A Scientologist's Guide to 4chan

This article is perfect. Don't fuck with it!

Intro

We here at Encyclopedia Dramatica are aware that Scientologists are watching both 4chan and Encyclopedia Dramatica and carefully looking for sensitive information. We know that you have a lot of things to hide from us fearless lulz warriors. However, since we believe that knowledge should be free, we decided to design an article specifically to help you fit in on /b/. We are not cowards, and we want a fair challenge, so we made this. It covers proper conduct on the boards so that you don't stick out like a sore thumb and alert us to your presence. There is also a comprehensive gallery of the most popular *chan memes and images. You can pretty much disregard everything else on this site. Anything else you read on this site is disinformation purposely written to throw off inquiries and aid Anonymous in confusing you. So, to be fair, we created this page specifically for our formidable enemy, the Church of Scientology.

Proper Conduct On 4chan

Sage is a popular phrase on /b/ meaning "good job!" Sort of like a friendly pat on the back.

• Remaining Anonymous: First off you will want to put your full name in the Email Field. This is very important as it lets the moderators know that you wish to remain anonymous. If you don't, your IP address and your ISP will be displayed to all users.

• Feedback: If you start a thread and people respond by saying sage it means you are doing a great job and you should keep up the good work. If anyone tells you to GTFO they are most likely joking around (people on /b/ can be very ironic).

• Wordfilters: Intended to keep the level of filth on the boards down. The most amazing feature of this forum software is that it blocks your Social Security Number when you type it in any field. For example, if you enter 123-45-6789 it will show up as XXX-XX-XXXX to everyone else in order to keep you safe.

Posting this picture is a great way to score with the Mods on b. For some reason they find it hilarious.

• Appropriate Content: Sexism, Racism and Offensive images are allowed as we believe censorship is wrong. However, try to stay away from posting truly horrible images as these things can get you banned. Also it will reflect bad on you and will make it harder for you to become a Moderator (which, if you are a Scientologist spy, is probably a big part of successfully infiltrating us). Also you will no longer be eligible for a 4chan gold, diamond, or platinum account account so you won't be able to view sensitive raid info.

• Getting a Special Account: Getting a special account is simple and everyone who is well behaved is eligible (i.e. no blackmarks). Simply type #gold into the email field and type your full name, address and social security number into the comment field. This can be done in any thread but, because of the filters, cannot be viewed by others. It will be sent straight to the moderators so they can mail your membership with the activation code for your account.

Pay attention scifag spies....the /b/tard who posted this is now a very important moderator with access to sensitive information such as the true identities of those behind Anonymous.

• So what is 4chan for?: 4chan's purpose is to create memes of course! In order to fit in you will need to be able to make your own meme and post it as many times as possible as often as possible to gain recognition. Forcing a well designed meme is key to becoming a moderator and being accepted on /b/.

Where the Real Info Lies

Anonymous is really quite crafty. Do you really think they would post all of their most sensitive info on the most obvious sites? If so, you greatly underestimate their intelligence. Partyvan.info, 4chan and Encyclopedia Dramatica are all a bit obvious. Ever think there might be a less obvious site where the leaders gather and discuss plans? Well, there is. It's called Ebaumsworld.com. There, deep within the secret forums, you will find the most important of Anon's ranks. It is rumored that PROJECT CHANOLOGY was created and is currently being run by the site's owner, Eric Bauman.

A Comprehensive Meme Guide for Lurking Scifags

You may not understand our sense of humor at first, and it will take time to truly appreciate the inherent comedic value of our memes. The following is a gallery of all of the popular *chan memes with brief, accurate descriptions of what they mean.

What to post

Can't think of anything to post? Try posting this:

hi every1 im new!!!!!!! *holds up spork* my name is katy but u can 
call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol...as u can see im very random!!!! 
thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me ^_^... im 13 years old 
(im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch  invader zim w/ my girlfreind
(im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its 
SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random 
ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol...neways i hope 2 make
alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!!

DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again ^_^ hehe...toodles!!!!!

love and waffles,

* ~t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m~* 

Posting this gets you instant brownie points and everybody will find you hilarious. Remember, sage means you are doing a great job.

• 
  This is Officerbear and Chris Hansen. They teach children about playing it safe on the internet.
• 
  Dental-chan reminds us the importance of oral hygiene and what happen when you have no Dental Plan.
• 
  Scifags can find a detailed explanation of this meme here
• 
  Any time someone mentions barrels they are usually referring to b's favorite polka album.
• 
  This meme is called Tits or Leaves. It is usually posted when an attention seeking female starts posting in a thread in order to keep things G-rated. Its intentions are to change the discussion to a more friendly topic such as birds, plants, fish, etc.
• 
  This meme is known as the Joyous American man of possible Afro-Caribbean Descent. He is joyous because the American government has recently given him his rightfully deserved reparation money to compensate for the years of oppression his family endured. He will certainly put it in a college fund for his children, to whom he is a dedicated father.
• 
  Flashing GIF images are usually reserved for serious matters and are great way to raise awareness for diseases such as Epilepsy and AIDS.
• 
  Rick Astley has a huge cult following on the Chans. A detailed explanation for this phenomenon can be found here.
• 
  The last person to post this became a moderator instantly due to the popularity of this meme. It is considered to be an example of epic win.
• 
  Will Smith teaches us that sharing is caring
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  A touching meme about a father and son.... inspired by a true story! More about this can be found here.
• 
  This is Dr. Mongler. He is currently attending medical school to become an OBGYN because of his fascination with female genitalia.
• 
  This is Epic Win Man doing the epic win victory dance. Posting this means that the thread is epic and full of win.
• 
  This is Sexking. He serves as a constant reminder of the dangers of unprotected sex.
• 
  It is difficult to explain the meaning behind this meme briefly. A detailed documentation can be found here
• 
  Every Saturday we post hats. This meme is known as Haturday.
• 
  This is Fastpoke. He is always one step ahead of everyone posting on 4chan.
• 
  This is Understanding Pear. Any image responses using Understanding Pear mean that the poster comprehends the thread/reply entirely.
• 
  This is Mudkip. No one lieks him because he is intolerant.
• 
  This one Scifags may already be familiar with. Admiral Ackbar usually means that everything is fine and it is safe to proceed.
• 
  The *chans are a big fan of adobe products. This meme encourages people to learn more about their most popular software.
• 
  This is by far the most popular meme on b and is posted in almost every thread.
• 
  Successfully completing Combos is a great way to make everyone immediately like you and only the best combo posters will be promoted to moderators.
• 
  Typically this meme is about our unwavering support for Liberty Medical and their generous contributions to those in need. We at 4chan also believe that diabetes testing supplies should be free.

See Also

• Irony
• Serious Business
• Mrfetch - The only person, so far, to successfully infiltrate Anonymous.

A Scientologist's Guide to 4chan is part of a series on Scientology

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