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[[File:DagothUr.jpg|thumb|right|The [[Final Boss]] of Morrowind. Intimidating, no?]]
{{stop|[[Elder_Scrolls_IV:_Oblivion/Stop_right_there,_criminal_scum!|<s>You cannot escape the righteous!</s> You have violated the law! Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence. Your stolen goods are now forfeit.]]}}
[[File:cliff-racers.jpg|thumb|right|Cliff racers are weak, but they're fucking everywhere, and carry [[AIDS|diseases]].]].
[[File:morrowind-hands-on.jpg|thumb|right|The game has been praised for its detailed rape mechanics.]]
[[File:morrowind-better-bodies.jpg|thumb|right|Real women may not like you, but you can play with this one for the rest of your life.]]
{{stop|[[Elder_Scrolls_IV:_Oblivion/Stop_right_there,_criminal_scum!|You cannot escape the righteous!]]}}<br>
'''Morrowind''' is a truly ancient [[RPG]] developed by [[Bethesda Softworks]], a truly shitty company. It contains the standard sword and sorcery fare, with elves, orcs, and a protagonist who alone possesses the power to save the world from certain doom. It's totally not cliché, guys, we swear!


[[Image:Ecco_the_dolphin.gif|thumb|A screenshot of Daggerfall, Morrowind's predecessor]]
== Creative Writing 99 ==


'''Morrowind''' is an [[At least 100|old]] [[RPG]] that allows you to spend hundreds of hours walking in-between identical locations and talking to NPCs that have the exact same set of responses. Since it allows you to gain imaginary money without the hassle of going online and interacting with other people, Morrowind is amazingly attractive to gamers so repulsive they can't even make friends in a [[MMORPG]].
The player arrives in Vvardenfel as an amnesiac prisoner, only to be immediately released so that he might perform a vital and far reaching task for his one time captors. Gameplay wise, no one seems to be aware of any potential conflict of interest. "Get out of your filthy cell and save our asses," would seem to be the [[Oblivion|standard]] modus operandi for the Empire, which happens to rule the known world. This main quest is stunningly short, essentially requiring the player to nose around a bit, befriend some ignorant savages, and kill a purple, [[pro-ana]], half naked demigod bearing a faggy mask and red loincloth. I can only assume that Bethesda's writers have been showered with awards and all the buttsex they could ever desire thanks to their truly remarkable literary triumphs.


==About==
== The Land That Debugging Forgot ==
Morrowind revolves around your character, a reincarnation of Buddha or something, who must <s>must achieve Nirvana</s> kill [[MJ|Dagoth Ur]], a faggot who wears a gay mask which looks like he stole it from a [[ass|mummy]] of a [[gay|Mayan]] [[whore|emperor]]. You must first please [[tubgirl|Azura]], a [[dyke|goddess]] who really doesn't give a shit about you and just wants you to kill [[MJ|Dagoth Ur]], risking your ass in the process as Dagoth Ur's servants try to [[rape|butt fuck]] you at every turn. You must kill Dagoth Ur (who is immortal) by pwning the shit out of a heart that gives him said immortality to butthurt-ness. However, this heart must be pwned by using a short-as-your-dick dagger and a gavel-sized hammer.


[[Image:DagothUr.jpg|thumb|Contrary to popular belief, this is not the final boss in Morrowind but a screenshot from Gay Mayan Strip Poker 3D]]
Just like [[Oblivion|every]] [[Fallout|fucking]] [[Skyrim|other]] game shat from Todd Howard's unhallowed bowels, Morrowind is passed around programming classes to show everyone how you '''don't''' code. These glitches, bugs, and other abortions of design range from [[Epic Fail|unintentionally hilarious]] to utterly game breaking. The former includes animation, for which Bethesda is infamous, and Morrowind is their most blatant offender. Walking looks like some nigger is trying to pull off a crazy dougie, while running bears more than a passing resemblance to an aspie flinging his limbs about in a vain attempt to complete a marathon. The latter includes broken quests, broken balance, broken gameplay... essentially, anything that could possibly be broken. These bugs are so pervasive that a comprehensive patch mod failed to fix many of them, requiring an overhaul of the executable file. Yet again, it's tough shit for [[Steam]] users, as their executables can't be modified.


Heated debate still subsides as to whether [[Final Fantasy]] games or Morrowind is the most efficient way of wasting your life. [[Some argue]], though, that they're all [[A plus|kickin' rad]] games and that they have achieved Zen-like states by dividing their waking hours between posting on internet forums, playing Morrowind/Final Fantasy X and watching fandubbed [[anime]]. It should be noted, though, that this is normally considered an extremist point of view and that most people still form their loser identity through one or the other.
== Dibersity Be Our Stremf ==


Morrowind is loved by [[Furries]] because it contains two [[furry]] races. (Both of which are completely nude when clothing is removed, as opposed to all other races having at least panties of some sort). Interestingly, they do not have any [[dick|reproductive organs]], though, so there is little to get excited about. The furries are used as <s>sex</s> slaves by the upper class nobles of Morrowind. You can even buy some yourself if you have enough Jew golds. Or you can be <s>gay</s> an abolitionist and free them. Either way this marks you as a Furry Lover and puts a death warrant on your head. You must have additional Jew gold in order to remove said death warrant.
Morrowind offers 10 playable races. '''Imperials''' and '''Bretons''' are generic humans, while '''Nords''' have a Scandinavian flavor (i.e., constantly drunk and [[Anders Breivik|violent]]). There are three types of elves: '''Altmer''', '''Dunmer''', and '''Bosmer'''. Altmer are pretentious, elitist, whiny faggots. Dunmer, who hail from Morrowind, are a bit on the [[emo]] side, and their voices sound like grating gravel, no doubt to grant an edgy persona. Bosmer are the ultimate tree huggers, and they would sooner cannibalize themselves than dare to harm Mother Nature's precious greenery. Uncharacteristic of RPGs, Bethesda allows the player to be an unintelligent, animalistic creature: a nigger (euphemistically referred to as a '''Redguard''').


Morrowind is also <s>one of the rare games</s> the '''only''' known game in which you can buy nigger slaves.
=== [[Billy Mays|BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!]] ===
==Races==
'''[[Americunt|Imperial]]''': The Roman Catholic Caucasian of the game. Likes crusading against sand niggers and owning the whole world. So they also have [[Italy|Roman]] in them as well.


'''[[Nigger|Redguard]]''': Nigger <s>who has skills and is a respected warrior instead of being a criminal, which would be a more accurate depiction of blacks</s>. He will steal yo horse. (wait, there's no horses in Morrowind)
There are two more races, unfit for polite discussion. '''Argonians''' are lizardmen, perfect for [[scalies]]. By far, however, the most reviled race is the Khajiit, anthropomorphic cats. In a cruel twist of fate, Bethesda decided to include [[furries]] rather than catgirls. You can give thanks to [[Lil B|BASED GOD]] that there are no humanoid wolves or foxes to be found. The game is so dedicated to its furry fanbase that the only "romance" quest involves a female Khajiit. Obviously, Bethesda had no idea that all furries are cock hungry faggots.


'''[[French|Breton]]''': Queer who doesn't fight with weapons and instead fires flaming jizz at enemies. [[prove me wrong|Have the most fabulously homosexual voice of any video game character ever]]. To make things worse for them, they all have French names.
== Money, Honor, and FUCK YOU ==


'''[[Alpha Male|Nord]]''': Euro fag who likes [[lie|sexy women]] and hitting people with a [[penis|big hammer]] to compensate for his minuscule genitalia. They are all [[faggot|long-haired]] [[slipknot|metalfags]].
So, you've rolled your furry character, ready to rape anything that moves... but the guards consistently hand you your ass on a platter. What to do? You need a power base, and that's where the Great Houses come in. '''House Hlaalu''' is [[Jews|concerned with money above all else]], and they would kill their mothers and rape their corpses to get a taste of some precious [[Jewgold|drakes]]. '''House Redoran''' holds [[Japan|honor above all else]], to the point that they humbly dwell in the enormous, chitinous carcass of a colossal crab in the middle of a wasteland. '''House Telvanni''' doesn't really give a shit about much of anything unless you try to fuck them over. They are the the only Vvardenfel house to openly own and trade slaves (buy a nigger for yourself, if you'd like), and the Mage Lords are perfectly content to sit at the top of their mushroom towers and contemplate the finer points of life for thousands of years. You can join any of these houses and rise to the top, even if you're a furry... yet another bug, I would assume.


'''[[inbred|Orc]]''': Like [[niggers]], but more inbred, green and much more [[fugly|attractive]] than the average nigger. Always threatens to [[rape|cannibalize your fresh corpse]] because they're just that [[hardcore]].
== Mods ==


'''[[CrusaderCat|Khajiit]]''': <s>THEY USED TO BE COOL BEFORE THE FURRIES CAME AND MADE THEM LOOK LIKE SHIT AND THEY ARE NOT, I REPEAT NOT FURRIES!!!</s> They are furfags who like to steal shit. Kill on sight. The guards won't care but [[furry|furries]] will.
Morrowind is shipped with a Construction Set so n00b friendly that it allows even the unwashed masses who've never heard of [[CSIII]] to create mods. These typically fall into the categories of nude body replacers, sex slave merchants, and lots of pretty, pretty dresses for sweet, innocent princesses. The rare exceptions to these are mods intended to clean up Bethesda's half finished game, fixing broken quests, fixing broken skill progression, fixing CTDs, and pretty much anything else that could have possibly gone wrong in development. A few of the more intrepid coders attempted to create a mod that would wipe Todd Howard's ass, seeing as he can't do it himself without breaking his toilet.
 
<br>
'''[[Michael Phelps|Argonian]]''': Scalies who like [[Rape|backstabbing]]. Apparently they do lizard stuff like eating bugs and hiding in caves to give passing travelers surprise [[buttsecks]]. They have [[shemale|sexy]] voices and get lots of [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ov5GZWbUSNw kinky bumlove] from [[wigger|imperial]] nobles. In Morrowind, since most of them are slaves, they are an equivalent of black person.
 
'''[[Redneck|Dark Elf]]''': Despite what one might assume [[Niggers|they are]], these people are quite the [[Racist|opposite]]. They hate everyone and especially [[you]], for being a foreigner and stealing their land AND TOOK MAH JAWB! Since they consist over half of Morrowind's NPCs, you will repeatedly be reminded of how much they hate you.
 
'''[[Faggot|Wood Elf]]''': Queer [[Al Gore]] race. They don't call them [[cock|Wood]] Elves for nothing. Religious [[environmentalist|ultra-hippies]] to the point that instead of even hurting poor widdle plants and [[peta|animals]], they [[cannibal|eat people]], čest they be stricken down by [[Ceiling Cat|their god]]. Also notable for being a race that nobody likes.
 
'''[[Stoner|High Elf]]''': The [[atheists]] of the game. They act all high and mighty but they [[jew|burn]] [[holocaust|really easily]]. No one plays a high elf instead of a [[gay|breton]] unless they want to look like they have [[Simpsons|jaundice]] or be a [[azn|walking banana]].
===Notable Characters===
*[[Troll|Maiq the Liar]] - A [[furfag]] troll, who tells you of all the wonderful things that Morrowind could have had, but didn't because it sucks. Likes [[Mr. Hands|eating horses]] (with cream sauce) and having buttsecks with sharks.
*[[Otherkin|Creeper]] - [[ALL CAPS|HE'S CREEEEEEEEPING!]]
*[[Jew|Mudcrab Merchant]] - Has all of the Jewgold in the game.
*[[Faggot|Fargoth]] - "I have a [[Erection|feeling]] you and I are about to become... [[Buttsecks|very close]]." He say this after you return a [[Condom|ring]] for him. Yeah...
*[[Shemale|Vivec]]  - An androgynous god-thing that had buttsecks with other gods-things and then [[KILL IT WITH FIRE|killed the children]] that came out of their "coupling".
*[[Sickfuck|Divyath Fyr]] - A [[pretty cool guy]]. eh fucks his dauhgters and not afraid of anything.
*[[Fabulous|Crassius Curio]] - The only openly gay character. In order to pass the game you have to either kiss him or strip naked in front of him. Notable for writing secksy, secksy fanfiction.
*[[Nerd|Jobasha]] - A furry bookworm. Owns a porn store.
==Enemy Encounters==
[[Image:Cliffracer.jpg|center|600px]]
 
==Mods==
This game was released with a construction set. This allows you to add moar armor, weapons, quests, companions, and other shit. This allows [[basement dwellers]] to prolong their game time, further chaining them to their computer. Most lonely nerds use this to install sex and nude mods so they can fap over their level 23 Imperial slut.
 
<center>{{fv|starvids|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;|
<youtube>6Lo0qD6rOz8</youtube>|<youtube>cCTEPZlGtpc</youtube>}}</center>
 
 
==Morrowind players==
<s>The typical Morrowind player is [[you|a 5"1 obese furry]], for whom possession of a hoard of valuable in-game items will never fill the bottomless emotional void caused by [[rape|sexual abuse]] from their mother, father, cousins and '''[[YOU]]'''.
 
Many Morrowind players complain about the absence of any elements of [[rape|sex]] in the game. However, this is widely considered to add an extra element of realism to Morrowind, as typically [[truth|its players will never have sex IRL either.]]</s>
 
[[Last Thursday|In modern times]] however, Morrowind players are all severe nostalgiafags. No exceptions.
 
==Daggerfall and Arena==
[[Image:Arena03nu4.jpg|thumb|right|Arena's innovative RPG game play.]]
[[Shit nobody cares about|Each released over 100 years ago, both games were intended at first to create zombies for the world takeover of Bethesda Studios. However, this transformation took too long in preliminary tests (some subjects required over 9000 hours of gameplay) and this approach was saved for a later, though unannounced date (possibly an mmorpg). In their current states, each game serves as an archaic reference for before-time rpg-ers (as they would say, "before Morrowind") and take so much time to begin that your computer will turn to dust before you finish walking to the next town. Arena, the first time sinkhole from The Elder Scrolls series, boasts no graphics. It might as well be text-based. This game may have accounted for the emergence of more basement dwellers in the mid-1990's, as players were required to sit for so long they actually grew into their sofas. Daggerfall, the second in the series, was the exact same game, with bright shiny new colors. It took two IRL weeks to traverse the land.]] In the end, useful people chose to disregard the titles completely. These games are only used by utter failures as of the present.
 
==Skooma==
People [[truth|(mostly black)]] will do absolutely [[Blowjob|ANYTHING]] for [[Jenkem|Skooma]]. So the question is... WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR SOME [[Jenkem|SKOOMA]]?
 
* I [[raped|fucked]] a mudcrab for some skooma
* I sold my copy of Morrowind for skooma
* I traded my wife for skooma
* I once sold skooma for skooma
* I feel like a fucking [[black]] man sneaking into this house looking for some skooma.
* I hopped on one foot and got some skooma...
* Since I know you have some skooma... the question becomes, what would I do to [[you]] to get some skooma?
* Skooma is also very valuable. But only the Khajiit traders will buy it, this of course says a lot about furries.
* I traded a copy of [[Battletoads]] for some skooma.
* I became the Nerevarine, slew Dagoth Ur and rid Vvardenfell of the Blight and Sixth House cultists... for some Skooma.
 
 
<center><youtube>sRTUReLBWHA</youtube></center>
 
== Ways to troll Morrowind fanboys ==
*Tell them "Cliffracers". Just that is enough to make even the hardiest of them raeg ferociously.
*Greg Keyes's books. Despite being only a mediocre fan-fiction based on TES universe, the book managed to troll all Morrowind fanbois by having all of the ''actual'' Morrowind destroyed. An announcement from Keyes is still expected with the usual [[IDIFTL]] statement.
*Tell them the game is unbalanced to the point of being bland and boring. Also tell them that character's not having voices is just plain dumb.
*Tell them you think Oblivion and Skyrim are swell!
 
==See also==
 
* [[Amorrow]]
* [[EverQuest]]
* [[EverQuest II]]
* [[Lord of the Rings]]
* [[Modding]]
* [[The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion]]
* [[The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim]]
 
{{Gaming}}


{{gaming}}
[[Category:Furries]]
[[Category:Furries]]
[[Category:Gaming]]
[[Category:Softwarez]]

Revision as of 22:56, 6 August 2012

The Final Boss of Morrowind. Intimidating, no?
Cliff racers are weak, but they're fucking everywhere, and carry diseases.

.

The game has been praised for its detailed rape mechanics.
Real women may not like you, but you can play with this one for the rest of your life.
STOP.
You cannot escape the righteous!


Morrowind is a truly ancient RPG developed by Bethesda Softworks, a truly shitty company. It contains the standard sword and sorcery fare, with elves, orcs, and a protagonist who alone possesses the power to save the world from certain doom. It's totally not cliché, guys, we swear!

Creative Writing 99

The player arrives in Vvardenfel as an amnesiac prisoner, only to be immediately released so that he might perform a vital and far reaching task for his one time captors. Gameplay wise, no one seems to be aware of any potential conflict of interest. "Get out of your filthy cell and save our asses," would seem to be the standard modus operandi for the Empire, which happens to rule the known world. This main quest is stunningly short, essentially requiring the player to nose around a bit, befriend some ignorant savages, and kill a purple, pro-ana, half naked demigod bearing a faggy mask and red loincloth. I can only assume that Bethesda's writers have been showered with awards and all the buttsex they could ever desire thanks to their truly remarkable literary triumphs.

The Land That Debugging Forgot

Just like every fucking other game shat from Todd Howard's unhallowed bowels, Morrowind is passed around programming classes to show everyone how you don't code. These glitches, bugs, and other abortions of design range from unintentionally hilarious to utterly game breaking. The former includes animation, for which Bethesda is infamous, and Morrowind is their most blatant offender. Walking looks like some nigger is trying to pull off a crazy dougie, while running bears more than a passing resemblance to an aspie flinging his limbs about in a vain attempt to complete a marathon. The latter includes broken quests, broken balance, broken gameplay... essentially, anything that could possibly be broken. These bugs are so pervasive that a comprehensive patch mod failed to fix many of them, requiring an overhaul of the executable file. Yet again, it's tough shit for Steam users, as their executables can't be modified.

Dibersity Be Our Stremf

Morrowind offers 10 playable races. Imperials and Bretons are generic humans, while Nords have a Scandinavian flavor (i.e., constantly drunk and violent). There are three types of elves: Altmer, Dunmer, and Bosmer. Altmer are pretentious, elitist, whiny faggots. Dunmer, who hail from Morrowind, are a bit on the emo side, and their voices sound like grating gravel, no doubt to grant an edgy persona. Bosmer are the ultimate tree huggers, and they would sooner cannibalize themselves than dare to harm Mother Nature's precious greenery. Uncharacteristic of RPGs, Bethesda allows the player to be an unintelligent, animalistic creature: a nigger (euphemistically referred to as a Redguard).

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

There are two more races, unfit for polite discussion. Argonians are lizardmen, perfect for scalies. By far, however, the most reviled race is the Khajiit, anthropomorphic cats. In a cruel twist of fate, Bethesda decided to include furries rather than catgirls. You can give thanks to BASED GOD that there are no humanoid wolves or foxes to be found. The game is so dedicated to its furry fanbase that the only "romance" quest involves a female Khajiit. Obviously, Bethesda had no idea that all furries are cock hungry faggots.

Money, Honor, and FUCK YOU

So, you've rolled your furry character, ready to rape anything that moves... but the guards consistently hand you your ass on a platter. What to do? You need a power base, and that's where the Great Houses come in. House Hlaalu is concerned with money above all else, and they would kill their mothers and rape their corpses to get a taste of some precious drakes. House Redoran holds honor above all else, to the point that they humbly dwell in the enormous, chitinous carcass of a colossal crab in the middle of a wasteland. House Telvanni doesn't really give a shit about much of anything unless you try to fuck them over. They are the the only Vvardenfel house to openly own and trade slaves (buy a nigger for yourself, if you'd like), and the Mage Lords are perfectly content to sit at the top of their mushroom towers and contemplate the finer points of life for thousands of years. You can join any of these houses and rise to the top, even if you're a furry... yet another bug, I would assume.

Mods

Morrowind is shipped with a Construction Set so n00b friendly that it allows even the unwashed masses who've never heard of CSIII to create mods. These typically fall into the categories of nude body replacers, sex slave merchants, and lots of pretty, pretty dresses for sweet, innocent princesses. The rare exceptions to these are mods intended to clean up Bethesda's half finished game, fixing broken quests, fixing broken skill progression, fixing CTDs, and pretty much anything else that could have possibly gone wrong in development. A few of the more intrepid coders attempted to create a mod that would wipe Todd Howard's ass, seeing as he can't do it himself without breaking his toilet.

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