Miami

OMG I can see my house from here!

Miami is the largest city in Cuba and the sixth largest city in Latin America. It is named after an Indian tribe from Ohio (go figure). Some old people still continue to claim that Miami is actually a part of South Florida but they merely suffer from Alzheimers disease. It is common knowledge that the city has been ruled by Cubans since Fidel Castro conquered it in the Bay of Pigs Invasion of 1961.

Demographics

Typical Miami residents.

80% of Miami's population is Cuban while another 18% consists of Haitians, whom like to steal people's stuff. The remaining 2% of people live in either Pinecrest (all rich and beautiful upper-middle class Jews) or Homestead (all blacks, Mexicans and rednecks). Miami's official language is Spanish, although Haitian Creole comes quite close as well. American is also spoken as a second language by a sub-significant minority of the population.

History

Miami was shortly colonized at least 100 years ago by Jews from New York and New Jersey who were too lazy to switch time zones for the beautiful scenic beaches in Hawaii or the polluted coast of California. From this, Miami has evolved from a crime-ridden city to a black person with with a rich area called "South Beach", in which only tourists and gays go there. Scarface died here.

Climate and Geography

Typical Spring Break activity, the Wet T-Shirt Contest.

Miami has 2 seasons: summer and hurricane. Miami gets up to 4200 inches of rain each year and virtually every day the sky is cloudy. Despite this, Florida is still called the "Sunshine State".

Due to its location next to the Everglades swampland, Miami is filled with stray crocodiles and alligators, thus, you can even find them in your own backyard. Because whiny environmentalist leftards have placed them on the Endangered Species List, crocodiles cannot be harmed by law, with possible punishment by death (thus putting them in higher importance than Haitian immigrants). Alligators, on the other hand, are plentiful and are free to be killed and sold in the market for a penny each. In fact, one of Jeb Bush's major campaign promises in 2002 was guaranteeing "a gator in every pot".

Miami is also well known for its beautiful, scenic beaches. Many college students flock to the area every Spring Break to party, drink beer, take drugs, and have various kinds of sex. Some people even love to go for a swim at the beach. And if you don't mind the eye-burning ocean saltwater, the stray jellyfish tentacles, and the constant shark attacks, it really is quite a fun and relaxing activity.

Economy

Aside from urban crime and drug-trafficking, Miami's economy also depends heavily on cocaine, crack, marijuana, street racing, and Ricky Martin. Major imports in Miami are Cubans, Haitians, Jamaicans, cigars, and drugs. Exports include but are not limited to mangoes, bananas, guavas, palm trees, and skin cancer. Miami's leading industry prostitution which can be found on any avenue of 8th street. It is a well known fact that 8th street is the first part that Cubans took over after the Bay of Pigs.

Famous Miamians

• Gloria Estefan
• Jennifer Lopez
• OJ Simpson
• Officer Ricky
• P. Diddy
• Paris Hilton
• W's brother
• Jews
• Your mom
• justinr305
• AJcomix
• Rick Sanchez
• Gianni Versace