Marissa Marchant

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Sexy AND genius

This comes up when you GIS for Marissa Marchant. Could this be an omen of her return?

Marissa Marchant was an epic powerhouse of lulztainment in 2004. She was so epic in fact that the internet itself couldn't contain her and had to delete every last trace of her so it could sustain itself at the pathetic level of existence you see it today. Marissa Marchant was not just a creator of music; she was an artist who wove beautiful melodies and rose above the temptation to sell out to a record label. You would never understand how fucking awesome her music was, only Marissa herself knew that. To prove this point she would only sell copies of her album for $1000 each.

	“	"4 album set available for $2000.00 and $1000.00 for one cd. This is how much music should be worth, if there is talent there. They are cheapening music and talent, by selling it like it is fried chicken at kfc. I am not one dimentional. I am a singer, arranger, producer, and multi instruemntalist."	„
	—Marissa Marchant, commenting on how Fried chicken and Music are the same thing

By itself this would be pretty lulz-worthy, if only briefly. But the whole thing went epic when she released a few sample tracks and put them up for free download on her site for a short while. Like dropping a bucket of meat into a pit full of hungry lions, pandemonium broke out. Several sites gave rave reviews about the music and various forums broke out in what was dubbed Marissagate.

Possibly the internet would have found something better to do but it soon became apparent that Marissa had hired a team of researchers to google her name every 5 seconds to find out what was being said about her, and like some kind of mythical beast she would descend upon each thread and tear it to pieces with her artistic claws of wrath, resulting in massive drama and epic lulz as half the population would in turn tear her music to shreds while inevitably the other half would defend it. Sometimes it was doubted whether it was truly her or not doing the posting, but her trademark style was usually distinguishable from imposters. Here's a perfect example of her posting style.

Marissa made huge waves on the BBC Music board when she "reviewed Nora Jones' CD

	“	"I know you won't post this, but norah jones is not going to last. the lies won't last, let people hear what real talent is...are you afraid? I am five nine, I look like model and I am double virtuoso, who is ignored because I am too tall, too good looking, and too talented and work too hard..but I am not promoting my looks..they are just anti looks and anti talent, not coinsidence that norah has no voice and is only five two.. are you afraid of people with real looks and talent,yes...that is why you won't post my link..but you are going out of business hahahaha. www.marissamarchant.com marissa marchant "	„
	—Marissa Marchant

Later, the world learned that Marissa Marchant is gone off thenet because of you and even more seriously You never her. She later changed her artist name to Maerisza Sabrael.

Marissa's article on TOW was put up for deletion once, and then again later but not before she herself edited the discussion exposing her IP address and her contributions, including this interesting post to the Justin Hayward talk page. She further elaborated on her webpage

	“	"Right away if you are not into pop culture, publicly nudity, tatoos, and porno, right away people that you are crazy and need professional help. I am not fighting pop culture. I don't own a t.v. I don't have tatoos...I don't send nude photos via email ..or otherwise... I am not into pop culture icons. I want people who are into pop culture to leave me alone. Joachim mentioned that he is heavily involved with pop culture. A man who never phoned me. Most likely his girlfriend has a tatoo..if not, she is easy, is into public nudity at parties.. and bends down and shows her crotch with a g string at parties all across NYC..this is very common. Men like these kinds of women, better then they like me. Joachim was calling me crazy because I can't get people who are into country and trash culture to like me. He never phoned me because trash culture is something he relates to and thinks I am crazy. All these men who wouldn't phone me because I have no breast showing on my site or skin...are insulting me via the internet because I am not a popculture queen. They love the radio and t.v. I want you off my site for good. I am clean person, a romantic, a very sweet, gentle and romantic woman. I am lover. I am refined and some people who love trash culture are insulting me all the time. they are calling me crazy. I found out who they are...they go to very raunchy parties where the people are all nude..and bending down and showing their crotches. Joachim was most likely into the lowest forms of sleeze. He thinks that I am not well because I am not into pop culture and porno-icons. This man thinks that people who are not into porno, spreading their legs open to promote their music as people who are crazy and not doing something with their lives. He is into hillybilly music and pop culture. Joachim wears a baseball cap and like Apple Pie Americana. G Strings and Apple pie. Alot of men are insulting me on the net because I am not nude...and have no tatoo. He doesn't love me."	„
	—Marissa Marchant

Now at a theater near you!

Even today some say that by posting her name 3 times on a messageboard will summon her, but like most say-it-3-times summonings everyone is too shitscared to try.

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FUCK. Threatening legal action for archiving her free mp3's. Well I never!

Unfortunately like all things too beautiful for this world, all traces of Marissa seem to have long vanished from the face of the planet and all that remains is the sweet memories in the hearts and minds of some of us.

Poetry

Marissa was also a master poet:

Intermittent Slob

dirt, dirt, more dirt, clean it with your spit and skirt

cotton balls, towels on walls... messiness alert

this intermittent slobby side has come to be my battle

when all is scrubbed and sweeky clean, come heards of bull and cattle

I've blamed the bulls, tornado, wolves, some nuclear explosion

but I know best, my inner quest, to conquer this in motion.

Audio proof

GRAB THESE BEFORE THE LEGAL JUGGERNAUT OF MARISSA MARCHANT FINDS OUT!

Green Tea. You'll know it's worth $1000 when you get to 3:52.
EMU. Awesome levels of production
For You. uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Links

http://www.sfweekly.com/2005-12-21/music/the-price-is-variable/

• The Marissa Marchant Tapes, part 1 and part 2
• Marissa Marchant interview by Toaster
• Example of what happens when Marissa posts on your message board