATEVER

Keeshaun: whats his name

Keeshaun: BENEDICT ARNOLD

Bernhard A. (10092): Who are those?

Keeshaun: kai u said ud be my inside NIGGER

Keeshaun: and they sayin i gotta buy this shit?!

Keeshaun: LISTEN IT AINT MY FAULT YALL NIGGAS DIDN GLUE THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN

Bernhard A. (10092): You can buy it at computer stores there as well. You have one there.

Keeshaun: Okay, so I can enter a CompUSA and purchase said raptor adapter there?

Bernhard A. (10092): Yes.

Keeshaun: What voltage would it need to be?

Bernhard A. (10092): I need to have the exact model and version number of your router.

Keeshaun: WRTG54

Keeshaun: Oh wait, I found the power card.

Keeshaun: So she didn't steal it...

Bernhard A. (10092): Okay.

Keeshaun: But Berhard...

Bernhard A. (10092): That's good.

Keeshaun: I killed her...

Keeshaun: I killed her for stealing my power cord...

Bernhard A. (10092) Has Disconnected'


External Links

Gallery

Here are some images created in lieu of the original transcripts posting:

  • OH LAWD IS DAT SUM fail? See also facepalm
    OH LAWD IS DAT SUM fail? See also facepalm
  • He's better than Jesus.
    He's better than Jesus.
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