|
|
Line 1: |
Line 1: |
| {{offended}}
| | Bacteria: Bacteria! We begin with only one! |
| <center>
| |
| {{frame|<center><big>'''OFFICIAL MAN THEME SONG'''</big></center><br>
| |
| <youtube>851BqHMCaeM</youtube>|border=black|background=red}}</center>
| |
| | |
| [[File:Arnold.Swartznig.jpg|thumb|left|[[Wishful thinking|Typical]] man]]
| |
| [[File:Baby-fuck.jpg|thumb|[[Babyfuck|Going about his daily chores]]]]
| |
| [[File:toomany.jpg|thumb|[[Doing it wrong]]]]
| |
| | |
| {{quote|I will literally set the world on fire just so that I could get laid.
| |
| |Any young male}}
| |
| | |
| Whether they are toddlers, whether they are grown up, whether they play with toys, whether they read novels, whether they play board games, whether they play video games, whether they practice sports '''men''' are all inherently great hairy piles of lust and [[rage]]. These latent rapists and murderers believe themselves to be "nice guys", because they are slightly less of an asshole than their local drug pusher. Men, chunks of unbridled muscle, run the world with a sadistic smile. They shoot their [[gun]]s and smoke their cigars with giant protruding erections, stopping only to occasionally [[rape]] and pillage [[your mom]].
| |
| | |
| Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Women meddling in evolution through outlawing rape has allowed weaker men to reproduce. These vast hordes have no true masculinity, existing only to serve women as slaves, creating the many dreaded subspecies of men, see: ''[[Faggot|Fags]]'', ''Neck Beards'', ''[[Transvestite]]'', ''[[feminist]]s'', ''[[furry]]'', ''[[you]]'', and so on. The only solution to this problem is to treat men like the roosters they are and decapitate every man who is not tall, broad shouldered and handsome. Only then will the world be free from wars and degeneration.
| |
| | |
| ==Activities of Men==
| |
| | |
| ===Work out===
| |
| | |
| [[File:Hand Grips.jpg|thumb|MANLY]]
| |
| [[File:Bernie the jew sanders.jpg|thumb|[[Bernie Sanders|Eloquent writings]] on the state of men and sex]]
| |
| [[File:Rage magazine for men.png|thumb|Manly reading material]]
| |
| | |
| You know, that thing you never do, ever. Come on, [[Do you even lift]]? A man knows that lifting up pizza slices does not count as curls and getting up to take a dump does not count as squats. Getting off his ass and doing something about his body is a common method men use to cover up any lack of personality while attracting [[gay|new friends]]. Even if it fails, at least it helps stave off [[Diabetes]], [[Fat]] and other [[Neckbeard]] ailments.
| |
| | |
| ===[[sex|Fuck]]===
| |
| | |
| If your typical man can manage to find a [[Your mom|disgusting woman with the least amount of self respect possible]], they may very well get their dick wet before the night is over. However, if the man's horrifyingly deformed features don't manage to land him a pretty lady, a potato with a hole in it, [[rape]], [[a cat is fine too|a cat]] will easily satisfy his depraved needs. This is the shortest of the man's activities and will usually last around 10-15 seconds. Men fuck for many reasons, but the top two are [[bored]] or [[depressed]].
| |
| | |
| ===Eat===
| |
| | |
| Men are notorious in their slightly overzealous eating habits. They will clean out your fridge in a matter of seconds, shoving as much meat into their face as possible. They will then wash it all down with 300,000 gallons of [[Mountain Dew]] and top it all off with a delicious [[cock|twinkie]]. Men eat for many reasons, but the top two are [[bored]] or [[depressed]].
| |
| | |
| ===Drink===
| |
| | |
| After a decent meal, men will then undoubtedly crack open a few of the cheapest most commercial cans of [[beer]] they can find, then flop down on the couch to catch a [[the game|game]] of [[handegg]]. This can escalate, however, and you may end up with a large frat party on your hands. Upside down drinking contests and [[Mantrain|awkward sexual experiences with other men]] abound. Leave them hanging off the side of their parents' bed with various swearwords scribbled on their naked arse and a whole heap of regret. Men drink for many reasons, but the top two are [[bored]] or [[depressed]].
| |
| | |
| If you are a [[russian]] man, the drinking experience is slightly different.
| |
| | |
| <br>
| |
| <br>
| |
| <br>
| |
| <br>
| |
| {{center|<youtube>afP71xwLI8Y</youtube>}}
| |
| <br>
| |
| <br>
| |
| <br>
| |
| | |
| ===1 to 10 for MEN===
| |
| | |
| [[File:Beauty rating for men 4chan from 1 to 10.jpg|center|thumb|Nonwhite men don't exist on 4chan.]]
| |
| | |
| ==The State Of Men==
| |
| | |
| [[File:Manlypillow.jpg|thumb|What many men desire to be.]]
| |
| | |
| The common male generally consists of [[pathetic]] balls of whimpering cowardice that hover on the sidelines, while the ''real'' manly men play a good hard game of [[handegg]] or [[football|soccerbawl]]. These other men sit on the bench painting their nails, considering that operation, or get [[fat]], while the real deal d00ds are out on the field rubbing their testicles in the dirt.
| |
| | |
| These testicle rubbers are also deplorable examples of humanity. Drooling neanderthals that woop and holler at the sight of an [[x-box|x bawks]], some pizza and a keg. More commonly known as the [[Douchebag]], these sad sacks of walking degeneration have passed their glory days of date-raping high school girls while they flunk off class, now working as your regular gas attendant or McDonalds drive-through server. They spend their free time having sweaty greased up sexy time with their [[retards|"bros"]] muttering the occasional [[no homo]] to ward off depression.
| |
| | |
| There are also many other male specimens that trawl across the [[interbutts]], jizzing in the tubes. For example,''[[Nerd|The Nerds]]'', who spend their time relentlessly slobbering over [[shit no one cares about]] all the while slowly getting more and more pasty, chubby, and dead inside. Also the well known and revered ''[[Faggot|Faggots]]'', who were once so manly that they went full circle and now want cock in their arse. And of course ''The Escapists'', also known as the [[traps]], [[transvestites]] or [[Dickgirls]], who have completely shat out all manly manliness from their brain and simply wish to be the little girl.
| |
| | |
| <br>
| |
| <br>
| |
| <br>
| |
| <br>
| |
| | |
| ==[[LOLDONGS|DONGS GLORIOUS DONGS]]==
| |
| | |
| <br>
| |
| Attached to the groin area of most men, these usually floppy doo-dahs are used for a large variety of activities. The lesser known, though equally marvelous, ballbag dangles pendulously underneath, causing all other sorts of hilarity by impersonating your grandfather's face.
| |
| | |
| <br>
| |
| {{center|<youtube>nGRPFUYUUdQ</youtube>}}
| |
| | |
| ==A List Of Some Notable Men==
| |
| | |
| *[[Cockmongler|Grinman]]
| |
| *[[Duke Nukem]]
| |
| *[[Mario]]
| |
| *[[Jesus]]
| |
| *[[God]]
| |
| *[[Weev]]
| |
| *[[Michael Jackson]]
| |
| *[[Hitler]]
| |
| *[[Ann Coulter]]
| |
| | |
| In fact, nearly anyone notable [[evar]] is a man. Or at least [[:File:Dinosaur-Palin.jpg|a man in spirit]].
| |
| | |
| ==Gallery==
| |
| | |
| {{cg|It's raining men...|sp|center|<gallery perrow="5">
| |
| File:creep.gif|"Being well-groomed is a lame societal construct!"
| |
| File:Rhorror.png|Men who don't play sports usually end up like this.
| |
| File:Deathbed.jpg|Or this.
| |
| File:Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.jpg
| |
| File:Did you fall from heaven because have sex with me.jpg
| |
| </gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
| |
| File:toostupid.jpg|Irony? Its funny because women think this is a scatch
| |
| File:Playing leave me the fuck alone.PNG
| |
| File:wildanimals.png|That counts as roaming...kind of.
| |
| File:handy.png|A typical Friday night for many men.
| |
| File:fatbatman.jpg|"If she can't accept me as I am, then she doesn't deserve me!"
| |
| File:obviously.jpg|Puberty lasts a bit longer for some.
| |
| File:autist.jpg|Men are four times as likely as women to be retards.
| |
| Image:Zed spicdick.jpg|Elderly men in action. "Ever since I hit 40, my dick's only been able to get this big."
| |
| File:90percentmurder.jpg
| |
| File:Differencebetweenmenandwomen.jpg
| |
| File:Masculinitythenandnow.jpg
| |
| File:itscool.png|A member of the subspecies, "huge douchebag".
| |
| File:comingupshort.png|Many women say size doesn't matter. Many women are liars.
| |
| File:miniatures.png|Trying to make up for his shortcomings.
| |
| File:negrohipster.png|Still anti-abortion?
| |
| File:doorknocker.png|He's a rebel.
| |
| File:circumcision.jpg|This is what men have to do so their dick won't look weird.
| |
| File:weddingdreams.png|Wearing a dress will make a man homosexual.
| |
| File:manhug.png|Hugging also turns men gay.
| |
| File:sadface.png|Crying? Gay.
| |
| File:Redpilllevels.jpg
| |
| File:Typesofmale.jpg|Types of men. Which one are you? Omega faggot
| |
| File:Publichousing844.jpg
| |
| File:Reallyfuckingugly.jpg|Men are really this fucking desperate.
| |
| File:Pedo_-_Teacher.jpg|Never awkward.
| |
| File:BrianDavidMitchell.png|[[pedophile|Men are pretty kewl]]
| |
| File:Problem solving flowchart.jpg|Men's outstanding way of dealing with shit
| |
| File:How to repair anything.jpg
| |
| File:Men don't grow up.jpg
| |
| File:Men are like Coke.jpg
| |
| File:Men_-_eCards_-_Don't_Make_Excuses_For_Him.jpg
| |
| File:Men_-_eCards_-_Like_Pantyhose.jpg
| |
| </gallery>}}
| |
| | |
| ==See Also==
| |
| | |
| * [[What is a man?]]
| |
| * [[Penis]]
| |
| * [[Bros B4 Hoes]]
| |
| * [[Bros Icing Bros]]
| |
| * [[Nice guys]]
| |
| * [[A Womyn's Guide to Males|Men: The true article without the fail and AIDS]]
| |
| | |
| == External link ==
| |
| | |
| * {{ytlink|gmV13eB0fa0|Testosterone-filled speech on men}}
| |
| | |
| | |
| {{Retarded Edit Wars}}
| |
| | |
| [[Category:IRL Shit]]
| |
| [[Category:Abnormal Psych]]
| |
| [[Category:Epithets]]
| |
Bacteria: Bacteria! We begin with only one!