Flash Mob

How to annoy the hell out of everybody.

Remember this old vid? It was Flash Mob history in the making.

For over a hundred years, comedians have used visual props like squirting flowers and joy buzzers to gain excitement from audiences and to garner laughter from their fans. In recent years, this same sort of phenomena has made its way to the internet. Using pre-designed and choreographed tasks and pranks, enthusiasts have been attempting to troll the general populace in what really amounts to the Internet's very own version of the rubber chicken, the Flash Mob.

When utilizing the Flash Mob, it is most important to upload your videos of the mob to YouTube as soon as possible. If you have ever searched for the Michael Jackson song “Beat It," you have probably been confronted with several thousand versions of the song and the video. Amongst these versions, you will no doubt have found several public performances that are Flash Mobs and you have watched them and moved on. But did you know there are whole communities dedicated to the planning, plotting, performing, and publication of this cancerous advertising stunt?

Definition

Your average Flash Mob drone.

Pillow fight Flash Mob...onlookers and media personalities were annoyed by children.

Rapidly becoming a world-wide phenomena, Flash Mobs are what happens when several out of work dancers and actors gather together to perpetrate what they like to call a “mission.” This causes many people to wonder, often out loud, "Just which rock are all these out of work dancers and actors crawling out from under and why are they bothering the hell out of me?" Once emerging from under their rocks, Flash Mobbers perform missions. These missions can range from a large groups of people freezing stock-still in a public place so that they obstruct and piss off just about everybody who does have a job, to poorly choreographed versions of the latest pop songs (and their subsequent dance moves) done in or around historic landmarks, malls, and sometimes public thoroughfares, prompting the question: “Why aren’t truck drivers, soccer moms who are running late, or infuriated businessmen running these fools over?”

Some notable Flash Mobs:

• Any Michael Jackson Tribute

• Oprah Winfrey's 24th anniversary show, where the Orca was trolled by about a billion people...Flash Mobbing.

• Probably the best Flash Mob of all time.

• Followed closely by this Flash Mob.

History

Or did those wacky Japanese invent the Flash Mob?

How to piss off everybody in God's creation.

What the people responsible for these public atrocities don’t want you to know is that they stole this idea from a group of inmates imprisoned within the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center also known by its initials CPDRC. That’s right, Flash Mobs were invented by murderers, rapists, pedophiles, kidnappers, wife beaters, arsonists, blackmailers, and thieves. The original meme video, performed several years ago, depicts a bunch of Filipino faggots trying to act out the dance scene from their favorite pedophile’s most famous song.

Noticing that the CPDRC video and the several videos that followed were kind of cool, opportunists like Charlie Todd decided that this form of socialized fuckery could be exploited for cash under the guise of “public entertainment.” Charlie formed his company in 2001, and, after a few successful videos were posted on YouTube, he was able to take “Improv Everywhere” online and public. After that, it was just a question of how many missions they could annoy people with while also making it to the bank to cash all those advertising checks.

Coordination

Just how annoying is this?

Flash Mobs are usually coordinated via text message, Twitter, or by having the coordinator scream at you with a megaphone. Generally, the messages are received like “secret orders” from some government agency and the performers or “agents” will then act out the desired prank when some previously agreed upon signal is given.

Behind the scenes, the parties responsible will video tape the scene so they can upload their garbage to YouTube and then send the link to potential advertisers.

After the mission has been completed, all the agents give themselves a round of applause and go about their day. The mission controllers make t-shirts, coffee mugs, and web pages that are smothered in advertising in an attempt to cash in on the prank somehow.

The Law

In the United States

The worst part is they are much more helpful than the actual employees.

As you can guess, when one of these sorts of pranks occur, police officers might become involved. For example, the Best Buy invasion, where people were told to dress in blue shirts and khaki pants and then wander around inside of a Best Buy store, was shut down mid-prank, and the 80 sheep who were responsible were “kindly escorted out of the store” by area police.

Other pranks, so dumb and boring, have been actually shut down by police officers so that the agents would not further embarrass themselves due to their extreme faggotry. One such case was when a group of agents attempted to re-enact the famous “Where the Streets Have No Name” video by dressing up as U2 and playing music on a New York rooftop. Nobody seemed to care and the band kept playing. Eventually, the police were called in when they realized nobody likes U2.

Finally, the annual “No Pants” event in 2006 found eight agents arrested on a New York city subway train for disorderly conduct. Because the agents thought it was cool that they could even troll the police, they decided to do it the very next year on the same day…only with 1,200 agents attending. Again, nobody gave a crap until somebody pointed out that hobos, homeless slobs, and bums were wandering around the city, lacking warm clothing. The event was turned into some sort of charity affair and everybody smugly patted themselves on the back for being so generous.

Last Thursday, some shit happened in Philadelphia which local law enforcement and papers termed a "Flash Mob," despite the fact that "Flash Mobs" generally don't involve fourteen year old emo kids pitifully attempting to riot by spastically flailing their limp, bony limbs at pedestrians. This has resulted in much BAAAAWing, butthurt, and angry old people writing to Congressmen about how Flash Mobbing should be made illegal.

In Germany

Germany, as usual, takes things a bit too far:

Improv Everywhere

How sly and cunning do you have to be to troll YouTube idiots?

	“	bad idea to do this to real family, instead, they should've made a funeral skit in the busy city, instead of using cars, pushing the casket on the sidewalk. It's just not funny doing this to a real family, at a real funeral. 100% disrespectful.	„
	—Some person even dumber than the Improv retards.

Charlie Todd’s company, Improv Everywhere, is one of the main entities responsible for these agonizingly repetitive missions. Since they lack imagination or resourcefulness, members continually act out the same, tired pranks over and over, because, “what if somebody didn’t see us do it the first three thousand times?” They seriously attempt to force public memes ad nauseum.

It's worth noting that Improv Everywhere get notoriously butthurt if anyone, say, stands still, without citing them as the ultimate inspiration for the act; and yet they also proudly claim responsibility for the U2 pisstake above; impersonating a band, copying that band's video, and playing that band's songs, the same day that the band in question were due to play Madison Square Gardens. If they weren't such obvious hipster fags, they could be mistaken for epic trolls.

Urban Prankster

Wandering around with toys… pure GENIUS!!!

Charlie Todd, not satisfied with his original group, went on to found “Urban Prankster.” The website’s mission statement is:

	“	Urban Prankster covers pranks, hacks, participatory art, flash mobs, and other creative endeavors that take place in public places in cities across the world.	„
	—AND it’s edited by Charlie Todd!!!

So, not only is he unsatisfied with the redundancy of Improv Everywhere, he is now going to do all the same things again on yet ANOTHER website, just in case you missed it. Oh, and by the way, the pranks at Urban Prankster are just as stupid.

Break Out in Song

Consider yourself…AHHH--NOYED!!!

This is yet another one of those groups, only they're just a bit different. Not only do they annoy the piss out of pedestrians by dancing in public places, they also annoy the piss out of pedestrians by singing at the same time! They also carry out their missions with a hell of a lot more frequency than the Urban Pranksters and the Improv Everywhere members, averaging about one performance once a day and uploads every couple of days.

This frequency of missions have several adverse effects:

• They use “bottom of the barrel” actors and dancers.

• The people they use for their acts are really unattractive.

• They cannot lip-sync worth a shit.

• Productions resemble poorly rehearsed Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade bullshit.

Since only faggots and New York City Jewbags care about show tunes, you can guess who their target audiences are and to whom their advertisements are catering.

ZombieWalk

Advertisement for a zombiewalk.

What most people wish a zombiewalk would look like.

	“	Makeup Tip: Put a few drops of black food coloring in your mouth, then spit it out. It'll create a nice bile effect, and wont stain.	„
	—Helpful tips from your local zombie wannabe.

Ever felt the need to wander around like some lost dead person from a George A. Romero classic? Neither do most people. However, there is a small sect of nerds who dress up and wander around like zombies. ZombieWalk is a site that is all forum. Each forum divides countries into several regions, and within each region, there are even more sub-forums devoted to states. This has the adverse affect of watering down the ideas so totally, nobody actually shows up. It also causes the unintended problem of isolating nerdy zombie-wannabe's in your area.

A typical zombie walk involves a bunch of the people you didn't hang out with in high school gathering at some pre-ordained spot dressed as somebody covered in gore and blood. They then wander around drawing attention to themselves and annoying just about everybody. Finally, once they are done "zombie walking" (generally under a mile since most of them are fat nerds) they all arrive at a theater to watch a zombie movie such as "Night of the Living Dead" or "Chocolat."

Advertising

Single Ladies all chew Trident while dancing like whores in busy traffic.

Trident chewing gum recently brokered a deal with pop singer Beyonce to promote their products. They use the song “Single Ladies” as background music while female dancers, dressed in skin-tight hooker suits, shake their asses to the music while chewing the gum and acting like they belong there. While it is a public relations certainty that “Sex Sells” it is also a human certainty that annoying busy commuters is a good way to turn off large sections of your customer base. Also, stopping busy rush hour traffic is a good way to get punched in the nose or run over by a bus.

Sample Pranks

The following pranks are taken from the Improv Everywhere forum, where users will often post and brainstorm ideas prior to execution.

Quidditch

–Ediot’s note…yes, yes they would.

Bum Donations

–Ediot’s note, this idea was given a resounding thumbs down.

Quotes

“   I’m looking forward to participating in at least one of these.   „     —geeky middle school kid maxnunyobisnis.     “   I’d love to be in a Flash Mob, especially one championing a noble cause.   „     —Another faggot from Knowyourmeme.     “   Please could someone tell me, how is this a meme? 1st, it happens in real life and 2nd, it’s not funny. You really don’t know what a meme is.   „     —Somebody with an ounce of common sense.     “   Everyone goes to a park, and sits down seperately or in groups, just like a normal outing, mingling with everyone else there. Then, all of a sudden, they all pick up whatever they have with them and rush to evacuate the area, shouting stuff like "hurry!" "let's get out of here!" It would be interesting to see if the clueless people leave, too.   „     —From the Improv Everywhere forum where causing public riots are awesome and not illegal!     “   Good one..I was just thinking that inorder to fully "pull the weight" of the against-ness...having Plastic sheeting with nothing written on it. All protesters holding plastic signs that say nothing. There would be a need to banners and maybe literature to help explain and involve public.   „     —Because having to explain a joke makes it three times as funny. Previous Quote | Next Quote

Videos

Because nothing wows a crowd like a throng of fools dancing in unison…

Shilling for T-Mobile.

Making the news in Austria. I wonder how they got the dog to freeze?

This is about the stupidest thing you will ever see.

Not to be outdone by the Japanese, the Koreans get in on the act.

Remember that video where I said it was the stupidest thing you will
ever see? Well, I was wrong. This one beats that one.

One of several million Beat It Flash Mobs.

Flash Mob FAIL.

Previous Video | Next Video

External Links

Matrix Flash Mob...where nerdiness is cubed.

• Improv Everywhere – they cause scenes…lol.

• Urban Prankster –they post the same scenes/crap.

• Urban Prankster’s Ning site where you can blog, post, and socialize with several other morons.

• A laughingstock of a forum devoted to Flash Mobbing in Canada.

• Zombiewalk where everybody gets to act like Michael Jackson.

• Just in case you need to Twitter about your latest zombie event...

Featured article October 14, 2009
Preceded by Roman Polanski	Flash Mob	Succeeded by Balloon Boy