Paul Douglas Valentine

Hey!

This article isn't lulz just yet, but its coverage can spark a lollercoaster. You can help by reverting people who delete shit, and vandalizing their user pages. See this article on Google? Want to add something? Join us!

This article needs moar trolling and satan. You can help by adding moar trolling and satan.

Notice Devil-worshiper Paul Valentine's large honker for sniffing out gold & Aryan babies. He also uses it to keep thin on cocaine.

Paul Douglas Valentine is the self-proclaimed leader of Satanism and the owner/operator of the Worldwide Church of Satanic Liberation. The main statement on his website promotes his organization & Satanism with the following:

	“	the harmless Satanism of the 1980s that sparked needless fears of human sacrifice, child abuse, etc., has become a potentially very dangerous entity in the hands of a new breed of unabashed Nazis who flaunt their bigotry and hatred.	„

Media Claim to Fame

In the 1980s Paul Douglas Valentine wandered onto America's televisions in a feeble attempt to promote his cult and bring in Scientology level money. Unfortunately for Paul it could have gone a bit better.

Satanic Super Fail

In the 1990s Paul Valentine began to forever slide like shit down a hill toward epic fail. It could be because people got tired of his mental retardation & Zionist lies. Paul Valentine had begun to build up quite a reputation of being a stalker, AIDS victim, drug addict, womanizer, and furfag. He was known for claiming to have hundreds of kids & countless mistresses. He was also known for believing in real, actual demons & for practicing sex magick. It could also be that his sexual relations with dead Herman Slater was scandalous enough to forever ruin his public relations. Never mind why it happened because all that matters is that it did. Paul Valentine was then from that point on & still today is a Satanic has-been. From this time period on he is but a lowly cellar dweller.

Paul Valentine Converts to the Internets

Paul Valentine began prostituting himself on YouTube & JewTube in order to separate the rubes from their money as well as so he could meet young men like the author of this article. The videos that he posts online generally are all about promoting addiction to beer, bisexuality, infidelity, the white trash lifestyle, the assassination of Marilyn Manson, the rape of hillbillies, the lynching of religious folk, terrorism against vegans, hot pockets, obesity, suicide, and all kinds of other faggotry.

What Paul Valentine Will Give You if You Join His Cult

• One year's membership is $15.00, and you get:

1. A shitty membership card
2. A button that blows you up
3. A cock ring
4. One Lunchable of your choice
5. Some Smarties that Paul Valentine found on the ground

• Lifetime Membership Package #1 for $200 gets you:

1. A shitty membership card
2. A book that Paul Valentine autographed, but didn't write
3. A Japanese dildo of your choice
4. Naked pictures of Paul Valentine

• Lifetime Membership Package #2 for $999.000 gets you:

1. A shitty membership card
2. A poster of Judy Garland
3. Your own arsenal of Hot Pockets and ramen noodles
4. A lock of Ronnie James Dio's ass hair
5. A bag of Paul Valentine's shit
6. Phone sex with Paul Valentine
7. Getting laughed at behind your back by Paul Valentine for being such a tool

• Lifetime Membership Package #3 for $6,660 gets you:

1. A shitty membership card
2. A 12-inch action figure of Paul Valentine that features a 1 cm dick (includes a princess outfit, a Jew outfit with accompanying oven and a Dominatrix outfit with strange contraptions and farm animals)
3. A letter from Paul Valentine informing you that he has kicked you out of his organization for the lulz

See Also

• Satan
• David Koresh
• Jim Jones
• Marshall Applewhite
• Charles Manson

External Links

• His online 'church'
• Paul's YouTube
• Paul's radio show The Naked Satanist
• Paul's Facebook

[Close them downOpen the records]

Paul Douglas Valentine is part of a series on Cults

Paul Douglas Valentine is part of a series on Obscure Religions

Click topics to expand: Major Religions • Minor Religions • Trollianity • Deities • Religious Icons • Other Religions • Related Articles Links to separate templates: Christianity • Judaism • Islam • Atheism • Scientology • Cults • Portal of Truth Buddhism • Hinduism • Satanism • Wiccan & Pagan Trolldin • Lolki • Lönguncattr • NXIVM • Ragnaröfl • Martin Luther King Day • Catnarok BASEDGOD • God • Kim Il-sung • RaptorJesus • Santa • Satan Claus • Xenu • Yahweh Ted Haggard • Tom Cruise • John Travolta • Rifqa Bary Voodoo • Church of Euthanasia • Environmentalism • Objectivism • Children's Immortality Project • Jedi Church Enlightenment • Halloween • Questionable logic • Crocoduck