Condom

An IRL firewall that covers a man's penis during sexual intercourse to defend against real world computer worms such as AIDS, GRIDS and diabeetus. Also commonly used to amuse children at birthday parties.

It's quite the wonderful device, that is, if you like ripping out massive amounts of pubes with pliers. After a romp in the "hay" with the Mrs. (ya right) Mr., condoms can be used to make balloon animals. It is preferred that the balloon not be chewed on by "little Johnny", as this can cause little Johnny to grow up to be a flaming homosexual. Please note that homos do not use condoms, which is why they all have AIDS. It is a known fact that condoms fail 100% of the time and cause your penis to fall off into the fifth dimension where it will be eaten by dogs. Always remember to practice "safe sex" and attend a lot of children's parties.

Fun with Condoms!

How to properly use a condom.

• Leave unrolled condoms in public places. Place them on broom sticks. Hanging over chairs and benches. And for the most lulz, lay them hanging off the edge of toilet seats, toilet paper rolls, and around the flush handle but make sure to fill them with something for real fun like pistachio pudding. Even better, set the condom up so that when someone hits the flush handle, they'll get the pudding all over their hand because empty condom, meh. I'll just spend the next 6 hours washing my hands in bleach and scalding hot water. Condom with something in it plus a little chocolate pudding on the outside - fuck it. Cut my hands off.
• If you duct tape a condom to someones exhaust pipe of their car they will die from carbon monoxide poisoning!
• You can inflate a condom by putting it over your head and blowing through your nose, Just like those faggots on MTV
• Eating a condom is healthy; they prevent ricketts.
• It is always safe to re-use a condom. Just turn it inside out.
• People who are allergic to latex will die from being exposed to condoms. . . Have fun with this one!
• Double bag it, just to be safe!
• If she doesn't want it, then she probably doesn't want a condom either.
• The lubricant on condoms is bacteria that eats your foreskin.
• Japanese condoms are the largest sized condoms in the world.
• African condoms, however, are the smallest. As in, they don't exist. What else could explain their fertility and AIDS rates?
• Using a condom, under law you are allowed to have sex with anyone you want, regardless of their consent or age.
• Only gay people don't use condoms.
• Joseph Fritzl used condoms.
• You were the result of a broken condom.
• Put a condom on the exhaust pipe of a car, and lay your foot on the gas pedal while in park. Now watch it flail!

Other forms of Birth control

• Abortion
• Dental dam
• POS
• Vasectomy
• Masturbation
• Anal sex.
• Posting on /b/
• Fat Chicks
• Falcon punch
• Bankai
• Last Measure, the ultimate resort.
• Pushing down stairs
• Uppercut to uterus (inside or out, it's up to you)
• CoAs
• crisp (or chip) packets as makeshift condoms
• Alcohol
• Drugs
• Video Games

Instructions & Videos

Heed the warning, wear the Jimmy hat.

And for women.....

This condom (see Rapex section in Rape) is a horrible contraption designed to cause pain. What most femi-nazis forget though is a little thing called anal.

Example

Gallery

About missing Pics

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  Proper use of a condom, well at least for a faggot ginger which is redundant I guess
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  The church doing it for the lulz

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  Condoms can be reused after sex
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  Condoms aren't only for the dick
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  Well at least there aren't any centipedes
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  I would wear nothing else!
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  lesbian liberals fail at giving out
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  A condom with inward facing spikes on it (for her pleasure). If you find this in your woman, turn it inside out,the fuck her with it for maximum rapage.
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  Some people like collecting their own shit and storing it in condoms.
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  "I save all of my shit and stuff it into condoms and then when the mood strikes, I'll pull one out and eat the shit. feelsgoodman."
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  OM NOM NOM NOM
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  Real movie.
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  poor guy :(
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  Should've used one!
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  Some girls make skirts out of used condoms.
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  Typical slut with condoms, just asking to be raped gaiz.
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  Medieval ancient scroll teaching people safe sex
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  The "stimulus" pack.
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See Also

• RapeX
• Balloon Fetish
• Pregnant
• Dental dam
• LaTeX

External links

• How wikipedia wants it

Condom is part of a series on Sex Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.