Lulznews/January Archive

January 31st, 2007

Charlestown, MASS. (CÆS) Highway shut down after Cartoon Network trolls Homeland Security with terrorist devices incomprehensible by 100% of the human brain.

Tampa, FL (Ræters) Double ræp; victim raped by police after reporting prior rape.

Ottowa, CANADA (Ræters) Killjoy town tells n00bs they can't stone women to death in public.

Southampton, ENGLAND (LNN) English schoolboys troll Google Earth with 20' hampton.

January 30th, 2007

A gesturing character which is part of a promotion for the TV show 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force successfully /b/locked highways, bridges and a section of the Charles River.

Buga, Columbia (Æ) There's no ther way to say this but: Chicken born with duck feet.

Clemson, SC (LNN) NAACP butthurt over second Habbo party.

London, ENGLAND (Æ) Harry Potter and the Gobful of Steaming Horse Cock makes London debut.

Beijing, CHINA (Ræters) Whitey not so hot on Chinese cabby phlegm bags.

January 29th, 2007

Not a Truck, CYBERSPACE (ÆFP) Getafirstlife.com FAILS at troll of Second Life. and in related news:

Chongquin, CHINA (ÆD) Man trolls Second Wife into surgery to look like First Wife. and in related news:

Chicago, IL (LNN) Firefighter horribly disfigures himself with Bruce Willis look-alike surgery.

Zagreb, CROATIA (LNN) Hep's dad burns down house in underpants rage.

January 28th, 2007

Tallahassee, FL (ÆP) He's baaaaaaaack! Creepy duck refuses to die; returns from grave...again!!!

Ontario, NY (ÆP) Local church offers Breakfast of Champions: Delicious Cock and Pancakes.

Jerusalem, PALESTINE (ÆP) Jews finally fess up to Holocaust scam in group-hugfest with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

January 27th, 2007

Las Vegas, NV (Fuxt) "Armed and dangerous" priest wanted for assualting grown woman instead of little boys.

Nashville, TN (ÆP) Country song comes to life as escaped con steals Wal-Mart truck, C&W singer's tour bus and attempts to jack NASCAR to see sick mom.

N.Bonneville, WA (ÆP) Good Samaritan arrested after trying to defibrillate his gran with Tazer.

January 26th, 2007

NO U NIGGER!!!

Hollywood, CA (GÆ) Faggot hating nigger pulls a Mel Gibson to save job; checks into Betty Ford Trolls' Remorse Center for "Clockwork Orange" treatment featuring hours of gay pr0n. and in related news:

Hollywood, CA (LNN) Faggots want nigger to pwn himself on "Gay's Anatomy" for absolutely fabulous justice.

London, ENGLAND (Ræters) Komodo's latest spawn a giant step in evolution of kind. and in related news:

Internets, CYBERSPACES (LNN) Virgin birth by Komodo Dragon begs the question: Is Raptor Jesus the second coming of Christ?

January 25th, 2007

Pontiac, MI (ÆP) Mannequin civil-rights activist may get life for freeing the storefront slaves.

Tarleton, TX (ÆD) NAACP Butthurt over IRL Habbo party for Martin Luther King Day.

Melbourne, AUSTRALIA (ÆÆP) Woman gives birth to C.H.U.D., hospital staff laughs

Series of Tubes, INTERNETS (ÆP) Microsoft suckered into the void that is TOW

January 24th, 2007

Winton, NORTH CAROLINA (ÆP) PETA rids the world of excess puppies and kitties. Lol, irony.

Trenton, NJ (ÆP) The Garbage State warns residents: Don't eat squirrels near dump.

Jerusalem, PALESTINE (AQN) Israeli President says she was asking for it; did it for the self-hate.

January 23rd, 2007

San Francisco, USA (ÆP) Dorothy and Toto plan next WTC

Buenos Aires, ARGENTINA (UPÆ) Proud boy surprises parents with new back tattoo.

Washington, DC (Ræters) Party-pooper AIDS victims sue Viagra for its humanitarian fight against the flacid gristle.

January 22nd, 2007

New York, NY (ÆP) African bushman lost in concrete jungle for 5 days.

Red States, US&A (LNN) Wal-Mart ventures into hardcore gay pr0n territory. 10 times the porn for 1/7th the price!

Pharr, TX (FUXT) Broccoli Dog most definitely DOES WANT!

January 21st, 2007

New York, NY (LNN) Lulzy divorce ends in property split...literally.

Lousville, KY (CæNæN) Woman juror gets it rong: Lady Justice is supposed to be blind...not blind drunk.

Linz, AUSTRIA (ÆP) 81-year-old woman sets Most Wrinkled record after 4 days in bathtub.

January 20th, 2007

Youtube is serious business - YTCN news and investigation.

Talahassee, FL (ÆP) Zombie duck returns from dead seeking revenge on hunter.

Moscow, RUSSIA (LNN) Tiger snubs potatoes in favour of marinated arm meat.

January 19th, 2007

Internets, CYBERSPACE (æD) Poll results end in landslide victory for attack hampsters against fully grown lion.

Bucharest, ROMANIA (ÆD) Michael J. Fox fined for cock chopping; 9 out of 10 surgeons disagree

New York, NY (LNN) Gay, Jewish, hobophobe antique shop owner sues Hobos for all they're worth; hopes to win a shopping cart, empty cans, a cardboard box, lice, alcoholism and voices in head.

Leeds, UK (æ) Local Goth creates human toilet.

January 18th, 2007

Quanzhou, CHINA (LNN) Two faced, four eyed pig says: "How do I shots meme? Oink (Oink)."

Dallas, TX (ÆP) 9-year-old car-jacker elevates game; goes airborne twice.

Berlin, GERMANY (Ræters) Motorist crashes car when OnStar tells him to "Put Shoe On Head!"

January 17th, 2007

Bucharest, ROMANIA (ÆD) Michael J. Fox could never be a Romanian testicle surgeon; because of Parkinson's.

Brisbane, AUSTRALIA (ÆÆP) Man jailed after dog protects him from penis wielding attacker.

Beijing, CHINA (ÆFP) Chinese boy's blind date turns out to be Sektie ending in suicide by bricks.

January 16th, 2007

Orlando, FL (ÆP) Couple's romantic canoe trip gets a bit kinky.

Clinton, IA (LNN) "Hero Cat" actually Hungry Cat looking for f00dz.

Hollywood, CA (ÆD) K-Fed pwnts self for Superbowl after NFL punts "trainwreck" Britney.

January 15th, 2007

Schwerin, GERMANY (LNN) Angry Reno/Sephie slash pair go on level grind

Monroe, LA (ÆD) Mum to basement dwelling son: "Get a job!" Son to mum: "No U!!!"

Villa Vieja, COLUMBIA (ElÆnen) Local pervs queue-up for go at six legged, two pussy, two udder havin' freak cow. Video.

January 14th, 2007

Sydney, AUSTRALIA (Ræters) "Burquni" is hit with Moslem beach bunnies.

Beijing, CHINA (ÆP) Popular Chinese guy gets moar popular with hueg court award.

London, ENGLAND (LNN) Vegetarian trolls Queen of England by eating swan.

January 13th, 2007

Portland, OR (ÆP) Fat cat is faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

Zagreb, CROATIA (ÆFP) For Croats, "a/s/l ?" = WIN!

New Delhi, INDIA (ÆFP) Ghandi found alive and well working in strip club.

January 12th, 2007

Berlin, GERMANY (Ræters) Weapon of Mole Destruction backfires on German Saddam.

Hartselle, AL (ÆP) Anonymous charged with armed robbery of grandfather.

Houston, TX (Ræters) 7'6" basketball star denies having midget sex.

January 11th, 2007

San Francisco, SF (ÆP) When a triple espresso just won't do: Meth Coffee.

Vienna, AUSTRIA (LNN) Hunter shoots hairy woman with piggy-nose

Beijing, CHINA (Ræters) Chinese army fail at "PUT HAT ON HEAD".

January 10th, 2007

Orlando, FL (LNN) Really thirsty guy goes the extra mile -into custody- for a cold frosty one.

Smyrna Beach, FL (Fux) Beer: Tastes great?...maybe. Less filling?...perhaps. Fights crime? most definitely!

S. Daytona, FL (ÆP) Ex-con wanting moar buttsecks, stages robbery to get re-arrested.

January 9th, 2007

Weymouth, ENGLAND (LNN) Farting turtle sets off aquarium alarm.

Gainesville, FL (ÆD) Streaking in the quad ain't what it used to be.

Adelaide, AUSTRALIA (Ræters) Human 'apes' on display at Aussie zoo have yet to hurl feces.

January 8th, 2007

Edinburgh, UK (LNN) Aliens troll Google Earth with crop uncircles.

Swansea, UK (ÆD) Stupid stunt! Druken Welshman staples hand to table.

Paris, FRANCE (Ræters) Hungry prisoner eats cellmate.

January 7th, 2007

Anaheim, CA (ÆP) Miltopia still "Plutoed" from ED.

Orlando, FL (ED) Furry pounces on teen while dad films it.

Raleigh, NC (ÆP) Dozens of believers flock to WalMart as Virgin Mary (starring Angelina Jolie) appears in '12 Items or Less' Aisle.

January 6th, 2007

Anchorage, AK (ÆP) Locals find Snowzilla almost as annoying as Miltopia.

Detroit, MI (ÆP) No love for Miltopia's unfunny templates at Wacky Warning Label Contest.

Fayetteville, GA (ÆP) Template Czar Hunter mistakes 1,100lb beast for Miltopia

January 5th, 2007

St. Petersburg, FL (ÆP) Bulletproof chest saves the day.

New York, NY (CæNN) Cable guy asks for raise; finds noose at work.

All Over, THE WORLD (ÆBC) 2007's hottest toy: cheap and easy, the Saddam Hussein Execution Noose a big hit with kids everywhere.

January 4th, 2007

London, ENGLAND (Ræters) Pub customer caught taking the piss and then some.

Sydney, AUSTRALIA (LNN) Bank issues MessiahCat $4,200 credit line and card.

Vienna, AUSTRIA (ÆP) Unfunny bride ruins own wedding with "NO U!!!" 'joke'.

January 3rd, 2007

Beersheba, ISRAEL (Ræters) In today's Jews: latest Zionist plot includes genetically modified Nazi guard dogs that won't bite (most) Jews.

Atlanta, GA (LNN) Where's Waldo? Wot?

Oslo, NORWAY (ÆP) Slippery customer does vanishing act from jail.

January 2nd, 2007

Bronx, NY (ÆP) Chikins fight leads to arson.

Madrid, SPAIN (Ræters) Angry, torch bearing lynch-mob come for Frankenstein The Bald One.

Cape Town, S. AFRICA (ÆFP) PixelBee gets stuck in cave entrance, trapping 23 inside.

January 1st, 2007

Salonika, GREECE (ÆFP) Greek anarchists snatch baby Jesus.

Lollington, NC (ÆP) Naked Xmas party goes horribly awry.

Phnom Penh, CAMBODIA (ÆP) Buffalo invited to wedding runs amok.