6 BONG

People on 4chan share their tales of England.

:>go to England on vacation with some friends
:>we have to meet at the hotel at 9pm
:>it starts to get dark out
:>got to check my watch
:>I forgot it
:>decide to go ask someone
:>find someone to ask
:>ARE YOU WIMBLY FOURS MATE!? IM CRIMBO NINAN SIX APPLE SMIBBLY DIN BIBBLY CHAP
:>have no idea what he just said, ask him to repeat
:>YOU WOT M8?
:>he starts to laugh maniacally
:>Big Ben rings out
:>everyone stops in the freaking street
:>a carriage with the initials HRH rides down the street
:>the freaking queen herself sticks her head out
:>OI YOU GITS DID YE HEAR THAT!? IT BE 6 BONG
:>driver pokes his head out
:>6 BONGERS!?
:>another man leaps out of the sewer
:>6 FECKING BONGERS!?
:>people start pouring out in the street
:>YA WANKERS IT BE CRIMBO SIX-A-BONG
:>store clerks and chimey sweeps chanting SIX A-BONG SIX A-BONG
:>we try to get away, the filth is choking me
:>SIX A-BONG SIX A-BONG OLLY JOLLY ITS SIX A-BONG
:>the lyrics drown everyone out, can't avoid dancers
:>BANG UP THE KNACKERS AND SMACK YER MUM-
:>OLL IN THE STREETS ITS SIX A-BONG
:>fish and chips being thrown into the air en masse at this point
:>someone pulls out a Britsh flag and starts waving it while singing God Save the Queen
:>several men are being beaten to death with cricket bats
:>a 1950s style police box materialises out of thin air and a man with a long scarf gets out
:>our freaking faces

:>Be American
:>Vacation in England
:>At a cafe, looking for food that isn't chicken masala or tea
:>Queen of England rolls up in a horse and buggy
:>on the wrong side of the road
:>OI YOU LOT WUSSAT TOYME?
:>stand there helplessly confused
:>wax sculpture of the terminator emerges from the other street
:>royal band appears behind the queen
:>assaults the wax Terminator
:>meanwhile Queen is shaving her legs outside of her buggy
:>OI YOU LOT BLOODY IDJOTS WOT BONG N THE CLOCK IS IT
:>people start panicking because big ben hasn't gone off yet
:>I look at my watch
:>it's 6 PM
:>"Hey, it's six pm"
:>SIX PIMS? THE FAK IS A PIM YOU ROLLY JOCKINGWIGGLE
:>he pulls out a gun
:>It has a watch on it
:>OI YOU LOT IS 6 BONG
:>big ben rings
:>a loud voice comes on the speakers everywhere
:>IT'S 6 BONG YOU LOT 6 BONG
:>buses of people go by screaming "6 BONG"
:>mfw

:>go to London, England for a business trip
:>go to a rental car kiosk to rent a car
:>"hello, I'd like to rent a car"
:>"OI WOT DID U SAY"
:>"I'd like to rent a car please"
:>"A CAR? YOU MUST MEAN AN AUTOMATED ROLLINGHAM"
:>"yeah sure"
:>he gives me the keys to a car
:>get to the car
:>it has two brake pedals and one doesn't even work
:>can't understand how to get it moving
:>go to return the car
:>the guy refuses and says some gibberish on how it's supposed to be like that
:>decide to take the bus instead
:>get to my hotel, there is a bar across the street and my room isn't ready yet so I decide to stop there and see if I can catch up on the broncos game
:>take a seat, everybody is watching some guy playing some wierd golf/baseball hybrid
:>bartender yells "OI M8 WOT WILL IT BE"
:>"a beer"
:>"A WOT NOW?"
:>"a beer"
:>"A WOT?"
:>point to a guy across the bar holding a beer
:>"what he's having"
:>"OH YOU MEAN A FIZZLY WIZZLY WOBBLY POP"
:>"yeah that's what I meant"
:>he pours me a beer
:>it's warm
:>tell the bartender it's warm
:>"IZ DERE A PROBLEM WIT THAT M8"
:>everybody is staring at me
:>"n-no"
:>go back to drinking my beer
:>ask the bartender if he could put the football game on
:>"OH YEA THE MANCHESTER UNITED GAME IS ON"
:>he turns a soccer game on
:>decide I have had enough of this backwards place
:>finish my beer
:>give it the applause it deserves
:>everybody stares at me
:>the room is dead silent
:>slowly back out of the bar and run to my hotel room

:>go to england
:>head to restaurant for food
:>watch is set to timezone of hometown
:>ask someone what time it is
:>TOYME? WOTS THAT?
:>notice he doesn't have a watch on
:>no one in england has a watch
:>big ben starts to chime
:>everyone stops what they're doing to count the bongs on their fingers
:>man crashes his car trying to count the bongs
:>waitress drops my order on the floor to count her fingers
:>man running down the street: OI IT'S 7 BONG
:>mfw

:>Be American
:>Go to Europe on holiday
:>Picking up bags at the baggage claim
:>As the bags are coming round people are clapping
:>Ask someone what is going on
:>"Oh it's just what they do here"
:>Confused but leave Airport
:>Trying to hail a taxi but not working
:>People are just clapping in the street
:>Taxis racing to get to the people who are clapping
:>Lift my hands up ready to clap
:>Everyone stops what they're doing
:>Looking at my hands with tentative eyes
:>I close them together and make a clap
:>Suddenly everyone around me is clapping and applauding my clap
:>Taxi races directly at me
:>I hop in
:>Ask to get to my destination
:>Notice the fare is only going up in cents
:>Get to destination
:>Start paying the guy in cents
:>He yells at me
:>"SIR WHAT DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING?!"
:>I tell him I'm paying him
:>"LISTEN JOHNNY FOREIGNER WE ONLY TAKE CLAPS ROUND HERE SO YOU BETTER PAY UP OR ILL HAVE TO CONTACT THE AUTHORITIES"
:>Grudgingly clap 350 times
:>Notice the taxi drivers face slowly lighting up as each clap is delivered
:>He's consciously waiting the next one as if he forgot the last one