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| | this page was royally fucked up by someone with Asperger's Syndrome. |
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| {{Welfare}}<br>
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| {{offended}}<br>
| | Have a nice day! |
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| {{notice|Due to the controversy surrounding this page, [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]] has released a statement to anybody [[offended]] by this article. Read it [[Asperger's syndrome/Open Letter|here.]]}}
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| [[File:Cwcspin-UncleBastard.gif|thumb|right|[[Chris chan]], The Internet's most infamous Asspie.]]
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| [[Image:Tammy.jpg|thumb|When children like this have ass burgers, the only cure [[Andrea Yates|involves the bathtub filled with water, a toaster, and a lot of tears.]]]]
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| [[Image:Asdog.jpg|thumb|right|150px|Doctors diagnose the onset of [[puberty]] in male Asspie children by seeing if this specially restrained dog falls victim to [[zoophile|zoophalic]] [[buttsecks]].]]
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| '''[[Dumbass|Ass Burgers]]''' is an attempt by Dr. Hans Asperger to worm his way into the history books by labelling people who are simply assholes with a fake mental illness. (The name itself is a euphemism for what he called "Autistic Sociopaths"). Like all [[faggot|mental illness]] there is absolutely no physical evidence that it actually exists.
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| [[Image:Autismcard.jpg|thumb|right|150px|A lot of autistics and aspies use this card]]
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| [[image: tired2.jpg|thumb|right|[[Brettsworld99]] another youtube autistic celebrity who dreams of becoming a fat [[trap]].]]
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| Ass Burger-monsters are the most self-centered, selfish pieces of shit on the planet. Devoid of empathy, social reasoning, social context, or self awareness, they are subhuman meat-calculators, who live to collect and catalogue items like barcodes and bottletops.
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| Such [[loser]]s believe that having AssBurgers Syndrome excuses all forms of [[virginity|social retardation]], [[attention whoring]] and [[drama|shitty self-absorbed bullshit]], while also allowing them to lay claim to its supposed symptom of "higher than average levels of intelligence".
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| For these reasons, AssBurger has greatly outstripped [[ADHD]] as the chic diagnosis of choice for [[furries|pretty]] [[vampire|much]] [[weeaboo|every]] [[Wikipedos|group]] [[Childfree|of]] [[Anonymous|retards]] [[on the internet]]. It is no wonder then that all people with Assburgers are [[Chris-Chan|fugly]].
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| Interestingly, the effects of longterm neglect in early childhood is nearly identical to Aspergers, which itself can be fairly compared to psycopathy and sociopathy. This proves to be a good argument for [[Eugenics|drastic measures]], as evidenced [http://teacher.scholastic.com/professional/bruceperry/bonding.htm here]. Be sure to thank the nearest aspie for drawing Sonic porn rather than killing and eating neurotypicals.
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| __TOC__
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| ==Assburgers on the Internets==
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| [[Image:Aspergersdefinition.gif|center]]
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| AssBurger has become [http://www.asciiartfarts.com/20050711.html a fad] for those seeking to garner [[attention whores|attention]] unto themselves. In the fine, hallowed tradition of [[disease|disease whores]] everywhere, many of today's youth expertly design a disease which kills two birds with one stone by:
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| #. Assuming others are born normal rather than work at it, giving the self-proclaimed Aspie an excuse not to make an effort to develop social skills, and
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| #. Assuming they were born smart, rather than merely having had more exposure to books and computers because no one wanted to be around them.
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| Want to find out if you can justify your [[fail|failed life]] with Aspergers? [http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php Take the test!]
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| ===Also known as ...===
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| [[File:Asperger_King.gif|thumb|right|Jobs for Asspies.]]
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| *Asperger's
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| *Ass Burgers
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| *Assburpers
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| *A-Monsters
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| *[[Incontinent Student Bodies|BAWWWWWWtism]]
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| *loltism
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| *Stuttering ADD
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| *Asspie syndrome
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| *H.I.T.M.E. (kinda like HIV is to AIDS, this is to the A.U.T.I.S.M.)
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| *NOTism
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| *cerebral lawlzy
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| *whiny bitch syndrome
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| *Emo Syndrome
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| *"That fucking dumbass"
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| * Sub-human meat calculators
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| ===Assburgers on ED===
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| [[File:Proudfather.jpg|thumb|You too can show off your defective sperm with this button!]]
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| It's [[common knowledge]] that asspies don't give two shits about anything but themselves. Asspies are selfish, narcissistic assholes who expect [[ED|the motherland]] to feel [[Troll's Remorse|remorse]] for putting up such an [[Offended|offensive]] article. However, they do not care about [[women]], [[nigras]], [[homosexuals]], [[WTC]], [[abortion]], [[animal abuse]], or anything that doesn't relate to people licking their burger-asses. So being typical faggots, they do what they do best: [[Talk:Asperger's_syndrome|bitch and moan]].
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| It should also be noted that asspies tend to compare themselves to [[Shit nobody cares about|famous asspies in history]], failing to realize that those people succeeded in life and <i>aren't</i> basement dwelling rejects. So the next time you hear an aspie compare himself to Einstein, feel free to redirect him to [[Chris-chan]] but more importantly, remind them that Einstein was very capable of getting laid and was also well known for his sexual conquests. Furthermore, Einstein wasn't some fat assed piece of shit who used the Assburgers excuse to get out of gym class but was rather adept at soccer and other sports.
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| They also posthumously diagnose people like Einstein or Dirac, who might very well have fucking hated and rejected the idea of "aspergers" on both logical and ethical grounds.
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| Assburgers is a made-up [[aids|disease]], most common in overachieving middle-class families, because little Johnny is either a social outcast, or is just acting fucking [[retarded]]. The parents [[rape|diagnose]] their child, and the "doctors" go along with and encourage it because of the money it generates. Fuckers.
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| The truth is, the Assburgers diagnosis has become popular with parents because they need a good excuse as to why their "retarded rechildren are dumb faggots who will be [[dying alone]]."
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| ==Common Symptoms==
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| [[Image:Asperger.jpg|thumb|"ASS PIES" are recognizable because of the light bulbs shooting out from their skulls. They also all have the exact same expression IRL.]]
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| [[Image:Asspiewrong.jpg|thumb|They're also obviously recognizable with some of their typical activities.]]
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| The diagnostic criteria were established by John Harvey Kellogg in 1888 and consist of the following:
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| *You talk about things that nobody cares about
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| *Wearing other things that nobody wears
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| *Your friends are either way out of your age group, imaginary or are woodland creatures, none of which are good things
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| *[[Chris Chan|Missing social cues]] when you act like a fuck-up in public.
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| *Telling various [[Sob Story|sob stories]] about being misunderstood/discriminated against.
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| *Ending said sob story on the note that you wouldn't want to be rid of your 'condition' anyway since you are actually smarter than most everyone else and probably the next step in evolution, <i>(like an [[X-men|xmans]]!!)</i>
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| *Hand flapping.
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| *[[Tourette's Syndrome]]
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| *Walking around in circles or moving parts of your body like you are on drugs.
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| *Mumbling to yourself in class like a [[retard]].
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| *Talking with a [[Prince Jeremy|robotic accent]] - see [[Lulzcast]] 2.
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| *Not [[Asking for it|getting the hint]] in social situations
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| *Having multiple [[LiveJournal]]s for the different "aspects of your personality", one of which is naturally filled with [[slash]].
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| *Thinking that [[MySpace|everyone else]] is the one with the problem.
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| *Being too fucking lazy or unable to drive and then complaining about how they can't go anywhere. Also expecting their friends (if they can get any) or family members to drive them fucking everywhere!
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| * [http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=11596 Thinking Lawyers can save their asses against the internets and Lulz]
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| * [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5wn7St3A14 Having an unnatural obsession with vacuum cleaners.]
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| *Possessing a massive victim complex about how the evil NTs are making your selfish life hard.
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| *Continously fapping their curved penis.
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| *Giving a flicker of the eyes when looking at someone.
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| *You claim to have no interest in sex/ is asexual, but go on to Gamefaqs.com and [[TV Tropes]] to bore people with your cataloging of sexual practices that you have rated as which would be the most pleasurable, because you would know because you have never had sex. '''AM I RIGHT HYENA?'''
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| [[Image:Flardox2.jpg|thumb|[[Flardox|Typical autistic behavior.]]]]
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| If you have any of the symptoms listed above, or if you have taken the linked test, then you are DEFINITELY an Asspie, and need to "come out" to your [[flist]] about your [[bullshit|"special gift"]] NOW, while immediately affixing the appropriate pro-aspie userboxes to your [[Wikipedia admin]] page so that people know never to argue with you, ever, because that would be [[racist|discrimination]]. Some brave asspie named [[Awesome|Jeremy orkin]] (username:godhatesautism) came out of the closet and told everyone [[Truth|that aspie retards are dumb faggots.]] He was most likely killed by zionist asspie cia agents.
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| ==Treatment for asperger's==
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| * Open drawer
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| * Get money
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| * Go to the gun shop
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| * Buy [[gun]]
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| * Buy ammo
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| * Load gun with ammo
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| * Point gun at head
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| * Shoot gun
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| * ???
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| * PROFIT
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| ==Asspie national anthem==
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| {{quote|
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| If you're an asspie and you know it flap your hands (flap flap)<br/>
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| If you're an asspie and you know it flap your hands (flap flap)<br/>
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| If you're an asspie and you know it then your complex body motions will show it<br/>
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| If you're an asspie and you know it flap your hands (flap flap)<br/>
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| |Asspie national anthem|}}
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| When Aspies are happy and they know it, they will go through the time and Liberty of videoing themselves laughing because because of their egotistcalism as you can see in the link below:
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| http://youtu.be/LlWPIfFMRYw
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| ==Having Asperger's Syndrome==
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| ===. . . As Covering Up for Being a Total [[Retard]]===
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| [[Image:DoIHazASSPIES.jpg|thumb|They don't even know where to draw the fucken line between douche bag and Aspie.]]
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| Some close-knit communities of "people", such as [[furries]], [[plushie|plushies]], and [[otherkin]] possess such distorted views of reality as to be particularly susceptible to forming a belief that their ostracism is due to victimization by outside factors. They will not infrequently claim to have Assburger's or be [[Autism|Autistic]] en masse, often finding some way to tie its manifestations into the fact that they are social misfits. The truth is, though, that they're just complete assholes and fail at proper expression of affection. In certain instances, having "Assburger's" seems to be correlated with the posting of disgusting and semi-nude pictures of yourself frequently on the [[internet]] and local [[AIDS]] awareness seminars, or writing [http://www.fanfiction.net/u/370928/ highly disturbed] [[fanfiction]]. Additionally, it is not unheard of for these individuals to claim multiple, even superficially seemingly incompatible diagnoses of a plethora of diseases -- possibly claiming [[fat|anorexia]], ADHD, autism, Asperger's, [[batshit|schizophrenia]], [[PTSD]], OCD, and anything else they've ever read about or seen on CSI.
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| ===. . . As an excuse for violent crime===
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| There have been many examples of Assburger's being an excuse for murder, rape or other violent crime recently. For example, [[Nicky Reilly]], an Aspie with the IQ of a 10-year-old, had attempted to bomb a cafe for his [[Allah]] in the UK. His lawyers then bawled about Asperger's Syndrome and his mental retardation. Also, John Odgren has made national news for murdering a classmate in a wealthy town in Massachusetts. He has used Asperger's Syndrome as a defense with moderate success.
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| ===Edison Was an Asspie, So That Makes Me Speshul!===
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| {{quote|There is a general impression that Assburger's syndrome carries with it superior intelligence and a tendency to become very interested in and preoccupied with a particular subject.| A [[retard]] making excuses. Explains why asspies are passionate about doing nothing.}}
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| [[File:TroperUrine.PNG|200px|thumb|Urine bomb, another proud Aspie invention]]
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| Websites such as [http://www.allthingsaspergers.com/ this] try to facilitate the asspie myth that some of history’s most famous geniuses and philosophers had the condition. People such as Jew (of course), Beethoven, and Mozart all supposedly had the affliction. Yes, all the whiny, self-diagnosed people you have read about on this page have all the [[Lie|untapped creative energy that Thomas Edison had]]. Unfortunately, none of them appear to have any of the talents Edison did tap into, (which just happen to be the good ones). All of the things mentioned by the site are part of the [[Jews did WTC|conspiracy]] by those with assburgers to show that the disease is at [[No|the higher end of the autistic spectrum]]. Coincidentally though, most of the people who they listed have been dead for years so there is no way of telling if they had the disease or not.
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| ===Asspies are responsible for all the evil in history===
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| Whenever you look through history at all the [[jews did wtc|horrid things]] that have happened, you can probably find an Aspie that was responsible for them. The [[Nazi]]'s were all Aspies. Adolph Hitler was an Aspie ([http://www.lakartidningen.se/store/articlepdf/1/11854/LKT0917s1201_1204.pdf sauce]) as can be discerned by his manner of speech where he flailed his arms around. [[moonspeak|Obersturmbannführer]] Adolf Eichmann was an aspie, he basically kept track of every single Jew in the [[Germany|Third Reich]] (basically most of Europe) to excruciating detail. Reichsführer-SS Himmler was definitely an Aspie as can be seen by his blank Aspie stare. The [[Unabomber]] Ted Kaczynski, Serial Killers Ted Bundy and [[Jeffrey Dahmer]] were also Aspies.
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| ===Asspie Dating===
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| [[Image:Wapanesewithpocky.jpg|thumb|right|The typical kind of asshole you see on the internet saying he has Assburger's, is an [[agnostic]] [[libertarian]] and [[lie|dates a Japanese porn star seiyu]]]]
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| [[Image:Aspiesexting.JPG|thumb|right|Bent Aspie cawk.]]
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| As they are socially retarded, [[dying alone|Asspies]] do not know the proper way to get a girlfriend even though they are very attracted to [[hawt]]. Therefore, they will do stupid things that make them look like rapists. Common Ass Burgers Syndrome suffers often use the following methods.
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| *Use of stupid [[PUA|pickup lines from the internet]].
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| *Retarded frankness: "Wow, we have a lot in common...when do we have sex?"
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| *Seeing a girl that is hot when on a bathroom break at school and following her into the girls bathroom and then blurting out "I want to kiss you!"
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| *[[Masturbation|Masturbating]] behind a girl in Science Class. Or maybe just to the Igneous rocks. Sicko.
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| *And, natural successor to the above, [http://www.slate.com/id/2210565/ Masturbating across the office from a female co-worker]
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| *Talking to a girl in public, and when she smiles it is taken as a request to show up at her house in the middle of the night.
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| *Walking up to a girl and asking her to spank his bottom.
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| *[http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf68806-0-150.html Online stalking and/or asking for girlfriends repeatedly in chat rooms] ''Dude... seriously... leave me the hell alone.''
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| *[[Kevin Havens|Finding a woman in far worse physical condition than themselves and possessing very low standards and becoming her "caretaker"]].
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| *[[Kevin Havens|More or less giving up on meaningful human contact and spending all of their money on sex dolls.]]
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| *[[Chris-chan|Loitering in malls with a sign that says they're looking for a "Boyfriend-Free Girl"]]
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| *Not caring if a woman is married or taken and still chasing after her and trying to get her to sit on his lap.
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| *Making weird [[Furry|animal]] sounds at inappropriate times.
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| ==The Legend of Hugbox Island==
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| [[Image:Aspergerdance.gif|frame|Unremarkable retards perform their special tribal dance used to summon Neptune, or some shit.]]
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| I'm sure you are thinking after reading all of this "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?". Or alternatively, "that sounds just like me" (if the latter describes you, you should immediately administer a bullet to your head, if symptoms persist, please ask someone else to administer the bullet for you).
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| The Legend:<br>
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| About 2000 years ago, the Antarctica was a very nice and warm continent, and millions of people lived there.
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| But in year 1337, an epidemic of Assburger syndrome started in the Antarctica, and nearly every newborn baby was an asspie.<br>
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| First, that wasn't a real problem: Because everyone was an asspie, that was called normal.
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| But then one of them invented an electrically powered [[Hugbox]], and almost every inhabitant of the Antarctica wanted to have one.<br>
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| So, they needed huge amounts of electricity to power all the hugboxes.<br>
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| But there also was a solution for this problem: The inventor of the hugbox also invented a machine which converts the ambient heat into electricity (although this is called impossible by modern physics).<br>
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| For the aspies, that was the perfect solution: They weren't sensitive to cold weather and they needed the power for the hugboxes.
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| The power generators cooled the Antarctica so much that the ground began to freeze, and ice crusts began building up. That was no problem, from now on the asspies simply built their hugboxes and generators on the ice.<br>
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| But they forgot that the ice rose over the oceans and made the fish inaccessible for them. So, all the asspies didn't get food and died.
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| ==Quotes are as follows==
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| <center>{{morphquote|assburgers|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
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| |Many, Many eons in the past, this new civilisation was founded, building great towers and dwellings, and thriving in a social structure, very different to that which we observe today. The Aspergians celebrated an individual's uniqueness and devotion to their cause. They taught their young that each and every person is born with a very specific talent, their "special gift", which they must identify if they are to live a full and fulfilling life.
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| <br>
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| <small>Translation: "A place THAT WAS TOTALLY NOT ATLANTIS existed [[over 9000]] years ago, where MOM AND THE TEACHERS WOULDN'T MAKE ME DO SHIT, and so I heard about this 'special gift' and because of that I can be a lazy douchebag from Atlantis even though unlike 'the man' I do not have webbed feet, and further, I am not good looking like Patrick Duffy, and even further still, I like to employ douchebag phrases such as 'and further' and 'even further still'..."</small>|Most asspies are also otherkin.
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| |The Aspergians did not build their dwellings close to each other. They had a complex social structure which allowed individuals to invest most of their seeker years in searching for their destiny, and most of their time as initiated in fulfilling it. This helped their culture to achieve great things.
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| <br>
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| <small>Translation: "NO ONE DID SHIT AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE SO FUCK YOU MOM AND DAD. OM NOM NOM"</small>|Wait - "complex social structure"? They can barely understand facial expressions.
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| |It may be that the tales of the great flood, all go back to the Aspergian story. After the civilisation of Aspergia survived for millennia without danger or strife, the ocean itself sought its own destiny and found that it had to take over the land on which the Aspergians lived. The water rose and rose, until there was no doubt that Aspergia would cease to exist within a short period of time.
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| <br>
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| <small>Translation: "MOM AND DAD CAME AND SAID TO DO CHORES."</small>|(Translators note: After reading this we now suspect [[DivineAngel]] to be the author of said website)
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| |The Aspergians were not ever faced with the task of building a boat that was bigger than for the purpose of local fishing. Other than the oft told story of the great Son of Aspergia, who set to sea in search of other lands, and was never seen again, they had not dared try and go beyond the borders of the visible waters, because they knew there were great currents there; currents which take you to sea and never let you return.
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| <br>
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| <small>Translation: "????" Stolen from [[The Legend of Zelda]] because even though teh Asper is not a real condition, a complete lack of any creativity or imagination is known to characterize all teh Aspers (otherwise they would invent their own condition rather than ripping off some [[You|bald, drunk and dateless loser's failed joke]]).</small>|Verily.
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| |The peoples they came across were very different to them: they valued a sort of constant Communitude, they were afraid of their destiny, and were afraid of being alone or pursuing their talents. But the Aspergians were a minority everywhere they went,. and their nature dictated that they integrate, and learn the ways of the land.
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| <br>
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| <small>Translation: "They found people who did scary things, like use words properly, and mocked others for being lazy and stupid."</small>|This apparently destroy REAL civilisation.
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| |Their story was swallowed into the general mythology, and made a part of human heritage.
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| <br>
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| <small>Translation: "We ArE BeTtEr ThEn U!!1!1, and our Aspers stops all the boys in the yard, our disease is better than yours, we can teach you how but we'll have to charge, our disease is better than yours."</small>|Fuck history. WE know history.
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| |In some periods of history, Aspergian manifestations were hunted down and destroyed. Aspergian women burned at the stake as witches, Aspergian inventors and creative minds persecuted for daring to be different. There were Aspergians who discovered a destiny-talent for design and formulation, and secretly created ancient Aspergian symbols in crop circles. There are Aspergians that are Gazers to this day, watching for trains, planes, boats or searching for life in outer space. These traits are so different to "normal" human ones that they persisted through their genes.
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| <br>
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| <small>Translation: "We ripped off some more shit, yeah, we're going to say Albert Einstein was one of us even though he had few communication problems and did a lot of hard work, and we are just lazy introverted slobs blaming everything on genetics which might not even exist." (Remember kids, autism isn't always genetic, it is commonly caused by being spoiled, boredom, and/or being a bitch, coupled with unsupervised access to Wikipedia).</small>|[[Hitler]] as an asspie too.
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| |Autistic culture holds a concept that autism, as a unique way of being, should be embraced and appreciated, not shunned or cured. Many autistic individuals prefer being alone to socializing. Some autistic people appreciate mathematics, science, and computers (although it should be noted that while such interests are found in a larger portion of the autistic population than the neurotypical population, there are also many autistic people who have no special talents in these areas). Some even have a fascination with writing their shitty blogs. Many autistic people describe the belief of relating to aliens.
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| <br><small>Translation: We don't know how to be liked, so we'll pretend we're special instead!</small>|Just like Hitler's fanboys.
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| }}</center>
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| And not only do they insist on having their own made-up, bullshit history, that they failed to own or make up themselves, but rather quilted together from collected bits and bobs created by non-Aspers, Assburglers also have to have their own [http://aspiesforfreedom.org/wiki/index.php?title=Autistic_culture culture]. Even worse, they've ripped off the [http://www.nad.org/site/pp.asp?c=foINKQMBF&b=91587 deaf], who actually have something in common besides being [[Attention whore|attention whore]] assholes.
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| ==Assplurgian: The Language of the Asspie==
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| [[Image:Assburgers.jpg|thumb|300px|Artist's reenactment.]]
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| Language amongst these individuals differs from normal uses of language. To demonstrate these differences, text written in Assplurgian are noted in bold. The italicized text is the translation into common language understood by those living in reality.
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| *'''Welcome: If you cannot or do not want to socialize in real life you may find some pleasure in doing it online. Meet people who are similar to you!'''
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| *''Translation: You're a fucking lazy faggot and you'd rather sit at your computer and wank than try at anything. See: [[loser]]''
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| *'''<nowiki>#</nowiki>asperger is your channel if you are somewhere on the autistic spectrum. The autism spectrum includes autism, Assburger syndrome, and PDD-NOS. One thing we have in common is an impairment in nonverbal communication with neurologically typical ("normal") people that causes social difficulties. People with conditions such as hyperlexia, Tourette syndrome, schizoid personality disorder, social phobia, etc., may join the channel if there is also impairment in nonverbal communication. Loners with an autism-like condition are welcome.'''
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| *''Translation: People with ass burgers aren't diseased, they're just different. All other losers are welcome to join our [[Circle jerk|club]] in order to keep numbers up. Damn all for being "normal."''
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| *'''It is not necessary to have an official diagnosis to join the channel. What counts is that you suspect seriously that you would fit in to the autism spectrum. If so, please feel free to join #asperger to see if you might 'fit in' with us.'''
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| *''Translation: E-diagnosing [[16 year old girl]]s please.''
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| *'''When you first join the channel, an operator will ask some basic information from you, including how you found out about the channel and whether you are on the autistic spectrum. If you don't have an official diagnosis, we may ask you why you think you are on the spectrum. Don't worry too much about this, though. We do not attempt to make diagnoses on whether or not channel visitors have an autism spectrum disorder. However, we must determine whether it is a likely possibility, in order to protect the channel against obvious imposters and troublemakers.'''
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| *''Translation: You can come here with an e-diagnosis but we'll probably kick you out anyways because you might be /b/. Dogs and curtains work better anyways you cunts.''
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| *'''The channel is only for those who are on the autistic spectrum!'''
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| *''Translation: Okay so what was that before about other social disorders?''
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| *'''<nowiki>#</nowiki>asperger is not for parents of autistic children and "experts" who wish to exchange experiences and ideas about treatments. If you want to discuss treatments etc. you are requested to do it on #autism or on #prism.'''
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| *''Translation: We only want kids because we're [[pedo|paedos]]''
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| Source and further study of Asspies and Assplurgian language in the wild: http://www.inlv.demon.nl/irc.asperger/
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| ===Terminology===
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| [[Image:Temple Grandin and horse.jpg|thumb|Asspie scientist Temple Grandin, inventor of the [[hugbox]]]]
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| People who have (fictionally or otherwise) Asperger's will sometimes refer to themselves as ''aspies'' or as a group, the ''aspie'' community. While these people may come across as jerks, the actual victims of the disease are halfway-decent, possibly-human, lifeforms minus the social skills who encounter the self-diagnosed attention-whoring [[victim|victimhood]]-loving [[cunt|cunts]], whose falseness drives their victims into a driveling, uncontrollable rage.
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| '''''Shared language'''''
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| Although autistic culture doesn't have its own language, there is some terminology commonly used by those in autistic culture, such as:
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| * '''Aspie''': A short-hand way of saying Asperger's. Sometimes it is referred to only those diagnosed with Asperger's, and sometimes it refers to the whole spectrum. Most proponents of autistic culture would prefer not to call Asperger's a "syndrome."
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| * '''Autie''': A short-hand way of saying an autistic person. Sometimes it is used only to refer to those diagnosed with autism instead of Asperger's, and sometimes it refers to the whole spectrum.
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| * '''Cousin''': A cousin is someone who is not technically autistic in the clinical use of the word, but is still similar enough to autistic people to be as much a part of autistic culture as someone officially diagnosable with autism. Sometimes these people are similar because they have a similar condition (although a cousin doesn't have to have any psychological conditions) such as schizoid personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, or hyperlexia. AC is often used to stand for "autistics and cousins."
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| * '''Curebie''': A person with the desire to cure autism. These people are usually viewed in a negative light in autistic culture.
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| * '''Neurodiversity''': A concept of tolerance of people regardless of neurological wiring.
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| * '''Neurotypical''': Usually abbreviated NT. Refers to a nonautistic person.
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| Translation: Like the Atlantis shit, we ripped off some [[A frank discussion of mental illness|psychology jargon]], 'cause we r smart. Plus, we still don't want to bother being liked, don't cure us, because [[lies|sitting around picking our nose and perseverating on math is fucking normal, asshole!]]
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| [[Lie|Aspergians: totally a word.]]
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| Should also be noted that those who deal with people who supposedly have this disease (and can't stand them) will refer to the [[Drama whore|wannabe sick]] as having AssBurners Syndrome.
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| ==Interweb Case Studies==
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| [[Image:JewishAspies.png|thumb|center|599px|I don't mean to sound judgmental,[http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2226526626 but ...] When it rains, it pours for some people.]]
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| JewishAzns (if there is one community) would be huge: 36,000 members.
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| AspieAzns (times 10) = 360,000 members.
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| AspieJewishAzns = You get the picture.
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| *[[An]] "[[CNN]] manager" found out she was an Aspie and was so elated that [http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/03/28/autism.essay/index.html she wrote an article about it] on CNN.com. It is full of [[lulzy]] statements like these: ''Hugs are dispensed infrequently, but if I do hug someone, I resemble Frankenstein's monster, arms extended to control contact. When my dad (who I suspect is an Aspie, too) and I hug, we both have "the approach." We sometimes miss and have to re-approach a couple of times until a brief, awkward hug is achieved.'' [[Gb2]]/[[hugbox]] indeed. The link to this page should be posted in the comments to this CNN story until further lulz are achieved.
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| [[Image:Ed asp petition.jpg|thumb|right|[http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/ED-As-Article/ ZOMG Petition against this article?] ]]
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| *The [http://www.livejournal.com/community/male_dom/749586.html?nc=29 male_dom community] on [[LiveJournal]] is 100% made up of [[self-diagnosed]] 'aspies'. When one poster says her partner has it, about 20 people chime in as having it as well, all self-diagnosed of course and many of them claiming to be [[autistic]] as well.
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| *[[1justin]] is self diagnosed with it, he's just as much of a faggot about it as everyone else, but assumes he is better than the rest. He wound up [[banned]] from the [http://www.livejournal.com/community/aspergers/ aspergers] [[community]] (which has since mysteriously been deleted and purged) for trying to point out to its members that most of them probably don't have it and that being proud about it is stupid, both of which appropriately apply to him.
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| *A [http://www.kuro5hin.org/poll/1084822952_IlaByqez poll on kuro5hin] in which 76% of respondents claim to have some form of Asperger's or autism. Yes. 76%.
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| * A large number of goons from the [[SomethingAwful]] forums claim to have aspergers. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbfBjo-Mw6U From the looks of things, most of them probably do].
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| *Everyone on [[FanFiction.Net]] claims to have Asspies, Lysdexia, and/or ADHD; which begs the question, why are they writing?
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| *Everyone on DeviantART claims to have Asperger's, which means you can't criticize them or they'll get [[Butthurt|upset]], because [[Lies|they have a perfectly legitimate reason for why no-one should criticize their shit art.]]
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| *Everyone on [[TV Tropes]] claims to be an Aspergian [[WTF|Polyromantic]] [[Asexual]].
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| * [[Kevin Havens]] has Asperger's ([[self-diagnosed]], of course) among many other problems, spends all of his [[money]] on [[McDonald's|junk food]] and sexdolls, and lives with his [[Cripple|crippled]] [[girlfriend]]. He collects a check for being her "caretaker" as well.
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| * [http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=778153 These poor women think their husbands have asspies] - [[No girls on the internet|ladies]], they're just <s>assholes</s> normal healthy men trying to make the best of a life trapped in a marriage with an over-emotional woman (I mean seriously! Not being "torn up inside" because you hear a child crying is not sufficient to form a diagnosis of asperger's syndrome!)
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| [[Image:Proforce.jpg|thumb|right|Well at least they both belong in a kitchen]]
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| * A Facebook group was created to protect females from being raped by Asspies. They were so [[butthurt]] they cried [[rape]] to Facebook and the group was deleted just so the Asspies would shut up!
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| * Aspie retarded [[Chemer]] friend who looks retarded:
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| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3s52DuMAMk&feature=related
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| * The Online Petition was invented by asspies, the only ones who seem to think that anyone gives even the slightest fuck about online petitions. So far, members of Asspies Against Freedom have already created 3 petitions to get Encyclopedia Dramatica taken offline. Unfortunately they don't seem to realize that when no one signs their crybaby petition, making another one is as effective at shutting down a privately owned website as sticking your dick in a light socket. Isn't the definition of insanity repeating the same action over and over again and expecting a different outcome?
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| * [[MySpace]] was also invented by an aspie, as evidenced by the constant itemized listing of friends and likes/dislikes.
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| ==[[IRL]] Drama==
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| {{quote|I have a big confession: I have already written about the fact that my 9-year-old son was diagnosed in February 2005 with Asperger's Syndrome.|'''Suburbian mother, smacking her gum with her lip glossed mouth''' - ''Confessing to her priest''}}
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| ===Pwnt by Kindergardners: May 2008===
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| In [http://www.breitbart.tv/?p=103693 this lulzy video], an Aspie child named Alex, is totally [[pwnt|rejected]] by his kindergarten class. By a vote of 14 to 2, they decided to [[GTFO|kick him out of their class]] for his idiotic flailing Ass-pie behavior that was pissing them off. His mom then [[BAW|BAWWW'd]] on national television about "discrimination" while the Aspie mumbled incoherently in her lap, further proving that the children were right and the whiny parents were wrong. Naturally, a [[lolsuit]] is being planned. The boy's mother was also a [[sick fuck]] and compared the teacher to [[Islam]]ic terrorists which is wrong because it is a favor to the normal children not to have a shit smearing, masturbating child in the classroom; and Muslims actually kill people which is much worse than any minor teasing or ridicule. Some people need to grow up and stop being [[fairies]].
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| Meanwhile, [[StumbleUpon]] [[loser|users]] [http://www.stumbleupon.com/url/www.tcpalm.com/news/2008/may/23/st-lucie-teacher-has-class-vote-whether-5-year-old/ call for the death penalty].
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| ==Treatment==
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| ===For===
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| {{main|Action T4}}
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| Despite myths that there is no treatment for those with autism, the disorder is incredibly easy. Action T4 also exposes the many myths because autism and allows the patients and their caretakers to live happy lives insted of leeching off [[welfare]].
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| The best thing really for them to do is just keep quiet, until they can actually think before they talk, and think about how others feel. It will solve so many problems they put onto themselves. No one is going to care whether or not you have a setback in your life or that asperger's was at fault. All you're doing is saying that you're retarded.
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| ===Against===
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| {{main|Aspies for Freedom}}
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| Contrary to the above Aspies for Freedom are opposed to any form of treatment (even when it's clearly needed) and spread lies about their so-called condition to that they may appear normal, but at the same time deserve more respect than other people. Ironically by encouraging people to accept them as being fuckwits they encourage the [[holocaust|extermination of those with asperger's syndrome]] more than Action T4.
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| ==Gallery==
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| {{cg|The Retard Exhibition|aspiegallery|center|<gallery>
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| Image:Mariotheplumber.jpg|I'll kill you with dangerous E-chemicals!
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| Image:MBisanz May 2006.jpg|[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:MBisanz This Wikipedian] clearly is an aspie
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| Image:Fuckinthursday.jpg | YOU TOOK IT TOO FAR THIS TIME GUYS
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| Image:Daxface1.jpg|[[daxflame|Take a wild guess.]]
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| </gallery>|<gallery>
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| Image:Peanude.jpg|HI MUM!
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| Image:Shleed twat.jpg|Aspies generally have bigger and hairier tits than your girlfriend.
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| Image:Mathnews-cover.jpg|[[Lie|These people do not have Asperger's.]]
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| Image:Autismsock.jpg|SUPER WAVE SMASHER
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| Image:Rapeguy.jpg|Typical Asspie at your school (in the back). In the front is just ASS.
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| Image:Rtard.JPG|Typical Asspie being a asspie
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| Image:Heinrich's one fucking facial expression.jpg|No [[Nazis|successful organization]] is complete without a hard-working aspie.
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| Image:101509 1440-00-.jpg|Avoid at all costs.
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| Image:Finley98BestPictureEver.jpg|Time to play "spot the Asspie"!
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| Image:YoutubeAsspieButthurtByED.jpg|[[Butthurt]] Asspies often gravitate towards [[youtube]] to post their [[retarded]] [[BAW|videos]].
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| Image:AspieAngryJerk.jpg| I don't want to know what is occurring in this picture.
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| Image:Hairy_aspie.jpg|Beware the hypnotic allure of the asspie's eyes!
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| Image:Asspieformal.jpg| Typical aspie, notice the [[unwarranted self importance|smug]] grin.
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| Image:autism-asshole-disease-moral-demotivational-poster-funny-demoralize.JPG
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| Image:Sky walker.jpg|[http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/02/14/earlyshow/health/main4802860.shtml wut?]
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| Image:FatassTransfaggot.jpg| the raep smile.
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| Image:MonicaHalloweenWTF.jpg| A wild [[furry|aspie]] appears!
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| Image:Caution_autistic.jpg| BEWARE!
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| Image:F_u.jpg | People with Asperger's usually have this attitude
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| Image:FlutieFlakes.jpeg | [http://http://www.flutiefoundation.org/Donate-Flutie-Flakes.asp Aspie brikfest of Champyons]
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| Image:Assburger.jpg| The best kind to have
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| Image:Ae-24-bluebackground.png|[[Delicious Cake|Delicious ass pie. Must eat it.]]
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| Image:bk.jpg|Burger King showing their support
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| Image:Joe Hill Makes The LULZ.jpg|Joe Hill, brags about having Asperger's on [[Fitlads]].net
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| Image:Joe Hill Masturbates.jpg|Perfect example of a bent Asperger penis.
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| Image:martyn.jpg|Martyn Braithwaite - typical asspie.
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| Image:Pentagram.jpg|Lipstick and moobs? What a good CUMbination!
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| </gallery>}}
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| ==Asspie Videos==
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| <center>{{fv|Assburgerz|background-color: gray;|font-weight: bold;|<youtube>u1AklAUfIMw</youtube>|<youtube>CDBEnKcr13E</youtube>|<youtube>TCebfmUcH78</youtube>|<youtube>eB3TIs8xoEo</youtube>|<youtube>6jkBOU9etRA</youtube>|<youtube>o0YnwWFqmzQ</youtube>|<youtube>Jtzc5mOcql4</youtube>|<youtube>mZ6pPwjIL1g</youtube>|<youtube>Kn18H3FKDV4</youtube>|<youtube>tLUeSf86v1E</youtube>|<youtube>N_ORz2vPnhE</youtube>|<youtube>Rai9SiBRv50</youtube>|<youtube>6GOnu_mU1wU</youtube>|<youtube>n_49Gdfx7UA</youtube>|<youtube>d3n3oF7xw5Y</youtube>|<youtube>XhrAB8WMsx0</youtube>|<youtube>fhR4cO-f-lQ</youtube>|<youtube>OKACTREJHE4</youtube>}}</center>
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| ==Criminality==
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| Because of their inability to empathise, most aspies are like [[psychopaths]], treating others as objects. Luckily thanks to low IQs and being all-round fuckwits they are quickly caught and [[prison|sent to a special place]] to get the [[Assrape|treatment they needed]].
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| In 1944, 50 years before the syndrome was officially invented, Dr Hans Asperger himself tried to warn humanity about the evil he had discovered. One of Hans Asperger's first scientific papers on Autism was titled [http://www.drbilllong.com/Autism/Asperger.html "Autistic Psychopathy in Childhood"]. Some believe that A-Monsters may be the dark legacy of a [[Nazi|Nazi experiment]].
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| {{morphquote|crimes|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
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| |Arguably, fire-related crimes are among the most frequently associated with hfASD [high-functioning Autism Specrum Disorders]. In a previously discussed study, Siponmaa et al. reported that 10 (63%) of 16 crimes of arson were perpetrated by subjects with hfASD diagnoses.|A-ha! Now we know [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|how to get rid of them!]]
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| |Colleagues reported a similar case of a [[pedophile|27-year-old male who was arrested for sexual contact with a minor]] after the perpetrator went to the police station to report the minor had stolen his property. The perpetrator had a long history of inept social attempts to obtain sexual contact. These included taking neighbors shopping for lingerie and letting women use his home for drug transactions. He consented to having sex with a doll before a mocking audience in the hopes that the women in the audience might become aroused and decide to have sex with him.|"Play your cards right and this could be your ass I'm fucking!"
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| |Some cases of sexual serial killing, such as that of Jeffrey Dahmer, appear to involve repetitive dehumanization of people—viewing them as disposable objects or as objects that can be literally deconstructed, resulting in the mutilation of the victims.|Though quite happy to claim Edison was an asspie, the tables turn once necrophilic cannibals are brought up.
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| |Because persons with hfASD have difficulties appreciating the subjective experiences of other persons, there may be a lack of intersubjective resonance, or empathy.|They don't even say sorry, the shits.
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| |Colleagues reported an attempted murder by a 44-year-old man who shot the psychologist who was performing a child custody evaluation. The perpetrator feared the evaluation would be unfavorable, and [[do it faggot|he believed shooting the author of the evaluation would improve his chances of maintaining custody]]. Baron-Cohen described the case of 21-year-old John, who attacked others whenever his routine was disturbed.|Others will kill you and rape your corpse if you break their crayons.
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| |because every1 hates aspies we will kill the world every1 with autism aspergers adhd bipolar etc will kill you all!
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|
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| we aspies will wipe nt's from the face of the earth|An [[User:Harry158|asspie user]] with no concept of irony.}}
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| ===(In)Famous Autistic Criminals===
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| *[http://www.jaapl.org/cgi/content/full/34/3/374#SEC5 Case studies on Aspie assholes] Including:
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| :*A man who burned his house down with his wife and kid inside it so he could claim the insurance
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| :*An old, fat substitute teacher who used to touch up his female students
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| :*A faggot who enjoyed raping niggers in public toilets
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| ==Famous Assburgerers on ED==
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| [[File:Asperger king.jpg|thumb|[[Chris-chan|There can only be one.]]]]
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| [[File:Adonfireaspie.jpg|thumb|[http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/showthread.php?tid=16482&pid=337624#pid337624 Aspies are known to be caring individuals].]]
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| *[[AkewsticRockR]]
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| *[[Alexander4488]]
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| *[[Armake21]]
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| *[[Chris-chan]]
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| *[[Clayranger89]]
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| *[[Conner Hemming]]
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| *[[CopperCab]]
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| *[[cyndilovespiccolo]]
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| *[[Daxflame]]
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| *[[DisneyFan01]]
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| *[[Drp1zza]]
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| *[[Flaglerchat]]
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| *[[Inmendham]]
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| *[[Jawsus]]
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| *[[Jeffrey Hyde]]
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| *[[Kelseyalicia]]
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| *[[Kevin Havens]]
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| *[[LittleCloud]] - ED's most wanted, despite 1 out of 90 auties/aspies are female, and (s)he can't make up his/her mind on her sexuality.
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| *[[MysticArk]]
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| *[[PissedOffVideoGamer]]
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| *[[Pokemon|Satoshi Tajiri]]
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| *[[Randomlaughingman]] is a dangerously autistic "female".
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| *[[SilentRob]]
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| *[[Spax3]]
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| *[[superlisamcb]]
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| *[[Tammi Reynolds]]
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| *[[Wesley!!!]]
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| *[[You]]
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| ==Trolling Aspies==
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| *Remind them of thier disability and cite APA 32.7 they hate being proven wrong.
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| *Refuse them special treatment. Hilarity ensues.
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| *spam this page:http://www.wrongplanet.net/ and refer to them all as Aspies instead of the [[lie|politicaly correct]] Aspergian.
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| *Refer them to Wikipedia. All Aspies hate wikipedia due to the only Lulzy article they have (High Functioning Autism)
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| *Cite them as WP:personal. Anything Wikipedia will result in hilarity.
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| ==See also==
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| *[[Action T4]]
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| *[[Asperchu]]
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| *[[Aspies for Freedom]]
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| *[[EVE Online]]
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| *[[Elevator_Filming|Elevator Filming]]
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| *[[Leaderfag]]
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| *[[Love Shy]]
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| *[[Malber]]
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| *[[Minecraft]]
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| *[[Mong]]
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| *[[Rape]]
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| *[[Retard]]
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| *[[The R Word]]
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| *[[Sceptre]]
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| *[[Spergin]]
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| *[[TV Tropes]]
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| *[[Ulillillia]]
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| *[[WAXLABLTABLER]]
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| ==External Links==
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| *[http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt90292.html Read it and weep: The truth about Asperger's Syndrome]
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| *[http://www.kidzcd.com A browser for Asspies]
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| *[http://www.aspieaffection.com/ Asspie dating]
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| *[http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1277646/Zefri123 A typical Asspie (Zefri the Angel Boy!!!!11)]
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| *[http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1818967/Fan_of_The_Secret_Saturdays/ Asspie trollficcer doing it so very wrong. Or are they?!]
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| *[http://www.wrongplanet.net/forums.html lol asspie congregation (exception to the power in numbers rule here)]
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| *[http://www.lawyers.com/Missouri/Springfield/Contact-Asperger-Law-Firm-LLC-4834500-f.html Asperger Law Firm. Srsly.]
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| *[http://aspieauty.deviantart.com/ Target an asspie devianTART]
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| *[http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/ Aspies for Freedom]
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| *[http://www.cafepress.com/love_autism/346770 The official I have Autism button. BUY BUY BUY]
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| *{{youtube2|chomperrrrrr|chomperrrrrr}} - Typical aspie Youtube account.
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| *[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1116602/Why-face-truth-Having-autistic-child-wrecks-life-.html Daily Mail] explains why autistic children need to be [[Abortion|aborted]] ([[screencap]] [[:Image:Daily Mail Supports Autism Abortion.jpg|here]]).
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| *[http://www.gaiaonline.com/profiles/ecopper12/18024002/ Ecopper12]
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| {{aspies}}
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| <br>
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| {{psychology}}
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| {{top16}}
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| {{Timeline|Featured article April 11, [[2005]]|[[MySpace]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Pro-Ana]]}}
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| {{Timeline|Featured article November 16, [[2005]]|[[Cracky-chan]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Anna 4 avril]]}}
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| [[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
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| [[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
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