Creepypasta/Retarded Creepypasta

Creepypasta is a generally awesome internet phenomenon which is the basement dweller's equivalent of sitting around a campfire with real human beings telling scary stories and being exposed to sweet sweet social contact. A well written piece of Creepypasta can have even the most seasoned internet user up at night covering their mirrors and dwelling on thoughts of red eyes behind locked doors. However, like ED in fact, for every cogent and well written piece there are 50 that are just, well, retarded.

Examples of Crappypasta

The Day of Blood

THIS IS THE STORY OF A DAY WHERE THERE WAS ALL THIS BLOOD. A MAN WAS WALKING AROUND AND BLOOD STARTED COMING OUT OF HIM EVERYWHERE. THERE WAS SO MUCH BLOOD THAT IT FILLED UP AN ELEVATOR. HE WENT TO THE STORE AND THERE WAS JUST BLOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE! PEOPLE WERE SLIPPING IN IT AND THEY WERE ALL GROSSED OUT. HE TRIED TO GO SWIMMING AND ALL OF THE SHARKS WENT NUTS AND BITTENED EVERYBODY. HE GOT CHASED BY ALL THE VAMPIRES EVER. ONE TIME THE BLOOD GOT A KID AND A DOG. AT THE END OF THE DAY EVERYONE DECIDED THEY WOULD SEND HIM TO SPACE SO THAT HE WOULD STOP GETTING BLOOD EVERY WHERE. THE SCARIEST PART IS THAT THE MAN WAS YOU!!! (OR HE WAS A LADY IF YOU ARE A LADY) AND YOU FORGOT THAT THIS HAPPENED.

This is the original skeleton.

A video version of the atrocities

A Skeleton Popped Out

A FEW YEARS AGO A MAN WAS WALKING DOWN A ROAD BECAUSE HIS CAR BROKE DOWN AND HE SAW A CAR COMING UP BEHIND HIM SO HE STUCK OUT HIS THUMB TO HITCH HIKE AND THE CAR STOPPED AHEAD OF HIM. HE RAN UP TO THE PASSENGER SIDE AND OPENED THE DOOR. WHEN HE OPENED THE DOOR A SKELETON POPPED OUT!

But Who Was Phone?

A prime example

Her Mother...Duh

The Lost Game

ONE TIME I BOUGHT A GAME

IT WAS CALLED

"GAME"

I PLAYED IT AND THERE WAS STATIC

NOTHING BUT STATIC

SO I BURNED IT CAUSE IT WAS HAUNTED

BUT THAT NIGHT I SAW STATIC STARING MENACINGLY AT ME THROUGH MY WINDOW

NOW I AM ONE WITH STATIC

The Boss

ONCE UPON A TIME I WAS WORKING AT WORK AND DOING MY JOB AND THEN MY BOSS SAID WE NEEDED TO TALK IN HIS OFFICE. I SAID "OK SURE YES" AND HE SAID "OK BILL YOU'RE FIRED UNLESS YOU DO SOMETHING FOR ME" AND I SAID TO HIM "OK SURE YES" AGAIN BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO BE FIRED BECAUSE THEN I WILL HAVE NO MONEY!!! THEN HE TOLD ME HOW HE WAS SATAN AND ALSO THE DEVIL AND HE TOLD ME HE WANTED TO CHEW MY SOUL BECAUSE I AM NOT EFFICIENT ENOUGH AT MY JOB! I SAID "PLEASE NO" BUT HE DID IT ANYWAYS AND THEN I DIED SO NOW I AM DEAD AND ALSO I HAD BLEED TO DEATH!! THIS IS A TRUE STORY. I KNOW BECAUSE I AM YOU!!!!

Can You Smell Fear?

This appeals to Horrorkitty.

So, I'm sitting here on my couch, which is pushed to my computer and the rest of the room is to my back. I'm watching TV and jacking off when I hear this really menacing cackle from behind me. I shit too many bricks to sit up and look behind me, so I just slowly moved my head to the left, where I saw my cat. It was stating either blankly or terrified, at the space right behind the couch, and perfectly frozen in a position I don't normally see it in. I just watched watched it, imagining what kind of evil it saw right behind me, but then I noticed something. It started stretching and contracting its back. It was taking a shit, and the cackle was just it farting. It was staring because it was focusing. I nearly threw up trying to clean it up. God dammit. Then a skeleton popped out.

The Scary Man

Once upon a time there was this scary man yah, and he was very scary. And he was scary, and one day the very scary man said. "I'm guna scare some little kids!" So the scary man walked to these little kid's houses, and rung the doorbell, a little kid anserd and said, "Hi hoo are you?" And the very scary man who was very scary said, "I'm a scary man and I am guna scare you!" The kid said. "No you can't cuz I wont let you in!" and the little kid closed the door but the scary man wouldnt give up! and it was night and walked back to kids house. Scary man brought ladder this time, so he climbed up to the kids' window, and opened it up, then he saw the kids in bed and said. "Boo! I am gonna scare you!" and the Billy woke up and said, "Oh Yeah? Well taste my brother's butt!" and he waked up his brother who fired his dedly diareeuh at the scary man and the scary man melted because the poo was asid!. The next day at school, the kids were at school, and they were at school, and in class guess what? They had a sub and it was a sub, and guess what else? THE SUBSTITUTE TEACHER WAS THE SCARY MAN!!! HE HAD COME BACK FROM THE DED!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Doll House

Just because Scared kitty is scared, does not mean that it is scary

Once upon a time there lived a girl and her mother in a house and in that house roamed a thousand dead bodies in their basement. One day the daughter said, “I’ll go in the basement to get my doll” (because it was in there with a girl ghost), but only the mother knew about the ghost because she was the one that killed them! BOO!!!!!!!

The Gnome

The seniors of St. Charles high school's football team went out to party after winning the state championship. As is common with high school jocks, all of them had plenty of experience with alochol and pot. Deciding to make this night really memorable, they all tried acid for the first time. The four of them drove around town for several hours before pulling up to a dark shady house, with a funny looking lawn gnome on the front lawn. They decided to steal the gnome, but as soon as they got it in the car it started talking to them. All four boys were terrified of this gnome, and decided to throw it in the trunk of the car. When they got home, the gnome was still babbling incoherently. They left it in the trunk and crashed for the night. When they woke up, they found the body of a 4 year old black kid in their trunk.

Teacher Teacher

It was my first day at Red Tree Hills Middle school and me and my best friend Jade both had Miss Chalk as our english teacher. Miss Chalk wasn't horrible or anythig, but people said that she had a major problem with girls with braces. So on a monday in March, I got braces. I wasn't worried, but I should have been.

As soon as I got to school the next day, a girl named Samantha walked up to me and told me that Miss Chalk was going to do something bad to me. I should have listened, but I didn't.

SO I walked into class and Miss Chalk stared at me with a stare so great I could have fainted. And she turned around and melted.

Seriously, she MELTED!!!

Another weak offering

Cheek to Cheek With Death

Was trying to sleep, she felt something tickle her cheek. Someone was breathing on her, someone was right to her face but she could not move. She was in shock. Then it went away. When she woke up the next day, every person in the house was chopped up.

House of Horrors

One time I went into a haunted house. It was just pretend ghosts but then I saw a real ghost there. It was scary.

Ghost War

Don't get me started on this, because I'm afraid they’ll get me. Don't tell anyone this but ghosts have come to go to war with the living. You will die. Sometimes you will, sometimes you won't. Death, blood everywhere you look. I was taken just hours ago, and soon I’ll take you!

The First Page

Once, there was a boy who loved to read. He read everything he could get his hands on, and loved going to his favorite book store. One day, the boy realized he had read everything the store had to offer. He confronted the owner, and asked him if he had anything the boy had never checked out. The owner said why, yes, I do, and pulled out a book called “Death”. He gladly sold it to the boy at a discounted price of $50. However, he warned the boy, never to read the front page.

Well, the boy returned to his house and read the book, and he was content. However, he always wondered, what could be on that front page, it was always in the back of his mind. One day, the temptation was too much for the boy, and he flipped to the very front of the book, and dropped the book in HORROR. There, in bold print, was MSRP $6.99.

Hawaii 50

One day, I was home alone. My parents had just bought a new house. I was watching TV. And all of a sudden, I heard a ghost walking through my kitchen. I quickly rolled under the couch. As I looked behind me I saw the said ghost! I got from under the couch and I ran into my room and I slammed my door. I picked up my cell phone and called 911.

ZOMG i'm an artiste.

When I didn't know was another ghost was under my bed breathing very hard. I talked to a police officer and he said "I will be there in 3 2 1..." When he bust the door open, the ghosts were chasing me around the house. One of them bit my leg off and I screamed in horror. The police officer got his gun out and shot all of the evil ghosts.

The next morning, My parents came back from vacation in Hawaii. They gave me the look as if I threw a house party. I shrugged my shoulders in discomfort. They looked at my injuries and took me to the hospital. On the way there, I told them the whole story. A few weeks later, my family and I moved out of the ghostly house and into a safe apartment.

Ghost Van

Once their was this man and his name was George. Every single kid in the neighborhood loved him because he was the ice cream man. He came around every single Friday night… nobody ever went out to eat on Fridays - Everybody stayed home. But one night he didn't come! The kids thought he was just confused and went to his house to tell him. They saw Mr. George, but he was dead. Nobody knew how he died.

One Friday, all the kids where home and saw that Mr. George's van was coming around. They got confused and went outside to see who it was. Nobody was in the van! When it drove away, someone got in the drivers seat and said, "Poor Mr. George.”

What Lies Within

Turn out the lights. All of them. Shut your now useless eyes and focus on silence. Once you have blurred the noise around you, look inside. look deep into your heart for something that is not you. When you find it, ask its name. If it does not respond say to it "This is MY body and I am king in it. You will speak." then ask again. Listen closely with ears you don't have to the voice you will hear faintly. Then pull it from its resting spot and fight it.

The Visitor

One night a girl was home all alone. She was drinking a glass of wine and watching TV and she decided to go upstairs and go to sleep. She got in bed and started to doze off when ALL OF A SUDDEN she heard a noise. She got up and went down stairs to see what it was. The noise eventually led to the kitchen. The kitchen had a really bad smell to it. She saw that the noise was coming from her oven, so she opened her oven AND HER MOM WAS INSIDE. She had been trying to get out of the oven the whole night. But it cooked her and she was dead and black person from where she got cooked. Then, she heard another noise. But this time..

It came from her room..

Kola

The Bay of Kola, off Murmansk, is a graveyard for old Soviet submarines, which spill nuclear waste out into the Barents Sea. Many a Western explorer has braved the subzero temperatures and biting tainted winds, but few have lived to tell the tale. The locals of Murmansk say that sometimes, when the wind is high and is dashing the grease-iced waves on the choppy waters of the bay, one can hear the voices of those who died as a result of boarding those submarines. The only problem is that only the strongest to go have ever survived, and each one of those surviving visitors to Kola dies within ten weeks of telling their story to the barman at Rokossovsky’s in Murmansk.

The Skeleton Tree

During the spring of 1902 in the Dry Tortugas Islands off of the coast of Key West, a man was shot and the bullet protruded slightly from the back of his skull into a tree (which he had his back against at the time). As time passed and the tree continued to grow, his putrefied corpse was lifted into the boughs as his skull was still attached loosely to the tree by the bullet. As time passed, the tree grew around the skeleton. If you can find this tree on one of the islands, tap it thrice with the heel of a cow hide leather boot, you will be granted the ability to make anyone forget anything at will.

IDK my BFF JILL?

The Irishman

One day, there was a man walking down a street. Yes, a street. He was wearing a plaid kilt, and really high socks. So anyway he was playing his bagpipe that I forgot to mention while I was explaining his physical attributes (like 90% of all 12 year old scary stories do) and he heard a strange noise... coming from his stomach. He said "Aie, that can't be good, I think I might have had a bit too many beans in that last batch of hummus!" So, he started on his adventure to find a bathroom to take a ferocious, explosive, really bad smelling diarrhea dump into. He went to the local crack house, but they only had urinals. He checked all of the grocery stores... to no avail. He even tried taking a dump in a garbage can in the Dollar Store... Nope, it was too high to take an atrocious, 3 foot wide spray radius, diarrhea dump into. After all, he didn't want to accidentally hose down half the store with molten shit. So, he decided that he had to go to his neighbors house, to use their bathroom.. he got there, and it seemed like there was nobody home. Luckily, he knew where the key was hidden, so he put it in the doorknob, but since he was on the verge of bottoming out, he accidentally broke the key off in the lock. At this point, he was desperate for a toilet to take a big stinky into, to he had to use a garbage can to get up to the 2nd story window. He climbed into the window, and realized in horror that somebody was asleep in the bed in front of him. He decided that since he already caused enough damage, he would just wake up the person to ask them where the bathroom was. He tapped them on the shoulder, and realized it was a young African American girl! She screamed, and it scared the Irishman so badly that he let loose a waterfall of stinky, mostly brown diarrhea in his undies. The Irishman saw a young African American man running towards him from the hallway, so he quickly ran to the bathroom to take off his undies and flush them... when he realized that the young boy meant buisness, the Irishman decided it was too late, and quickly jumped back out of the window where he entered.

The next day, on the local news, he saw the face of the young man... he was saying to "hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, and hide yo' husband.. cause they rapin' EVERYBODY out here."

House of Mirrors

In the heart of Washington, there’s a house that used to be owned by a family of five. Nobody really knows what happened to them. Their neighbors at the time say that there were no signs of weirdness or fear in the family. The common testimony is that one day there was nothing wrong. The night that followed, there were very loud noises coming from the house, and although people in the area came to investigate what was keeping them up, the windows were blocked by millions of post-it notes, and the windows would not break. The following day, the house was empty.

Nobody has lived in that house since. But people have gone inside. In every bedroom, there is a mirror facing the corner of the room. If you turn it around, it won’t show your reflection. The area you’ll be standing in will be empty. They say that on the rare occasion, you’ll see the person who used to sleep in that room, mutilated and bandaged from head to toe...

Annoying Med Student

An unpopular young med student had been particularly annoying one day and some of her classmates decided to play a trick on her. They snuck into her room after she'd gone to bed and placed an amputated arm into bed with her. The next morning they anxiously awaited her reaction but got none. Eventually they went up to check on her and found her sitting on the bed, moaning and gurgling as she gnawed on the arm.

Change For A Dollar

The next time you make a purchase, hand the clerk a $1 bill and ask her to make change. She will hand you back a number of coins, several of which bear the likenesses of long dead historical figures.

The Nine Inch Nails In-joke

If, in this twilight of the world, you go back to the beginning of a pilgrimage on the Highway to La Mer, you will get sidetracked. Your dreams will fade, and your mind might become somewhat damaged. Eventually, you will enter a small town, that appears to be empty. When you ask aloud 'where is everybody' you will notice a 22.86cm long nail lying buried in a layer of frost in front of you. If you pick it up, you will notice that it appears to be broken. You'll see the fragments of it, but they won't fit. You really shouldn't give a shit. Holding the nail with your ring finger and thumb, make the tiniest little hole in the ground. Stay down on your knees. Wait. If all has gone well, you will feel yourself start to spiral downwards into the void; as you get closer to the great below, you will seem to be falling even deeper, into a warm place. If you can manage to look up, you will see the sunspots overhead, getting smaller. You can try to stop it, but it keeps on coming Eventually, after you've fallen all of the way down in it, you will arrive in an ocean of violet fluid. It will be the deepest shade of mushroom-blue. You will still be holding the nail. You'll smell stale incense and old sweat, and lies. A voice will echo out of the darkness, asking, "are you ready to meet your master?". If you answer yes, and it's a terrible lie, you will fall a short distance, and well, I hope you can find some sort of happiness in slavery. If you answer no, be prepared for the purest feeling of physical hurt, just like you imagined in your worst nightmares, but it will end with a quick, merciful release into death, from the burn of the march of the pigs. If you truthfully answer yes, you will be approached by a reptile-like man with a few dozen halos and a head like a hole, who will ask you one question; "would you bite the hand that feeds you?" If you answer; "with teeth." you will be justified, purified, and sanctified, inside yourself, and you'll receive several god-given powers, and told to deliver the warning. There will be a massive Quake. No matter how much you scream, "I do not want this!", nothing can stop you now. No matter how hard you try to save yourself, yourself will keep slipping away.You will have no choice; the mark has been made, and the world is closer to the big come down.You will feel something killing away all of your bad parts. You will have have become The Great Destroyer, the Eraser and the frail, the wretched, the fragile, all will bow to your will. The world will be ripe, (with decay.)

The 13th

If you use the Julian or the Gregorian calender beware:

February of all the months of the year has only 28 days. Why so, is a question that crosses the mind once in a while, well... it is not a coincidence; it is a hint. If you take the extra days of the other months so that every month only has 28 days like February there will be enough days to creat a 13th month with... 28 days. Sure there is enough to have a month or two with 29 days, but there will be a 13th month in which you can have the 13th day of the 13th month. Good thing we have used a 12 month system for so long, because if it is the 13th day of the 13th month and you know it is that date: 'it' will happen.

(Note: It IS possible to learn the existence when such a date)

Déjà Vu

A déjà vu is actually a glitch in reality, and it indicates that something has just been changed. Someone or something has ceased to exist, all memories and records of their existence erased forever. A déjà vu happens when they get into your brain, when they need to change your memories. Maybe to erase your brother from the world. You know, the brother that you never had.

Also there is no spoon.

Cats

The eyes of a cat are windows to your soul. They can see other dimensions, they can see your aura, and what's wrong with you. A cat knows when you are happy, when you are in bad health, when you are troubled, or when you are hungry. He knows when you are feeling magnanimous, and he knows when you are about to die.

It's fortunate that cats can't talk, because you have a lot of secrets. The cat knows.

The Raven Stone

Out in the barrens of western Montana, there is a rock shaped like a raven's head with half of the beak broken off. If you use your forearm to complete the beak and hold the position for seven minutes and 26 seconds, you will feel a tingling sensation in your arm. You must then get at least 1 mile away from the rock within the next 66 seconds.

If you do this, you will be able to shape shift into any bird, at will.

If you begin the process and fail, you will turn into a crow and never be able to return to human form.

Bodymore, Murderland

Early in the morning of August 19, 2005, the body of a young black man approximately 16 or 17 years old was found on Wolfe Street, in downtown Baltimore. The corpse lay in a pool of blood, and was dressed in a pair of loose jean shorts over white cotton boxers, a Baltimore Ravens football jersey bearing the number 77 and the name Ortiz, a pair of white cotton athletic socks and a small gold cross on a chain around the body's neck. The body wore no shoes, and had no wallet or other identifying possessions. Baltimore City police concluded that the young man had been just another victim of the city's frequent violent crimes. Nobody came forth to claim or identify the body, and it was passed on to the coroner’s office for autopsy. The coroner’s report concluded that the cause of death was blood loss and trauma caused by three shots to the upper chest, one of which penetrated the heart and the other two the left lung.

So far, so normal, right? Here’s the part the official statement left out: There were, indeed, three entry wounds, but there were no exit wounds, and after a thorough search of the body no slugs or fragments were found, nor was there any heat damage. The young man had been killed by three shots to the chest, but there were never any bullets. The body was never identified.

Postscript: As of this writing, the Baltimore Ravens have never had a player who sported the number 77, or who was named Ortiz

The Deep

The Ocean has claimed many lives over the years. Traders, sailors, airmen...the list goes on.

A boy was riding the ferry to the Scilly Isles, 30 miles off the south-west corner of England. The sea was choppy, and he felt sick. He leaned over the side, sensing that he was about to throw up. Instead, he was horrified to see that the gray water was full of white corpses, some in uniforms, which stared up at him with pure white eyes. Horrified, the boy got up and turned to his parents.

They were the same as the people in the water, and so was everyone else on board. The ship stopped just as the boy ran to the the bridge. Everyone on board regarded him with dead eyes. As the ship gracefully slipped beneath the waves, the boy realized that the Deep was claiming its tax on humanity.

The Change

Somewhere in West Philadelphia , you will find an old basketball court with a single ball lying in the middle. Pick it up and start shooting hoops. After a while, a small group of hooligans will approach you and challenge you to a fight, which you must accept.

After the fight, you must go home and relay the events to your mother. She will then inform you that you have an aunt and uncle living in one of the districts of Los Angeles, and out of fear, she will send you to live there for an indefinite period of time.

With your bags packed, go to the street corner, and whistle for a cab. The cab that will pull up will bear the word FRESH on the license plate, and upon closer inspection, novelty fuzzy dice will hang in the mirror. Although you will suddenly realize that cabs like these are extremely hard to find, do not bear any thought to it. At this point you MUST point out in front of the car and say 'Yo homes to Bel Air'. You will stop in front of a mansion, and it will be sometime between 7 and 8 o'clock, even though it will feel like you've been traveling mere seconds. Get your luggage out and say 'Yo homes, smell ya later!', but do NOT turn back to face the cabby. Walk up to the door, look over your shoulder once, and then knock on the door three times.

If you follow these instructions, your life will get flip-turned upside-down.

The Sculptor

There once was a master sculptor who prospered in a strict, but respected art school. He was excellent in his craft, quickly surpassing the skill of his master and that of his fellow pupils. However, he was too good at his trade, and grew bored after just a few sculptures. They were masterpieces, each perfectly designed and executed, but to the sculptor, they were just plain and simple. He wanted something more, something new, something different. He started to experiment with new techniques and different substances, but was discouraged from doing so by his envious artistic peers. He had still been able to make masterpieces, unlike any the world had known before. However, in doing so, he had violated many art laws, which his peers took very seriously. But he didn't listen to them, so they destroyed his statues and exiled him. Then they brought him to a manhole which lead to a sewer and said, "Here is your new workspace! Let's see you work with this!" And they threw him in.

The sculptor looked around. They had sealed him inside the sewer. What was he going to do? He couldn't live here. Covered in grime and sludge and muck, he realized that he would die here, dirty, alone, and unappreciated. Determined to make one last sculpture, he needed a subject. "I'm going to die here," he thought. "So I might as well leave a record of my existence." And so the sculptor decided upon a subject: himself. Now all he needed was a material, but what was there down here that he could use? Looking at his filthy hands, he figured it would be useless trying to stay clean, so he looked around to see a potential material with which to sculpt.

Splat, splish, splash.

The sculptor turned toward this curious noise. It was human excrement. He was in a sanitary sewer. As this was the only thing there, he began to collect it and sculpt. He found that it was actually the best substance he had ever worked with. The sculptor worked for hours on end, without food or water, and finished his self-sculpture, and signed it, proving his existence. However, he collapsed of exhaustion in the process. Laying in the waste of what quite possibly could be that of his former art peers', he died, longing to work more with this newly discovered substance.

It is said that his ghost still wanders the sewers of the world, traveling through sewage pipes to collect the materials that he so desires. However, out of his hatred for his jealous art peers, he creates only the most horrific-looking sculptures. He will go so far to gather excrement that he will go to your very own toilet, the moment you sit down, sticking his hand just under your bottom with a bag to collect your bowel movements. If you try to look at it, it will disappear before you are able to notice it, and if you get constipated and make him impatient, he will remove your bowels for you. However, if he still does not extract them, he will drag you through the sewers to his workplace, where he will show you his terrible sculptures. They'll scare the shit out of you.

The Terrible Bastard of Death

So one time, right, there was this big, I mean seriously big apartment building, mainly used for student housing. Anyway, in the middle of the day, on some day other than October 31, the students in room 65 get a phone call.

"There's a new student going to be moving in next to you," says the voice on the other end. They ask who it is, no answer. But sure enough, the next day, there's boxes of stuff outside the room next to theirs. They hear movement and footsteps, but every time they go out, y'know, to introduce themselves, there's nobody there.

Coupla weeks pass, right? And they start forgetting about it. There's no new car in the parking lot, and nobody new on the bus to college. But then it starts to smell. Not just their corridor, not just their floor, the whole apartment block starts smelling of bad eggs and rotting meat. And when they're going to or from their apartment, they notice some weird liquid trickling under the door of the room next to theirs.

But everyone buys some air freshener, and they start forgetting about it again. But then the screaming starts, in the middle of the night. Screams of horror, sounding really close by. They try putting on some music, but after a few nights, the lack of sleep starts really fucking them up. So they knock on their unseen neighbor's door, to try and get them to shut up; no answer. They look through the keyhole. If it was red, they'd've been worried, they've heard all the stories, but no, they can see through fine, and it's just a normal-looking apartment, basically the same as theirs.

Next day there's a body in the parking lot behind the building. It's clearly been thrown from high up.

'Why does our bastard neighbour have to do all this fucking shit?' asks one of them, looking out the window at the body. 'He's acting like a fucking nut!'

'At least it distracts everyone from our murdering,' replies another, forcing some mangled flesh into the food disposal.

666 - Grant Thomas

it was a dark and stormy night in the town of fair field. flashes of lighting struck the ground creating a blueish smoke almost the kind you would find in movies. there was a house in the town of fair field, a house like no other it had 666 bed rooms 666 bath rooms. the owner of the house was a stingy woman named Oprah Winfrey. every night at least one child would go to her house and never come back. the towns people though that she would send them to africa so that a celebrity would be able to adopt them. Oprah could not be stopped. The only person who might be able to stop her was a man named Dr.Oz, he was a doctor in fair field. his work consisted of helping famous basket ball stars and there cats that are dealing AIDS. Dr.Oz and Oprah where conceived in the same pick up truck almost at same time. so along with the story. Dr.Oz and the towns people all had a meeting to discuss the problem and what they're were going to do about it. At the meeting majority of the population said that Oprah should be kill and the other half said no she should just be punished. They all decided to let Dr.Oz make the decision. Dr.Oz had a very hard time deciding what to do. so he decided to go with his instinct and kill her. later that night he snuck into one of her bed rooms gun in hand and a bottle of hand soap. He walked through many halls trying to find where Oprah was sleeping. then he spotted out a purple door, he assumed that was where she was. Dr.Oz opened the door and shot the gun and ran down the hall and left the house. a couple of days later he drove by Oprah's house and he saw her out side watering her grass, she gave him a stare and then looked away. apparently Oprah was never shot and she didn't notice the gun shot either. Yeah

Homeless Man

Somewhere in New York City there is an old homeless man missing both his legs from the knees down, whose spot along the streets is the corner of Lexington and East 21st, near Gramercy Park. Approach him after nightfall, give him some change (NO pennies, NO dimes) and ask him, "What did you see on the other side?" He will then tell you all about his travels to other realms and times, where he lost his legs, how he lost his money.

It is up to you whether to believe him or not, but as you listen you'll find yourself being drawn in with every story. You must stay alert, or the old man will notice your inattentiveness, and with a scowl he will stop imparting his wisdom; he will chase you as fast as he can, tottering on his stubs. The other reason why you must stay alert is to check the time. Before midnight you must interrupt him (do NOT let him finish whatever story he's telling you at the moment) and say "I've heard enough, old man. Good day and good luck", then walk away.

Make at least two left-hand turns around the block before going about your business. You must do this, because anyone who has stayed to listen past midnight is never seen again, at least not in this particular plane of existence.

Don't Follow Me

You know you're scared by now...

I was at my friends in the attic (messing around like kids do) when we found an old gameboy cartridge.. instantly my friends went down the ladder and reapeared a minute later with his gameboy colour .. We put the cartridge in for it to start playing some screaching noise for 30 seconds.. then silence for a minute.. my friend eexclaimed.. ” What A Peice Of S**T!”.. But after he did it loaded a pokemon screen.. We thought i was damaged a first .. that was untill we clicked load game.. their was a character called yellow?… ( As well the cartrigde was yellow).. My friend checked his profile.. he had 6 pokemon Max Pokemon cash and 24 badges… my friend ( who loved pokemon ) told me its was impossible to have that many badges… .. we started the game… … his dad came up and asked us what we were doing.. but when my friend told him.. his dad started crying!… we asked him why but he snatched the gameboy from us and toldus NEVER to touch it again…. well… my friend was having none of that…

a week later i got a call from his mum telling me to come down quick… i heard screaming , crying,.. silence… i rushed down.. ( it felt like 2 minutes when the walk is 5!).. when i walked in my friend was sat their.. alone.. i asked where were his parents.. he said… Dont follow me…

I couldnt understand??

I walked in and his parents were crying in the corner.. I screamed “what the f**k is going on here”.. my friend handed me the gameboy.. it read.. “He is Dead… Its all Your Fault..!” It had a body.. corpse of some sort with two characters over it.. i asked him what happened.. he said ” I told Gary not to follow.. but he kept coming.. so..,” “so what.. please tell me what did you do” “i used Bite on him,”.. i couldnt understand it?.. I took the gameboy and sat down.. then turned it on and insted of the screach and silence it cut to the last part… i made yellow walk to gary…

it came up with 3 choices..

1. Dont follow me 2. Come follow me 3. Your death shall be swift? I had no idea so i chose 2.. it showed gary walking towards me… then it blacked out.. My friends started crying and having a fit… i looked at the gameboy and a scream happened.. it showed garys corpse and suddenly a prof oak ccame running.. stoped and you saw him cry.. it then read “He is Dead… Its all Your Fault..!” but i clicked a.. (unlike my friend) it showed a old man.. on a wheelchair… then it hit me.. the old man is yellow isnt it!… i made him go around but it only let you go in a cave… i wandered round the cave for 10 minutes untill it came to a room full of flowers… in the middle their was a tomb… i walked up to the tomb and clicked A it read

” Gary.. Killed Out of Vengance”

R.I.P

..

I exclaimed.. ” WAS THAT IT!!.. YOU DRAGGED ME DOWN FOR A GAME!!!”… Then a message apeared… it read “Dont Follow me..” ” you wont like what you see” a the gameboy exclaimed”BOO!” My friend and his dad started crying Then the gameboy started playing a very sad tune before saying ” you killed him… you could have stopped it but you killed him i shouted ” WELL EACH ONE MADE HIM BLOODY DIE” then his father said ” it was my game… i played it.. their is a cheat.. but i never figured it out..” i hit b by accident and i showed gary Being revived.. i kept tapping B then it went black.. it then showed a man… i couldnt tell how old but a man.. running from what looked like a zombie gary…. The GB then read.. ” the nightmare will never end”… I looked at my friend.. and his dad.. and said.. ” was that it… A GAME!!.. IT WAS A GAME!!….” 2 nights later they sectioned (put in a mental hospital) my friends dad… We Burned the Cartidge.. Hoping never to see it again… i never knew other people had games like this aswell.. its kinda f**ked up if you ask me..

Just an Ordinary Couple

A couple was walking across the road one day. The boy said “Sarah could you tit your head back”. Sarah replied “Why”. To which the boy replied “BECAUSE I’M A VAMPIRE”.

Your Last Breath

It's there - just at the veil of sleep. That dull sensation of falling or spinning just before you fall to sleep. The next time you go to bed, try to hold yourself there. Just as you drift off, hold onto that feeling. Hold on, and listen. Listen close, for you cannot hold onto that edge of sleep for long. There, in the space before sleep, is a sound: a gentle hum, a distant echo; like a sigh in a brick building. Listen well, and remember that sound. That is the sound of your last breath.

The Pretty Cake Room

On Friday the 13th, find a steel door and paint an inverted crucifix on it with lamb's blood; then knock. Put your ear to the door, and listen; within 30 seconds, you should hear someone ask, "Who sent you?" to which you must reply, "Brian Peppers." (If you hear anything else, or something you can't quite make out, or hear nothing within 30 seconds, turn in a clockwise direction to face the south, and yell "BUM DARTS" at the top of your lungs; then quickly leave.) The door will then open in the opposite direction its hinges go, revealing a stunning white light, which will fade in 3.14 seconds. If you are timely in stepping over the threshold, you will find yourself standing in a kitchen with no doors or windows; even the door you came through will be gone, replaced by a wall. In the kitchen there will be an oven, cupboards stuffed with ingredients, and cooking implements laid neatly on a wooden prep table, along with an open cookbook. The most important thing is the cookbook. You must do the cooking by the book. Flip to the recipe named "Pretty Cake," if not there already (under no circumstances use the one with the title "Messy Recipe"). Do exactly as the cookbook instructs, following its directions to the letter. A song will be playing loudly, repetitively, to remind you of the importance of following the cookbook, and reassuring you that it's a piece of cake. If you are successful, you will have a cake. If you fail, you will have to eat what comes out of the oven; whatever it is will not be pretty, or in any way resemble a cake. Before you are released from this room, two conditions must be met: The thing you have made must be completely eaten, and everything must be restored to the exact state it was in when you got there. If anything is the smallest atom out of place, you will be denied exit. The song also never stops playing.

Zach and Meghan

Hellooooooooooooooo rang a voice in the forest. Whhhwhat do you want yelled Zach. It's just me said his girlfriend Megan. Oh I knew that... then she started to fade...... ZACH!!! She yelled as she dissapeared. Whwhwhat's happening yelled Zach! Then he saw it. It was a creature in the tree moaning. Zach looked up and screamed, then he mustered up the courage and then he asked whwhat are your giant eyes for? Tooooo look through and through. What are your giant claws for? said Zach seeming frightened. Toooo scratch your grave!! and whwhwhwhat are your giant teeth for? said Zach almost whispering. Then the thing replied TO CHOMP YOUR BONES!!!! Zach started running and when he was in a clearing he looked back and he saw his house. So he ran inside and there were three things 2 graves in the yard and the monster. Zach screamed so loudly he died. THE END?

Kylie Rose

One day, a little girl named Kylie Rose went to the toy store for her birthday present. She chose a blue stuffed animal elephant with pink dots. She brought it home and put it in her closet with her other stuffed animals.

That night, at 3 in the morning, Snuffy was sitting on her bed holding up 1 finger. That's weird, she thought, I put Snuffy in the closet.

The next night, at 2 in the morning, Snuffy was back on her bed holding up 2 fingers. Kylie was annoyed.

The next night, at 1 in the morning, Snuffy crawled up behind her, winked at her, and held up 3 fingers. And killed her.

P.S. (The 1,2, and 3 fingers means one life up, 2 lives up, and three lives up.)

I know because I am Kylie Rose!!

Bitten

One night, the most scariest night of them all, I went out for a walk. Something bit me. I screamed. There was something out there, but only I know because that very night I turned into a vampire

Daxflame's Spooky Halloween Story

One day, it was Halloween night, and a ghost was so hungry. So what did he do? He did what any ghost would do. HAUNT. PEOPLE. So, he walked up to old man Jenkins' house. And he said "Old man Jenkins, do you want to play? Old man Jenkins says, Who's creeching at my lawn? And the ghost said... ME!! Old man Jenkins was found later that night.

DeathMan

One day there was a spooky video game that I found at the garage sale and it was pokemon. I turned on the pokemon and at first it was static and made funny noise like BZZT BZZT BZZT. I thought whatever, everyone knows that garage sale games make this noise because they are old and broken and this is what old broken games do. I turned on the game and there was 4 pokemons! Charizard, squirturtle and bulbasuar and one other one! I picked the one other starter pokemon and its name was DEATHMAN. It looked like a regular bulbamsuar only instead of leaves it had skulls! I thought that this was freaky but I thought whatever this only a gaem, right! So I picked deathman and its cry was like a charizard cry only instead of the regular cry it said "I AM EAT YOU". This made me really scared of the gaem so then I went to the pokemark and said to the shop man. BUY POKEBALLS. But instead it gave me skulls. This was scary so then I went to the end of the game and got other kinds of pokemon and the game was normal except Gray Oak didn't appear and instead there was ANOTHER skull. I beat the game but instead of it ending normally it went to another level. This was a scary level and the music from the ghost town played because that is scary music. A man popped up and said you killed so many pokemons! You should feel guilty but I said lol ur a game and shut it off. I went to bed but in it I had dream about deathman and he shot skulls at me and the music from ghostland played over and over and all the pokemons i killed in the gam came and said "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU ARE BAD FOR KILLING POKEMON" then I woke up but DEATHMAN WAS STILL THERE!

The Man

One day a man was walking down the road and a boy said to him "hello", and the man didnt say anything back, the boy didnt understand why the man didnt reply, so he went home and stabbed himself in the heart. now, people never walk down that road anymore just incase they see the man.

SCARY GIRL

GUY HOW DO I TURN OFF CAP LOCK'S ONE DAY ON 4CHAN THE OP OF A CREEPYPASTA THREAD WAS ALL ALONE IN HIS THREAD ON /x/, BUT THEN A SCARY LITTLE GIRL WITH BLACK HOLES AS EYES POPPED UP ON HIS COMPUTER SCREEN! AND SO HE POSTED "FUCK ME" AND IRL HE YELLED "FUCK ME", BECAUSE HE GOT SO SCARED HE SHIT HIS PANTS AND THEN WIPED IT ALL OVER HIS BRAND NEW COMPUTER. BUT HE HAD TO GO TO WORK! THE OP WALKED OUTSIDE, AND SOME ASSHOLE PUT SOMETHING SCARY OUTSIDE HIS DOOR! HE OPENED THE DOOR, AND A SKELETON POPPED OUT! THE OP YELLED "FUCK ME!" REALLY LOUD, AND THEN HE SHIT HIS PANTS AND SMEARED THE GLOBS OF STICKY SHIT ALL OVER HIS WORK CLOTHES. NOW HE HAD TO GET CHANGED!

THE OP GOT CHANGED INTO HIS SHITED LOOKING AND MOST LEAST FAVORITED OUTFIT, AND THEN GOT IN HIS CAR; BUT SOMEBODY STOLE HIS ENGINE AND HIS SPARK PLUGS AND HIS MUFFLER AND HIS DASHBOARD AND HIS STEERING WHEEL! PROBABLY A GHOST DID IT! THE OP YELLED "FUCK ME", AND THEN AS HE WAS DRIVING (THE CAR STARTED ITSELF, GHOTSS!!!) HE GOT INTO A REALLY BAD CAR ACCIDENT, LEAKED DIARRHEA SHIT THROUGH HIS ONLY OUTFIT WHILE PISSING AND SHITTING ALL OVER HIS LEATHER SEATS AND THEN THE AIRBAG DEPLOYED, BUT INSTEAD OF THERE BEING AN AIRBAG IT WAS A SKELETON!! THE OP WALKED TO HIS WORK AND THEN STOOD AT THE TOP OF A REALLY LONG ABANDONED DARK SCARY STAIRCASE THAT WAS FORGOTTEN ABOUT LONG AGO IN HIS BRAND NEW WORK OFFICE FOR SOME REASON, AND THE REALLY SCARY LITTLE GIRL WITH BLACK HOLES AS EYES WAS RUNNING VERY FAST AT HIM, UP FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRCASE AND SCREAMING REALLY SCARILY! THE OP SHIT AND PISSED EVERYWHERE, BUT MOSTLY HE SPRAYED POWER-SHIT DIRECTLY INTO THE GIRLS FACE, WHICH KNOCKED HER DOWN TO THE BOTTOM AND NEARLY KILLED HER. SHE GOT UP, IGNORING THE FACT THAT A WATERFALL OF ORANGE DIARRHEA SHIT WAS DRIPPING FROM HER ENTIRE BODY AND STARTED RUNNING AGAIN, BUT SLOWER, SO THE OP WOULDN'T SHIT ALL OVER HER

ALL OF A SUDDEN, JESUS CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND HE SAID "I'M GOING TO PUSH YOU DOWN THIS STAIRCASE". NOT EVEN JESUS WAS TRYING TO HELP THE OP, SO THE OP SAID "WELL FUCK ME", THEN JESUS PUSHED HIM DOWN THE STAIRCASE AND LAUGHED REALLY HARD. THE OP HIT EVERY SINGLE STAIR ON HIS HEAD ON THE WAY DOWN WHILE TRAVELING VERY FAST BECAUSE HIS SHIT WAS LUBRICATING THE STAIRS, AND HIT THE REALLY SCARY GIRL WITH BLACK HOLES AS EYES DIRECTLY IN THE FACE WHILE TRAVELING AT 250 MILES PER HOUR ON THE WAY DOWN, CRUSHING HER ENTIRE BODY AND BREAKING HER SKULL OPEN AND TURNING HER ON FIRE, NEARLY KILLING HER. AND YHEN SHE DIE. THE OP YELLED "FUCK ME!" BECAUSE HIS HEAD HURTING REALLY BAD AND HE WAS COVERED IN SHIT. AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT! AND THEN ANOTHER SKELETON POPPED OUT! THE OP PROLAPSED HIS ENTIRE BOWELS OUT THROUGH HIS ASSHOLE, AND THEN VOMITED HIS TESTICLES OUT THROUGH HIS EYE SOCKETS! THE WORST PART WAS THAT HE WAS YOUR SON AND A BABYFURY!!!

Creepypasta/Retarded Creepypasta is part of a series on Creepypasta [2spoopy4meScared?]

Types of Creepypasta Awesome • Mediocre • Retarded • Lengthy • Mirrors • Lost Episodes • Video Games • Paranormal • Russian Specific Creepypasta The Backrooms • Liminal Spaces • Haunted Majora's Mask Cartridge • Smile.jpg • The Holders • Humper Monkey's Ghost Story • The Otherkin • Slenderman • Mario 64 Iceberg • Tails Doll • Tanasinn • Then A Skeleton Popped Out • Popobawa • Then who was X? • The Grifter • It's slowly coming this way! • Uboa • Jeff the Killer Related Articles Hauntings • Hypno • Max Headroom • Purple Aki • Survival Guide • Screamer • Shit Bricks • Spengbab • Spiders • Tulpas • /x/ • Bill9929

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