Uncut diamond

What a REAL uncut diamond looks like... really lame.

Background Info

A mildly-retarded American (but he likes to pretend he's Canadian) law student, uncut_diamond is well known for several reasons on LiveJournal including:

• References to his Canadian heritage at any given chance,
• Extending LiveJournal threads out to the point where one needs to scroll both vertically AND horizontally,
• Rebuffing all Canadian jokes with come backs like, "We drink more than you," "Hockey kicks ass" or "We haven't pissed off the whole world yet."
• Practicing his law skills on the Internets.
• Self-proclaimed king of threads in various political debate communities.

Strangely enough, all of Uncut Diamond's avatars feature CUT diamonds, not uncut diamonds. Mentioning this will result in a ten page flame war where the eventual outcome will be the exercising of Godwin's Law.

Uncut Diamond is the token Canadian in many circles, most notably in RAC, LJers for president and Conservatism.

Canadian Jokes

Feel free to add some Canadian jokes here. E-points for originality.

Proper spelling of Canada: C eh, N eh, D eh

A Canadian tourist fell into a beer vat during a tour of the Labatt's brewing facility outside of Toronto. Plant officials estimate the tourist drank fifteen gallons of beer before he could be removed from the vat.

Canada has two seasons -- six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.

Have you heard about the big jazz hit up in Canada? "Take the Train, eh?"

Q: What does a Canadian say when you step on his foot? A: "Sorry."

Q: Why do Canadians have a maple leaf on their flag? A: It shows them what to use for toilet paper.

Q: What's the worst part about being Canadian? A: Telling your parents you're gay.

Q: Why is Canada like Granola? A: Once you get rid of the fruits and the nuts all you got left are the flakes.

Canada: a loft apartment over a really great party

TOP 10 REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA:

1. The only place in North America to get bombed in the war... by a moron who set a munitions ship on fire.
2. Your province is shaped like male genitalia.
3. Everyone is a fiddle player.
4. If someone asks if you're a Newfie, you are allowed to kick their ass.
5. The local hero is an insane, fiddle-playing, sexual pervert.
6. The province that produced Rita MacNeil, the world's largest land mammal.
7. You are the reason Anne Murray makes money.
8. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to wear a kilt.
9. The economy is based on fish, lobster, and fiddle music.
10. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered Canada's most beautiful city.

What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common? The taste.

A young boy was taken away from his parents because he was being abused. The case goes to court, and the judge turns to the little boy and says "Son, If you had to chose who you wanted to live with, would you chose your mom, or your dad?" The little boy thinks for a couple minutes and replies "Well.. I don’t want to live with my dad cuz he beats me.... And I don’t want to live with my mom, cuz she beats me too. Soo.... I guess I’d like to live with the Toronto Maples Leafs... cuz they don’t beat ANYONE!!"

Q. How do you get a hundred fucking canadians out of a pool? A. You say "Please get out of the pool."