Make Sex

Make Sex was a /b/ story which lasted for a little under an hour before it was 404'd, it chronicles a young man and his trip around France to "Make sex" with his girlfriend of the time, unfortunately his bowels had a different plan for him.

Our Suspect.

The original Story

Hallo /b/ i have story about my first make sex with girl. I sorry that english is not academic enough for you, as i am france.

I know my girlfriend for 1 ½ years. We met on the internet and this weekend was the worst of my life. The best day of my life has ended in failure and a total humiliation unparalleled on our planet.

So after a year and a half distance relationship she convinced her parents to let me come to her house in Saint Genis les Ollières in his hometown, his family home.

Let the details, his grandparents, his father, his mother and siblings live in this big barracks.

So I get a few miles from hometown, I met my girlfriend, kissing (first time in my life that I embrace), dinner with parents and seniors to whom I am the guy seriously.

A little later, my girlfriend told me to go with it. It does not preach that good.

We go into her room, she told me not to make noise. Everyone is asleep so we'll make it in silence. I shed a tear quietly, my first time at last ...

We go upstairs in his room, it rolls shovels. Yum ...

When suddenly, a pain in the belly ... Unimaginable pain. I really had to go to the bathroom for very very large commission.

My girlfriend told me that I grew pale, I stood frozen. The slightest movement could cost me dearly, dearly. I was stuck ...

I ask my friend where are the toilets.

Small clarification: we are on the floor of what was an old barn. The walls are cardboard (cons plated) and the piping is something that the plumber has crafted the village to removal. Plated cons ... I think you guessed what the problem is: We keep hearing there is no insulation.

And then I could no longer hold as a mad bull rushes toward the toilet, I close the door key. I say: - Never mind the noises I can not go!

Then I released my abs, forced on the ass so hard you immaginez not. So hard that I nearly fainted. My sight is troubled, I forced as much as Goku Goku to transform into 3, I felt my veins ... And despite my best efforts, nothing came out. I did not understand. Monumental shits and nothing comes.

I caught my breath, I forced again, but nothing came out, I'm so forced that I had a stomach ache of madness I thought an alien was going out of my womb.

But nothing worked. Good past pain I was going up the bowl when suddenly my anus opened 10 times its diameter as the tail of Cell when it absorbs a Cyborg, and under a deafening noise, poured out a torrent of mud at the bottom shitter.

It was delayed, I contracted my muscles anal intercourse ("anal" in the plural) and it was after the Big Bang happened. I tried to hold the line against this gargantuan pressure but it was not easy because of what came next ...

Hell! A deluge, a veritable geyser of shit! It does not stop I did not understand. I emptied intestinalement. It lasted a good 30 seconds between pets so crappy movies creampies balls and brown waste creams I expulsais.

I felt like a titanic size of a cucumber out of my rectal paroies to infinity ... I began to tremble before the unknown power.

I heard the family members to my girlfriend woke up believing the thief. While I was trying to evict a torpedo, the mother asked me out the door if I wanted cardboard called SOS Doctor. I said while trying not to let me hear among my bowel sounds deafening.

Silence.

Total silence, I thought that I be released when the stomach pains returned with even more beautiful a double jet of hot and spicy shit out of my asshole. Incredibly, the stream seemed limitless. 2 minutes non-stop! I wondered where I had to have stashed all that. It is said that the intestine is 8 meters long, 8 meters are spent at home. It flowed so much that I knew more or if I pissed chiais at times. I look once, not two ... it was the pistachio nougat or the Ferrero Rocher. I looked away ...

And lasted nearly 45 minutes, between phases and stop action. I heard comments from grandparents, etc. ... Rabies ...

I watched my belly. He returned, depressurization was created.

I pulled it from hunting rechargais.

Done? ... Not yet, and no end. I swung the turds. I feel like the alien queen laying eggs a colony. I felt weak and even whiter than a woman having given birth. I had the feeling of having lost part of my body, an internal organ to be the trunk of discreetly.

The ordeal ended, four flushes to from it all, I'm back in the room to my girlfriend as pale as death. I still have the asshole in cauliflower.

In an attempt to lighten the mood as I could see she was embarrassed, I told my girlfriend: - Okay, now you'll make me a rim job. I had a history of stroke PQ ... Now's your move.

he rejected me.

I told him that I said it for fun, for fun.

he re-released, she preferred to sleep.

Between looking ashamed of his family as soon as I left the toilet, between its rejection, it put me rabies.

I told him that I have not done half of France just to talk and hit me the shits in a cardboard house.

Spacious French living quarters.

She told me that I was not the John with whom she Fulbert gab for over a year and asked if I took it for a whore.

Because it was dead, I tried everything on the following adage: The woman is like a shadow, you follow it flee, flee the it follows you. So I threw: - If I had diarrhea whose fault?

Less than 5 minutes after I am deep in the asshole of the world: Outside ... With my big bag on his back, ass and balls full vacuum.

I went to a seedy hotel at 45 euros (expensive for this shit) and I masturbate like a virgin in the bathroom until 7:00 am the bus there.

Fin.

(Original version in French)

(Translation coutrtesy of Google)

Re-translated

Some time ago last Thursday, some asspie posted the story on the Diablo III Forums, and some other asspie on the Forums decided he'd rewrite it in English. And being the Blizzardfags they are, they thought that it was some sort of Borat 2: Electric Boogaloo. And to top it off, the fine Gentlemen who re-translated it did a shit job and took away the funny (Implying there ever was any) (Link to the Thread)

The Communities responses in a nutshell.

I'm sorry that my english is not the best, I am french and english is not my first language.

I know my girlfriend for 1 ½ years. We met on the internet and this weekend was the worst day of my life. It started off as the best day of my life but has ended in failure and a humiliation that is unparalleled on our planet.

So after a year and a half of distance relationship, she convinced her parents to let me come to her house in Saint Genis les Ollières in her hometown, in her family's home.

Let me explain, her grandparents, her father, her mother, and siblings all live in a large building.

So I get a few miles from hometown, I met my girlfriend, we kissed (the first time in my life) and had dinner with her parents, to whom I am greatful.

A little later, my girlfriend told me that she wanted to :cough: do it. It did not sound like a good idea.

We go into her room and she told me not to make noise. Everyone is asleep so we'll make be quiet. I shed a tear, my first time at last ...

We go upstairs to her room.

When suddenly, a pain in my belly ... Unimaginable pain. I really had to go to the bathroom for very very large dump.

My girlfriend told me that I was getting pale, I stood frozen. Even the slightest movement and I would have pooped myself. I couldn't move ...

I asked my girl where the bathrook was.

Small clarification: we are on the floor of what was an old barn. The walls are cardboard-thin and the piping is something that the a plumber from the local village installed. I think you guessed what the problem is: we heard that there is no insulation in the walls.

And then I could no longer hold it; I charged the toilet like a mad bull, I close the door and lock it. I said outloud sorry about the noise but I can't help it!

Then I released my abs, pushed on my butt so hard you can't even imagine it. So hard that I nearly fainted. My vision was blurry. I tried my hardest to force the poop out, I could feel the blood in my veins ... And despite my best efforts, nothing came out. I did not understand. Monumental poop and nothing comes?

I caught my breath, I pushed again, but nothing came out, I push so hard that I got an insanely bad stomach ache, I thought an alien was going out of my stomach.

I couldn't go. Extreme pain but my butt hole opened up to 10 times the diameter of a cyborg (???), and then there was an extremely loud deafening noise that poured out a torrent of poop in to the bottom of the toilet.

It was delayed, I contracted my anal muscles like I was preparing for intercourse and that is when the Big Bang happened.

I tried to hold back the gargantuan pressure but it was not easy because of what happened ext ...

Hell! A deluge, a veritable geyser of poop, and It does not stop. I emptied my intestins. It lasted a good 30 seconds between pushes, like in bad movies brown waste comes out. (what about creampies???)

I felt like an infinately long, titanic sized cucumber was coming out of my butt.

I began to tremble from the massive poop.

I heard the family members of my girlfriend had woken up thinking that a theif had broken in. While I was still going, my girlfriend's mother asked me outside the door if I wanted her to call a Doctor. I said I was fine while trying not to let them hear my deafening bowel sounds.

Then there was silence.

Total silence, I thought that I be released but the stomach pains returned with even more, a beautiful a double jet of hot and spicy poop came out of my butt hole. Incredibly, the stream (of poop) seemed limitless.

2 minutes non-stop (of pooping)! I wondered where I had all that stashed at. It is said that the intestine is 8 meters long. It flowed so much that it felt like I was pissing out my butt. I looked at the toilet and it was a scary sight... It looked like it was full of pistachio nougat or Ferrero Rocher. I looked away ...

The entire ordeal had lasted nearly 45 minutes. I heard some comments from her grandparents... Rabies ...

My stomach had returned to it's normal size.

Done? ... No not quite yet, and there is no foreseeable end. I pushed more turds out. I feel like the alien queen laying a colony of eggs. I felt weak and even whiter than a woman having given birth. I felt like I had accidently pooped out one of my internal organs without realizing.

The ordeal ended, it took four flushes. So I went to my girlfriend's as pale as death. My butt hole is still like cauliflower.

My girlfriend could tell I was embarassed, so in an attempt to lighten the mood, I told my girlfriend that I wanted a rim job.

She said no.

I told her that I was just kidding.

She said she wanted to goto sleep.

Between the embarassment of her family after what I left in the toilet, and her rejection, I was worn out.

I told her that I have not crossed half of France just to talk and poop in a house with paper thin walls.

She told me that I was not the the same guy that had been talking with her for over a year and asked me if I thought she was a !@#$%.

Because I knew it was over, I tried to explian to her. That woman are like a shadow, you follow it and it runs, you run and it follows you. (???) It's not my fault I had diarrhea. (LOL)

Less than 5 minutes later: Outside ... With my bag on my back. (I really don't understand this part...)

I went to a shady hotel for 45 euros (expensive) and I m4st3rb4te like a virgin in the bathroom until 7:00 am the bus there. (sic)

The end.

/b/ Reaction

Although b has been dead for years, this made a spark of hope in its bleak existence. So good, it was 404'd after minutes. It contained all the elements of a good read to the local /b/ users: Young love, tossing salad; foreigners; sex; and massive diarrhea. August 10th, 2012 was a good day indeed for b.

See Also

• So Cash
• b
• France
• Shit