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| [[File:SATAN BUG.JPG|thumb|You've been warned.]]
| | Bacteria: Bacteria! We begin with only one! |
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| As we all learned in a [[school]], there are several sorts of bacteria, and not all of them as the same as each other. Some are caught from [[semen]] and the rest are caught from feelthy humans.
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| ==''E coli''==
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| This bacterium is found in sandwiches and [[Scotland]]. Its first name begins with the letter "[[drugs|E]]" and it looks shifty down a microscope.
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| ==''Bacterium Toiletseat-icans''==
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| This bacterium is caught by ladies from [[Toilet Seat|toilets which have had the seat left up by gentlemen]]. It is probably fatal.
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| ==''Bacterium Dosmestos-icum''==
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| This bacterium is the 1% percent of household germs that household cleaning bleach ''Domestos'' cannot kill. It's a bit like [[AIDS]], but smaller, and it preys on [[OCD]].
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| ==Flying toilet germs==
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| The official scientific name of a new breed of horror that takes to the air in a toilet-shaped helicopter gunship and delivers mighty vengeance on those who don't wash their hands. [https://www.britishessentials.com/products/domestos-pink-power-strong-toilet-bathroom-kitchen-cleaning-bleach-750ml][https://groceries.morrisons.com/webshop/product/Morrisons-Thick-Bleach-Original/117573011]
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| ==Giant Bacteria==
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| In the [[Doctor Who]] episode ''Raiders Of The Lost Ark ... IN [[space|SPACE]]''! the large green things the size of a [[dog|Golden Retriever]] seen during the show were actually Macrobacter [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macro_virus_(computing)]. The fact they they looked like stunt men wrapped in green carpet sliding along the linoleum in [[BBC]] Studio B, Shepherd's Bush [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shepherd%27s_Bush#Entertainment] only added to the unworldly terror.
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| ==The bacteria who killed the Martians==
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| [[Tom Cruise]] and [[John Travolta]] saved the earth from the Marcab Confederacy in ''War Of The Worlds''. Probably.
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| ==The cancer that is making [[B|/b/]] cough a bit==
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| [[men|Man flu]]. Almost certainly.
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| ==Syphilis and MRSA==
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| These are technically germs and should be ignored.
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| ==<s>The Black Death==
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| According to [[Wikipedia]], this gives you ''bubos'', which is [[Greek]] for owls [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horned_owl]. Hence the expression "This bubonic plaque is a total hoot." (Joke copyright; Ingmar Bergmann [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_seventh_seal].)</s> Deleted due to factual inaccuracy.
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| ==Computer bacteria==
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| A computer bacteria is a computer program that can reproduce by binary fission and infect a computer. The Satan Bug [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Satan_Bug] was first detected on televisions, the forerunner of the Internet, in the early 1970s, whilst a program called "Emergency Moonbase Alpha" was the first computer bacteria to appear "in the wild", feeding on [[lion]]s or something. Computer bacteria attach themselves to the [[Apple]] DOS 3.3 operating system and spread via floppy disk, so no [[iPad]] is safe [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Computer_virus#History].
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| ==A short movie about bacteria==
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| <center><youtube>Ryi0XwLFC4g</youtube></center>
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| ==See Also==
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| *[[Coprophagia]]
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| *[[/sci/]]
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| *[[France]]
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| {{science}}
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| [[Category:IRL Shit]][[Category:Subcultures]]
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Bacteria: Bacteria! We begin with only one!
