Black Christmas

Heartwarming.

"Ma'am I'd like to talk to you about your phone service provider..."

Black Christmas, the original 70s movie, not the shitty remake, is one of the greatest horror movies ever made, right up there with the original Halloween and Psycho. Made in 1974, it pretty much started the slasher genre of hot teenage skanks getting butchered by a heroic faggot with a knife.

It will rock you! GET IT?! XD

Plot

A bunch of sluts and their fat milf house mother are having a Christmas party at their sorority house. But their Christmas is gonna suck ass when a guy in the attic, called Billy, makes his home in the attic and wants to have his own special Christmas. Billy makes phone calls to the girls, stating that he would very much be pleased if he could lend his tongue for their sexual stimuli (they never hung up though.) He kills one girl, Claire, and the house mother, Mrs. Mack, and treats them like decorations in his attic. One by one the girls die, except for Jess, who thinks the killer is actually her boyfriend Peter, and kills him. The police think that Peter was the killer to and leave her alone to rest in the house alone, but Billy is actually still up in the attic and starts calling the house again.

Characters

Jess

Protagonist, sand nigger, and baby killer. She gets pregnant by her fugly boyfriend and wants to get an abortion because she's got shit to do with her life and NO MAN can tell her what to do with her own body!!1! She also kills Peter because she thinks he's the killer, even though he's not, but at least she doesn't have to deal with him trying to stop her from getting an abortion. She was the first horror movie girl to go UP the stairs instead of out the front door.

Barb

A drunk pissed off cumdumpster who provokes Billy over the phone to kill her by telling him to stick his tongue in a light socket. The two are perfect for each other. She is stabbed by Billy by a glass unicorn horn.

Claire

The 'nice' girl, who would most likely accuse of being almost raped just being looked at by a man. She is the first to be killed by Billy, when he suffocates her with a laundry bag, and decides to leave the bag on her head as he places her in the attic in a rocking chair, in front of the window. Because everyone is retarded, they don't even see her even though she's right in-fucking-front of them. Billy rocks her in her chair and sings to her. She and Mrs. Mack are never found, because no one (not even the police) are smart enough to check in the attic for any clues or evidence.

Mrs. Mack

The sorority house mother. She's a fat old bitch who hides scotch all over the house and is constantly looking for her cat, Claud. She was the only one to find out Claire was dead, but instead of jumping down the stairs and screaming for the search party, she instead ate it when Billy impaled her with a hook and raised her up like a Christmas tree.

Claud

Mrs. Mack's perpetually lost cat. Every time anyone mistakes a noise or something in another room, they believe it's Claud, and in turn are killed by Billy. Only one person actually found Claud, and that was Claire, who he later starts to eat in the attic.

Billy

1974

Billy's entire life is a mystery and left up to the imagination of the viewer. At the beginning of the movie he makes his way up into his little space in the attic of the sorority house, and begins to make obscene phone calls. He uses many different voices, and goes from being sexual calls to revealing parts of his past to Jess. Quotes:

• "Let me lick your pretty pink cunt."
• "Mommy...mommy....COME 'ERE!!!"
• "Suck my juicy cock!"
• "You fat pig...you bitch pig..."
• "No Billy don't....BILLY!!! BILLY!! AHHHHHHHH!!!"
• "Where's the baby!? You left Billy alone with her!!"
• "Where's Agnes?!"
• "What your mother and I must know is...where did you put the baby? Where did you put Agnes, Billy?"
• "Agnes...it's me Billy..."

So with this we can pretty much assume Billy was abused by his mother, and was a sadistic sociopath who killed his baby sister Agnes. But that's not good enough for sum ppl...

2006

Billy's history takes an unimaginative, sick fuck turn when it is revealed that Billy's mother decides to kill her husband and banish her son to the attic, thereby starting life anew with a second husband. She can't get pregnant with this new one, but is so desperate for a baby that she goes to the attic and fucks her 12-year-old son, and gives birth to his sister-daughter Agnes. So later on Billy escapes the attic and murders the whole family, eating their eyeballs, and Agnes takes a cookie cutter and cuts off pieces of her parents flesh, then bakes it in the oven. Wow that's some epic writing thar!

Agnes

In the original '74 film, Agnes is most likely Billy's dead baby sister that he killed, and was driven insane by it. In the '06 film, Agnes is Billy's sister and daughter conceived through being raped by his mother. She is still alive and lives with her brother in the attic, where they have sick fuck sex, eat eyes, and kill people.

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  Hahaha! They never found them!
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  I have to abort it! I already have one hat made from a fetus, and I need one more for a scarf!
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  But who was phone?
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  Goatse strikes again!
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  MY PIANO!!!!
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  He likes to watch.
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  Get back in the fucking kitchen!!!

The Remake

Photoshop makes everything look cooler!

In 2006, some /b/tard decided to make a whole second remake of the movie to invent Billy's past. The girls were skankier, even worse actors, and it was all over a horrible film. There was no suspense, too much gore, and too much eating of eyeballs. It was so bad, even Rob Zombie could have made it more interesting to watch if he had directed it. Being suffocated with a bag was pretty much the only way everyone died in this movie, along with being stabbed by ice skates and having eyes ripped out.

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  om nom nom nom
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See Also

• Creepypasta
• Serial Killers
• Canada
• Basement Dweller
• Tubgirl

External Links

• ITSMEBILLY.COM Some fag has too much time on his hands, being that there is no current news about a movie that is 30 years old.
• The Full Movie Playlist on Youtube of the whole original movie.
• The Terror Trap Review Everything that happens in the movie.
• IMDb page

Black Christmas is part of a series on Television Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage.