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| [[Image:JAWSUS.jpg|thumb|right|200px|[[Jawsus|OMG A PORN SITE LETS GO THERE!!!!]]]]
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| [[Image:1st_date.jpg|thumb|right|300px|[[doing it right|Mah boy's first piledriver...]]]]
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| [[File:Sex moves manga.jpg|thumb|Here's some sex moves that [[You|you]] will never be able to use.]]
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| This is a list of sex moves, mostly felonious and impossible, made up by little boys who have never even gotten to second base and only got to first base with their cousins (No, these were other boys.) .It is [[unfunny]] and boring, but if you are a [[13 year old boy]], you'll laugh your undescended testicle loose.
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| [[Image:Lady J in the park1.jpg|thumb|left|With a little [[rape|persuasion]], any woman, like the one shown above, will perform any and all sex moves. Many even in the same session. Amiright?]]
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| {| id="toc" class="toc" summary="Contents"
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| '''For men:''' [[#0–9|0–9]] [[#A|A]] [[#B|B]] [[#C|C]] [[#D|D]] [[#E|E]] [[#F|F]] [[#G|G]] [[#H|H]] [[#I|I]] [[#J|J]] [[#K|K]] [[#L|L]] [[#M|M]] [[#N|N]] [[#O|O]] [[#P|P]] [[#Q|Q]] [[#R|R]] [[#S|S]] [[#T|T]] [[#U|U]] [[#V|V]] [[#W|W]] [[#X|X]] [[#Y|Y]] [[#Z|Z]] __NOTOC__
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| '''[[#For Women|For Women]] / [[#For Children|For Children]] / [[#For_Jews|For Jews]]
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| |}
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| ===0–9===
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| *'''22, The''' Basically the same as The 11. However, when the cum is pouring down, rotate her head. First clockwise, then counter clockwise, and then a quick turn clockwise. There are many variations of this, and some score higher than others. A flawless 48 is a suitable topic for a dinner conversation; all your friends will surely envy you for such an achievement. For even more fun and joy, compete with your friends; don´t forget to switch girlfriends since your best chum might be keeping the sought-after 94 that you need to complete your collection.
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| *'''2 in the pink, 1 in the stink''' requires 4 guys and 1 girl. 2 dicks in the vagina, 1 in the asshole and 1 guy to hold the camera and say things like "yeah, show me your tits!"
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| *'''The 300''' Very similar to the cunt punt, but during sex. Get her in the mood and start to 'do' her. Preferably over a balcony or something of the like. Then unexpectedly pull out and yell "THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!" and Leonidas kick her, sending her flying, hopefully into a pack of Persians.
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| *'''3211, The''' Also similar to The 11. You queen the girl, and when you think that she has done her duty, expel your bowels in her mouth, stick your manmeat in her cookie crusher, sit on her mouth, and double elbow her in the gut forcing the used food through her nose. Then the method splits. 1: Classic - you sit down with her neck in your groin and do the good-old turning. 2: Football - stand up and kick her head to achieve the desired number. Remember, use Sir Newton to your advantage to create new sequences, since a higher angle of attack grants longer time for creation. You may also choose to create your masterpiece on a different part of her face. The Coup de Grace is the Zinedine Zidane throwing a cascade of precious bodily fluids into the air, thus with the help of old Newton destroying your creation and proving that art is only worthy in the moment of creation.
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| *'''40 and Plum''' This is when you take a chick 40 miles out of town and plum off the road to fuck.
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| *'''The 4chan''' The only position epic enough to be named after [[4chan|the fatherland]]. Requires one girl and ten guys; two dicks in each <!-- If you're retarded, by 'each hole' I mean pussy, ass, and mouth. Fucking duh. --> hole while giving a handjob with each hand, plus a footjob and breastjob. (pics or it didn't happen) Cleanup is rumored to take about three hours, plus another 48 hours for the [[slut|g]][[whore|i]][[bitch|r]][[loli|l]] to regain consciousness.
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| *'''The 69er''' Similar to the Canadian Jackhammer, but better. While stand-up 69ing with a chick, unexpectedly jizz all over her face, clutch her legs, and piledrive her to the ground. Then, you have the option of throwing her in a ditch or in a dumpster.
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| *'''72''' Simple mathematics: 69 + 3 fingers in the ass.
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| *'''80's metal drummer''' As you're full on slamming her in the vagine, pick up a drumstick, poke your tongue out and beat the shit out of her with it while using the other hand to throw up the horns.
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| *'''[[Professional Wrestling|619, The]]''' For experts in rasslin' only, try to knock the bitch out but not completely. When she (or he, if you are a fag, which is typical in fans, amirite?) gets groggy AND openmouthed, jump up from the bed or any other thing with bounce, and make sure you have perfect aiming, land on her with your cock in her mouth on the floor. More points if you pin her with a referee counting.
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| === A ===
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| *'''A.F.G.P.''' The Ass Fuck Gut Punch is not a move for amateurs of ass fucking. While fucking a girl in the ass from behind (and timing is everything on this move), you quickly punch the bitch in her gut. This must be done without warning for full effect, as it will cause her to flinch with pain, thus tightening her anus as you pull out with a fresh, clean dick - free of shit thanks to the A.F.G.P.
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| *'''Abe Lincoln''' [[Image:Lincoln.jpg|thumb|left|Desired end result.]] You must be a male in order to perform the Abe Lincoln. One must be careful when performing the Abe Lincoln, as precision with both cock and hand as well as a good poker face are necessary to successfully pull it off. In order to perform the Abe Lincoln, you first convince your partner to shave your balls, or convince her to let you shave her hairy muff. While shaving, and after completion, you must be careful to conceal the fresh shavings in your hand. Next, you fuck her brains out as you please, covertly keeping the fresh pube clippings in your hand and keeping a straight face. When you are approaching [[orgasm]], you must make sure to have the girl on her back. When the baby batter has been sufficiently mixed and is ready to come out, you cum around her jawline and mouth. Before she has a chance to say anything or wipe it off, you throw the fresh shavings onto her unsuspecting visage, creating an Abe Lincoln-esque scruffy beard. If you can jam a concealed top hat onto her head, all the better. This is recommended for first sexual encounters, sexual encounters at her workplace, or sexual encounters in any area where there is no nearby access to water so that the beard cannot be immediately cleaned from her face.
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| Alternate: Standing and partially squatted in a 69 position, the male wears a top hat eats out the chick (the female's bush is his beard) and proclaims "4 score and 7 years ago!" while taking a shit (freeing the slaves) at the same time.
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| *'''Aikido''' Lean her over a table from a standing position and do her from behind. While doing her, grab her arms, pull them around behind her and hold her wrists together with one hand. If you feel obligated, lift up on them and make her yell.
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| *'''Actual Food Sex''' Make sure your bitch is done with a nice romantic dinner, then when you get her in the mood to fuck, act like you're going to stick it in her cunt, but actually fuck the living daylights out of her bellybutton, making it food sex, sorta! (Warning: You must be [[azn|Asian]] to have a small enough dick for this to work.)
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| *'''African Safari''' While doing a chick in the ass, scream "I've got AIDS!". Pull out, jump on her back and slap her ass and hold her by the hair and see how long you can stay on. Also known as the ''Buckin' Bronco''.
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| *'''Alabama Hot Pocket''' Spread her wide and poop inside. Take your woman and or lady friend by the pussy lips, spread 'em wide open, and hover your shithole above her <s>[[Fail|piss]][[Virgin|hole]]</s>. <b>(PISSHOLE=/=VAGINA)</b> Take a dump. If aimed correctly, your sweet doo doo filling may fill her (hopefully crust/flaky) vagigi, much like how a hot pocket is filled with whatever it is they fill them with.
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| *'''Alabama Mudd Machine''' A perverse sexual act. This act involves two males in a sexual act where one male inserts his penis into the anus of another male. The other male then defecates all over the other male. The happenings afterwards typically digress into something along the lines of the infamous 2girls1cup video.
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| *'''Alaskan Heatstroke''' Invite a girl over on a chilly fall night for a quiet evening of star gazing, secrets, and herbal tea. Sit her down outside and once the tea boils pour it directly down her throat. When the ensuing scream occurs, stuff your dick down her throat for an extra toasty treat on an cold night.
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| *'''Alaskan Pipeline''' After a girl takes a shit, stick said shit in the freezer. After twenty-four hours, she should remove it from the freezer, then use it to masturbate. (If your girl does this while you watch you become obligated to eat that [[shit|fudgesicle]]).
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| *'''Alexander Graham Bell''' One chick blows the daylights out of your cock while her friend puts her ear up to your dick. The first chick talks while blowing you. The second listens in. They try and communicate telefuckingly. Three points if you cram your dick inside the girl's ear so she can't hear anything.
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| *'''Alligator Fuckhouse''' This one is done best on a bed. Mid coitus, wrap your legs around your partners, making sure to keep your dick rammed within her. Immediately when this is finished, bearhug your partner and proceed to bite down on their neck. HARD. In this position, use all your might to roll off the bed, flinging you and your attached partner to the ground, where you roll around until they wriggle themselves free or pass out from blood loss. Extra points rewarded if done while wearing gator boots.
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| *'''Alternate Universe''' Having an [[orgasm]] while getting a [[blumpkin]], eating a really good samidge, shooting heroin, sneezing, watching an awesome movie, receiving a massage, and being told that you just won the lottery.
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| *'''Ambushed Paddington, The''' When you’re fucking your girl, just as you’re about to pop grab her teddy bear and cum all over its face. Paddington has been ambushed!
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| *'''The Amish Plow''' - Doing a girl on her hands and knees doggy style. All of a sudden, reach around, knock her arms out from under her. Her face will hit the carpet, and then thrust forward and "plow" her across the floor. ''May result in minor carpet burns''.
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| *'''Andrew's "Frumpa-Lumpa"'''- First, grab an Asian slave betwixt the ages of 97 and 97.1, to make sure that she will not escape your Brazen bull. Then, after tying her down with layers of frumpa lumpa leaves, from the country of Ibiza, Africa, order a goat that specializes particularly in the act of cahootinannies (animal orgies). Force the women to perform mild to severely degrading acts of sex on the goat, until the goat reaches ejaculation. At the point of ejaculation, give her a French made, miniature, wood crafted spoon and demand that she scoop up the fluid within an allotted amount of time. Track down every genetic relative, and round them up into a train through persuasion. To her family's surprise, bring them into the room, and force each of her family members, including youngins, to lick her snoo snoo. After she says, [[LOL_WUT|"Call me Sally, and pain my eyeballs elephant"]], tell her that she was a good girl, and that she learned her lesson.
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| [[Image:Suck11.gif|thumb|Angry Dragon]]
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| *'''Angry Dragon, The''' You’re getting head from a girl who doesn't want you to bust in her mouth, so she tells you to let her know before you’re about to bust. As she’s doing her work, just before you bust, hold her head down, bust your nut in her mouth, then hold her mouth shut and punch her in the stomach so it comes out her nose. In [[Pokemon]] terms, this can be expressed by the move "DRAGONAIR used DRAGON RAGE".
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| *'''Angry Gravedigger''' You are fucking a chick in the ass, and right as you are about to cum pull your dick out and hit her in the back of the head with a shovel, dazed she will turn around then cum in her eye, hand her the shovel and push her into a chair. She will now remind you of an angry grave digger, sitting there rubbing her bruised head and squinting.
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| *'''Anal''' This is when you put your one-eyed monster in her butthole. Almost like a vagina, 'cept its ok to blow your load in there without having a fucking kid! Well, usually anyway. [[Bullshit|Wikipedia says]] the cum can sometimes seep through to the vagina. Srsly, how fucked up is that?
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| *'''Angel's Kiss''' Dip the head of an uncircumcised penis into a dye or paint of your color choice (red and green for the holidays) and apply the the cheek of a relative or friend under the mistletoe. An angel get's is wings after the completion of this [[gay|event]].
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| *'''Angry Pirate''' A girl is sucking you off and you bust in her eye, so it's an eye patch, then you kick her in the shin as hard as you can to break it so she's hopping on one leg and saying "arrrrr". Works better if she has a parrot on her shoulder and a hook for a hand, but hey, it's still fuckin' fun!
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| *'''[[April Fools]]''' Make sure it is April 1st, then come up to [[fat|a girl that can't get any]] or is [[fugly|really desperate]] and start making moves on her. When you get to the bedroom and she gets naked (leave yours on for easy exit) shout out, "APRIL FOOLS!", and then leave.
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| *'''Aqua Sock''' Put on a couple pairs of socks on any foot you desire. Get your girl all wet and horny. Now proceed to kick her in her vagina as quickly and as hard as possible. Get the sock all wet and ripe. Wipe your ass with it for good measure. Now as your girl lays there in a state of confusion rub her face with the Aqua Sock. Most girls like this on the first date!
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| *'''Arabian Death Mask''' The girl is laying down on her back, you squat over her head, then you put your left and right nut on the girl's right and left eye (respectively) and your asshole on her mouth and FART. It's a killer.
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| *'''Arm Makeout''' Your girl is laying nude and you come to her and start licking and kissing her arms. While doing this hump her back then cum in her butthole.
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| *'''ATM''' fuck the girl in the ass, then get her to suck you off afterwords, hence ass-to-mouth. Note: although usually one never goes from ass to mouth...in the heat of a moment it has been said to be forgivable to go from ATM.
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| *'''Australian Warship''' Girl sits in the bath and gives a guy a blowjob while constantly splashing her feet around to simulate propellers. Just as the guy's about to pop, he pulls out and yells "Contact dead ahead!" then blows all over her face. (Given all the fucking that went on aboard the good ship Success, this is particularly apt.)
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| *'''[[Axilism]]''' ARMPIT SEX!
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| ===B===
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| *'''Baby's Breath''' While having sex with a pregnant woman, the baby gives you head.
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| *'''Babe''' When you're banging your chick from under her wait until she really starts gettin into it and then suddenly stop her lift her off and put her to your side and say "That'll do pig that'll do".
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| *'''Back Breaker Double Fishhook''' You must be bangin' your girl from behind, she must be takin' a wild pussy bangin' hardcore action from you in a sittin' reverse ridin' position on top of you, layin' her arms floatin' around you, with her head on layin' on the left, then you double fishhook her and continue bangin' her pussy from behind, and remember: KEEP THE DOUBLE FISHHOOK ON THE BITCH!! One last thing: You must be doin' it sittin' on somethin' like a sofa or whatever.
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| *'''Back Door Pickle Tickle''' While you have your cock in a chick's pussy missionary style you stick your finger in her ass 'til you can feel your knob, then you start tickling it.
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| *'''Backseat Bullride''' While fucking a girl doggystyle, reach around with your right hand, grab her left tit and whisper in her ear, "Your sister likes it like this" and try to hold on for 8 seconds.
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| *'''Bacon Slip''' Fucking a girl or guy with any of a number of cased meats. E.g. sausage, bratwurst, hot dog.
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| *'''Baked Chicken''' Lie on your back and pull your knees to your chest. Spread your knees as wide as you can so you look like a baked chicken. Then have your woman lick your asshole.
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| *'''The Ballpark''' Similar to titty-fucking, but between the butt-cheeks. So-named because it's not real sex, but it's in the same ballpark. Also because [[you're|you're]] frank is between two buns.
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| *'''Bananal Puddin''' You insert the banana into your partners ass and then proceed to fuck them and mash it up real nice. Finally add a nice [[cum|skeet-skeet]] topping inside and let it mix. Afterwords lay down on your back and receive the puddin in your mouth and enjoy.
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| *'''Bangalangher''' Just bang the hell out of her...
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| *'''Barrel Roll''' While giving your partner anal sex, grip on to her ass cheeks tightly and double tap R or Z to perform a Barrel Roll motion until you jizz. Bonus points awarded if you shout "SLIPPY I'M DOING A BARREL ROLL" while you perform the act.
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| *'''Battery Charger''' Start off goin' down on ya girl and bust out the Shocker. Then replace the two in the pink with a can of whipped cream and fill'er up. Soon as she all filled up, grab an electric tazer and 'shocker' in the asshole. Whipped cream EVERYWHERE!
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| *'''Beetle Clip''' Stick your thumb in her pussy and your index finger in her ass and try your damnedest to touch your fingers together!
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| *'''Best Anal''' First, you find an elderly black man, then you fuck him with your 2 inch penis that bends sharply upward. As you are doing this, yell out the name of your mother as loudly as possible, then jump off a building into highway traffic.
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| *'''Beverly Hills Twister''' Get a chick that thinks she is God's gift to men. While tagging her from behind, stick both index fingers in her ass digging out as much shit as possible. Then stick your fingers up her nostrils and tell her, "You think you're shit don't stink now, bitch?"
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| *'''Big Jake, The''' The sexual stimulation of a penis using the hands and fingers of a partner and a deceased infant. The recipient puts his penis in a dead infant's mouth. A partner inserts as much of his arm as possible up the infant's rectum, through its gastrointestinal tract and esophagus, and proceeds to manually stimulate the recipient's penis in the infant's mouth. People favor the Big Jake because the dead infant acts as a disposable receptacle for any semen ejaculated. People do not favor the Big Jake because it's just too fucking hot.
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| *'''Bill Cosby, The''' A masturbation technique involving repeated thrusting of the male member into a warmed cup of JELLO brand gelatin dessert. This is achieved most easily by warming a microwave-safe cup full of JELLO in the microwave until desired temperature is reached. If you burn your dick off, you'd better let us know because that's [[lulz|funny as hell]].
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| *'''Billy Joel, The''' Get a blowjob from a girl while you play the piano. The alternative version is called the Elton John, where a man sucks your dick.
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| *'''Bingo Bango''' Get your wench to log into her favorite on-line bingo room. Fasten her "dobber pen" to her forehead with some sturdy tape and every time a number is called thrust into her from behind whilst smashing her head into the table to "Mark Her Card". The aim is to blow your goo into her at exactly the same moment she gets a full house. BINGO!!
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| *'''Birmingham Booty Call''' Put your woman's cell phone on vibrate, stick it up her ass, and as you are having sex, call her phone, have her shit it out, answer it, and talk dirty to you as you cum on her face.
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| *'''Bismarck''' Get her to begin giving you a blowjob and just when you are about to blow it, pull out and shoot it right in her eye and then clench your fist to punch her right in the same eye as you yell out "Bismarck!"
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| *'''Bite "down"''' When you are doin' the chick from behind and you can tell she is about to climax, you grab her arms and put them behind her back. Naturally her head is going to go down because she can't hold it up. Her face is in the pillow and she is breathing hard; basically, she is suffocating. When she starts to gasp for air and can't breathe, pull her up and shove it deep. The head rush and the adrenaline will get her off quicker than a fag at a hot dog stand.
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| *'''Blind mans bluff''' Shag her from behind and shoot your loads. Then start again, only this time, jus before you cum, poke her eyes out and shove your cock up her ass. See how long it takes her to realise! =D
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| *'''Blood Party''' This can only be done while your woman is menstruating. While she's all bitchy,grab her by the hair, slam her into a table by the forehead, and do her doggystyle. Then, if you're lucky, She'll bleed all over you. Also, you have to be on meth.
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| *'''[[Blumpkin]]''' While dropping a deuce, talk your woman into giving you a hummer. She will really appreciate the smell.
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| *'''Bob Marley''' Begin this by fucking her doggy style or by getting head. When you're ready to blow your load, let it fly in her hair and then make her twist it together like dread locks - she will look just like Bob Marley.
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| *'''Bombs over Baghdad''' Position the girl so she is doing a handstand in front of you facing you. Pull her legs around you and proceed to rail her, and when you are all ready to shoot your jizz, see if you can drop it into her nose. Since bombs destroy stuff, if you make it kick her in the face and break her nose.
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| *'''Boston Pancake''' After shitting on her, apply the syrup (ie, your cum)
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| *'''Bowling Ball''' Place two fingers in her pussy and your thumb in her anus, then try to lift her in the air. For experts, throw her against the wall.
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| *'''Branding''' While you're doggy styling, before you blow your load ask her if she wants a cigar. Even if it's a no, you burn a ring on her ass with a lit cigar, permanently making her your property. If possible, get a custom cig lighter with your initials on it.
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| *'''Brian Peppers''': In a public place unzip your pants and press your dick up to an unsuspecting woman or teenage girl and grope her ass.
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| *'''Brown Banana''' Take a large shit and put it in the freezer for 3 days, then while you're doing her from behind ram the frozen turd in her ass until it’s too mushy to penetrate. Then, feed it to her on a hamburger bun like a sloppy Joe.
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| *'''Brownbeard'''* Much like a Dirty Sanchez, but instead of covering the upper lip of the girl with shit, you cover her entire face, making it look like she has a brown beard.
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| *'''Brown Shower''' Take a shit in someones mouth and make them eat it. Bonus points if they orgasm.
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| *'''Brown Tie''' After poking your love slave in the big brown eye, masturbate with the females tits and the whore should look like she is wearing a brown tie.
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| *'''Brown Trout''' While fucking a chick in the ass, stick your index finger in her ass real quick and pull it back out, making sure the chick doesn't notice. A few moments later, use that same finger and make a hook shape with it, and put it in the chicks mouth and pull back. And bam! You've hooked a brown trout!
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| *'''Bryan Lyssy''' While fucking a girl in the ass, pull out quickly, taking the anal lining with you (The Pink Sock). Then, blow into the anal lining, inflating it like a balloon. Now, release it so all the air goes out and makes a farting noise.
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| *'''Buckin' Bronco''' While doing a chick in the ass, scream "I've got AIDS!". Pull out, jump on her back and slap her ass and hold her by the hair and see how long you can stay on. Also known as the ''African Safari''.
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| *'''Bulldozer''' While having doggy style sex, begin ramming her with extraordinary force until she falls to the floor. After which, begin to pound her so hard she begins to scoot forward with every thrust. Begin to make her collide forcibly into all furniture in the room.
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| *'''Bull Frog''' While hitting it from behind, pull out and shove it in her stinkhole, making her jump forward and croak like a bull frog.
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| *'''Bullzeye''' Start by doing your chick in the ass. Do her as hard as you can for about a minute, then quickly put it out of her cornhole. While her asshole is still loose, hock a big loogey in her butthole while yelling "BULLZEYE!!!"
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| *'''Buttered Bread''' This was first recorded a few months ago. You start by fucking someone in the ass; man, woman, doesn't matter as long as there's a little flab/[[fat]]. After you dump your load in their dirt star, proceed to do whatever you have to do to get them to fart while holding their ass cheeks together. Proceed to peel apart and it'll resemble buttered bread. If one is fucking a particularly hairy asshole, they may also opt to make buttered toast by lighting the asshole's foliage on fire before evoking the gas creating a particularly noxious smell almost like burning toast. Aka the Grilled Cheese. Bonus points if you get someone else to eat it.
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| *'''Burning Amazon''' Be sure to fuck someone who neglects to shave her cooch and keep a lighter at hand during the course of sex. In the seconds preceding climax, set your partner's pubic hair on fire. Pull out exactly at the moment of ejaculation and, if necessary, aim in the direction of the illuminated area. After the blaze has been doused and the pubic region as per your liking, inform your partner that you'll have to go through the same routine again if you ever catch her unshaven. Add romance to the event by demanding a pie from your partner after remonstrating her.
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| *'''Burnt Rubber''' Put on a rubber glove, make sure it is a yellow one and jerk off with it. Yes it will burn, so bring a fire extinguisher.
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| *'''Burt, The''' Named after the Sesame street character. After you have sloppy anal sex you take your shitty dick and slap it between their eyes giving them a fecal unibrow.
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| ===C===
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| [[Image:Vampire_don_henrie.jpg|thumb|Don Henrie is a fan of the Reverse Carl.]]
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| [[Image:cannes-outdoor-aides-1_thumb.jpg|thumb|The Cocktopus has been found.]]
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| *'''Camping charades''' When you're out camping with a bunch of friends, and one of them [[I accidentally X|accidentally]] passes out outside of their tent, you all gather round and toss off over the drunken cunt.
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| *'''Classic Carl''' This one is simple and disgusting as hell. Get your woman to lay below you and drop a deuce in her mouth.
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| *'''Carl H Koenig''' The name for raping a blonde German girl and acting proud of in before getting [[butthurt|pwned]] in the ass in prison.
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| *'''Carl 2 Go''' Drop it between her tits, and then wrap Saran around her sealing it there. If you like, saran her arms to her body while you're at it.
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| *'''Camel Hump''' While banging a fine piece of ass from behind, shove a popsicle or similar frozen treat up her ass. Have the bitch clench her rusty sheriff’s badge (a.k.a. ass) to hold the icy treat. After a session of sexual intercourse, drink the melted frozen treat out of her ass with a crazy straw.
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| *'''Campbell, the''' Finger your dog in the ass using the excuse that you were 'prodding' it in the nose and that it turned round...you'll get off on this for sure, Campbell did.
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| *'''[[The_Colbert_Report#Canadia.27s_History.2FThe_Beaver|Canada's History]]''' A seldom accomplished, extremely depraved sex act too vile to describe. Involves moose antlers, a bottle of maple syrup, and the Stanley Cup. First, take the Stanley Cup and fill it to the brim with maple syrup, then cut the antlers off of a moose (preferably live) and dip the ends into the maple syrup, then, while two women perform a sixty-nine on each other, you insert the moose antlers into their rectums and stand over them, masturbating and singing "God Save the Queen," being sure to end every phrase with "Eh?"
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| *'''Canadian Jackhammer''' Do a stand-up 69 with a girl, then in the middle of it, drop her.
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| *'''Canadian Mower''' Start fucking a girl on a grassy area doggy style in the ass, stand up with dick still in her and pick her legs up like a wheelbarrow and have her start eating the grass. Move her around like you were mowing the grass. Fill her up with grass. Cause her to vomit while u bust a nut in her mouth.
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| *'''Candlejack''' As you're about to come, yell out Candlejack and then afte
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| *'''Candy Cane''' When you jizz in a girls face, punch her in the nose making it red and white, hence the candy cane.
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| *'''Cat''' Simply have sex with a cat, preferably a tam-cat. This will give you a wild ride and surely be the best pussy you'll ever get.
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| *'''Cat Back''' While hitting it from behind, without permission pull out and cram your entire dick in her unsuspecting ass! Nine out of ten arch their back in the air like a frightened cat!
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| *'''Center of Gravity''' Take your lady friend to the county fair and get in the Round Up ride. Once you're both pinned to the wall, unbuckle the harness and roll on top of her, fuck'er and get buckled back in before the ride is over. 10Xpts for facials and just remember to aim for where she's going to be, not where she is: '''F''' = mrω²
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| *'''The Charizard''' While doing a hairy girl, light her pubes on fire. Then, put some of the fire out with your cum. Then wave your arms wildly yelling "You can't train me! You don't have enough badges!"
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| *'''Chased by the Pirate''' When a girl is giving head and your about to pop the load, pull your dick out of her mouth, come into her left eye and kick her to the right shin-bone. She'll put left hand on her eye and the right hand on her shin-bone, making her hop after you and that makes you chased by a pirate. Don't let her catch you!
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| *'''The Chastity Patch''': not a sex move as such, but when your woman is going out for a night with the girls, be sure to smear a tiny bit of shit on the back of her neck. This "chastity patch" will keep her out of trouble.
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| *'''Chainsaw massacre''' First you pound the bitch's biff and plant your seeds, then take out a chainsaw and slash the whore to pieces!
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| *'''Chattanooga Chalupa''' First, take a shit in a girl's vagina. Then fuck her in the vagina, ejaculating all over your shit that is still in her vagina. This causes her vagina to look like a Taco Bell chalupa. This move is especially popular in the mountains of Southeast Tennessee.
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| *'''Cherry Cheesecake''' This is a finishing move. Stroke it right off onto her face, then break her nose.
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| *'''Cherry Cordial''' Same as the Sludge Box, but this term is only to be used if the girl is a virgin. (Hence, a chocolate-covered cherry!)
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| *'''Cherry Danish''' Blow your load in your chick's face then punch her in the nose. It will make it look just like a cherry Danish.
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| *'''Cherry Popsicle''' When you pull her bloody tampon out and stick it in her mouth, like a cherry popsicle.
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| *'''Chicken''' Tuck your hands under your armpits while fucking a chick from behind, then stand up on your knees, flap your arms like a chicken and crow like a rooster.
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| *'''Chief Joseph''' When a girl is on her rag, you must pull her tampon out by the string with your teeth, then viciously shake your head back and forth. The blood from the tampon will splatter on your cheeks, giving you war paint.
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| *'''The Kabob''' Basically, you ram your fist up a girl's ass then try to carry her.
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| *'''Chili Dog''' To pull this one off you need to get the sudden urge to take a shit in between her tits and then proceed to titty-fuck her.
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| *'''Chinese Turkey''' Fist your own asshole and harvest as much shit as possible. Then proceed to stuff your partner with you excrement as you would a turkey.
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| *'''Chocolate Bikini''' While completing the Sludge Box, wipe your ass back and forth, so that you smear your feces all across her entire pubic area. It will look just like a chocolate bikini!
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| *'''Chocolate Fondue''' Start out with an arabian deathmask but instead of farting in her mouth, [[Shart]] in it and proceed onto fucking her.
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| *'''Chudder''' Getting a chick to nibble on your nuts.
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| *'''The Cincinnati Bow tie''' Use your lady's heaving bosom as a soft landing zone for your tiny penis, but do it backwards -- so your balls are right on her neck. The resulting genital configuration resembles a bowtie.
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| *'''The Cinnamon Roll''' Take a shit on the living room floor, then rub one out and spooge on it. When the victim comes in and examines it, knock them over and rape them while the cinnamon roll is the only thing they can see.
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| *'''[[Cleveland Steamer]]''' One of the most well-known moves on this list. In this move you sit on her chest so she can barely breathe and then take a shit and slide down toward the vagina whilst making the noise of a Cleveland steam boat.
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| :'''Alternate''': Fuck outside near the disgusting Cuyahoga River during an Ohio snowstorm. Take an award-winning corn-fed beef-shit on your gal's chest and watch it steam. Best done by the Great Lakes Science Center or the giant "Free" stamp so you feel like you've done your civic duty.
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| *'''Clown's mouth''' Eat a chick out whilst she is on her period.
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| *'''Cockroach''' While you are doing a girl doggy, take it out and then spray RAID in her ass
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| :'''Alternate''': While you are doing a girl doggy, take it out and spit on her back, then when she turns around, spray RAID on her face.
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| *'''Cock a Doodle Doo''' In order to do this one you need to work at McDonald's. While you're preparing food Get a chicken to peck your balls while you jerk off into a Mc Chicken.
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| *'''Cocktopuss''' Just like it sounds. Eight cocks, one chick, a million faps. The actual existence of the cocktopuss has never been determined, despite much, much research into the matter. Note: this is not a one chick, eight guys thing. This is 8 cocks ''simultaneously'' in one girl. Hands do not count.
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| *'''Cock slap''' Simply slapping your cock aggressively against the partner's forehead. For added lulz [[Sick fuck|ejaculate onto her forehead beforehand and create a sort of forehead creampie.]]
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| *'''Cocoa Puffs Breakfast''' This move is the ultimate in slit-shitting! First, you take a crap inside some girl's pussy. Then, you fuck her brains out (Rusty Nail) until you blow your load inside her filthy hole. Finally, you stick a spoon inside her, pull out the chunks of your shit mixed with your milky cum, and feed it to her. She'll go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!!
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| *'''Code of Silence''' You fuck a girl that's so dirty or ugly that you rip off the used condom and gag her with it, and tell her that you'll kill her if she tells a soul what just happened between the two of you.
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| *'''Cold Lunch''' While she's giving you oral, ask her if you can cum in her mouth and for her to "eat it". If she says no, politely say "then how about this?" and proceed to stick your finger down your throat and vomit all over the top of the bitches head. She should learn her lesson for next time not to refuse your cum snack.
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| *'''Congo Line''' This is when numerous black men pull a train on some unlucky whore. The men wear war paint.
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| *'''Consensual sex in the missionary position''' This is perhaps the most disgusting move of all. What you do is lay your woman so she is on her back. Then, ask permission to have vaginal intercourse. Once she agrees, place yourself on top of her and penetrate her vagina with your penis.
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| *'''Corn on the Cob''' After banging a broad in the ass, pull out to blow your load down her throat, which is pretty classy in and of itself, but it gets better. While making the transition from bung to pie hole, you notice a corn kernel on the head of your cock. Hence, we now have the "corn on the cob". Remember kids, corn is always better the second time around.
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| *'''Cosby Sweater''' The sexual act of eating Fruit Loops, Fruity Pebbles, Trix, and Boo Berry- or any other 'bright, colorful' breakfast cereals- and then vomitting the tacky, dazzling mixture onto your partners chest. The result should look similar to the incredible sweaters that Bill Cosby wore during his highly successful 1980's sitcom "The Cosby Show".
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| *'''Cotton Candy''' This requires you to stay hard once you've jizzed. You fuck a girl up the ass so that you get shit all over your dick and then you proceed to cum on the edge of her asshole. You swirl your cock in it like a stick in a cotton candy machine until you get jizz and shit all over you cock and then you fuck her face with it.
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| *'''Cottonmouth''' This one takes a bit of a sacrifice. If your girl is giving you a blowjob, hold out for as long as you can. Make sure she's in the mood for sex during this time, because that's kind of the whole point of the move. After she's thoroughly exhausted and likely horny from giving you a long-ass BJ, just send her home and tell her you have to work or go to class or something.
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| *'''Coyote''' Fuck a [[Mexican]] immigrant woman doggy-style. EVEN MOAR POINTS IF YOU FUCK HER ON THE BORDERLINE!!!
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| *'''Coyte''' This is when you fuck the shit out of a drunk bitch/ho (fo' sho), and proceed to whip off the used condom, put it in her handbag and say "YOU JUST GOT COYTED BIATCH! GET THE FUCK OUT!!".(This must be done in your house)
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| *'''Crazy Carl''' Make sure when you do the whore doggy-style with her head facing the wall. You gotta fucking hump her brains out as hard as you can until her brains literally get smashed and smeared into the wall. When she's not moving (pretty much dead), you may take advantage of her as you'd like; blow your baby juice inside, I don't care. Take all of her prostitute money, and move on to the next bitch. Repeat the steps. You'll be a rich pimp just like that.
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| *'''The Cream Filled Truffle''' During anal, ejaculate hard into your partner's butt (male or female), then pull out and shove a straw up their ass and suck all the semen out of their ass. More experienced users of this move can use it in vaginal intercourse as an alternative to condoms. But you must be skilled enough to make sure you can suck all of the semen out, so you don't get her pregnant.
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| *'''Creampie''' This happens in some of the porn movies you'd find on the internets. This is when you just release the jizz in her slimy cunt for pleasure or for lulz. NO CONDOMS, NO CONTRACEPTIVES WHATSOEVER. And then, the baby juice will magically pour out due to gravity, just in time to avoid a silly sperm raping that egg. If it fails, you're fucked.
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| *'''Cross-Fingered Crippler''' Similar to the Shocker, but you cross your index and middle fingers and give it to her!
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| *'''Cunthammer''' Though I would imagine this to be self-explanatory, I will however go into details. After a good fucking, you blow inside of her and as a form of contraception you whip out a cleverly stashed hammer and break her pelvis. After the clean up at the hospital, I'm sure she won't be having kids...
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| *'''Chief Marley (the combo)''' Do an oral Bob Marley and make a mohawk and combine it with an inverse Chief Joseph (she gets the 'war paint'), you whip out the tampon and wipe two marks under her eyes
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|
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| ===D===
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|
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| *'''Dainal Sex''' A bizarre sex move [[I accidentally X|accidentally]] invented by a man named Dain in the backwoods of Oregon. We'll change the names of the other boys involved, as to protect their identities. We would do this for Dain too, but he's a [[douchebag]], so [[fuck]] him. [[Anal|In the ass.]] Dain, "Jon," and "Cody" had come home from a late night out at a party, drunk as hell. Let's just say these three got a little frisky and decided to experiment with each other, [[anal|anally]]. So, Dain and Jon begin to fondle one another as Cody watches with anticipation. This got a bit TOO disturbing to actually type, even by ED's standards so let's just cut down to Dain's part of the story. The other two made him the feltcher, who sucks the cum out of the other two's asses after sex. As Dain was about to insert the straw within Cody's ass, Cody couldn't hold his gas in, resulting in a anal-sperm shower for Dain's face. Use EXTREME caution when attempting this maneuver.
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| *'''D-Rock''' For this one you need to not fuck or jerk off for two months. This move takes a lot of patience because of the time frame involved. After two months pass get some chick to blow you. When you blow your load in her mouth it will be so big that she will jump backwards and knock her head on something hard, causing her to get knocked the fuck out!
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| *'''Dairyqueen, the''' Stand the bitch on her head, and you pour ice cream down her pussy, then eat it out while 69ing.
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| *[[British|'''Danger Wank''' - Stand at the top of the stairs, naked, shout for your mum, whilst tossing yourself off, cum before she gets to the bottom.]]
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| *'''David Copperfield''' This must be done while nailing a woman from behind, in front of an open window. Have a friend hide in the closet, have him silently exit the closet as you pull out of her, and get him start to nailing her. Quickly leave the building and stand in front of the window waving to her. Be sure she sees you standing there.
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| *'''Death Sex''' The 4Chan, except a step further. Two dicks in her ass, vagina, and mouth. Two handjobs with each hand, a footjob with each foot, and two breast fucks. When all of the men have cum a second group rotates in and picks up where they left off. A third group is optional. Death is imminent. Clean up is rumored to take seven days, but since the girl is dead there is no one to clean it up so nobody knows how long it would actually take.
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| *'''Dentist, The''' When performing this act, The Dentist shoves his phallus into the mouth of a supposed patient, not exceeding the age of [[child|six years old]], and is therefore still in possession of his/her deciduous teeth; the teeth will shatter or in other ways be removed due to utter force of which the Dentist operates his phallus.
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| *'''Devin Sharpe, The''' Possibly the most disgusting sex move ever devised, begin in the missionary position, after gratuitously allowing her to orgasm, give her oral pleasure until she passes out, when she passes out from the pleasure, go out and buy her a delicious meal, and after she enjoys said meal, finish by discussing things she wants to do and treat her to a romantic evening.
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| *'''Dick Pocket''' It’s when you are screwing a girl from behind and when she’s not looking you reach into her purse and take her wallet and leave after a good fuck with a hefty some of money and some credit cards.
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| *'''Dinosaur, The''' The Dinosaur is when you fuck a girl on the ground in the woods behind her house and after you finish, you drop a small boulder on her head and tell her parents that she became extinct due to a meteor.
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| *'''Dirt Bike''' Strictly for pros. This is when you have the girl on all fours, and you grab her wrists and pull her arms out while she is spraying diarrhea out (thus giving the image of you riding a dirt bike).
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| *'''Dirtbox Derby''' Can't be explained in words. You may need to learn the rudiments of engineering before attempting this. [[Image:Dildocart.gif|thumb|Racing these is fun, you can [[winner|come]] [[fisting|first]] from last place]]
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| *'''Dirty Butkus''' After tagging her in the ass for a while, wipe the head of your dick under each eye like you're trying to keep the reflection out of her eyes with blacker.
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| *'''Dirty Confucius''' Similar to the Dirty Sanchez, except you go for the full Fu Manchu.
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| *'''Dirty Dolphin''' While you're fucking the girl doggy-style, pull it out and ram your dick in her asshole... you will then hear the 'AAAAAAAAHAHAAAHAAAAA' noise that resembles a dolphin.
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| *'''Dirty Elvis''' Do your chick in the pooper then pull it out and use her own shit to make sideburns on her face.
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| *'''Dirty Mengele''' Invented by [[Weev]], the Dirty Mengele consists on fisting a girl while she's on her period and smearing the blood all over her face while screaming: "LICK THAT FILTH CLEAN, YOU WORTHLESS WHORE!". Note that while [[Weev]] invented this move, it cannot be considered a signature move of his, since it's not part of his regular repertoire.
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| *'''Dirty Pirate''' Come in her eye and kick her in the shin, so that she simultaneously covers one eye like a patch while hopping up and down on one leg yelling "aaargh".
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| *'''Dirty Popsicle''' This one involves a girl taking a firm shit and leaving it in the freezer overnight. When it gets hard and frozen, she uses it as a dildo.
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| *'''Dirty Sanchez''' Start doing your woman in the stink. At any given moment pull out and wipe a mustache on her with her own shit.
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| *'''Dirty Spoon''' When you're doin’ a girl in the ass while in the spoon position.
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| *'''Dirty Smulligan''' When you're doing a girl in the ass and she shits on your dick, while you're doing her.
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| *'''Dirty Trombone''' This move requires getting two chicks in bed with you at the same time. While you fuck a girl in the ass doggy style another girl licks your dick as it goes in and out like a trombone.
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| *'''Divot''' Pull down the pants of some girl with a huge fur pile, grab on to as much of it as you can, scream "Fore!" and rip every last hair out. A real golfers' favorite!
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| *'''Dizzy Gillespie''' This is a great variation of the rusty trombone. While you are receiving the rusty trombone, you grab her head hold it tight on your ass and let out a great fart, thus blowing up her cheeks like Dizzy himself.
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| *'''Docking Station''' When one male puts his penis head onto another man's and fold's his foreskin over the other man's head.
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| *'''Dog in a Bathtub''' Attempting to insert your nuts into a girl’s ass. Named so because it’s as hard as keeping a dog in a bathtub while giving it a bath.
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| *'''Donkey Punch 1''' Okay, when you're nailing a chick in the ass you yell out "Hee-Haw" like a donkey, and when she turns around you punch her in the face so she's knocked out. Her ass will get all tight and you can fuck around with her 'till she wakes up.
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| *'''Donkey Punch 2''' Start out doin’ her from behind. Pull out and pretend you are going to cum on her back, then punch her in the back or head.
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| [[Image:PriapisMonadate.jpg|thumb|The Donkey Punch as demonstrated by a [[Mexican|genuine]] [[furry|donkey]]]]
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| *'''Donkey Punch 3''' As you're hittin' it from the back just after you cum, punch the bitch in the kidney's so she shits herself or at the least squirts out your man juice in a fresh new "mocha" look.
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| *'''Donkey Kong Punch''' Proceed as per the standard Donkey Punch, however, instead of punching the partner in the head or neck, strike them over the head with a barrel, lamp or other easily shattered object. Just make damn sure your date isn't an Italian-American plumber, if she is get any large mallets the fuck out of the house before performing this move.
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| *'''Don’t Get Caught, Freak!''' Do her in a shed and then leave her there for the cops to find. Hell, call them yourself and tell them where she is.
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| [[Image:Lezzpron.jpg|thumb|The double-fishhook may also be performed by a dildo-wearing female.]]
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| *'''Double Doody''' In this delightful maneuver, you must first be fucking the bitch doggy style. Then stick it in her pooper until it is sufficiently loose. Slide into one, out, into the other, out, back and forth until you blow your load in one of the holes. Also called creampie roulette.
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| *'''Double Fishhook''' Start by banging your girl doggy style, then reach up and hook her in the mouth from both sides with your pinkie finger so you can really pound the fuck out of her. For added [[lulz|perversion]] (and savings), have a dentist come over to inspect her gaping pie-hole for cavities and whatnot.
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| *'''Double Refit Mixed Ganja Blaster''' Similar to no move ever. This is when the female removes her rectum, and you have to stuff much [[marijuana]] inside it, stuff the rectum back inside. Smuggle the marijuana to iraq, sell it to American soldiers, buy a cheap hotel room, then you must preform the 4-Chan with what ever money you have left.
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| *'''Double-Headed Dolphin''' Similar to the shocker. Cross your index and middle, your ring and pinkie and go to town. She'll make that eek eek noise like a dolphin.
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| *'''Dragon Punch''' Same as Donkey Punch 3, however you must lay into the bitch with both fists, one to each side.
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| *'''Drunk Schoolgirl''' Make sure your girl has pigtails and get her really drunk. When she starts puking in the toilet, pull down her pants, grab her pigtails and start railing her in the ass.
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| *'''Dutch Muffin''' Before you nail the chick, put half a cup of margarine in her vagine (or ass). Don't let it melt until you start fucking.
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| *'''Dutch Oven''' Whenever you fart while humping, pull the covers over her head. Don't let her out until all movement ceases.
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| *'''Duronomo''' When you pound the shit out of your ho, then as you finish, in one swift motion, you buck her off the bed as you shoot your load at her. Then tell her to get the fudge out!
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|
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| ===E===
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| *'''The [[Britain|Earl Grey]]''' Much like teabagging, but more awesome. You have the girl suck your nuts for about 5 minutes (this is to let the flavour infuse into her saliva), then, without warning; cram your cock into her mouth and let rip a flood of piss. This is euphemistic of adding the Bergamot oil to the teapot. Hold her mouth and nose closed until she has sampled this tasty treat, and then punch her in the face.
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| *'''ED combo''' Read this entire page pissing yourself laughing, take off your pants and slap [[Jameth]] on the face with them [[for great justice]]. Then, while singing [[Numa numa|Dragostea Din Tei]] and jerking off to a photoshop of [[Cockmongler]] take [[Cracky-Chan|embarrassing photos]] of [[goatse|strange]] [[tubgirl|acts]] of [[lemon party|homoerotic]] [[sex]]. These photos must have a bad case of [[Internet disease]] or else you are [[gay]]. [[Fifty Hitler post|Post this image 50 times]] on [[LiveJournal]]; when someone sees what you are doing and writes [[Dwarlinggirlxcore|an article about it]], start a [[:Category:Edit Wars|Wikiedit drama]]. But it doesn't matter because [[The Great Dumbledore Dies Meme of 2005|Snape killed Dumbledore]]. [[O RLY|O RLY?. YA RLY. NO WAI. SRSLY!]] [[Oh noes]]!!!!!!!![[oneoneone|11111cos(0)int(10)sin(90)1111eineineuno]]!!!!!
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| *'''Egg Drop Soup''' Make her open her mouth wide open. then urinate inside her mouth, and when done, take a big ol' round shit in her mouth. Proceed to ejaculate in her eyes, for garnish.
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| *'''Egg-Mayo''' Shove an egg in her ass, ejaculate then mush it up with your penis by pounding her chocolate filled-ass. Prepare some bread.
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| *'''Egyptian Gas Mask''' Similar to the Arabian sunglasses but involving 3 people (Two [[British|blokes]]). The men simply take their balls and one puts his nuts on one of the girl's eyes, the other guy puts his nuts on the other of the girl's eye. Then, the two men take turns farting into the girl's nose.
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| *'''Eiffel Tower''' The ultimate double team. The chick gets down on all fours, then each guy takes an end on her, one in front and one in back. Then the two guys lift both their arms in the air and do a huge "high-five", and you've got the Eiffel Tower! Fuckin’ sweet or what?
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| *'''Electric Tingle''' Tape a knife vertically to the middle of your boner, so it's sticking out a little farther than its counterpart. Then try pounding an electric socket. When you wake up ([[LOL WUT|Lol '''IF''' you wake up!|]])you should be covered in sizzling jizz and [[Lie|your penis should be tingling with pleasure.]]
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| *'''Electrobulb Knob Slobber''' Insert a light bulb into your anus, then proceed to do a head stand. Have your woman blow on your wiener. If she can blow hard enough, the bulb should shine bright. Lamp shade optional.
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| *'''Elevator''' This works with a younger girl (say 6 or 7 years old) or a midget; you basically 69 with her while standing up (so it looks like you are going to tombstone piledrive her). Since she is little, her body won’t be long enough to blow you and get eaten out at the same time, so you will have to raise and lower her up and down at your discretion to do what ever you want with her.
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| *'''Emeril''' Start fucking a girl doggy style. When you're about to cum, pull out, and cum into your hand. Wait until she turns around, then throw the cum in her face while yelling "Bam!"
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| *'''Eppigy Evac''' Right as she's about to [[cum|orgasm]] [[gtfo|jump off of her with no warning]] and grab [[your|you're]] shit and run. Never call her again and start rumors that she gave you the clap.
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| *'''Equestrian''' While banging a girl from behind, just as you are about to blow your load, grab her hair and leap forward with all the leg strength you have. The goal is to leap forward and completely over the headboard, like a leaping horse. Not recommended if your bed is up against a wall.
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| *'''Executive Decision''' While banging a girl from behind, make sure you have her face pressed up against the wall. You wind up for a Donkey Punch, but then you make the Executive Decision to lift you leg up around the side of her body and kick her in the back of the head, sending her face through the wall.
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| *'''Euro-Tunnel''' You open up a bitch's ass, so it somewhat resembles a goatse, you then proceed to shit into it.
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| *'''Extra-Long Cut''' Before you and your ho start having crazy animal sex, go down to the nearest gas station and grab a few essentials; some lube (cuz you that bitch aint gonna get wet from your gay shit), and some good ol' Cope. Put the lube on your man-demeaning dick and put a fat dip in. Start fucking her pussy as best as you can, half way into it pull the dip out and shove it into her pussy. Continue to fuck her, by now you about to pre-nut inside her. Pull out and carve the shit out of her pussy with a knife and put it back in your lip. Happy Fun Fucking!!!!
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|
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| ===F===
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| *'''Fake''' Tell the girl you are wearing a condom but you really aren't.
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| *'''Fake sex''' whilst choking the chicken, stick a finger up your ass, then yell out in shame "IT's FAKE! IT's FAKE"
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| *'''[[Falcon Punch]]''' While ramming a pregnant chick and about to cum, pull out and punch her as hard as you can in the gut while yelling out "FAAAAAALLLLLLLCCCOOOOOONNNNN PPPPUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNCCCCCCHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
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| *'''Fancy Feast''' Tie her down and put 6 cinder blocks on her stomach and chest so she can’t breathe. Then work up a nice gassy fart (make sure you eat White Castle with extra grilled onions beforehand); right when you’re about to fart, hover over her face and quickly remove all the cinder blocks, then as she takes that first gasp of air, let one rip right over her nose. She'll gag and throw up, she loves it!
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| *'''Fargo, The''' Have sex in the snow, and when you're done, put her in a wood chipper.
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| *'''Fart Hammer''' This is right after you are done fucking your chick - you stand up by her face bend your ass down and fart on her face.
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| *'''Fighting Irish''' While you're fucking your chick, and you're about to cum everywhere, start beating the hell out of her, like, no mercy, like a drunken Irishman, see my connection, after that, tell her you're sorry and fuck her some more, and do the Falcon Punch.
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| *'''Field Goal''' You have a girl stand next to a sturdy pole, grab it and then you take her ankles and slowly lift her into the air. Now she's parallel to the ground. Spread her legs and begin the fucking. Pink or Stink. Doesn't matter. Right when you go you take one leg and blast her right in the chin and let her go.
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| *'''Firefighter''' When you're about to bust a nut, you light the girl's pubes on fire and put it out with your jizz. I got a variation of the rodeo too. You throw all your friends in the closet and start doing the chick, then all of a sudden, you put it in her ass. Your friends jump out of the closet and bang on pots and pans and count and see how long you can ride her.
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| *'''The Fisherman''' Teabag a girl while she nibbles on your balls.
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| *'''The Fisherman's Nightmare''' When attempting The Fisherman the girl bites your balls off and you become [[an hero]]
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| *'''Fish Eye 1.0''' While working her from behind, shove your finger in her pooper, whereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.
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| *'''Fish Eye 2.0''' You hit a chick from behind, and save up a nice juicy nut. Then, right before you bust you pull out, turn that bitches head around, use your thumb and finger to hold one of her eyes open, and drop the entire load on her eye. Then her eye looks exactly like a fishes, especially after that bitch starts crying.
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| *'''Fish Hook''' While doing a bitch from behind, stick your finger in her asshole and hook it like a fish hook; hold on too, because it makes her tight and gives you a wild ride.
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| *'''Fist of the South-Star''' After doggy style, pull out and punch her in the asshole as hard as you can. You won't necessarily get a fist in, but it'll still be funny as hell. A.K.A. the Fist of the Brown Star, Fist of the Stink Star.
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| *'''[[Fisting]]''' Insertion of a fist or fists into a vagina or a butthole.
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| *'''Fizzy Lifting Drink'''When you are having sex with a girl with you on your back and she is upright on your cock. You place your hands on her hips and the second you cum, you lift her off your dick and throw her into the air. (Note: if you have a ceiling fan, it must be turned on).
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| *'''Flaming Amazon''' Have sex with a girl, pull out, light her bush on fire with a lighter, and cum on her to put it out. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2xbGALQiM0]
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| *'''Flaming Canoli''' Have sex with a girl, pull out, and cum on her. Then you take a shit on her. Then you wrap her up in a blanket and set her on fire.
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| *'''Flaming Johnson''' While fucking a girl doggy style, you must have a Copenhagen in. You spit on her back and pull out, rub your cock in it, and then stick it back in.
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| *'''Flash Bang''' Take a light bulb and slowly ease it up a precious vagina while kissing her belly, then out of the blue punch her lower abdomen! You'll laugh your ass off for days to follow! Trust me, the bitch will NEVER forget you!
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| *'''Flat Tire''' While riding a girl hard from behind, reach forward and pull out her right arm so her face hits the bed just as you blow your load.
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| *'''Flimsy Princess''' Whilst getting a blowjob knee the bitch in the throat so she passes out, continue to fuck her throat, bust in her mouth and leave her lifeless body for the cops to find.
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| *'''Flush Fuck''' Take the girl of your choice to any bathroom with a toilet. Getting her to hold onto the toilet bowl, start working her hard from behind. Just as you are about to get off, ram it in deep and hard, shove her head into the toilet, and flush... man, what ACTION! For a twist, do it on a toilet full of shit. But hang on tight, it's going to be a rough ride.
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| *'''Fly swatter b-slap''' When doing her from behind, as you are about to come, pull out, aim upwards towards the side of her head and then try to slap the cum so both your hand and cum hits her cheek.
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| *'''Flying Camel''' As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then begin to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl. Strictly a class move!
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| *'''Flying Dutchman''' While fucking any woman in front, you blow your load in her, then immediately pull out and elbow drop her stomach launching your hot man-[[chowder]] back out.
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| *'''Flying Lotus Blossom''' Rail a chick in missionary manner on the side of a bed, then grab her wrists and pull her off. Hold her up and continue to bang the shit out of her; it gives her the experience of zero gravity fucking. Note: for added excitement, let her hands go and let her just dangle there as you continue to pound that ass. Advisory: make sure you can pick her up and are in good shape because for you it is a work out - trust me.
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| [[Image:Animooted nutshot.gif|thumb|A loving footjob.]]
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| *'''Footjob''' Like a handjob, but with feet.
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| *'''Forrest Gump''' After blooping all over a bitch's face, keep repeating the phrase "Stupid is as stupid does" with disdain.
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| *'''Fortune Cookie''' Get an Asian chick and bang her with a condom on; when finished, pull out but leave condom in.
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| *'''Fountain of Youth''' While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed.)
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| *'''Fountain of Youth V.2''' While having sex in the shower with an 8 year old, slick her hair back so she instead looks like a five year old boy. Once finished, destroy her.
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| *'''Four-Legged Surprise''' While in the middle of fucking her doggy-style, announce you have to take a piss but to "hold that position." Then bring in your German Shepard and let him straddle her with his red rocket. After she notices the furry paws on her shoulders and starts screaming, yell "Surprise!"
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| *'''Frank De Boer''' Named after the [[lies|famous]] [[Dutch]] soccer player. In this position you fuck someone's frown. This is usually accompanied by the other participant licking your balls.
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| *'''Frasier Crane''' or '''Tossed Salad And Scrambled Eggs''' means someone is licking your ass while twisting your balls. This is very painful. The name originated from the soundtrack of the sitcom 'Frasier'.
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| *'''Freezer, The''' Have sex in the snow, and when you blow your load, feed it to her on a snow cone
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| [[Image:Froggystyle.jpg|thumb|When really [[fat]] people try doggy style.]]
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| *'''Froggy Style''' A variation on doggy style. Two extremely fat people do it doggy style, with the man on top. While they're doing it, both gurgle in pleasure, and it sounds like two frogs [[Secks|doing it]]. For extra lulz, both can be painted green beforehand.
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| *'''Frothy Walrus''' This is done when a girl is giving you a BJ. When she swallows what you give her, punch her in the stomach and it comes out her nose! Yeeeaaah!
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| *'''Frothy Walrus²''' The alternative move involves a 2 liter of soda, and two dildos, and a [[Woman]]. The procedure goes as follows:
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| 1. Gape the Ass and [[Vagoo]].
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| 2. Fill said parts with the soda.
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| 3. Stick the 2 dildos in your mouth with the cock heads pointing down to resemble a walrus.
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| 4. Move your head up and down rhythmically so that the dildos [[rape]] both the [[Vagoo]] and ass.
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| 5.[[????]]
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| 6.'''[[PROFIT]]'''
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| *'''Fuck Her Brains Out''' This may sound routine, but while your bitch is giving you oral, you pull your cock out and stab it right into her eye. Her brains will provide excellent lube.
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| *'''Fudgecicle''' Stick your phallic piece in a pile of shit and then put it in your lady's mouth. It'll turn her frown upside down!!
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|
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| ===G===
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| *'''Gator''' When getting a blow-job, tell her when you bust a nut to bite down as hard as she can on your cock. When she does, smash a beer bottle over her head.
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| *'''Gag Attack''' Fuck your bitch in the ass, and when you are getting ready to blow your wad, stick it in her mouth and she will have a coco/cream surprise!
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| *'''Gaylord Perry''' Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle-ball pitcher proud and use multiple digits on that virgin cornhole. A minimum of 2 knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).
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| *'''German Snowplow''' Alright, you fuck that bitch in the ass, then simply, she shits on your dick, you throw up, hell everyone in the room throws up.
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| *'''Gentleman''' Make love to a girl without any type of violence, then go get her a glass of water and fix her breakfast in the morning. (You're going to get laid again.)
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| *'''Getting Brain''' The common misconception is that "Brain" is a slang term for a [[blowjob]] when in actuality this move involves taking a 2 inch drill bit and drilling a hole in your girl's skull and proceeding to "fuck her brains out."
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| *'''Gina Kick''' First, fuck the girl from behind until you are about to nut, pull out and nut somewhere, and rear back and kick her square in the twat, football style.
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| *'''Glass Bottom [[cockboat|Boat]]''' Start by putting Saran Wrap over her face and then drop a deuce directly on the Saran Wrap. Also may be performed by having her lay underneath a glass topped table facing up, watching you drain the dragon (or bake the brownies, both if preferred).
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| *'''Glider''' Wrap some strong bungee around a pole and have the girl hold on to the end with both hands. Slowly pull her back and let the bungee build up a lot of power. When it's nice and tight, you start doing her in the ass nice and quick. Blast your load in her ass and then let go of her so that she flies through the air with cum oozing out of her ass. Hopefully if it's a good bungee, she'll hit the pole and break her collarbone.
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| *'''The Go-Kart''' Do your partner doggystyle real close and grab onto her ear, making 150cc engine noises the entire time. Be sure to powerslide and throw banana peels behind you.
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| *'''Goatse''' Hard to explain, [[goatse|however see method and results here]]
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| *'''Goblin Punch''' When a dwarf/midget performs a donkey punch.
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| *'''Golden Shower''' Any form of peeing on a girl (A.K.A. watersports). Like in the example mentioned in [[piss]], pissing can be erotic. The correct terminology for sex play involving piss is called watersports. Any place is good except the facial region unless you're a [[gay]] [[perv]]. In [[New Zealand]], publishing anything text in support of or content in display of golden showers gets you 10 years in prison.
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| [[Image:Golden_shower.jpg|thumb|An unsuspecting whore gets hit with a golden shower.]]
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| *'''Golden Star Fish''' This move requires the lights to be off. Tell your chick you want to go backdoor. Secretly replace the lube with self-tanning cream. Lube yourself up and go to town. Let her explain the orange ring around her ass to anyone who has her next. This trick was discovered accidentally but is painless to all.
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| *'''Gorilla Mask''' While doing a girl from behind, donkey punch her until she stops moving. Then proceed to ejaculate on her face until it is evenly covered in a thick layer of bukkake. Then, get as much pubic hair as you can muster, and sprinkle it on her face.
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| *'''Gorillas in the Mist''' This is when a cracker chick goes into a steam room and is approached by 3 [[black]] men waiting to tag white snatch. They work her over good. When finished they return back into the mist waiting for their next prey. The cracker then leaves thinking she just visited the [[Africa]]n Rainforest.
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| *'''Gravy Train''' Slight variation of the Sludge Box....Instead of dumping some normal shit into her pussy, try flooding it with your diarrhea!
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| *'''[[Greek]]ing''' This is when you are fucking a girl any way possible (preferably oral) and right before you cum take your dick and cum all over her eyes so they seal shut and she can't see.
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| *'''Greg Louganis''' Position yourself on the bed way up close to the headboard, then get your chick to climb on top of you backwards. Slap your junk up in her ass and go to town. Once you are about to unleash the [[dog]]s of war up in her, quickly and at once pull out and move down the bed towards the foot, grab her at the waist and yank her down causing the back of her head to slam against the head board, then quickly flip around and give her the splash in the face... for the ultimate effect dress her up like a man! You get 50 points if you also give her AIDS.
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| *'''Grumblefoot Grabapple''' This is when a girl sticks both her big toes up a mans rectum while simultaneously strangling him while he masturbates
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| *'''The Guillotine''' While doing a standing 69, with the girl being suspended and upside-down, perform a tombstone piledriver on her while your dick is in her mouth. If performed correctly, when her head hits the ground, her jaw will slam shut and your dick will be bitten off. Bonus points if you wear big white wigs
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|
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| ===H===
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| *'''Hair Ball''' You're chomping away at some trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of [[nigra|Lionel Richie]]'s afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
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| *'''Haitian Mudslide''' Get your chick to do a handstand against a wall, with her face and stomach facing the wall. Then, fuck her mouth while she takes a shit, creating a Haitian Mudslide.
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| *'''Handbagger Helper''' During lovemaking, a guy tells his female partner that he is unable to finish and makes up an excuse if needed. Then, while his partner is getting cleaned up, or just not paying attention, he blows his load in her purse for her to find at a later time.
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| *'''Hat Trick''' This one is simple. Fuck your woman any way you please, then give her a healthy facial and as quickly as possible follow up by urinating on her face, finishing your hat trick with a big ol' shit in between the tits. Bonus points for green shit or clear piss.
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| *'''Classic Houdini (aka Slick Houdini)''' Get your woman in the doggy style position. Act like you're about to blow your load. Spit on her back so she thinks you did. When she turns around shoot her in the face with it. (A.K.A. the White Ghost).
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| *'''The Double Houdini''' While tag-teaming a girl with your buddy, have one guy does her in the ass and the other guy getting a [[bj|hummer]]. Then have the guy in the back tell her he is going to blow and then spit on her back. When she turns around, give her the facial of her life. Then when she turns around to face the front again, the guy in the front blows it in her face for the second facial.
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| *'''Harvey Wall Banger''' Shove your dick up the girls ass then bang her on the wall.
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| *'''Headbanger’s Ball''' While you are making out with a chick and she closes her eyes, start kissing her neck to get her good and ready. Then rare back and head-butt her. (She won’t even see it coming.)
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| *'''Hershey Kiss''' Bang a chick [[in the ass]] with a condom on, when done, pull out, leave condom in.
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| *'''Hill-Billy Slam''' While you are doing a girl from behind, right as you are about to bust, you pull out a banjo and slam it over her head.
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| *'''Hillary Duff''' While banging a younger girl (any position, preferably one where she can't see your face) start humming a [[whore|Hillary Duff]] tune, if you happen to know any (any young pop-tart will do). Hum louder and louder until she either joins you, starts singing or asks you what the hell you are doing. If she doesn’t do any of these things eventually start singing the words and try to stay humping to the rhythm. If she does ask you what the hell you could always bail on the thing, but what I like to do is claim that it keeps me from ejaculating. I don’t really know the point of this but it's funny to me, and if you can get a [[16 year old girl]] singing along to Hillary Duff in the sack and still satisfy her and do your thing, I'll buy you a fucking beer.
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| *'''Hitmonlee vs Hitmonchan, The''' Pay a 16 year-old girl to kick you in the balls. As soon as you drop in pain, your cock gets hard. The girl will come near you and make sure you're okay. At that moment [[Mike Tyson|SKY UPPERCUT]] her in the jaw to knock her out cold. Enjoy the next 2 hours raping her you [[Sick Fuck|sick fuck]]. Moar points if she's a Hillary Duff fan!!!
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| *'''[[Hockey]] Fuck''' Pull her shirt over her head punch her hard and fuck the shit out of her.
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| *'''Hole in One''' Begin by fucking your chick missionary style then, as you bust, pull out and shoot it over her stomach, chest, throat, and into her eye.
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| *'''Holocauster, The''' At any point during teh sex, you release your [[Vespene gas|gasses]] and [[GTFO]] of the room and lock the door.
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| *'''Honey Smacks''' Dip your dick into a jar of honey. While hard, give the silly bitch a mushroom punch to the face and let your muff-buster stick to her grill. Then slide it into her mouth and say "Honey Smacks - they're even better in the evening."
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| *'''Hook''' Hit it doggy style and when least expected shove your thumb in her ass and hook it sideways. Quite the attention getter. The double hook is even more effective.
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| *'''Hoover''' Named in recognition of the vacuum cleaner manufacturer. Banging a girl doggy style on carpet (or other abrasive surface). Pull her arms out and hold them. With dick still in her, stand up and start driving, giving incredible rug-burn to her face. To the bystander, it looks like you are operating a Hoover vacuum cleaner!
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| *'''Horse Chainsaw''' Doing a girl in the ass, with a midget underneath. Get her to wear a horse mask, then take out an electric sander and burn her ass with it so she neighs like a horse. Proceed to ejaculate in her wounds. (Bonus points if done at a barn)
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| *'''Hot Air Balloon''' When you are doing a girl doggy, take it out and replace your cock with an air pump, and pump her up!
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| *'''Hot Carl''' After you've been fucking a girl in the ass, quickly pull your dick out and stick it in her mouth.
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| *'''Hot Lips Hoolahan''' Pour Tabasco sauce all over a girl's pussy lips. When she can't take the heat anymore, pull out and hose her down.
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| *'''Hot Lunch''' While a girl is on her back giving you head, take a hot, steamy shit on her chest. Upon completion, congratulate her and inform her that she has just become "the lunch lady."... And it's a hot lunch.
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| *'''Houdini''' When doing a girl doggy style, gather up a mouthful of spit. Right before you are about to blow yer load, pull out and spit on her back. When she turns around, cum all over her face and scream "HOUDINI!"
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| *'''How not to get caught''' Drive a chick around 40 miles from anywhere and get her to suck you off whilst your driving. when your just about to sploodge, take it out her mouth and cum in her eyes. whilst she's distracted, open the passenger door and kick the bitch out whilst your still moving and enjoy a relaxing drive home...
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| *'''Hucklebuck, Double Hucklebuck, and Quadruple Hucklebuck''' As you are hitting the chick from behind, simply take your hand slide it up under her in thigh and grab the back of her neck and wrench down. That is the hucklebuck. Two hands is the double hucklebuck; both legs and hands legs over shoulders hands on back of neck is the quadruple. The first two are more you holding her up; the last is very dangerous and tricky, only for experienced hucklebucklers. ''Advisory 1:'' Makes sure she knows what’s going on because you may hear her bones popping and cracking however it’s normal and once she realizes she’s in the best sex position she’s ever been in and ever will be it won’t matter. ''Advisory 2:'' make sure she is flexible and you can hold her weight.
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| *'''Hulk Smash''' You're getting a blow job and suddenly you pull out and dip your dick into green (hopefully lead-based) paint. Then you proceed to cock slap her across the face, screaming "HULK SMASH!!!" Doing so will leave a green banana-shaped mark that should be documented and shared with close friends and relatives. Break her neck for bonus points!!!
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|
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| ===I===
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| *'''I-Did-Her-Odd''' You drill a chick silly like while pouring vodka and seal fat on her. Finish up and have her pull you in a sled while she's naked in the snow like the Iditarod.
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| *'''[[ITTY BITTY BABY ITTY BITTY BOAT]]''' a direct variation of the Donkey Punch, while doing her from behind, you yell out "TWINKIE HOUSE!". Soon after, she will see what you're yelling about, at which point, you punch her in the face.
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| *'''Ice-T''' Bang a [[Black]] chick who's a big fan of SouljaBoy. Troll her [[IRL]] if she likes Ice-T. If she says no, SHOOT THE BITCH!!!
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| *'''Icey-Mike ''' You take a shit, preferably a long turd.. no messy ones here. then place this turd, whole, in the freezer. Once it is frozen, take it out and use it as a dildo. (Condom is acceptable to prevent diseases.)
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| *'''Inglewood Jack''' A maneuver used in hockey fights developed by youth hockey coach Jules Winfield, which involves grabbing the opposing player's jersey over his head and repeatedly punching him in the stomach. Shows the women who's boss and has an intended side-effect of baby-killing. It is mostly used as a birth control method. May cause a giant afro to grow or develop illusions of grandeur.
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| *''' Iraqi Mine Field''' Start fucking a chick in a room full of mines(preferably anti-tank and anti-marine mines), and bust a nut, anywhere you want, so big that it causes her to shoot off your dick and lands on a mine. The rest is pretty much self explanatory.
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| *'''[[Internal Applause]]''' (See main article)
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|
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| ===J===
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| *'''Jamocha Shake, The''' This requires two partners at the minimum. You perform the "Donkey Punch 3" or "Dragon Punch" (See section "D") with the third person laying on their back under the person being fucked. As the "mocha" mix pours out the ass it is happily received in person 3's mouth. NOTE: You can modify this to a whole new level by purchasing a real Jamocha shake prior and having the "mocha" mix poor into the shake and have person 3 drink it.
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| *'''Jamaican Chimney Sweep''' Put a sock over your forearm and fist your girlfriend/boyfriend in the anus. MUST be performed without lube; bonus points if you get her to talk in a British accent while you talk in a Jamaican accent.
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| *'''Jamaican Slapstick''' When you are getting head and about to bust pull out and tense your then beat the bitch untill she is black and blue. (you may need a friend to retain her)
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| *'''Japan Happy Ending''' The man is strapped down as the woman shits all over him.
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| *'''Jefferson Davis, The'''- This requires two partners, one of them a healthy and fertile African American female. Ejaculate into a partner's mouth. That partner then blows the semen into the vagina of the female African American partner. If nine months later, you father a child with that African American woman and proceed to sell that child into slavery, you have completed a Jefferson Davis. Congratulations!
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| *'''Jesus Waffle, The'''- While fornication ensues, read a sermon from the early books of the first testament, and crush her with heated, cubic mallets to give her the impression of a malted waffle. That'll learn her!
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| *'''Jelly Donut''' When you're about to cum on her face, punch her in the nose and then squirt a circle around it.
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| *'''Jellyfish Surprise''' Pick up an ugly girl at a bar and take her back to her place. After getting a nice lay in, slide the greasy condom off and tuck it under her pillow for the next poor bastard to find.
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| *'''JHD''' A not very well known move, FOR EXPERTS ONLY***. Stands for the Jizz Hump Dump, basically you've got a girlfriend that you wanna get rid of, maybe she's got this ugly beef curtain or something, and you gotta get rid of that shit. You take her to space, take her outside, both of you are naked, before your dick freezes off you fuck her in any hole you feel like, cum inside, and then as you pull out you give her one good hump in any direction which pleases you (EXCEPT TOWARDS EARTH, THAT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE OF THE JHD). Due to the fact that there is no gravity in space, she will fly away, therefore you have effectively dumped the bitch. If you think she's gonna try to grab at you when she's flying away maybe lube your arms and back so that she can't get a good grasp. THIS WORKS, or at least it has for me in the past.
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| *'''John F. Kennedy, The'''- Engage in intercourse with your significant other in the backseat of a convertible. Ejaculate onto her face and chest. If she screams and tries to climb out of the back seat, then you have successfully performed the JFK.
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| *'''Johnny Appleseed, The'''- Engage in anal sex until your anus experiences a prolapse, then proceed to insert your prolapsed anus bulb into a nearby female's vagina.
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| *'''Joseph Stalin, The''' Find a hooker and promise her a lots of moneyyy and a higher quality of life. then when she trusts you the most viciously beat her(sumtimes just for lulz) to make suer she really trusts you. she'll try to stab you a few times but eventually become submissive. (courtesy of cudbwittier)
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| *'''Juice Box''' First you position yourself in the whack off position and then you flip your hand over and make sure you thumbs pointed directly at your butthole then you beat off while hammering your ass.
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|
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| ===K===
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| *'''Kaminky Special''' Fuck a girl from behind on the floor. Just before orgasm precede to grab the girl by the hair, rip her head back towards your chest, punch her in the face, and slam her face on the floor as you orgasm.
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| *'''Karbunkle, The''' Beat a woman until she comes. WARNING- Dinner may also be a byproduct of beating.
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| *'''Kevin Ramey''' Find an old Asian man dressed as Master Roshi and have him fuck your dirty man tits till he cums all over your Jew fro. Extra pleasure is received if you like turtles.
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| *'''Klingon''' Cum on her forehead, but release it in ridges so that she looks like a Klingon.
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| *'''Knock and drop''' Come up to her, knock her out (a [[Shit Bricks|brick]] works nicely), then shit on her. You may proceed to fuck her if you so desire, but shitting on her is often pleasurable enough.
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| *'''KOOL AID''' When you are in the middle of sex (any position), scream out "OH YEAH!!" like KOOL AID.
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| *'''Kenyan, The''' While running a marathon instead of taking a cup of water at a checkpoint bang the person holding it (if you have the speed of a kenyan you should finish before you start), if you break your stride and stop running you fail and have to return to the mission contact.
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|
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| ===L===
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| *'''Land [[Shark]]''' Find a girl passed out drunk. You'll need a cardboard cut out of a shark fin. Strip the girl naked. Insert the cardboard cutout in between her butt cheeks. Get 4 guys to pick her up over their shoulders and run through the party yelling "LANDSHARK!" After this, all five of you should brutally rape her.
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| *'''Lawn Mower''' Insert anal beads into your bitch’s ass. Assure that they will be removed gently, then yank them out as if you were starting a lawn mower.
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| *'''Lebanese Latte''' Throw an alka-seltzer into your girl's box, then fuck her until you blow your load. Get her to squeeze the frothy mixture into a starbuck's cup, and now either partner can enjoy a Lebanese Latte. This can also be performed with a male partner, except it would then be referred to as a Boston Hot Chocolate.
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| *'''Leeroy Jenkins''' Surprise your girl by busting into her bedroom when she least expects it, then quickly bend her over and start fucking her vigorously from behind whilst yelling "LEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOY JENKINS!" at the top of your voice. Done properly, you should be able to blow your load and run off before she has time to realize what the fuck's going on.
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| *'''Lemon Drop''' This move requires drinking Bacardi 151 and passing out. After a long night of drinking, head back to her place, pass out while getting head and proceed to fill up her mouth... but not with a load.
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| *'''Lemon Party''' This move requires three old men. You and your fellow seniors must first strip naked. One person must lay the other on a couch. One must suck the one who is laying down's dick while the other tongue kisses him.
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| *'''Leprechaun’s Revenge''' An Irishman bangs the ass of an English woman, then bloops on the Union Jack, takes the flag and smears the bloop on her face and toes, then fires hot potatoes at her head.
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| *'''Leprosy''' Get your favorite cumslut/saint in the shower and slip her the staff. Right before you bust your nut, pull out and blow the load on her face. The cum and water mix to form little leprosy drops on her face.
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| *'''Liberty Bell''' While having doggy style sex, take a mixing bowl and place it over your partners head and proceed to bash it with any large slab of metal until she stops moving. A good way to celebrate one of Americas great historical moments!
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| *'''Lipstick''' While having sex with your bitch, stick your finger in her ass and make sure you get some of that yummy chocolate sauce on your finger. Then proceed to wipe the bum fudge on her lips and yell "[[You're/Your|You're]] Beautiful!".
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| *'''Liu Kang''' When you're done with her, turn into a dragon and breathe fire on the bitch.
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| *'''Logjam''' Opposite of the Gravy Train. If you're giving her a Sludge Box and you think you're crapping out a good, strong piece of shit, don't let go just yet! Move your ass up and down and fuck her with your turd! It usually breaks in half after a couple thrusts, but trust me, she'll love it.
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| *'''London Bridge''' The same as the towerbridge only this time it's [[Faggotry|man only]]
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| *'''The LUELinks''' While you're doing it doggy-style, slap her ass and shout "Lueshi pwns j00!"
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| *'''[[Metal Gear Solid|LA LI LU LE LO, The]]''' Find your elder surogate mother who had sex with your father before she had you and your twin, once you find her construct a gigantic walking nuclear tank, use the impressiveness of this accomplishment to convince her to have sex with you even though you are older than her but she's like you mother in a three way with your twin who's a ghost possessing the arm of a cowboy from Russia who's the son of your dad's girl friends. Anyway when you are about to finish yell "WHO ARE THE PATRIOTS?", if she doesn't respond "La Li Lu Le Lo" yell "WHAT! METAL GEAR???" and push her off so she plummets to the hanger bay below and then fist fight your brother until he gets a cold and dies. Repeat as Necessary.
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| *'''Leapfrog''' While your girl is on all fours you rub your dick from her butt cheeks to the top of her back and at the end cum in her face.
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|
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| ===M===
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| *'''Magic Kingdom''' [[Cory Doctorow]] unexpectedly appears and jerks over everything in sight.
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| *'''Magic Wand''' While fuckin' yr bitch from behind doggie shtyle, just when she's about to come, take a black dildo and cram it in her asshole and start chanting harry potter spells in Latin. If she doesn't come, well man up queer.
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| *'''Magician, The'''* Ram her up the ass while having her face a window. Then, have a buddy hide somewhere in a closet. Quickly pull out and change positions with your buddy. Now go outside infront of the window and wave.
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| *'''Making a Tshirt''' Taking the bitch under the covers and fucking her till you die from exhaustion
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| *'''Man Sandwich''' When your guy friend is fucking some hot chick and you are somewhere near by, quietly sneak in, pull your cock out and shove it in his ass, then pull him, the chick and yourself together and start ramming his anus screaming "DO YOU WANT EXTRA MAYO WITH THAT MAN SANDWICH?" Note: Doing this will make you gay, but since its for the lulz, it could be worth it if pulled off correctly.
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| *'''Mario, The''' First, find a princess to fuck (this is the hard part). Then, as you are fucking her, try to bash her head against the ceiling until a mushroom or a flower appear. +1UP.
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| *'''Mario Kart, The''' While doing her (preferably anally) when you are standing and carrying her, blasting her brains out with your awesome sexy stand-up skills, make a beeping noise, and as you are about to climax scream "BLUE SHELL, GRAB YOUR ANKLES". Release her and grab her thighs, thus smacking her head against the floor (all the time you are still inside her, with her anus clenching from the concussion.) Proceed to then make engine noises, while driving her around the house/room giving her massive carpet burns down her back , while you pick up any objects of value and leaving your man-gravy inside her. Proceed to then get dressed and leave.
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| *'''[[Mark Foley]], The''' First, find a teenager with a [[cast fetish]]. Proceed to grab their one-eyed snake and make them spurt on a towel. Then resign from office because you are a fucking pedo, you sick fuck.
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| *'''Master Chief''' When fucking her from behind, pull out and replace your dick with a frag grenade. Run like hell.
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| *'''Mech Pilot''' This is when a girl is laying on her back and taking it in the ass while 2 guys are sitting around her waiting like joysticks in a mech robot - hence the name.
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| *'''The Melted Candle a.k.a. The Krispy Kreme''' Basically a variation of the facial. Don't ejaculate for at least a month, then when you unload your- well, load- whoever you choose to unleash it upon will end up looking like a melted candle. For bonus points, set them on fire.
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| *'''Mendoza''' This move requires a menstruating woman in military fatigues. Have the girl shit on the ground. You then proceed to do push-ups face first into the feces. While doing this the girl puts one foot on your back and proceeds to period all over you. Having her shout degrading comments at you is a plus
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| *'''Mexican Abortion''' Start off eating your pregnant girlfriend out, then in the heat of the moment slip your mouth off, but only for a second to apply either of the following, guacamole, cheese dip, hot sauce, or refried beans, then quickly reapply your mouth clenching your teeth to her draping vaginal flaps, and deliver a simple falcon punch right in the baby factory, then swallow ejected fetus.
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| *'''Mexican Housewife''' Very simple; cum in her hair and throw that ho down the stairs.
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| *'''Mexi Melt''' This is a variation of salsa-dip. After having obtained some of that fake cheese shit they give you at Taco Bell, you pour it in her ass for lube using a funnel, then fuck her til you blow your load afterwords making her squirt the now brown combination of cheese, sperm, and poo into a cup, then either make her drink it or pour it in her vag.
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| *'''Microsoft''' While fucking her (or him) in any position, freeze, turn blue and show a hardware error.
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| *'''Midnight Brew''' When you get the shits really bad or just straight up diarrhea, shit into a coffee maker, filter it out...brew some delicious coffee. Serve, enjoy!
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| *'''Mike Tyson''' While you're having sex with a girl, bite the bitch's ear off. Alternatively, [[rape]].
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| [[Image:Stump_pr0n.jpg|thumb|right|The [[User:Miltopia|Miltopia.]] Average internet pr0n.]]
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| *'''[[User:Miltopia|Miltopia]]''' Find your favorite perverted furry porno pics and stroke your harbl. Then cry yourself to sleep because you are a fucking loser.
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| *'''Minivan''' Two in the front, five in the back.
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| *'''Missionary''' This is by far the most disgusting sex move on this list, and this is a very long list. You should immediately an hero just for thinking about something this horrific and fucked. But if you really want to know... its CONSENSUALLY placing your PENIS inside a woman's VAGINAL PASSAGE whilst laying on top of her- JESUS CHRIST HOW HORRIFYING YOU SICK MESSED UP INDIVIDUAL I HOPE YOU DIE A THOUSAND DEATHS JUST FOR READING THIS.[[File:J missionary.jpg|thumb|right|oh dear god.]]
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| *'''Monkey Face''' When a man cuts off his pubic hair, gets his cock sucked, and ejaculates in the woman ([[not gay|or man's]]) face then throws the hair in to stick to the face
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| *'''Moose Club''' What you do is, while you are hitting it from behind, you have to secretly put your thumbs to your ears and stick your hands out like antlers and hold them there for 10 seconds without laughing or getting caught. If you do, you have to wait for the next sex session. Highly recommended club for everyone.
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| *'''Mordor, The''' Fuck the chick normally. Right before she finishes, pull out, loudly exclaim "One does not simply fuck into Mordor!" and leave. Make sure you blow your own load before attempting the Mordor.
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| *'''Mortal Kombat''' Finish her.
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| *'''Mother Nature''' Buttslam your gal while your dog licks Alpo out of your ass.
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| *'''Mudflaps''' Have her shit on your balls while at the same time your drilling her cunt. Your balls should be slapping and flapping against the shit peeking out for light.
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| *'''Mudslide''' After coaxing a slut to toss your salad and she starts munching away you proceed to let loose some diarrhea and laugh as it runs down the side of her face.
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| *'''Muff Floss''' When a girl has really long pubes and you still go clam diving.
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| *'''Mung''' One must first have no shame. Then he/she must use a newspaper to find the obituary of a recently deceased man or woman. Then must find a buddy, with no shame, who will aid them in this act. The partners then go to the cemetary where they dig up their victim, and flip a coin. The loser, (or winner depending on how sick you are), applies his/her lips to the genitals or anus of the corpse, while the other partner procedes to climb the nearest tombstone and elbow drop the corpse's stomach. Thus forcing out a blend of rich bodily fluids and embalming materials onto the partners. This blend is called mung. The act of getting this blend on your face is called munging.
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| *'''Murder''' End her life.
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| *'''Mushroom Tattoo''' When you're doing her doggy style, pull out and whack your dick as hard as you can on her ass. It leaves an imprint that looks like a mushroom. [[Image:Ultimatehentaimanuever.gif|thumb|right|My personal favourite...]]
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|
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| ===N===
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| *'''NADP''' A very simple procedure. Have a girl lay on her back and put her feet behind her head so that her ass is sticking up in the air. Carefully tuck your nuts away in her brown treasure chest and shove your dick into her pussy. This technique requires a lot of leg strength due to the fact you'll have to be doing squats in order for it to work. Nuts in the ass, dick in the pussy. FREAK THAT BITCH TONE!
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| *'''Nail Gun''' Take a nail gun to the sack with you, that shit hurts. If you don’t use it on her you can probably fire it into your own bag, that’s a treat!
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| *'''Nasal Probe''' You have probably seen when you ejaculate that sperm sometimes shoots in two directions. Put your cock against your partner’s nose and aim your load to her/his nostrils.
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| *'''Native American Dad''' This is when you are having really rough sex with a girl from behind and when you're about to cum you grab her hair and your tomahawk and scalp her.
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| *'''New Jersey or "Dirty Jersey" While giving a girl anal pull your dick out preferably covered in shit, wipe it in her armpit then blow a load in her arm pit. ( Anal for how shitty new jersey actually is and the Arm Pit for new jersey being the arm pit of america.
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| *'''New Orleans Welcome''' When a girl is giving you head and the two of you have bedsheets over you. You fart under the covers, pull yourself out, holding her under the sheet while screaming "NEW ORLEANS WELCOMES YOU, BITCH!!".
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| *'''New York Style Taco''' Begin this move eating the chick out while wasted when all of the sudden you realize how bad her box smells. To pay her back you throw up right in her box.
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| *'''Nicaraguan crab sandwich''' Stick your left foot in her mouth and your right foot in her ass.
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| *'''Night Caulking''' You want to fool around but your girl just rolls over and goes to sleep. You then angrily jerk off on her ass crack. You are then dubbed a Night Caulker. This move can be called "Night Caulking" or "The Night Caulker."
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| *'''Ninja''' When fucking, at any given time pull out run around to the girls head, kick her as hard as you can in the face and yell "NINJA!!"
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| *'''Ninja Head''' [[Image:A typical scene in H2G2.jpg|thumb|Safety first. Cut away from yourself.]] While getting head from a girl, take out a ninja sword and slice that bitch's head off. <s>Note: if you really want to be a real ninja, after you have killed her commit seppuku.</s> That's only samurai, but you'd still get manliness points.
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| *'''Nintendo Buttons While your girl is wearing only socks you tap your dick between her left and right butt cheeks like a nintendo controller, then cum on her back.
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| *'''Nosy Neighbor''' While fingering her vagina, insert a finger in her ass. Then make a pinching motion, both inserted fingers together.
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|
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| ===O===
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| *'''OJ''' Right before you are about to start having sex, stab her, then proceed to pound the wound with your cock.
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| *'''The Oops Technique''' This technique is where the man moves from one hole in the woman to the other (better done doggy style, for easier access). He then continually rams himself into her, and when he is done, and the sex is most likely over with, and she wonders what the hell really happened, he gives her some lame excuse about how she was so wet that in his excitement he slipped and went into her ass. To actually convince her though, she must be a very stupid broad or both should be so drunk that neither can remember what happened in the morning....though I'm sure she still will.
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| *'''Outta Touch Pinkycock DJ''' All this requires is you having a 4 inch hard cock, be a dj who thinks he is really creative with his music, and a drunk ass female who will get off only by rubbing her clit cause your sorry ass couldn’t hit a g-spot without fisting,
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| *'''Over the Top''' You and a friend of yours need to start a threesome with a girl. Have her on her knees giving you head while your friend does her from behind. You then proceed to arm-wrestle on her back, becoming Stallone in Over the Top, a great 80s classic. 3 points if you can get Stallone himself as part of the threesome.
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|
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| ===P===
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| *'''PB and J Swirl''' Smear peanut butter on your fingers. Then finger the girl (who's on the rag FYI)with the same hand until it is bloody and peanut buttery. Then stick the same fingers up her ass then have a tasty treat after.
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| *'''Pocket hole Jig''' Cut a hole in your pocket, pop your throbbing erect dick through the hole, get a girl to jerk you off violently.
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| *'''Peacock Breeze''' Standing up nailing a girl doggy-style and she farts and blows your pubes out like a peacock's feathers.
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| *'''Pearl Harbor''' While she's asleep, fuck her in the ass then drive home as fast as possible and wait for her to show up and kill you.
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| *'''Pearl Necklace''' Do her missionary. Just when you're ready to nut, pull out and shoot it all over her neck.
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| *'''Pegging''' Have a woman strap on a [[dildo]] and do you [[in the ass]].
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| *'''Pele''' AKA "Johnny Lawrence (from Karate Kid)", AKA "Sweep the Leg". Fuck her from behind while you are both standing, then when she is about to get off, kick her legs out from under her.
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| *'''Pelican Punch''' When you're getting her from the front and you pelican punch her in the throat. While she's gasping for air you can shoot one in her mouth.
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| *'''Peppermint Chiclets''' Kind of like the Candy Cane but, after you blow in her mouth pull out and PUNCH the shit out of her so that you make sure to knock some teeth out. With the blood, cum, and teeth in her mouth, shake the shit out of her head and there you have them PEPPERMINT CHICLETS.
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| *'''Pendulum''' This is not for the beginner. Stick your index in the bitch's donkeyhole, your thumb in her flower, squeeze together until your fingers touch, and pick her up and swing her back and forth like a pendulum. The point is to get her into thinking that this is some exotic way of blowing you, but her head will be too low. Then, proceed to drop her, and dipset.
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| *'''Pepsi Challenge''' Stick one finger in a girl’s pussy and another one in her ass, then stick either one in her mouth and see if she can guess which hole it was in.
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| *'''Phat Phuck''' You've got to be ultra fat for this one. While getting head you put your fat over her head so she can't breathe. It’ll feel so good because she’s trying to breathe and takin' you all in. Hope she’s not a biter.
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| *'''[[Philly]] Fake Out''' You start bangin' the bitch doggy. Make sure she is facing away. Then right before you pull out, spit on her back. Then when she turns around you let her have it in the face.
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| *'''Pigeon Wing'''* Break you're bitches arm and have her wack you off with it
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| *'''Pink Parachute''' When fucking a bitch in the ass, start fuckin’ her as hard and rough as you can, then pull your dick out as quickly as you can...thus flipping her asshole inside out!
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| *'''Pink Sock''' Start this move by banging your chick in the pooper all of the sudden punch her in the back of the head hard enough to knock her out. When you pull your dick out her rectum will come out with it causing your dick to look like a pink sock.
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| [[Image:Eyepr0n.jpg|thumb|Open Wide!!! Making an eye baby.]]
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| *'''Pinkeye Surprise''' aka '''Eyes Wide Open''' After the penetration of your choice, pull out before ejaculating, have the young lady hold her eyelids wide open and cum directly onto her eyeball. Experts at [[/b/]] have theorized that the sperm might actually mistake the eyeball for an ovum and attempt to penetrate/fertilize it, but until further eyepr0n testing is approved by the administration, it will remain drunken bar speculation.
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| *'''Piranha''' Do the damn thing, any which way you please, and when you’re about to cum, bite the bitch’s nipple off.
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| *'''Play-dough''' This involves some cooking. Take a nice steamy shit on a pan or a sheet of tin foil. Pre-heat your oven to 325 degrees. Form the turd to resemble a dildo, actually any shape that will fit into a woman's orphus will do. Place turd into oven for 10-15 minutes. Take out of oven and let turd harden and cool. Now you can use it as a kinky yet stinky dildo on your lovely lady! Enjoy!
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| *'''Plunger''' While you are fucking your girl in the ass, squeeze her ass cheeks together and pull out as fast as you can. She’ll shit everywhere.
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| *'''Polish Falcon''' Travel to Poland, and capture a falcon. Take it home, and keep it in a cage until you're fucking your bitch, at which point, you reach into the falcon's chest and pull out its still-beating heart. Shove the heart into her asshole.
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| *'''Polish Toboggan''' Have your partner lay on her stomach at the edge of the top of a staircase, then sit on her, firmly putting your penis in her asshole, grab onto her arms, and then ride the bitch down the staircase.
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| *'''Ponda Baba''' Use one of those pumps to get your girl's pussy lips all fat, and then pull up on your ballsack so they both resemble the mouth of the Walrus Man from the Cantina in Star Wars: A New Hope. What you do after that is totally up to you.
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| *'''Porcupine''' Tell your girl not to shave her pits for a couple or days. On day three, slap some lube up under her armpit and begin to pound the ever-loving shit out of her pit. Warning: WILL CAUSE CHAFING!
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| *'''Predator''' Get your girl to lay on her back, and you on your knees. Take a shit in your own hand, rub it all over your face, and let out a bloodcurdling scream like the alien on the movie ''Predator''.
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| *'''Prized Marlin''' Fuck a girl from behind, and have a friend hiding in a closet or behind a couch with a camera. Let out a signature "whoop" or signal of some sort. At that time grab the girl's shoulders and pull close to you, look in your friend’s direction with the camera and smile as he takes the picture. Most of the time it’s hilarious and looks like you’re holding a prized marlin catch of the day!
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| *'''Primo Noctis''' Tie a rope to a church steeple, swing from a nearby tree like Tarzan and snatch someone else's bride. when at an angle of 76degrees release hand from rope and while in mid air, do a double pike, get yo kekks off and slip your cheeky bellend into the virgin bride from behind. just before the floor comes her way, try to get a photo of you crying and blubbering the words 'this is the happiest day of my life'!
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| *'''Pussy, The''' Ask for sex politely, only continue if woman gives consent. Continue in missionary position until both parties are satisfied, ensure proper contraception. Afterward continue a meaningful relationship - THOSE WHO DO THIS ARE PUSSIES AND FAIL.
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|
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| ===Q===
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| *'''Quagmire, The''' You must be having a one-night stand. If she makes you use a condom, agree. Pretend to put it on from under the blanket. Give her a good fucking and make sure she has the time of her life. Afterwords, say, "Here's the condom I put on," and hand it to her with a smile and never talk to her again.
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| *'''Quake III''' While in the missionary position, pull out a railgun and shoot her in the face. Extra points for saying "Impressive!" afterwards.
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| *'''Queen''' aka the Freddy Mercury - get AIDS from a guy with a mustache.
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|
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| ===R===
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| *'''Ragin' Cajun''' Before fucking a silly whore, pour ample amounts of Tabasco sauce on your sausage.
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| *'''Rainbow Kiss''' She needs to be on her period for this to work. Get in a 69 position, and have the man lick out the blood and the woman suck out the cum. When both mouths are filled with liquid, you both kiss, creating a dazzling red-white-pink rainbow.
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| *'''Rain check''' This is when you take a chick to fuck somewhere outside, and then you go down on her. If the stench is too much to handle, tap her puss with the back side of your hand and say call me when you get that fixed, then leave her to find her own way back home.
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| *'''Ram''' You're attacking from behind when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
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| *'''Rape''' Literally anything done for the lulz.
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| *'''Rape Spider''' Just for the lulz, convince your certain lady that you want to perform oral sex upon her vagoo, but being unknownst to her, go out and buy yourself a spider (the hairier the better) and hide it under your bed or whatever place you would hide a spider. Then precedest to make your lady cum. At moment of orgasm, pull out the spider and throw it on her whilst screaming this said phrase "RAPE SPIDER WANTS MOAR PLEASE" over and over until she has gone utterly bloody bugfuck. Bonus points can be achieved upon shitting in her screaming mouth or by [[Centipede filled vagina|adding centipedes to her vagina]].
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| *'''Rear Admiral''' An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (with both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab onto anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside so that the momentum pushes her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table, or have her trip and fall on her face. You attain the status of Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
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| *'''Red Raisin''' Take a bright red lipstick and schemer a nice thick layer of it upon your scrotum. Press gently onto the recipients forehead leaving a delightful raisin pattern in a glossy vibrant red.
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| *'''Red Wings''' Eat out your chick while she is on the rag. Do a good job and make her cum. When she is done you will have red wings painted on your cheeks.
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| *'''Red Morning V1''' At a party at a friends house, whilst some guy is out of it, go to the bathroom bin, get two used tampons and tie them to your friends ears.
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| *'''Red Morning V2''' Same as version one but instead you get a used fanny pad and stick it to [[their]] forehead.
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| *'''Redman's Revenge''' When a chick gives you an Indian burn on your dick.
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| *'''Retrograde wheelbarrow''' The male lifts the female by the legs as she pushes herself up onto her hands. After this the bodies move in Retrograde, the male walking slowly backwards in a wide circle.
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| *'''Reverse Ass Rape''' Also known as Backwards Surprise [[Buttsecks]], Forceful Receiving and Receiving without consent RAR is a type of Rape that involves using your anus and forcing it onto someones cock. It's usually performed by prisoners who have been ass raped so many times that they don't even know how to properly rape any more.
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| *'''Reverse Leeroy, The''' Similar to the Leeroy Jenkins, but done backwads. I.E, right before you blow your load, pull out quickly, and yell "LEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOY JENKINS!" at the top of your lungs on your way out the door.
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| *'''Rock, The''' While vaginally fucking a girl turn your ass to her face, fart and then say IF YOU SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL...!!
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| *'''Rock, The V2''': Force a girl to grab your hard cock, and pretening to hold it like when The Rock says the phrase aforementioned, gush the cum out.
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| *'''Rodeo''' This one is a classic. While doing her doggy style, get a good grip on her [[tits]] just before you blow. Then whisper in her ear, "This is just how your sister likes it." Try to stay mounted for 10 seconds.
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| *'''Rodeo 2''' THE SETUP: At a party or wherever, let a few of your buddies know your gonna get some ass and to begin plan "Rodeo". Wherever you guys choose to fuck, leave the door open a little bit. THE GAME: As your hitting it from behind hold her hair with one hand and scream "Giddy Up!", "Yee-Haw!", or "We got us a [[whore|ho']] down!" at this time your buddies run in cheering and chanting "Rodeo!". The goal is to see how long you can stay on and in as she flips out. MODIFIER: Wear a cowboy hat.
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| *'''Roman Battle Helmet''' Stand over and behind the bitch while she's on her knees facing away from you. Rest your balls on her eyebrows and let your dick hang down over her nose. Take a picture. Makes for a great greeting card.
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| *'''Roman Shower Surprise, The''' As your getting head, jam her head down so she begins to gag, choke and hopefully vomit on your dick. At this point jam 2 fingers down your own throat like a 16 year old girl and vomit on the bitches head. You may hold back until she looks up for added surprise.
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| *'''Ron and Helen''' When you and your chick shit on each other's faces all night long like a cheap German porno, and then smoke a big fatty made with weed the was grown from Hitler's home town.
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| *'''Run Away Train''' When fucking in doggie style, get the person (who are we to judge) you are fucking in a full nelson. Yell out "oh shit, time for some multi-track drifting" and start slowly chanting the chug... chug.... chug.... and begin increasing the chant volume and speed. Start moving in a circle until you you feel like you're moving fast enough to cause some damage and run her headfirst into a wall.
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| *'''Rumbleblumpkin''' Receiving a [[blumpkin]] while having violent diarrhea.
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| *'''Rumpkin''' Opposite of a blumpkin: your girl licks your ass while you take a piss.
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| *'''RuneScape''' Beg her "4 monies" while doing [[RuneScape|the same thing over and over again.]]
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| [[Image:Invisibletrombone.jpg|thumb|[[Work safe|Dirty dirty dirty!]]]]
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| *'''Russian Snowplow''' Set 2 pillows up at the end of the bed against the wall or the headboard. Then do your girl doggy style and drive her head through the middle of the pillows into the headboard or wall.
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| *'''Russian Bullrider''' While having enraged doggy style [[secks]] with your partner, pull her close and whisper into her ear, "I have [[aids]]", and see how long you can stay inserted.
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| *'''Rusty Fishhook''' After fingering her in the ass, curve your finger like a hook, stick it in her mouth and pull the bitch out of bed.
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| *'''Rusty Pumpkin''' First, you take the young lady home. Then, you spread butter over her nipples. Then you become bored and tell her to get out of your goddamn house.
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| *'''Rusty Nail''' This is when you take a shit in a girl's pussy (Sludge Box), then turn around and fuck her in her sloppy hole. I've also seen this called the Dirty Piston.
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| *'''Rusty Trombone''' This is quite simple actually. Get some slut to blow on your fartbox as she jerks you off; it sounds like a rusty trombone!
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|
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| ===S===
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| *'''Sack Attack''' Best done in public. Two guys go up to both sides of an unsuspecting person. Both un-zip their pants, pull out their testicles, and shout "SACK ATTACK!"
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| *'''Salty Walrus''' When you give a person a facial and the cum is dripping out of both nostrils.
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| *'''Sandy Pelican''' Take your girl to the beach, start banging her. After a while, when she's not paying attention, stick your dick into the sand and start fucking her again until she starts screaming like a pelican.
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| *'''Schlieffen Plan''' Just as you are starting to cum, pull out of her vagina and blow the rest of the load in her pooper. +1 [[internets]] if you put in the mouth instead of the butthole.
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| *'''Scissor Kick''' When you're doing a girl from the back, right before you bust pull out, jump and spin and scissor kick the shit out of the back of her head.
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| *'''Screaming Seagull''' While doing her on the beach, pull out, dip the tip of your dick in the sand, and then go right back at it. She'll scream like a seagull!
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| *'''"Second Base With Angie"'''- Much is unknown about the Second Base With Angie but according to physicists it involves a nickel crazed whore mongering slut, a milk man and a blind dodo bird, and it starts and ends with a "fire hydrant" like spray of semen ejecting from every chasm, fissure, and opening on Angie Cervantes’s body. (Note Angie is not required to be in proximity for this act of hot confusing sex.)
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| *'''Shalalabod Dot Drop''' While an Indian girl is giving you head, pull out right before you blow and blow your load right on the dot on her head.
| |
| *'''Shit Fuck''' While taking a crap on someone during sex is funny and erotic, I prefer this move for its stealth and planning. If you use her (or your) bathroom anytime during the day, have a baggy or condom handy and save that sucker (I'll leave the messy details up to you.) Keep it nearby when things heat up, then as you climax cram it in your mouth and kiss her, on the mouth or all over, hell I'm sure creative guys like you can think of a thousand variations, like slapping it on her, or all over her, or jamming it in her mouth. A really touching thing to do would be to have it in a condom, jam it in her ass and try to break the condom, that would bring you closer I'm sure. There is nothing quite like shit that’s seen two asses--how many couples can say that they have done that?
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| *'''Shocker Plow''' (also known as a V8) Put your hands together like you're praying. Fan them out so just your fingertips are touching. Then 4 in the pink, 4 in the stink.
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| *'''Shocker''' [[Image:Shocker.jpg|thumb|Two in the [[vagina|pink]], one in the [[ass|stink]].]] All I got to say is: Two in the pink ,one in the stink. Or sometimes.. two in the goo, one in the poo. On occasion.. two in the taco, one in the guaco. <strike>Or even.. two in the pipe, one in the wipe</strike> [[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS]]. The thumb may be added onto the shocker as one to scratch said patch.
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| *'''Shrimping''' You have to be a pretty sick fuck to pull this off. Stick it in your chick's poopshoot, blow your load in there, then bend down and suck your load out of her ass. Also known as Feltching, except you use a straw with feltching.
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| *'''Sitting Surprise''' You wake up and find your girl sitting naked and you place your penis on her buttcheek. You [[golden shower]] her and make sure the piss stream hits her in the back of her precious little head.
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| *'''The Skewered Ox''' Two guys kneeling, facing each other, girl between them: one cock in mouth, and the other in the vag. The trick is, that the girl must be curled up in fetal position, and the two guys must hold her whole weight by the sheer force of their erected [[penis]].
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| In hard mode: set a campfire under the bitch, and turn her around slowly, as a skewered ox on a barbecue party.
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| [[Image:Skullfuck.jpg|thumb|The doctors are still puzzled as to what could possibly be wrong.]]
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| *'''Skull Fuck''' 1. This move involves gouging out your date's eyeballs and fucking her in her eye socket. Actually, gouging out the eyeballs is optional. Works better if you scream 'OMFG SKULL FUCK!!!' while performing the move. 2. Also used as a term in [[internet slang]] for '[[pwned]] via headshot'. Also known as 'Fucked in the head'.[[Image:Skullfuck Awesome.jpg|thumb|Skullfuck is awesome.]]
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| *'''Sludge Box''' This is when you're sitting on a girl's lap, spread her pussy lips wide open, and take a dump inside. Bonus points if you piss on her legs. Also known as the Clitter Shitter.
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| *'''Slap Happy''' A fun game for you and your mate. You fuck your bitch doggy style whilst your mate slaps her back and forth across the face cheeks with his hand, rapidly, whilst hold the bitch still with a hand full of her hair. You win if you can cum before she passes out. Works best with a 10 year old nigga bitch
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| *'''Smokestack''' While your girl is blowing you right before you are about to cum, get your girl to take a big hit of weed, crack, etc. After she takes the hit, she should hold it in until right when you are about to cum in her mouth. After you cum in her mouth, tell her to spit it out while she exhales the smoke.
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| *'''Snapper''' Thumb in the pussy and middle finger in the ass. Proceed to snap your fingers to any desired tune. Something with lots of bass is preferred.
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| *'''Snarling Beast Monster''' As you are pogo-stick fucking the whore, take careful notice to when she is about to bust a she-nut, and when such glory is about to occur, carefully position yourself so you are literally sitting upon her pussy, with her right leg in front and her left leg in back of you. Now, for the finishing touch, you will suddenly take a giant dump INTO her pussy.
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| *'''Snipper Snapper''' Ok, it hurts, but it's worth it! Let a girl straddle YOU doggy style, reach between your legs and pull your wanker back, and put it inside her, from behind you! Once she gets going you can't stop the snap of your pecker as it either breaks the blood vessels or snips out of her so fast it hits your stomach with a snapping sound. Try it, it feels so good. Oh yeah, also have good insurance.
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| *'''Sneaky Indian''' While fucking a girl doggystyle shove your dick in their asshole and when she screams cover her mouth repeatedly to make the indian noises.
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| *'''Sneaky Russian''' Go to your local town center, find a woman preferably between the ages of 10 and 42, stalk her for about 15 minutes and then vigorously suffocate her with a plastic bag then take her body to the edge of a large cliff, lubricate her asshole with melted chocolate fill her up with a bottle of vodka (yes, from the ass) let it dribble out a bit light the vodka and bang kick the flaming bitch off the cliff preferably onto a children's play area.
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| *'''Snowballing''' Sharing [[semen]] ejaculated in the mouth. [[Fags]] do this a lot. [[Semen]] is the largest constituent of any [[fag]]s diet. [[Image:Snowball.gif|thumb|Who doesn't love snowballing?]]
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| *'''Snowmobile''' When plugging a girl while she's on all fours, reach around and sweep out her arms so she falls on her face. Then push her around the bed while making engine noises, such as "VROOM" or "MMRRR".
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| *'''Space Docking''' This is an advanced scat sex move. You take a shit directly into her vagina. The most difficult part of space docking is positioning your anus directly above the vagina-hole.
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| *'''Spanish Windmill''' Doing your partner doggy-style and spinning both your arms wildly in circles like you're Pete Townshend during the chorus to "Baba O'Reilly" but you're cornholing someone.
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| *''' Spanish Windmill Fantastico''' Same as above, but with lit sparklers.
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| *'''Spider Man''' Bone a girl and prepare for your own [[orgasm]]. When the moment arrives, pull out and jam your member in between your middle and ring fingers, curling them down so you've got a Spider Man web grip. Shoot it in the appropriate place on her body while yelling, 'GO WEB GO!'
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| *'''Spider Man V.2''' (variation on The Houdini) While ravaging a young tart from behind, tell her that the damn is about to burst. Pull out, spit on her back, ejaculate in your hand, and when she turns around to say "i love you" throw it in her face while making a "tsssssk" sound.
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| *'''Spider Man v3.0''' Masturbate and cum into your hand, then in public, run up to a hot girl and yell SPIDERMAN!! And throw all your semens in her face. Trust me, girls love this.
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| *'''Spice Girls Torture''' While having sex with someone in any position, shove an audio speaker up their ass and play spice girls music. May we suggest the JBL L26.
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| *'''Spinning Jenny, The''' While fucking with girl on top cut off her legs (can also work with a paraplegic) and then spin her around on your cock.
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| [[Image:L26.jpg|thumb|Just be glad this was taken before it was shoved up a pooper.]]
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| *'''Spocker''' Two in the pink, two in the stink (it’s a variation of the original Shocker).
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| *'''Sprinkler''' When you are jerkin' it right over her face and right before you blow, you pull out a mini fan and turn it on and nut into it so the jism is distributed evenly.
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| *'''Stamp''' Lay the special lady out flat on her back, then start to take a dump just enough to get one poking out, the proceed to sit on her repeatedly in different spots. Feel free to connect the dots, if you are into that sort of thing.
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| *'''Stealth Bomber''' Wait till your chick is sleeping then get started on punching your clown. When you are about to blow, unload your cargo all over your sleeping beauty. She will never know what hit her. Oh, and don’t forget to take a dump somewhere (since you freaks like that so much).
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| *'''Steamroller''' Shit on her chest.
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| *'''Stephen Colbert''' Have sex... With America!
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| [[Image:Stovepipelegpants.jpg|thumb|Stove-pipe pants. If you're wearing these, you're doing it wrong.]]
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| *'''Stephen Harper''' Invite the woman to the bedroom and before she comes up hide behind the door. When she is on the bed, lurk out from behind the door, creepily approach her with your accountant's smile, then suck at sex. recommended by cudbwittier
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| *'''Stinkin Lincoln''' Much like an Abe Licoln, except replace the cum with shit gathered from your own arse.
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| *'''Stove-pipe''' Works best if you have the girl's head and shoulders on the ground and her ass propped up against a bed or couch. Then, you hold her up as vertical as possible and screw downward into her. It's tricky but pretty comical if you pull it off.
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| *'''Stranger''' You sit on your hand until it goes numb and then you jerk off; it's like somebody completely new is doing it! Recommended by Lil' Jon.
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| *'''Strawberry shortcake''' Right before you blow your load while a chick gives you head, take your cock out of her mouth, then punch her in the nose until she bleeds, then jizz all over her face.
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| *'''Strawberry cheesecake''' pull an 'angry dragon' (see above) on your girlfriend and when she is looking really mean at you punch her right on the nose! Do it hard and fast so the blood gushes out. Time for desert!
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| *'''Strawberry Milkshake''' Penetration of your choice, when your about to unload, pull it out and cum just under her nose, then punch her in the nose hard enough to break it so the blood and the cum mix to make a 'Strawberry Milkshake'
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| *'''Suck Boob''' Take off bra and proceed to lick her breasts and then start licking and sucking her tit just like you would if it was her clit ([[HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS|hey, that rhymes!]]) while caressing her breast. If she doesn't start moaning try caressing her clit while licking her tit(s) ([[Shit nobody cares about|rhymes again!]]).
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| *'''Suck It Dry''' Fuck a Vaccum.
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| [[Image:Arabian Goggles.jpg|thumb|Ray Bans aka Arabian Sunglasses]]
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| *'''Sunglasses - Ray Bans a.k.a. Arabian Sunglasses''' Put your nuts over her eye sockets while getting head. Your can is on her forehead. Yes, it may be anatomically impossible, but it is definitely worth a try
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| *'''Sunglasses - East Indian Eye Goggles''' Much like the Arabian sunglasses, Put a nut on each eye socket, then lean back and with your brown star give her a kiss on the forehead.
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| *'''Superman''' When nailing a girl doggie style right as you are about to cum you pull out and bust your load all over her back and flip her over onto the blankets when the jizz dries and she she stands up the blanket should be stuck to her back giving the illusion that shes wearing a cape just like superman! A variation is that after you bust on her back with the excuse of you cleaning her up, grab a roll of paper towels and then stick a long strip on her back and tell her to stand up. The towels will stick and make her look like superman! [[Retard|Soulja]] black person made this sex move popular by coining up the phrase "Superman that ho", which is nothing like "Spiderman that [[whore]]" or "Wonder Woman that [[prostitute]]".
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| *'''Superman2''' Another version of the 'Superman'. You bang your chick doggy style, or standing up with her bending over, at the top of some stairs. As you being to come, pound her harder and harder, as you ejaculate push her down the stairs. Works wonders for your relationship.
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| *'''Superman3''' While on a tall rooftop fucking her doggystyle, tell her to put her fists out straight. Then throw her over the edge.
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| *'''SURPRISE!!''' When you go down on a chick to find out its a dirty god damn lie!!
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| *'''Surprise Truffle''' While ramming a chick in the ass, tell her you have to blow your load and you want to do it in her mouth. When she turns around and opens her mouth, you also turn around and drop a huge log in her face! HINT: eat a huge meal beforehand.
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| *'''Suspension Bridge''' Get a girl on all fours. One guy takes her from the rear, the other gets his cock smoked. They give the cue and the guy in back pulls her legs out and the one in from grabs her arms so that none of her body is touching the bed. She's just suspended between two cocks. Also known as a Pig Roast
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| *'''Swedish Rodeo''' While having unprotected sex with a Swedish woman, bend over and inform her that you have AIDS, or any other fun STD. Time how long you can stay inside her when she starts moving.
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| *'''Sea Shark''' find a "floater" (aka dead body in the water) wedge a piece of card board in her ass and then have sex with the body while one of your "bros" (aka douche bag friends) move the body like a shark and another hum the jaws theme. When you jizz yell SEA SHARK! [see Land Shark]
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| *'''Syrian Sanchez''' While she is being water-boarded, proceed to go ass-to-mouth.
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|
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| ===T===
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| [[Image:Sexinthecity.jpg|thumb|A [[Woman]] reading a [[book]] on [[sex]] in its usual environment.]]
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| *'''T-Steff''' First off, don't wear a condom. Pulling out is the key to this move. No matter what position you are doing, when you finish make sure you spunk on her stomach rub it in with your cock and walk out.
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| *'''Tea Bebble Slide''' When you slide your balls from a girls feet all the way up her body.
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| *'''Tabletop''' Once your girl is naked, throw her on the table and fuck her hard and fast while you are standing on the ground. This way you can watch her boobs shake with the action and she can watch your dick go in and out. Extra bonus if you can get another girl to lick and slap your ass while you’re at it!
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| [[Image:Owned5-2.jpg|thumb|right|200px|A tea bag being performed on a girl's forehead]]
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| *'''Tea bag''' As you are sitting on a girl's face, repeatedly dip your nut sack in and out of her mouth, similar to a tea bag in a cup of hot water. An old favorite.
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| :''''Variations'''
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| :*'''Ballcuzzi''' It’s like a teabag, but you get the girl to put warm water in her mouth and gargle. Dip your balls in for a ballcuzzi.
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| [[Image:teebag.gif|thumb|OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.]]
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| :*'''Pixie''' Same as a tea bag, but right before dipping your ball in the person mouth, you dip them in sugar and then in their mouth.
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| "The stinger" the act of climbing up a six to eight foot ladder,while your partner lies submisively with ver legs above her head on her back snatch facing upwards, the jumping for added height you grasp your knees almost performing a cannonball with your erect cock pointing straight down like a bee stinger and entering with superior force.
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| Hence a pixie, plus this works great if you do it to a person when they are sleeping. When they wake up the next morning they will have the taste of sugar in their mouth and know what exactly happened to them the night before.
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| *'''Snowplow, The''' When a chick is on all fours sucking your cock, kick out her arms from underneath her and begin to walk forward.
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| *'''Team West Campus''' Find all your roommates in your West Campus house and proceed to have a drunken sausage fest, followed by random acts of homosexuality.
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| *'''Tentacle Fun''' Find a girl you like, and take her to the aquarium. When your by the octopus exhibit, its time to slip good ol' date rape into her drink. When she's fully horny, take her to the back room. Proceed to remove her clothes & tie her up for extra effect. Now, find your favorite octi-puss, inject it with some extra hormones & [[Santa|other good stuff]], and sit back and enjoy watching the intense rape she'll be gettin. Try It, ITS FUN!
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| [[Image:Testamentcover.jpg|thumb|Also a very [[Shit bands|sexy band]].]]
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| *'''Testament''' Put your hands together, then jam your hands in the girl’s ass and spread her hole. Now, place your foot deep inside her ass! It's just that simple!
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| *'''Texas Rodeo''' You start this by having at least a half-dozen friends hide in the room. Then, while she is on top of you, have all of them come out and chant, "Rodeo! Rodeo!" See how long you can keep her on you.
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| *'''Thanks for the Memory''' Every single time before you fuck the bitch, give her a dose of GHB, and then wait till its takes effect. Tell her whats happening before you do it, then when she comes to, tell her you're done. You don't have to fuck her, you could get a Ho in if you fancy. She'll never really know if your telling the truth or lying, and it'll really mess with her mind.
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| *'''Thanksgiving Dinner''' You start stuffing a bitch in her ass, and then you stick a fork in her back and be like, "Ya done, bitch?!"
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| *'''The Angry Congressman''' Ejaculating in ones hand and throwing it at a chick, preferably from behind. As seen in Silence of the lambs
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| *'''The ATm''' Also known as Ass To Mouth. What you do is have sex with a chick, do your business, and then stick it in her poopshoot. Then, once in and you're about to blow, pull it out and have her give you head, thereby cleaning the shit off your dick. And completing the transfer of ass to mouth--such a filthy move to do to a chick--takes away all her self respect.
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| *'''The Avenger''' If you’re ever in a situation where you fuck a girl, and she gets off and refuses to get you off its time for revenge. It’s best if she’s laying on her stomach so she doesn’t know what’s going on. Do what you got to do to get yourself off as quick as you can. Take good aim and blow your wad on her back and in the back of her hair. It’s messy, and it'll show the bitch who's boss. Peeing on her awards extra points!
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| *'''The Balcony''' While fucking a girl from behind on a balcony slowly slide out and let your friend or any random hobo slide in and
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| run down to below the balcony and wave to her. By the time she notices, she is having some hobo's junk all up in the flava flav PUSS.
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| *'''The Bocaj''' upon walking into your local bar have a stranger insult your bitch and beat your ass.( The more stitches you get the more of a pussy you are. Up to 14 stitches.)
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| *'''The Boston Strangler''' Slowly and passionately take your girl from behind doggie style. When she least expects it, lean forward and choke the fucking life out of her. Pick up the pace and chant, "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" until the lifeless bitch passes out.
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| *'''The Caroline Utton Smash''' While fucking a girl in the ass, take out an African clubbing stick and hit her really hard in the kidney until she throws up. When she does act really mad and kill that bitch with the beating club.
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| *'''The Chedderhead''' when you're taking your girlfriend in the butt you wait until you are about to climax, then you take the handy dandy cheezewizz (we all know you have some in your room) and fill it up, simultaneously sticking the head of your baloni pony in her no-no cavern and letting loose.
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| *'''The Chipmunk''' When the bitch is sucking your balls and has one in each cheek.
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| [[Image:Zoe_984373.jpg|frame|Girl who think s she's sexy and is gonna fuck herself because she's too lonely.]]
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| *'''The [[User:Christopher|Christopher]]*''' Rape a preteen girl.
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| *'''The Cotton Gin''' Cum in her mouth, then dislocate one of her arms and crank it until she either pees or shits. Then take the waste materials, make a shirt out of them, and give it to her for her birthday.
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| *'''The Dazzler''' Cross your index and middle fingers for her pussy, cross your pinky and ring finger for her ass, and work the clit with your thumb.
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| *'''The Dirty Burrito''' Ok, before you fuck your bitch you both need to wrap up like a burrito in a sheet (preferably white or light yellow). Then you both piss and shit in it as much as you can while still wrapped up and then fuck. Eating the burrito at the end is optional.
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| *'''The Dirty Cowboy''' For this one you need two hats one for your wife and one for you. You give her anal and right before you are about to bust throw it in her ear. She will be all like "Why did you cum in my ear?" And then you're like cause I can bitch!. Jump on her shoulders and see how long you can hang on,
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| *'''The Dolphin''' Funny because so many have experienced it. While hitting a girl from behind, you go to throw it in her butt but she looks over her shoulder shaking her head saying "eh eh." Therefore you get to choose another place of your calling to throw your load.
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| *'''The Earnhardt Jr.''' Take a large shit, make sure it’s sloppy, but don’t wipe, then titty fuck her. This leaves a nice brown streak on her stomach, like a tire skid, thus, the Earnhardt Jr.
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| *'''The Earnhardt Sr.''' Only works on a bed near a wall. While hitting it from behind, suddenly jam your unit up her ass with no warning or lubrication. If done correctly she will leap forward to try to escape, hitting her head against the wall and getting knocked the fuck out.
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| *'''The Electrician''' Get a girl pregnant, then wait 8 months, then get one of those high powered electric hand-fans and ram it in her crotch and turn it on. Homemade abortionator!
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| *'''The Eskimo''' Nut in a girl's mouth, but don’t let her swallow. Instead, make her hold it in her mouth and dunk her in a 55 gallon drum of ice water. Make her stay in there until the cum freezes, then let her swallow it. Frozen cum-gurt! Bon appetite!
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| *'''The Felcher''' When a man really likes a girl he will cum into her ass and suck it out with a straw.
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| *'''The [[Josef Fritzl|Fritzl]]''' You know what to do.
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| *'''The Gold Rush''' As your hand heads south, waste no time... go for the gold and fist the bitch. As she screams in agony tell her you're digging for rings and need money to buy tomorrow’s lunch.
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| *'''The Grapevine''' Grow a large patch of hair around your asshole and take a bunch of laxatives, then shit for a week but don't wipe. This will leave your anus with a nice patch of dingle berries. When you're doing her from behind, pull them off your asshole and feed them to her like grapes.
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| *'''The Grudge Fuck''' When you get the chance to fuck your ex one last time, push her face down in the pillow, spit on her ass, stuff your dick in her hard. When she screams, tell her "don't worry baby, it’ll only hurt till the blood lubes you up.” Gives you the satisfaction of fucking the bitch who fucked you over.
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| *'''The Hershey Kiss''' Take her pants off nice and easy. Lay her face down place your dick on her leg and start kissing her ass cheeks. Like a snake about to strike a rat, pucker up and dive your tongue into her Hershey highway. Whether she jumps or not, dig for some of her special dark chocolate.
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| *[[The Human Centipede]] This one shouldn't need to be explained if you've seen the film.
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| *'''The Infamous Switcheroo''' This is tricky. and has some unwanted consequences from time to time; however, it is hilarious. First, you get a friend of yours who is about your build--size and looks don’t even have to match that well; however, it can't be a fat guy and a skinny guy. What you do is have one friend hide in the bathroom before you start railing your chick, then turn out the lights and start banging. Then in the midst of this you tell her you have to go to the bathroom, at which time you do so, and then when you enter the bathroom, your friend comes out and you hide. He immediately goes to town and once she says "Hey, you're not Sean" you and your friend bolt for the door running out butt-ass naked while yelling "SWITCHEROOO AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Just be sure it's not your place or leave anything of value behind; that way you never have to speak to the slut again. A.K.A. The Trojan Horse.
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| *'''The Iron Sheik''' When you do it the old country way; You suplex someone, put them in a camel clutch, break their back, then fuck them in the ass to make them humble. (This is done to someone like [[fag|Brian Blair]] for God, Jesus, and Mr.McMahan.)
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| *'''The Jared''' You have sex with a girl from behind and right before you cum, you beat her to death with a crowbar and bury her in your backyard with the other sluts.
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| *'''The Jelly Bat''' A great way to get revenge on a fat chick for tricking you into drunken sex. While in the missionary position, sit up. Grab the corner of the biggest fat roll on her stomach and tear it off. Wielding it like a baseball bat, beat her to death with it while screaming bloody murder.
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| *'''The jRok''' This is best done with an amateur slut. When doing her doggy-style, inset BOTH thumbs in her pooper and tap your fingers on her ass cheeks like you’re bored. Then, say 'it's natural baby' or 'bet you never had this before?'. After awhile, pull out, flip her over and start jerking it off like you're really close. When she looks at you and says 'did you go?', say, 'With you? Hell no! I have standards'. Then pass her off to your friend that never gets pussy.
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| *'''The Kennedy''' While sitting on the edge of a pool getting blown, wait till you're about to bust nut. At that second push her head under water so she is shocked and her throat closes around your cock!
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| *'''The L.D. Sledge''' while doing a prostitute pray to Odin and drink gnarly mead. When she least expects it pull out a giant sledge hammer and smash her skull. (Bonus points earned if you use ravens)
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| *'''The Life Guard''' If you’re having a threesome on a boat, wait till you're done, then offer to go skinny dipping. Have one guy (possibly the best swimmer of you two) jump over with her, then have the other throw you a life line and take off leaving her naked in the water.
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| *'''The Mike Hamlin Fetal Devourer''' First, you need to look like a rat/mouse type deal(thx Ben P.) then you just need to foolishly do one of the moves listed above or below this one and get her pregnant and eat the fetus.
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| *'''The Missionary''' You slip your penis into and out of the woman while she's lying on her back, with you on top. Eventually, the friction will cause you to ejaculate. This is unsuitable (and unobtainable) for the 18-year-old university freshman dipshits who find anything else in this list funny.
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| *'''The Mortar''' When taking a bitch from behind, get a good load saved up. Just as you’re about to bust a nut pull out, put your cock on the crack of her ass and release the load. If your aim is good, you can hit her in the back of the head.
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| *'''The Octopus''' No one except [[Azrael]]'s ex actually knows what this is, but apparently it involves a lot of blood coming out of your dick.
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| *'''The Patriot''' While you are having doggystyle sex with a girl, start karate-chopping her back; this will make red lines across it. Then punch her in one corner of her back (turning it blue) and ejaculate using that corner as a target. Finally, rip the skin off of her backside and run or ride on horseback through town, waving your brand new "flag". Extra credit if it's July 4th.
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| *'''The Q-TIP''' Get a chick to start blowing you and right as you're about to blow it in her mouth, smack both her ears on the side of her head with your hands so her head starts ringing...then proceed to yell at her in a different language. Romantic!
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| *'''The Raging Bull''' While you're taking a girl from behind, place a fist against either temple with the index finger extended. When you're about to come, repeatedly headbutt her in the back of the skull while roaring at the top of your lungs.
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| *'''The Reality''' Get turned down for a date by every woman you know including your mother. Jack off to Britney Spears photos, then go to ED and talk about your smooth sex moves.
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| *'''The Rick James''' When having sex with a woman, preferably from the back. When the male is ready to ejaculate, he pulls out and ejaculates on his hand. The male then proceeds to spit on her back as to deceive her into thinking he ejaculated on her backside. He then walks up to the female and asks "What did tha' five fingers say to the face?", and when she replies "What?" the man slaps her with his ejaculate filled hand and replies "SLAP... Im Rick James bitch!"
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| *'''The Rodney Dangerfield''' When she does not get any respect (aka the hate fuck).
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| *'''The Roadrunner''' Tricky one to master. She's bent over, holding onto something preferably. Take a run up and aim for one of the holes, their both goals.
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| *'''The Rude''' While you're fucking a girl, take a bottle of cheap wine, like Sutter Home, or Reunite, and bash her over the head with it, then rape her with the broken bottle.
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| *'''The Ruthie''' You need to be missing half your arm first. Use your stub to fist (or nub) your bitch.
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| *'''The Sean Connery''' If ever you find yourself in a drunken Scottish whiskeyrage then just hit your bitch but IMMEDIATELY APOLOGIZE WITH YOUR BEST CONNERY (Circa Highlanders) IMPRESSION. She'll laugh and you'll get to keep fucking in the knowledge that you finally gave her one in the face.
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| *'''The Sagami''' Get on all fours and have your bitch shove a Hickory Farms salami in and out of your ass while she is jerking you off.
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| *'''The Shawshank Redemption''' Carve out the pages in a book with a hole on the side to insert your penis into. Good for Animu fans. As well as masturbating in public and jizzing in people's faces.
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| *'''The Sneaky Pete''' Get her in a shower stall in the change room after her cheerleading practice or whatever she does (field hockey?) Make sure she’s alone or I'm sure she will call for help.
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| *'''The Sneak Attack''' Get in an argument with a chick saying you don't want to have sex. Then tell her to go the fuck home. When she just got out the front door, go after her, pull it out, and do her in the hallway.
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| *'''The South Bronx Sub''' Find a BDSM sub online, talk her up to gain a bit of trust and arrange a meeting at her place (use the excuse that you have no good equipment at yours). Once there, tie her up and lick her carpet until she's good and ready to go, then take her TV and leave. Bonus points can be gained if you take stop to blow a load on her on the way out of her house.
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| *'''The Southern Gentleman''' This is when two incredibly fat SEC football fans (think UGA) are consoling each other after a big loss. They cry in each other's arms in their hotel room. Next thing you know Lloyd and Maxwell are having 700+ lbs. of sweaty sex that could only occur on a hot, humid Georgia night.
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| *'''The Stephen Lin''' Before having sex with an Asian ladyboy with glasses, you lube it's ass with refried beans. Then you proceed in having anal sex with it until you spew your gue. After you wrap up, you have the ladyboy crap it's fajita mix on your chest and dig in.
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| *'''The Telephone''' Balls in the mouth, cock in the ear. Ring, ring, bitch.
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| *'''The Teddy Roosevelt''' Just before you cum, pull out, ram a sizable stick up the girl's vag/ass (whichever you were just using), get in front of her face, ram your dick into her mouth, put your finger to your lips, and say "Shhh".
| |
| *'''The Three Legged Retarded Hippopotamus''' First, hit her over the head until she's retarded. Then cut off her left arm and fuck the armhole.
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| *'''The Topeka Destroyer''' (See "Roman Shower Surprise" above.)
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| *'''The Track Star''' Get a stopwatch. Start hitting it from the back in the pink. She looks like she is in the starting blocks. Now when you’re nice and hard and starting to cum, pull out and RAM it in her ass without her knowing, and start the watch and see how long it takes her to sprint the 40 to the bathroom. If she runs at the right time it will look like she has left a vapor trail.
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| *'''The Transporter''' While fucking a girl let your cum loose inside of her and send her over to another guy afterwards. When penetration with the other guy commences and your semen touches said guys penis, the girl becomes The Transporter. There is no actual time limit as to when the girl becomes The Transporter after sexual intercourse, but presumably, a time period of 24 hours would be sufficient. Another side to this form of transportation would be in the form of pregnancy and child birth. Picture this scenario. When you fuck a girl, you could unwillingly become the father of a different girls child. You ejaculate into or onto girl #1's vagina, she then have sex with a second guy or even a third guy. This third guy then have sex with another girl while your semen from girl #1 is still to be found on the third guy's penis. The other girl, which you presumably havn't even met, then becomes pregnant from your semen.
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| *'''The Tumbleweed''' This incredibly romantic act occurs after receiving road head. Upon climax, you proceed to open the door and boot the bitch out of the car. Bonus points if she [[Barrel Roll|does the tuck-and-roll.]]
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| *'''The Tuna Helper''' If you're too drunk to get it up, or your woman is an unholy bitch and you can't stand to fuck her any more, just shove what ever you can conjure as a hard-on in her twat and hump away until she at least fakes it to get you off of her. If she's a bitch, donkey punch her about 2 minutes into it. Then you don't waste your time.
| |
| *'''The Walking Zombie''' This is when you bust a nut in both of a girl's eyes. It's called the walking Zombie because when she's trying to find a towel to wipe it off, she'll be swaying her arms back and forth with her eyes glued shut!
| |
| *'''The Wet Willy!''' When you are getting head, as you are about to pop your cork, you wet your finger and stick it into the girl's ear. You might want to stick your other finger into the side of her mouth so she does not bite your rod.
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| *'''The White Dragon''' While she is giving you head, jizz in her mouth and then after, punch her in the stomach so she breathes white fire.
| |
| *'''The White Glove''' This instant classic can be performed from almost any sexual interaction but it works best while receiving oral. All you have to do is cum on your hand, then with your hand covered, slap a bitch. Challenging her to a duel afterwords is optional.
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| *'''The Yoda''' While receiving oral pleasure, blow your snot all over her, lift her by the throat and make her quote ''[[Star Wars]]''.
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| *'''The Titanic''' Have her give you a BJ in a hot tub. When she comes up for air hit her in the face with a big bag of ice.
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| *'''Thunderstorm''' While in 69 position and your chick is licking your bunghole, let a thunderous fart and start the golden shower on her chest. (Better if multiple farts.)
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| *'''Thundering Cunt Guzzler''' Before your dick is inserted into the cunt, hold a Mentos in front of your rod as to shove it in while your cock penetrates. Fuck her for a while, making sure the candy is near the womb (nearer the cervix the better). Then tell your bitch that you're gonna shove a huge dildo up that va-j-j, but actually make it a hose. stick it into the gaping hole and then pour diet coke down the tube. Prepare for the cavernous vagina to thunder loudly. Also can be done in butthole
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| *'''TJ Woody''' After she is done licking your balls, she proceeds to make you a sandwich.
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| *'''Toilet Slut''' Someone that acts as a human toilet for others drinking pee and eating shit.
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| *'''Toboggan''' After any coital maneuver that produces a corpse, grease its chest with fecal matter or seal fat (see: i-did-her-odd) and ride the cadaver down the stairs. Best performed on a partner with pigtails for improved handling.
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| *'''Tony Danza''' A takeoff of the donkey punch is called the Tony Danza. When you are about to cum while doing a girl from behind, you say "who's the boss?" and stick it in her ass. Before she says anything you shout "TONY DANZA!" and punch her in the back of the head.
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| *'''Tony Danza Slap''' Whilst a broad is suckin you off, pull your boner to the side and let it hit her in the face screaming, "whos the boss bitch." Continue doing it until she answers correctly.
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| *'''Toothache''' When a girl gives you oral and you’re about to blow, nut on her teeth and proceed to brush her teeth your penis. Continue for two minutes which is the standard brushing time.
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| *'''Tootsie Roll Subway''' When you fuck someone as hard as you can in their ass, spread both her asscheeks and your asscheeks open and take a shit in her ass.
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| *'''Tootsie Roll Subway Crash''' Do exactly as told in the Tootsie Roll Subway, but after you shit inside someone, kick them right in the asshole while screaming.
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| *'''Tossing Salad''' Well known by now. A prison act where one person is forced to chow starfish with the help of whatever condiments are available, i.e. Jell-O, jism, etc.
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| *'''Tower of White Power''' You simply say, "bitch please" while hittin' that with your very own tower of white power down below, then when she turns around, hit her in each eye with each one of your balls and say "DONKEY KONG, YAHHHHHH!"
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| *'''Tower Bridge''' This one involves 2 guys and a girl, or 3 guys (see London Bridge). The girl is giving one of the guys a blow job while the other guy is doing her from behind. Then both guys stretch out their arms thus forming a towerbridge.
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| *'''Train''' One girl in a room, a bunch of guys fuck her one after the other. A train is different from a gang bang in two distinct ways: First, the guys fuck consecutively, not concurrently. Second, there have to be at least seven, or it's not a train.
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| *'''Truck Driver''' While you're doin’ her from behind, you stick your thumb in her unsuspecting ass and move your hand like your driving a truck, talking all sorts of trucker slang.
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| *'''Truth''' Offer her some champagne, light some candles. <s>Barry White is a good choice of music. Scented oils are nice--better still are scented lotions, I always liked that one. Satin or silk sheets (I happen to like the texture of flannel), down pillows are good, especially oversized. Start with a massage or something equally relaxing, move towards kissing (take your time with this). Relax and get into it; there’s nothing quite like a good long kissing session. Heavy petting is only natural at this point. During foreplay, take it easy and try to satisfy her as much as possible. If the foreplay rocks then the sex is just really amazing icing. Don’t rush the foreplay, but move on when you are sure that she is physically ready for the next step. Make sure that you are also aroused--that is key, as you don’t want to go in too soft; it's just not worth the embarrassment and could totally ruin the atmosphere. The rest I'll let you decide on but here are some tips: be a gentleman and let her finish first, unless she verbally implies that you should; do not release your [[orgasm]] anywhere inappropriate; when it's over, hold her for a little while until the shivers pass, then suggest a hot bath or shower. You did it big guy, you had sex without doing anything wrong or stupid. Believe it or not, she will enjoy this and it will evolve over time.</s> THEN SHIT ON HER BELLY.
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| *'''Trumpkin''' A Blumpkin given to Donald Trump. EVERYBODY'S DOIN' IT!
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| *'''Tucson T-Bone''' This is the same as the jackhammer but with a slight twist... literally a twist. When you are doing the jackhammer make her twist yours balls. It’s quite an experience.
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| *'''Tuna Melt''' You're going down on a chick, lapping away, and you discover that it's her time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
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| *'''Twelve''' Go number 1 in her number 2. It's that simple.
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| *'''Two Pointer''' You make the girl sit on the toilet and then you sit on her lap. While she's jacking you off you have shit and make sure it falls between her legs into the bowl.
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| *'''"The Tyler Johnson"''' this is when you take an empty bottle of sobe life water halfway full and stick your cock in it and start with your normal sessions of masturbation.
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|
| |
| ===U===
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| [[Image:Uhohoreo.jpg|thumb|*gasp!* NO!]]
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| *'''Uh-Oh Oreo''' (a.k.a. E.L. Fudge) When a black person is sandwiched between two [[white people]]
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| *'''Ultimate Houdini, The''' While giving it to her up the ass, move to a window and trade partners. Before she notices, run outside and wave to her just outside the window. Ideal for breakups, and best done when she doesn't know about the other partner.
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| *'''Ultimate Pleasure''' Take your dick and put it in a mousetrap. You'll cum instantly.
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| *'''Under Dog''' After a hard session at the gym, your armpit muscle begins to twitch; thus giving you the ability to jerk a guy off with your armpit muscle.
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| *'''Underwater''' While getting head, push her head towards your body and hold it to see how long she can hold her breath.
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| *'''Up on Blocks''' When a women is on her Period, The term comes from a car under service. It is undrivable because it is "up on blocks"
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| *'''Upside-downey-penial wife-spin''' OK, you need a strong dick to do this, but you posision her comfortly on your dick and spin her around untill you cum and/or she get so dizzy she pukes. then you raise up and let her fall upside down off teh bed.
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|
| |
| === V ===
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| *'''Valsalva''' The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a woman's nose while receiving fellatio; most effective when employed just prior to the release point due to the gag reflex and ensuing swallow that the woman is forced to do to continue breathing. A great first date ploy, as it sets the stage for what the rules of engagement will be going forward.
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| *'''Veal Cutlet (aka The Screaming Seagull)''' When a man is having sex with a girl on the beach or a sandbox, then pulls out, using the juices on his schlong to roll it around in the sand to collect the breading and then continue having sex (hence the penis is the breaded veal cutlet)
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| *'''Vegetarian Hot Lunch''' Same as the Hot Lunch, but done with clingwrap over the girl/guys face. This way they can chew your shit through the plastic film, savoring the texture but without the flavor.
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| *'''Verheij Style''' You got to be very fat for this and put your fat into her ass and yell "Omg [[Goatse|Zezima]] Cum in mah belly!!!!"
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| *'''Vicky, The''' You finish on the girl and on her way out of the room she casually grabs an article of your clothing and uses it to clean herself. This is especially bad when the clothing is black.
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| *'''Viking, The''' You are having sex with a girl and right before you cum you pull out a battle axe and chop off her head, while screaming "FOR ODIN." The tricky part of this one is concealing the battle axe.
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| *'''Viper Bite''' Put your middle finger in a chick’s pussy and your thumb in her ass and try to snap your fingers.
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| *'''Volcano''' Blow your load on someone's ass crack. Then wait for them to fart and cause the cum to spurt out.
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|
| |
| ===W===
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| *'''Watchman, The''' take the girl to a top-story hotel room with large windows overlooking the city and get her into a bath robe. Violently fuck her around the room, trying to break as much glass as possible, and make sure she does not remove the bath robe. After she's suitably exhausted grab her by the front of her robe, pick her up and throw her out of the window.
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| *'''Waiter''' Set a plate of food on your girl's back while giving it to her from behind, and enjoy a hearty meal while doing the nasty.
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| *'''Walrus''' Shoot your load in her mouth and before she gets a chance to swallow pinch the middle of her lips together and hit in her in the back of the head and your shit will ooze out the sides of her mouth like a walrus's tusks.
| |
| *'''Walnut Ripple''' Slowly teabag your partner as she lays directly underneath you until boredom sinks in. At this point punch her in the womb (perhaps even screaming falcon punch) which should cause her to jump up and headbutt you in the sack, thus inducing [[lulz]] for both of you.
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| *'''War''' You and a buddy find a chick. Get her on hands and knees. She blows one guy while taking it from the other guy. Since you are already facing each other, play cards. Very demeaning and fun!
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| *'''George Washington, The''' Related to the Abe Lincoln. Have your ladie friend give you head and right before you blow your load you pull out her hair and cum on top of her head then put her hair back on. Make sure you are far away from water.
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| *'''Washington Surprise''' You're sitting in a chair or on the edge of the bed while your girl is giving you head. She doesn't want you to cum in her mouth so you promise to let her know. When you're about to nut, you tell her, and just as she pulls her head off your cock, you stick your dick between her legs and shoot it all over her face. Then you pull out a dollar bill, stick it to the nut on her forehead, and yell "Surprise!"
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| *'''Waterfall''' Alright, first have your girl bend over and grab her ankles, leaving her ass high in the air and her head low to the ground. While banging her brains out, pull it out and proceed to piss on her goouch (area connecting the pussy and
| |
| asshole) and watch the piss flow down her ass and onto her face like a waterfall!
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| *'''Wedding Proposal''' Tell your gal you want to get kinky. Tell her you want her to get gang-banged by a group of Bulgarian midgets. When she says ok, tell her it's only a one time gig. Watch these little fuckers bury your gal. While they all simultaneously bloop on her, say, "Surprise Honey! Want to get married?"
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| *'''Western Grip''' When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use; hence, western.
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| *'''Wet Jessy''' Sneak into a girls bedroom while she's sleeping and Jack Off on her.
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| *'''Wet Jesse James''' Creep into a strangers house and fuck a virgin while she is sleeping.
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| *'''Wet sigh to drip dry''' grab your girl and do everything you can to make her horny, without pleasuring her. slowly get her naked and act as if your just ready to rip your own clothes off and bone her. then, you run away with her clothes and leave her to dry out.
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| *'''The Wet Biscuit (aka Ookie Kookie)''' 4 or more guys in a circle jerk and a biscuit is in the middle. The last man to jizz on the biscuit has to eat it. - Marvelli
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| *'''Wheel of Fortune''' AKA "Price is Right" AKA "Lucky Leo". Sit a girl down in a chair that spins. Have her lean over and stick out her tongue, then precisely place you dick by her tongue, then spin the chair around as fast as you can.
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| *'''Wheelbarrow''' Have your lady down on her hands doing her from behind with her legs out straight straddling your hips. Then walk around the room like pushing a wheelbarrow. You can tell her to pick shit up while she's down there too, but that's optional.
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| *'''Werewolf''' Before having sex, shave your pubes. Get a girl to suck you off, cum on her face, and throw the pubes on her face.
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| *'''Windshield Wiper''' When doing a chick in the ass, pull out your [[dong]] right before busting a nut and spray Windex over her back so she thinks you nutted. She'll turn around and then you jizz in her eye and wipe it on her face back and forth with your dong. (Particular emphasis is placed on the forehead and cheeks)
| |
| *'''Winetaster, The''' (Also known as "Vinsmageren" in it's native tongue). When wanting to perform this act, always have a wineglass by the bed at all times. Be sure that your girl has her period. While laying with your mouth full of labia between her legs, quickly grasp for the wineglass while your mouth is full of periodblood and intensely do a lot of gurgling (thus giving the image of a wine taster.)
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| *'''Windy City''' When you (or your partner) starts licking the asshole and then the other partner farts in the face.
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| *'''Wizard Hat and Robe''' First, while you are getting your thing on, explain that you like to role play with costumes. You proceed to pull out your Wizard Hat and Robe. Then you start fondling your partner and say, "I cast level 4 Eroticism on you, so that you are actually hot." Before they say anything you start doing the nasty and shout, "I cast level 1,000,000 Multiple [[Orgasm]] AOE and we both die in our ecstasy!!" Once finished, put the hat and robe on your partner and say, "Your turn, Gandalf."
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| *'''Wolfbag''' Tie a thin piece of thread around a piece of bacon. Get your girl to swallow it, keeping hold of the end of the thread. Bang it up her arse. Just when you are about to blow pull the thread, causing the bacon to come back up. This will make her gag, which will in turn make her bum hole contract giving you a tight sensation.
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| *'''Woody Woodpecker''' While a chick is sucking on your balls, repeatedly tap the head of your cock on her forehead.
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| *'''Wounded Pigeon''' After getting extremely aggravated with some tramp, break her arm. Shortly following this you force her to give you a hand job.
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|
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| ===X===
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| *'''Xanadu''' also known as "Rosebud". Take a woman to your huge mansion, fuck her and then wait until she goes to sleep. When she does, yell "ROSEBUD!!!" and shove a snowglobe up her ass.
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| *'''X, Professor''' have your women or random ho break yor spine so that you will be confined to a wheel chair, then tell her to fuck off because you will now be able to blow your self off and will no long need a woman
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| *'''X-treme Blow Job''' get a blow job while doing something extreme
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| *'''Xanadu: the Return''' Take a women to your mansion, have sexual relations with her and make sure that you bang her hard enough to knock her out, then dump her off somewhere near the Northern Pole, have one of your Man Servants wait for her to wake up. When she does, shove a snow globe in her vagoo. Bonus points if it breaks.
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|
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| ===Y===
| |
| *'''Yahtzee!''' Simply yell "Yahtzee!" when you bust a load. Way more fun if she wasn't expecting it.
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| *'''Yellow Submarine''' While receiving oral copulation, urinate in the oral cavity. Then proceed to have sex with her mouth-hole before she can spit/swallow.
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| *'''Yummy toast''' Cum on a piece of toast and feed it to the [[victim|willing partner]]. As she eats it punch her in the spine, causing her to spit it out then shit on her head.
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| *'''Yoda, The''' While a chick is giving you head blow snot on her and then force her to speak like Yoda, double points for carrying her around as a backpack and still having sex with her
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|
| |
| ===Z===
| |
| *'''Zamboni''' You are doin’ a chick from behind. When you are about to bust, you pull it out and spray it on her back, then you spread it over her back with your penis, like a Zamboni.
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| *'''Zany Zamboni''' You and your partner start from one end of the ice rink. You both get up to speed toward the goal opposite of you. Once at a proper speed, you and partner begin to fuck in a position where the female lays on her back. In order for proper kix, try to reach climax when you both cross the goal line.
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| *'''Zebra''' When two niggers fuck one honky.
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| *'''ZebraV2''' when two white people do one black person.
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| *'''Zerg Rush''' You are fucking a chick in your bedroom and right as she starts to reach climax you you yell "ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE!!!!!1111" and eight to ten of your ugly neckbeard friends burst from clever hiding places and fill every orifice of the dirty whore, including the ears and bellybutton.
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| '''Zombie, The''' This is best done with an [[16 year old girl|easy victim]]. When she is giving you head and you know you're about to jizz you pull out and blow it in her eyes, break her fingers and watch her walk around like a zombie trying to get it out... Perhaps leave out the breaking fingers part.
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|
| |
| ==For Women==
| |
| [[Image:A_new_breed.JPG|thumb|Wild and crazy dogs!]]
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| [[Image:hotime.JPG|thumb|[[Jesus]] saves, and in this case causes urinary tract infections! Notice the [[MS Paint]] [[Photoshop|shop.]]]]
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| *'''Because It's Your Birthday''' When it's your boyfriend/husband/lesbian lover/man-bitch's birthday, tell them, as a special treat, they'll get anal tonight. Wait until your both in the bedroom. Turn the light off so it's pitch black. Then, shove a twenty inch strap on dildo up his ass. Ask afterwards if he liked it (he'll love it. I guarantee).
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| *'''Blowhole, The''' Give boyfriend BJ. Right when he's about to cum, fist him. Wait for reaction.
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| *'''Buckin Bronco, The (Adapted for the ladies)''' BEGINNERS' VERSION. Get man. Tie down his arms and legs. If you choose, gag him. Then, cowgirl up. When you're mounting him, scream "I have AIDS!" See how long it'll take him to buck you off. INTERMEDIATE VERSION. Only tie down his arms. ADVANCED VERSION. No binds at all! Good luck.
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| *'''Date Night''' Have a romantic, candle lit dinner with your partner. Then, have passionate, lengthy sex. Next, casually suggest taking a long, hot shower together. When you're in the shower, "accidentally" drop the soap and ask him to pick it up. When he bends over, ram a loofa up his ass.
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| *'''Deflowering, The''' When some fag won't have sex with you, force feed him Viagra, then mount. It's super effective.
| |
| *'''Farts and Bubba Franks''' This move involves one dog, a goalie mask, some pizza, an ice cream cone, a rubber hand, staple gun, and a hot supermodel with a goblin mask. First, force a goalie mask onto a black Labrador retriever and apply pizza to its penis. Now carefully staple a rubber hand to your inner thigh; be careful! Now here is the tricky part: freeze in place a chocolate ice cream cone, ice cream side up, to one of your titties. Got it? Okay, now all that's needed is a supermodel with a goblin mask to watch the events take place. Now after all this is done, let the dog fuck you doggystyle. What a hot sex move for an adventurous couple! Have fun ladies!
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| *'''Mowing the Lawn''' Shave off all your pubes, and be a good little virgin girl.
| |
| *'''The Happy Dyke''' Read the list of sex moves above, written by men for men. Then, become a lesbian, [[lesbian invisibility|turn invisible]], and marry your partner's dildo. (editors note - who's going to perform the ceremony if they can't see her?)
| |
| *'''The Holy Roller''' Buy a crucifix about as thin as your pinky. Prepare to give your boyfriend a handjob. Wait till he starts cumming, then immediately pull the crucifix out and wedge it into his dickhole to block the cum. While he is screaming place your head underneath his dick with your mouth open. Quickly pull the crucifix out and let the blood and cum drip into your mouth. Then go ahead and read Genesis 9:5 out loud. It states as follows: "And surely your blood of your lives will I require; at the hand of every beast will I require it, and at the hand of man; at the hand of every man's brother will I require the life of man." Enjoy!
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| *'''Hot Dog, The''' Give dude a blowjob. When he's about to cum, bite his dick off.
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| *'''Juicy Juice, The''' Refuse to allow man to cum on your face, say it's degrading. Then, when he goes down on you, make sure to smear as much pussy juice on his face as possible. See if he comments.
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| *'''Party Foul''' Ingredients: a raging party,1 gay boy, 1 straight girl, and a horny drunk guy. OK, the girl tells the horny drunk guy that she REALLY wants to give him some oral satisfaction but he has to be blindfolded while she does her job. Once the horny drunk guy is blindfolded and sitting in a chair, he gets his oral pleasure, when he cums while his dick is still in the oral socket the girl whispers in his ear, "Ohh yeah, that WAS good." And pulls his blind fold off so he can see that he just got head from a gay guy. Works best if some cum is dribbling down the gay guy's face and if he has a shit-eating grin. Last step: Run!
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| *'''Unhappy Ending''' Just like it sounds. Instead of finishing you off, the masseuse shoves her thumb up your ass!
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| *'''[[Scissoring]]''' Often used by [[dykes]]. One woman puts scissors in her vagina and penetrates another with it. Kinda like a double-headed dildo, but with scissors.
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| *'''Sex-Change, The''' After your man makes love to you in any sort of way mentioned above, take a pair of garden shears and cut off his penis at the base, preferably diagonally, and then put a dildo on and fuck the wound as hard as possible until he passes out.
| |
| *'''Taffy Pull, The''' Once you and your man are in bed, and he has fallen fast asleep, reach into his pants and, holding the base of his member, stretch out his penis as far as you can. Don't take too long because he'll immediately start to get hard from the physical contact and won't stretch as much.
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| *'''Tea Party, The''' Get a group of guys to sit in a circle with their dicks hanging out. Dress each of them up in miniature doll costumes and make them play tea party.
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| *'''Ball Banger''' When you and your guy are getting it on, as he's starting to come, reach forward and force one of his balls into his ass hole. It will give him a new sensation that will likely give you more time to climax.
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| *'''Double Scream''' Right as your man starts to come, reach up and slap him across the face. It's really funny.
| |
| *'''Chinese Penis Pull''' Get two of your guy friends together. Tell them you're going to treat them to double duty and that they'll be able to doubly penetrate you. That will get them over! Anyway, while they are blindfolded, put a giant sized Chinese finger cuff on them, one penis on each end. They won't know that it's not your hand until you take off the blindfold. By this point, they'll be so swollen, the thing won't come off until they've both come inside it. That's the only time they'll get flaccid again.
| |
| *'''Charlie's Revenge''': When you are going down on a guy, you wait till he is about to come and then you punch him in the upper thigh or calf. This will cause him to get a charlie horse and make him unable to cum.
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|
| |
| ==For [[Children]]==
| |
| *'''The Schoolbus'''
| |
| A train involving young boys (5-12) with a 40 year old man up front.
| |
|
| |
| *'''The square rule'''
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|
| |
| If they're under 13, just do them in <s>your</s> their head
| |
|
| |
| ==For Jews==
| |
| *'''Bernie Madoff''': The jew promises his wife sex for a small amount of money, then runs off and does the same to other people.
| |
| *'''Chol''' (pronounce like HOLE, it means sand): You take Arab and shove it up a woman's [[twat]] (or ass if it's a [[fag]]) and [[in the ass|finger]]. Make sure it's dry sand, otherwise [[lulz|her pussy (or his ass) will look like a sandcastle]].
| |
| *'''Ein Brerah''' (Hebrew for "no choice"): Basically, the one being fucked has no choice, so [[raep]] the [[bitch]].
| |
| *'''Theft''': The Jew fucks a [[whore|chick]] then steals her cash while she is flapping around like a fish out of water.
| |
| *'''Zeh Hakol''' (meaning "that's it"): You stick your fist up his or her ass and continue to thrust it in there until [[santorum]] leaks out and you eat it. This is synonymous with feltching, except instead of cumming in their ass and eating your [[cum]], you eat the [[shit|creamy white substance]] that forms. [[Sick fuck|Awesome]].
| |
| *'''Menachem Kusek''': You run a bank and masturbate furiously to the [[Rule 34|Gaza strip]]
| |
| *'''Meshugener''': Whilst fucking your <s>jewess</s> ogress doggy style, begin counting your Jew golds on his/her back. Not only is this sexually stimulating for you, it should also be sexually stimulating for your partner.
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|
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| ==See Also==
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| *[[The Aristocrats]]
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| *[[Asking for it]]
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| *[[Rape Checklist|Checklist]]
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| ==External Links==
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| *[http://www.rotten.com/library/sex/rolodex-of-love Rotten's list o Love]
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| {{sex}}
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| [[Category: Sex]]
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