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| | | #REDIRECT [[The Governator]] |
| {{spoiler|ARNOLD RETIRES FROM HIS OFFICE AS THE GOVERNATOR IN 1/3/11 TO GET MR. OLYMPIA 2011}}
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| {{needsmoar|[[internets]]}}
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| [[Image:Fatarnold.jpg|thumb|Arnold has one of the most imposing physiques in the world.]]
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| {{quote|It's the most important decision I've had to make since 1978 when I decided to get a bikini wax.|AHNOLD }}
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| '''Ahnold Schwarzenagger''', ex-Governor of [[California]], is a [[lolcow|brilliant, sensitive man]], famous for his gentle dulcet voice, his mastery of [[English is not my native language|English]], and the subtle [[Fail|sophistication]] of his [[Unfunny|humor]]. Being one of the first nationally recognized action movie stars in America, faggots all over the nation have envied his pectoral superiority due to the fact that they now look like female [[boobies]].
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| ===Early Life===
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| [[Image:As63.JPG|thumb|[[Cockmongler|I'll suck your cock!!]]]]
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| [[Image:nudearnold.JPG|thumb|[[Dick|OMG!PENIS!]]]]
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| [[Image:arnoldboobs.JPG|thumb|[[Truth|Arnold was a pimp.]]]]
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| [[Image:Terminator2posters.jpg|thumb|[[Blagogate|The Governator can kick your governor's ass]]]] He was a weak and scrawny child, constantly being bullied by his [[Ann Coulter|younger sister]]. His father, embarrassed by his total [[noob]] of a son, hired an elite team of [[Black|street warriors]] to beat some street-smarts into Arnold. Incensed, Maximilian had them [[Pain Series|flayed alive]], and then had their huge muscles implanted into his sons body. In recognition of this, his name was changed to Schwarzenegger, a humorous Austrian pun meaning '[[Wigger|White Nigger]]'.
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| ===Arnold, The Stud===
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| [[Image:Heil_arnold.jpg|thumb|Our Beloved Leader]]
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| During the late 1960's, the Austrian government, a sock puppet of the Soviet Union at the time, used pictures of Arnold as part of a propaganda campaign to extol the superiority of [[fags|Communism]]. However, these photos were stolen by Capitalist publishers and used for advertising campaigns for body building products. The failure of the propaganda campaign caused major shakeups in the [[Nazi|Austrian]] government in 1968, and Arnold was able to sneak out of the country on a fishing trawler, where he lived on raw fish and seaweed until reaching [[New York City]] 9 months later. After beating the shit out of [[fag|Joe Weider]] over the use of his image, he was paid a settlement in enough Joe Weider weight bars that he could sell on the street corners to raise enough money to buy a ticket to Hollywood.
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| ===Arnold The Actor===
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| [[Image:Mrfreezenator.jpg|thumb|left|Before his time as governor, The Govenator was the [[Batman|Freezenator]].]]
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| Arnold apparently did some [[Shit|brilliant]] [[actor|acting]] work after he [[Kick Ban|left]] [[Austria]]. His most famous role was as a [[Fat|huge]], silent [[robot]] with no emotions and a poor grasp of [[English]]. This demanding role was performed with Arnold's usual subtlety and quick wit, and is [[Fact|widely agreed]] to be the finest performance by any living [[Lesbian|Thespian]]. He made many more films, but [[nobody]] has seen any of them besides [[Terminator]].
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| ===Arnold in Japan===
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| [[Image:Japarnold.jpg|thumb|[[Morons|Californians]] have elected this man to rule them.]]
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| [[Image:Arnoldpoison.jpg|thumb|"Just drink this. You will fall asleep and when you wake up, you will be with God!"]]
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| Arnold is big in [[Japan]], and not just because he is four times the height of an average [[Japanese]] male. He makes more money than [[you]] by [[whore|whoring]] himself to promote Japanese drinks made of toxic waste, and invite the Japanese citizens to lose their money on playing amoral games.
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| <youtube>KGx1F1PGdE8</youtube><br>After this commercial had aired, Arnold was elected the Emperor of Japan, a position which he turned down to play in "Jingle All the Way" instead.
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| ===Political Career===
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| [[Image:arnold_gay_marriage.jpg|thumb|Arnie lays down the [[Internet Law|'''LAW''']]]]
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| [[Image:Governator.jpg|thumb|The governator is displeased with his subjects]]
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| Flushed with his [[Win|success]] as an actor, Arnold took the next logical step and went on to become ruler of the known [[California|universe]]. The first step towards his goal of ultimate power was to become a member of the previous ruling family, the dynasty known as the Kennedy clan. Following the demise of Sky King Joe, PT Captain Jack, and Bobby, the three Emperors, the clan was in complete disarray under the leadership of Teddy the Perverted Drunk, and was ripe for the conquest. Assuming the Sword of Crom once again, Arnold broke through the walls of the Kennedy Castlemare, and took the only undefiled princess left in the Kennedy clan, Maria Schriver, for his mate. However, it should be noted that consider the size disparity between Arnold's hips and the space between Maria's inner thighs, many theorize that they have never mated, as she would be permanently rendered bowlegged and/or flatassed from any of the standard sexual positions.
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| Since assuming the throne of the Kennedy clan, Arnold has since proven himself a [[Idiot|wise]] and benevolent leader, who almost never says or does [http://www.arnoldexposed.com/ incredibly] [http://www.cnn.com/2003/ALLPOLITICS/12/08/schwarzenegger.suit/ inappropriate] [http://www.slate.com/id/2086742/ things]. He has also undergone surgery to increase his lifespan by having his cold, Austrian heart replaced with a spare T-800 hydrogen fuel cell from his days as a killer cyborg from the future. Note that this power source has caused his waste products to become hazardous waste, and California fire marshals are investigating reports that the October 2007 wildfires started shortly after Arnold relieved himself in the woods during a hike in search of hippies to behead with the Sword of Crom.
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| Later in his political career he built Skynet, a computer hopefully eliminating all [[Conservatives]], [[Fascists]], [[Nazis]], and anyone who disagrees with Arnie. His first idea was to make Skynet a robot in da skies, but it didn't work out too well. So then, he made the T-1, which worked perfectly. [[Some Argue]] that he did it for the [[lulz]], but Conservatives say that he did it because the [[Terrorists]] told him to.
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| ==Arnold's Epic Troll==
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| [[Image:Arnolds_letter.jpg|thumb|Ahnold's letter of lulz]]
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| On [[last thursday|October 7th, 2009]], Ahnold decided to [[troll]] a dinner hosted by the Democrats. One Liberal, [[Gay|Tom Ammiano]], got especially [[butthurt]], calling the Govenator a liar, and topping it all off by suggesting that Schwarzenegger "kiss my gay ass." The Govenator, realizing his troll was [[Successful troll|successful]], trolled Ammiano even harder by sending him a letter with the message 'Fuck You' [[I See What You Did There|in the first letter of every line]]. Much butthurt, [[rage]], [[lulz]], and [[Old media|media attention]] ensued. (See [http://www.sdnn.com/sandiego/2009-10-29/politics-city-county-government/california-budget-politics-city-county-government/california-budget-crisis-diaries-f-bomb-controversy here], and [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90sf1L7fwKQ here] for example.) When asked, the Govenator replied that it was merely a [[bullshit|coincidence]]. Later that day he was overheard talking to his [[MILF|wife]], telling her that [[I did it for the lulz|he did it for the lulz.]]
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| ==Notable Quotes==
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| <center>
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| {{frame|{{morphquote|mqtest4|background-color: beige; width: 600px; height: 200px;|font-weight: bold;
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| |"GET DOWN!"|AHNOLD in every fucking movie he's ever made
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| |"GET TO DE CHOPPA!"|AHNOLD
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| |"Let off some Steam Bennet"|Commando
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| |"IT'S UH BAMBH!!!!"|AHNOLD
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| |"Fak Yu Asshole|AHNOLD in "Terminator"
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| |"USE DA MACHINE GAHN!"| AHNOLD
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| |"YOU ARE A FUCKING CHOIR BOY COMPARED TO ME!"| AHNOLD
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| |"What killed the dinosaurs!? THE ICE AGE!"| Arnold knows his history
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| |"I'll be back"|AHNOLD
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| |"I believe that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman."|Ahnold on the issues
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| |"Who is your daddy, and what does he do?"|AHNOLD
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| |"It didn't crash. It was taken out by a heat seekah."|AHNOLD blaming everything on either "Predator" or Mexican
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| |"So you cooked up a story and threw us all in the meat grindah."|AHNOLD
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| |"I eat green berets for breakfast!"| [[Typical]] Austrian diet
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| |"Your clothes. Give them to me. Now."|AHNOLD - On a date.
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| |"You vill not be sending me to the coolher"| [[Batman]] & Robin at it's finest
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| |"Yes, in Germany they used power and authority but it was used in the wrong way. But it was misused on the power. First, it started having, I mean, getting Germany out of the great recession and having everybody jobs and so on and then it was just misused. And they said, let's take this country, and so on. That's bad."|AHNOLD on politics, history and grammar.
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| |"IT'S NOT A TU-MAH"|AHNOLD
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| |"ZIS MEANS WAAAHR!"|AHNOLD
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| |"Put that Cookie down - NAAUUUWW!!!!|Turbo Man
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| |"It's as zatisfying to me as, uh, cumming is. You know, as having zex with a woman and cumming. And so can you believe how much I am in heaven? I'm like, uh, getting the feeling of cumming in the gym, I'm getting the feeling of cumming at home, I'm getting the feeling of cumming backstage when I pump up, when I poze out in front of 5000 people. I get the same feeling, so I'm cumming day and night!"|AHNOLD on [[cum]]
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| |"[[I Came|I'm Back]]"|Ahnold after a night with fellow butt-buddy [[Rocky Balboa|Sylvester Stallone]]|
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| }}|color=red}}
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| </center>
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| ==Das vids==
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| [[Image:SHUTUP!!!.jpg|thumb||right|A [[Jawsus|set of teeth]] to die for.]]
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| <center>'''ALL [[Hitler|HEIL]] OUR NEXT U.S. <s>PRESIDENT</s> DICTATOR!!!'''</center>
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| <center>{{fv|ahnuldvids|background-color: #000000;|font-weight: bold; <youtube>pqep14L2f7k</youtube>|<youtube>OKAURFR2a2E</youtube>|<youtube>kUXV3ANiFGA</youtube>|<youtube>G4iINiMlBk4</youtube>|<youtube>gQDt4PHbrPI</youtube>|<youtube>wsHLbZyA2Uk</youtube>|<youtube>11IBygHjwx4</youtube>|<youtube>SRH-Ywpz1_I</youtube>|<youtube>wZDRDCMZbp8</youtube>}}</center>
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| ==[[Doing it wrong|Es falsch machen]]==
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| <center>{{fv|background-color: #000000;|font-weight: bold; <youtube>6nNgs9dcZ-
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| uE</youtube>|<youtube>HqSl3o0C_wQ</youtube>|<youtube>Ujvd8ULer2U</youtube>|<youtube>wJQ1RhqPayk</youtube>}}</center>
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| ==See Also==
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| *[[Austria]]
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| *[[California]]
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| *[[Singularitarianism]]
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| *[[Dick Neck]]
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| *[[Soldat]]
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| *[[In Soviet Russia]]
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| *[[unfunny]]
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| ==External==
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| *[http://www.arnoldquotes.com Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes]
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| {{politics}}
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| [[category:People]]
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