The Suckage

Sucks500 (Later known as The Suckage) was a "society" of Internets trolls with no life. They were all virgins and liked to piss off other gay forums while constantly spamming their own shithole of a forum with the names of various fast food restaurants.

Despite being a community of hardcore trolls that survived for decades across various domain names and under the ownership of numerous admins, The Suckage was finally killed thanks in large part to a faggy British troll with a penchant for doxing – one of the few things that the degenerate citizens of The Suckage considered to be taboo.

History

The First age of The Suckage: the sucks500 era

Picture of a typical Suckage user

The Suckage was founded in 2002. It was originally created by Dan Parisi, a Jewish, autistic pornographer, and intended to be a debate forum. A free speech forum, sucks500 was known for being admin-less, and moderator-less. People could post, and spam whatever they wanted, nobody would interfere. That's how the culture of pure free speech was created: being able to say ANYTHING without restriction.

Soon, spammers spammed sucks500 with totally pointless and irrelevant images and words. The most famous registered spammers were known as

• "Myntz!" : who posted cartoons with animals performing pornographic actions
• "Redneck" : who posted random pictures of the celebrity known as David Hasselhoff
• "Puke Rules" : who posted random pictures of people vomiting
• "Ulaaq Madeeq" : who posted images of a cricket team
• "McDonalds" : who posted random images of McDonald's restaurants
• "Guy Smilie" : who posted an enormous amount of "similes" in a thread making it impossible to load correctly

What made these personalities even more mysterious is that they never said anything, except for their well-known spam phrases.

Then there were the so called "guest spammers". Those were the people that spammed the forum while not being logged in with an account. There are many examples, but here are the most legendary spam messages of The Suckage:

• Subject: "This is the face I make..." Body: "...When I take mad nigger cock up the ass Smile"
• The inevitable "Cock." message: this was a guest who posted the word "Cock."
• The impersonating posts in which the poster claims he is a certain existing members with a "fat black person cock in his cum-infested throat"
• The infamous "WWWW" message: this is a thread with a title composing a large string of WWWW without any spaces. This has as effect that the whole sub forum gets enlarged because of the width of the string.

The spam was so omnipresent on sucks500, that it became a part of it. Spam, pure free speech, complaining, absence of forum police and random insults formed together the very basic principles of today's Suckage. People that visited the forums either decided to become a part of it, because they were attracted to the twisted yet funny side of The Suckage, or they ran away shocked by the shocking things that could be seen/read on it. Numerous shocking pictures were often posted on sucks500 and were later on declared as holy relics of The Suckage. These pictures included:

• The infamous "goatse" image
• The pic named "the homogays" as it showed two hairy men performing sodomy on what appears to be a rock while wearing strangely colored socks
• The "pukeman" picture, which was Puke Rules's most use picture to spam the forum. It showed a person who was vomiting what appears to be beer at a party
• The infamous "tubgirl" picture
• The picture of what appeared to be a naked Jew person in a concentration camp
• The photo of black people being executed by the Ku Klux Clan

An infidel forum being rwned by The Suckage. Admin account hijacked, word filters messed up

It is then that The Suckage took religious proportions: a mysterious member, named The Prophet, and who considered the members of sucks500 to be his children, arrived and declared that a Holy War had to be started against forums that were in violation of The Suckage's principles: arrogant, nerdy and over-moderated forums were declared "infidel" and were mercilessly spammed by The Suckage's members with the spam that had been waging on sucks500 for months. Many "infidel forums" got attacked because of their anti-Suckage crimes. Crimes against The Suckage include:

• Being what they call a "Nazi-admin"
• Thinking that you're worth more than the rest
• Being a "nerd"
• Having a forum about a subject they label as "gay"
• Banning members

They were successful for a few months, but then something happened. Child pornography was posted on sucks500. The admin of sucks500, who had been absent from his forums for years, decided to shut down sucks500 for good, forcing the members of The Suckage to leave their homeland and seek refuge in another forum. This ended what is now referred to as "The First age of The Suckage: The sucks500 era".

The Second age of The Suckage: the SpecialK era

The Prophet mysteriously disappeared, but a long time member of The Suckage decided to open up a new forum, similar to sucks500. Sucks400, later known as SucksBBS, made The Suckage enter "The Second age of the Suckage: the SpecialK era." Unfortunately, the new admin was seduced by the "Dark Side of The Suckage" (AKA the mysterious "Shit Lords" with their belief in "The Path of Gayness").

The "Shit" embraced "nazi-adminning" and was against the very basic principle of The Suckage: total pure free speech. The admin of the new forum, SpecialK went on a massive admin spree and the members of The Suckage were forced to leave their homeland to a safe house known as the Almost-Leet Forums.

The 3rd age of The Suckage: the Almost-Leet era

"The Third age of The Suckage: the Almost-Leet" era had started... from there, a member named Colonel Cock declared the war on infidel forums open again, and new attacks on infidels were launched. Colonel Cock became the High Commander of The Suckage Army.

Later, a long time member known as "Guestlove!!" revealed his true identity: he was a pedophile and he started posting child pornography on the forums of Almost-Leet. The admin of Almost-Leet, known as Dux0r was on his turn, forced to end his forum, and thus plunging the members of The Suckage into darkness.

It is then that MaxPower appeared on the scene. He claimed he bought the domain name of SucksBBS from the Dark Shit Lord, Darth Specialus, and opened SucksBBS again as a home for The Suckage.

The 4th age of The Suckage: The MaxPower era

A craptacular drawing by Mexican_Pirate. Notice the second grade motor skills.

This period is now referred to as "The 4th age of The Suckage: The MaxPower era". The "holy war against the infidels" continued, and Colonel Cock gained a lot of respect from the members of The Suckage. A long-time member, known as Zoink (who was later rumored to be the one and only "Puke Rules"), even started to archive screenshots of the attacks on infidels, which can now be seen in the Holy Suckage Archives.

The member zoink was and probably still is one of the most fanatic spammers of The Suckage. He often refers to himself as "King Spammer".

It is later that MaxPower revealed his true identity: he was none else than Darth Maximus, the Dark Shit Lord who suddenly was obsessed to turn SucksBBS in a "gay forum" where he wanted serious and moderated topics to rule, which is a violation of The Suckage. The revelation was proven when he suddenly banned Zoink, which is also against the principles of The Suckage. This brought an abrupt end to sucksBBS which was henceforth considered as a "Fukkin' graveyard.com m8".

Darth Maximus failed, was renamed to "MaxGAYer", and The Shit no longer ruled the homelands of The Suckage, since the members fled to another shelter. It was later even rumored that MaxPower was none other than Dart Specialus himself.

The 5th age of the Suckage: redemption of Mexican_Pirate

Logo for Sucks Global. Not made by Mexican_Pirate, hence its high quality.

It is then that started "The 5th age of the Suckage: redemption of Mexican_Pirate". Mexican_Pirate, who was often considered to be a "Gay member", opened a forum called SucksGlobal as a temporary homeland for The Suckage, partially redeeming himself and ridding him of the title of "Gay member of The Suckage". The attack on Infidels wasn’t as active as it was before, although the members of The Suckage said this was only a temporary cease-fire.

Unlike previous homes of The Suckage, Sucks Global was not actually closed. It merely lost activity when the 6th Age of the Suckage, the Sucksnet Era, began.

The 6th age of The Suckage: Sucksnet era

Soon, another long time member, known as Mr.Sniffle, opened a forum which was another of The Suckage's base of operations. They could be found at SucksNET.com. Unfortunately, during spring 2006, some disturbing events occurred. OCP (A long time member of The Suckage) was very respected and he was a very important person in The Suckage (he was also known as the Rape (K)ore Master). One day however, a guest decided to look up more information about OCP and found out he was member of another forum where he acted "normal" in contrary to his weird behavior on SucksNet. OCP was angry that people would start to sniff around in his private life and abruptly decided to leave The Suckage forever. That was a terrible loss for the people of The Suckage and he is still mourned today. SucksNet had been being invaded by automated spam programs known as "adbots" that post advertising messages, mostly leading to rogue and unsafe commercial websites. Actually, measurements indicate that 74.8% of the new daily posts on SucksNet composed of automated spamposts which made being on SucksNet not as fun as it used to be.

These events had fractured the heart of The Suckage, as members were getting seriously tired of being overrun by those adbots. Darth Specialus, the dark Emperor of the Shit, claimed that these spambots were his work and that he used them to throw The Suckage into disarray. His ultimate goal, is to make these spambots so annoying that Sniffle, the owner of SucksNet and another long time member, started acting like a Nazi-admin and assigned moderators and banned people to stop the adbots. Banning, moderators and nazi-admins are against the very principles of The Suckage. So far, it seemed Darth Specialus was succeeding: The Suckage was weakening and the day that Darth Specialus decided to strike the already weakened Suckage was nearing. That day may have very well been the day, that The Suckage met its end.

The 7th age of The Suckage: NewSucks500 era THE RETURN OF THE SUCKAGE

Finally after dark times had fallen onto the Suckage and it seemed like the end, new life was given to the Suckage, a dawning of a new era, and the return of what Sucks500 used to be, with an ever slight upgrade to the site's features. The new site's owner, Phreakwars( formerly MRIH, ) promises sanctuary from Darth Specialus and his Admin gayness. And has proven to thus far make the Suckage prosper and has crushed the army of invading BOTS. All seemed to go well until June 3rd, 2008. A new threat has arrived and brought the Suckage to its knees once more. A lone British troll, ChrisMuttonshutter, was displeased by the administrator's decision to do away with the 30+ pages of crapflooding by known pedophile, Maho Shirayuki, and decided to pry into Phreakwars' personal affairs. After several warnings that he would shut down the site without so much as a second thought if she continued, ChrisMuttonshutter continued this blatant invasion of privacy and the forums were shut down, and the 7th age of the Suckage ended as all the others did. Will Phreakwars ever re-open NewSucks500, or will the members of the Suckage be left to fend for themselves once more? Whatever the case, it is certain that ChrisMuttonshutter will not be accepted in this new home. Her high crimes against the Suckage will never be forgotten, and she will forever be remembered in infamy among the likes of MaxPower and SpecialK.

The Dark Shit Lords, the arch enemies of The Suckage

Since the influence of the Dark Shit Lords is growing at this very moment, it is needed to discuss them. The Dark Shit are a group of people that believe in the opposite of The Suckage: they embrace The Path of Gayness/ The Path of Gayness says that Nazi-moderation, moderators, Nazi-admins, banning, censuring, word filters, abolishment of Guest posting, abolishment of Spam and abolishment of free speech are the only way to achieve Peace on The Internet Forums. They will do whatever they can to destroy The Suckage, and to turn their homelands into nazi-moderated and gay forums with serious threads only. Darth Specialus, AKA SpecialK who used to be the admin of a previous Suckage homeland is known as the Emperor of the Dark Shit, is their leader and has great enthusiasm in destroying The Suckage. Other known Shit Lords are:

• Darth Maximus AKA MaxPower. He was the admin of SucksBBS, but as explained in the 4th age of The Suckage, he was seduced by the Dark side and became a Nazi-admin. He was renamed to MaxGAYer by The Suckage.
• Darth Peadophilus AKA Guestlove!!. He used to be a loyal fighter for The Suckage's cause, but revealed himself as the one that posted child porn on both Sucks500 and Almost-Leet (cfr. The first and second age of The Suckage). He was in fact a Dark Shit lord who wanted to destroy The Suckage.
• Darth Hotstuffius AKA Castor. He was in love with AnnaPerenna. AnnaPerenna was a long time and respected member of The Suckage who spoke the legendary words "The Suckage is twisted, it disgusts you in the beginning, but then, you get used to it, you start finding it funny, and before you know you're addicted and you become a part of it". AnnaPerenna was not interested in Castor and turned him down. He kept stalking her with Private Messages referring to her as "Hot Stuff". He was so pathetic that everyone laughed at him so he decided to leave The Suckage and was then approached by Darth Specialus to become a part of The Dark Shit.
• Darth Holidus AKA Doc_Holiday: he joined The Shit during the spambot invasion. He got so tired of the poisoning of the spambots that he urged The Admin to install the mod. Sniffle was so busy with the World Cup in Germany that he didn't care. Doc_Holiday said the very words: "maybe I'll join the Shit then. At least they'll appreciate my efforts. I pledge myself to the teachings of The Shit". And so, another long time member succumbed to The Shit.
• Darth Daddycool AKA ChrisMuttonshutter AKA Moab is my Washpot. A true loser with no life, she chose to pry into Phreakwars' personal life despite several warnings that this will not be tolerated, which led to the closing of NewSucks500. Prior to this, her skills with Photoshop and skills of trolling seemed to be the makings of a decent long-term member of the Suckage. Thus, the Suckage learned a valuable lesson: No member is uncorruptable, and at any time a seemingly harmless troll can become a legitimate threat to their homeland.
• Maho Shirayuki. Not a true shitlord, but a great disruptor of the Suckage. A boring cunt with a tendency to crapflood the entire board with thousands upon thousands of pointless reposts. Also responsible for introducing lolicon to the Suckage and creating a great controversy as to whether or not this material should be considered CP.

There may be more Dark Lords, but little is known about them. They are currently trying to take down The Suckage by invading them with spambots. This even is fracturing The Suckage and so far, they are succeeding in weakening them.

The Death of The Suckage

	“	You got my site into legal trouble over a Twitter feud that had nothing to do with me, doxxed my entire family, stalked my Facebook profile to find unflattering pictures and post them whenever you could, wrote letters to my hometown's police commissioner over the content of my site (which was completely unwarranted since it was mostly fat idiots talking about fast food), and just last week I found out that you've been calling my parents too. On top of this you ruined every discussion on the site with your autistic shitposting and chased off as many users as you could, ranging from promising new members to longtime users that had been a valuable part of the community for almost a decade, and for what? So you can laugh at me for being "upset"? Well congratulations fatboy, you did it. How about you pour yourself a nice drink to celebrate?	„
	—Professor_Fatfuck, on shutting down SucksGlobal (archive)

General Info

The Suckage is more and more known as being a group of "forum spammers" thanks to their "war against Infidel Forums". They hate the idea that The Internet is polluted with Infidel Forums which are "places of Gayness". They seek out new targets, arm themselves against what they call "The Unholy Nazi-Admins with their ban hammers" by using IP scrambling techniques, and massively "rape" forums with their spam.

They are not to be taken lightly: many forums have been attacked, and attacked again after they recovered from the first strike. A good example is the forum at YM.com who has repeatedly been "pwned" by The Suckage. It has also been proven that they used easy exploits to gain access to the admin account of infidel forums, and thus causing even more chaos and disarray to their enemies.

They have their strange trademarks, like writing the word "fuck" with two k's instead of "ck", thus forming "fukk" (it is rumored this was just a technique used early on sucks500 to evade its swearword filters), this habit was started by a long time member known as Richard "the fukkin' legend" O'Brien. Another example, is finishing their sentences with a website extension like .com or .ca or .be and adding the abbreviation "m8" behind it, forming a sentence like for example "fucking gay.com m8". It was a respected member, named OCP that was the inventor of this habit. These are only a few examples: there are many other "Suckage cliches" which are typical to The Suckage.

External Links

• NewSucks500 The Return Of The Suckage. Site is closed due to relentless PI hunting by ChrisMuttonshutter.
• Sucks Global - LOL DEAD
• An abandoned backup board for SucksBBS
• Urban Dictionary Older definition of the Suckage during the MaxPower era.
• The Holy Suckage archives As done by Dan Parisi
• As seen in SALON The founder of The Sucks Forums.
• Wired Magazine Madonna sues the Suckage creator.

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