Poop drama

A short-lived hoax drama perpetrated on November 29, 2004, by jameth and hardvice.

The Setup

Growing increasingly bored with a dull patch in the Internets, hardvice supplied jameth with his LiveJournal password and asked him to make a post for him:

[18:02] SpiderSalad: Goodbye, Internet!

[18:02] james98101: ok bye
[18:03] SpiderSalad: OH HEY you should make a hardvice post for me
[18:03] james98101: what
[18:03] SpiderSalad: Post something insane to my jernal
[18:03] james98101: i would goatse it like there's no tomorrow
[18:04] SpiderSalad: Singing, dancing goatse?
[18:04] james98101: 500% goatse
[18:04] SpiderSalad: OK
[18:04] SpiderSalad: Pword is {REDACTED}
[18:04] SpiderSalad: Make me proud

[18:04] james98101: i will try

The Execution

While hardvice went shopping for a refrigerator (probably necessitated by the fact that he's a fatty), jameth, working with ChrissMari and jeremyjx and a few others came up with an idea.

(16:51:35) Jameth: oh hay i have hardvice's password
(16:51:46) JeremyJLA24: haha why?
(16:53:45) Jameth: what should i post
(16:54:45) JeremyJLA24: You should start a fake fight between the two of you
(16:54:55) Jameth: great idea
(16:56:35) Jameth: i will say that jameth mailed him a turd for christmas.
(16:59:10) Jameth: i need a picture of a turd
(16:59:24) Jameth: a big fat juicy one

Which led to the following post to hardvice's journal:

The alleged poop. Note the three different colours; also, the dollar bill

I cannot fucking believe what I am seeing

You know what?

I'm totally sick of that motherfucker jameth. Seriously. You all might think this is dramatic and you all might think this is funny, but I am totally serious. This is not a joke.

Many people say that his journal is "the best of the internet(s)" and so forth. What a bunch of bullshit. He is the worst motherfucker on the face of LJ and quite possibly the worst person in the world.

You know what he did to me? I trusted him with my real address. I honestly thought he was a good e-Pal until he did this shit. Literally. He used UPS to send me human excrement.

Do you all understand what I am trying to say here? Let me spell it out for the inept users out there:

JAMETH MAILED SHIT TO MY DOORSTEP.

I am not kidding. Here, I even took a photo:

He placed the turds in a fucking DIAPER and sent it. I can't believe this. I am at a loss for words. Do you notice how there are three different colors of turds in that diaper? THREE. DIFFERENT. COLORS. OF TURDS. SENT TO ME VIA UPS. WHAT THE FUCK.

He is going down. I have his address and I am going to get him back good. This is WAR.

This is not a joke. Please, you guys, try not to laugh and try to realize that [info]jameth is the worst fucking person EVER for sending this type of biohazard material to my doorstep. I have already called the police and they said they will send someone out tomorrow to take a report.

Friend Removed!

Success
User jameth was removed from your friend list.

I encourage all of you to do the same. Remove this motherfucker now.

jameth also removed himself from hardvice's friends list

The Fallout

A sample (now deleted) comment

Almost immediately, the poop-in-a-diaper hit the fan. The original post rapidly shot up to over 100 comments as dramacrats either expressed their disbelief or their shock, while hardvice's non-dramacrat friends offered the ubiquitous advice (call the cops, declare Internet jyhad, and/or go friends only). jameth, writing as hardvice, worked to assure the doubtful that it was all ferreal. To his aid came Chrissmari, playing good cop, and jeremyjx, playing bad cop, and andrewpants, playing the "jameth is a fucking sick bastard who ejaculated on my laundry and propositioned my dad" cop.

Inevitably, people felt the need to introduce the "OMG SOMEBODY COULD GET SICK!" variable into the equation , and then the shit really got deep.

rfjason, who later stated he had suspicions as to the veracity of the drama, headed up the "Hardvice is a moron who can dish it out but not take it" camp.

Meanwhile, ChrissMari posted the whole soiled affair to LJDrama, where it had the distinction of finally being the straw that broke the server's back. jameth posted an almost apology, in the process losing hardvice's password and thus the ability to answer comments back on the original post.

By then, though, hardvice was back from being a fatty and decided to play the short silence up as Post-Dramatic Angst Disorder, and added a second post of his own:

This is not the sort of shit I need while I'm a)still recovering from being sick and b)getting ready for finals.

I'm deciding whether I should just delete my jernal and start again. Any minute now, the jameth goons will start in. God.

Fuck you, James. Just so you know, you haven't won. This is war.

With the second Mediacrat reference, more Dramacrats began to catch on, but that did not slow the pace of the comments of both support and derision.

In the meantime, jameth decided to poll his friends list about how they'd react to a little turdmail, which resulted in one of the all-time great rfjason photoshops:

JessicaLeigh, who figured out the conspiracy, made the excellent suggestion "You should delete it if you're going to be such a fag", so hardvice did just that, prompting jameth to make another post:

hardvice

:( strikethrough

I am really sorry, Dave.

Of course, he rapidly followed this up with a post insinuating that hardvice goons were prank calling him. This is particularly funny because there's no such thing as a hardvice goon.

The Punchline

Jameth and Hardvice fessed up to the whole thing being a prank within a couple-three hours, leading to days of unfunny defriending drama on the part of butt-hurt gullibles.

Despite the fact that the hoax lasted mere hours, to this day morons continue to post "HAHAHA U GOT PWNED" comments to the original entry, more than a full year later.

Also to this day, Jameth is blamed for being a perpetual prankster who can't be trusted (despite this being the only hoax in which he's participated), while Hardvice is still generally ignored as an idiot of no particular importance.

See Also

• Shay - other drama involving poop

Poop drama is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.