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| {{天|'''This article is entirely [[fact]]ual.''' <br/> Fact Cat knows this because of his learnings.|Factcat_seal_of_approval.gif|78px|#E8E8E8|100%}}
| | [''' |
| | Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty |
| | Oh, won't you please take me home? |
| | Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty |
| | Oh, won't you please take me home? |
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| {{quote2|threads like this make me proud to be <br>a mechanic of the [[internet hate machine]]|[[User:WhiteMystery|WhiteMystery]]}}
| | Just an urchin livin' under the street |
| [[Image:MattProfile.jpg|thumb|210px|According to Matt he is a [[ugly|"model"]]]]
| | I'm a hard case that's tough to beat |
| [[Matt Crimmins]] aka [http://www.myspace.com/matt_is_jesus MattGRAVE] aka [http://corblo-ii.deviantart.com/ Corblo II] aka [http://vampirefreaks.com/Matticus666 Matticus666] aka Matt Ballinger <small><small>([[irl]])</small></small> is an 19-year-old McDonald's fry cook, [[goth]] [[fucktard]], and aspiring baby-daddy of [[16-year-old girl|17-year-old-girl]] [http://myspace.com/xhxcx2xthaxmaxx FROSTBRAT] aka [http://frostbrat.deviantart.com FROSTBITE |A/p|]. What you are about to read is a textbook example about what happens to [[unwarranted self importance|conceited]] /[[b]]/-tards when they try to run shit on [[ED]] when they [[Lurk Moar|don't have a clue]] about [[lulz|what it's all about]]. He also likes to throw people's shirts on top of roofs for lulz.
| | I'm your charity case, so buy me something to eat |
| | I'll pay you at another time |
| | Take it to the end of the line |
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| == Can't We All Just Get Along? ==
| | Rags to riches, or so they say |
| It was a slow day on [[Encyclopedia Dramatica]]'s new [http://list.encyclopediadramatica.com/listinfo.cgi/users-encyclopediadramatica.com ED Users] [[mailing list]], which is known as [[User:WhiteMystery|WhiteMystery's]] ''"less frightening and confusing [[IRC]] [[Chatroom]]"''. However it can never be predicted when the next [[lolcow]] will come along.
| | You gotta keep pushin' for the fortune and fame |
| | You know, it's all a gamble when it's just a game |
| | You treat it like a capital crime |
| | Everybody's doin' the time |
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| It all started with a fairly innocuous request for some wiki technical help from someone of [[Special:Listadmins|no importance]], which was promptly and helpfully answered. Then for seemingly [[retard|no reason]] Matt Crimmins aka Matt Ballinger chimed in with the delightfully composed:<br><br>
| | Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty |
| ----<br>
| | Oh, won't you please take me home? |
| [[Image:MattEmail.jpg|center]]
| | Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty |
| <br>
| | Take me home |
| ----
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| <br>
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| *Clearly this is a case of a man who mistakenly believes that he is [[anonymous]], when [[idiot|that was not the case]].
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| <br>
| | Strapped in the chair of the city's gas chamber |
| | Why I'm here I can't quite remember |
| | The Surgeon General says it's hazardous to breathe |
| | I'd have another cigarette, but I can't see |
| | Tell me who you're gonna believe |
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| ==The Lulz Begin==
| | Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty |
| <br>
| | Take me home |
| {{quote|Matt: Do us a favor and go impale yourself on a mascara brush.<br><br> * http://www.myspace.com/matt_is_jesus|[[User:Aghar|Aghar]]}}
| | Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty |
| [[Image:SarahAldridge.jpg|thumb|215px|Matt's new loli [http://www.myspace.com/x__sphinxii Sarah], purely there to [[lie|disprove]] Matt's homosexuality.]]
| | Oh, won't you please take me home? |
| With great haste, the [[Google|datamining]] began by a number of [[EDiot]]s, various [[MySpace]]'s [http://www.myspace.com/matt_is_jesus][http://www.myspace.com/outsideyourboxmusic][http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=179595725] [http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=37387211], [[Deviantart]]'s [http://www.corblo-ii.deviantart.com/][http://frostbrat.deviantart.com/] and [[Vampirefreaks|vampirefreak]] [http://vampirefreaks.com/Matticus666] profiles were [[lulz|uncovered]].LOOK AT HIS [http://live.xbox.com/member/mattGRAVE Xbox 360 gamertag]. Nice Harry Potter game... faggot.
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| '''What can be gathered is that Matt:'''
| | So far away |
| * Has a [http://www.myspace.com/x__sphinxii new girlfriend] who will soon likely disover Matt's true paedophiliac nature.
| | So far away |
| * Is a 20 year old [[Emo]] / [[Goth]] [[Vampire]] from [http://maps.google.com.au/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=47+Diamond+Ave+Glenwood+New+South+Wales+2768&sll=-33.741123,151.011189&sspn=0.002213,0.004823&ie=UTF8&ll=-33.728177,150.933781&spn=0.008852,0.01929&z=16&iwloc=A&layer=c&cbll=-33.728271,150.93371&panoid=wIKFMLuX39WJSwvzCiLoNw&cbp=12,320.71,,0,-2.81 47 Diamond Ave, Glenwood, Sydney, NSW 2768, Australia].
| | So far away |
| * Can be contacted at +61 433 369 480 (0433 369 480) or +61 405 089 857 (0405 089 857)
| | So far away |
| * Works in [[McDonald's]]
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| * <s>Has a band [http://www.myspace.com/outsideyourboxmusic "Outside Your Box] that according to [http://vampirefreaks.com/Matticus666 Matt] <br>sounds like '''"the makings of child pornography."'''.</s> Has a new band called "Void My Mind".
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| * Thinks his hair straighteners make him "look sexy".
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| * Pretends to run a shitty nu-metal nightclub called [http://www.myspace.com/clubmidnightmassacre Midnight Asylum].
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| * Is a [[pedophile]]: who '''"Likes" - [http://vampirefreaks.com/Matticus666 "Pussy, tight and young and shaven."]'''.
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| * Dislikes [[attention whores]], despite his 33 cell-phone self-portraits on [[MySpace]].
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| * Likes to write [[anhero|suicide notes]] on [http://corblo-ii.deviantart.com/art/A-Suicide-Note-23909690 Deviantart] but it "is not an attention seeking thing".
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| * Describes himself [http://vampirefreaks.com/Matticus666 here] as [[unwarranted self importance| "true freak from Sydney, Australia repping up the industrial scene with my crew of misfits in the Western Suburbs District. I frequent Club Blink in the city and various gigs and dives. Knocking back drinks with my mates is definitely a pastime of mine. Im always up for fun =] Im like a fucking Transformer, More then meets the eye. =]"]]
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| * Is a [[racist]] who [http://vampirefreaks.com/Matticus666 "Dislikes : Anyone who isn't from our culture"].
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| * From the comments on his numerous profiles, Matt is very probably cheating on his girlfriend.<br>[[Srsly]] Claire it looks like he [[cyber]]s with many other [[slut]]s.
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| * Holy shit they [http://frostbrat.deviantart.com/journal/15250683 let these people breed].
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| * Cannot speak [[HTML]]
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| * Thinks having a girlfriend [[lie|proves he's not gay]].
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| * Needs his ED user page [[user:Mattgrave|vandalized]]
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| * Is very quickly raping his own internet profiles of the lulz. too late screen-grabbed / [[lulz|saved]].
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| * Has confirmed his FAGGOTRY by saying this about his girlfriend: <i>"She seems to be [http://corblo-ii.deviantart.com/ me], placed in a womans [sic] body. Odd. But it works."</i>
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| * Likes throwing shirts on roofs.
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| <br>
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| == Let's Make Babies ==
| | Captain America's been torn apart |
| [[Image:Bebeartwerkmatt.jpg|center]]
| | Now he's a court jester with a broken heart |
| Claire's [http://frostbrat.deviantart.com/ DavianTART page] is completely devoid of artwork. In fact, it would be completely worthless if not for her journal entries, where we get to watch a stupid teenage girl drop out of school and get pregnant in just [[emo|a few short paragraphs]].
| | He said, "Turn me around and take me back to the start. |
| <br>
| | I must be losin' my mind." Are you, blind? |
| {{tinyquote|One day I'll be out of home, and not at school. I'll have a job, and Matt wont be mad at me... And '''we'll have a little boo''' and have out happily ever after... |[http://frostbrat.deviantart.com/journal/15066824 Claire]|making plans for the future}}
| | I've seen it all a million times |
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| {{tinyquote|We will have our happy ending... Fate will always fuck with us... And we will always keep on pushing on... All that matters is me and you.. ''Boo will come''...i know it... <br/><br/>I love you.|[http://frostbrat.deviantart.com/journal/15066824/#comments Matt]| knows that their hearts will go on}}
| | Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty |
| | Take me home |
| | Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty |
| | Oh, won't you please take me home? |
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| '''13 days pass...'''
| | Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty |
| <br>
| | Take me home |
| {{tinyquote|I eat. I sleep. And I have no real plans for my life. Every journal blog entry I make up ends up sounding emo. Mainly because I can express my happiness openly, but it's not exactly easy to let out your sad feelings without being called emo. Not to mention I hardly ever feel happy anyway--there's just nothing out there to make me constantly smile.<br/><br/>I'm bad luck.|[http://frostbrat.deviantart.com/journal/15250683/ Claire]|giving up all hope for the future}}
| | Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty |
| | Oh, won't you please take me home? |
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| {{tinyquote|Your not bad luck baby, and '''<big>[[Babyfuck|Boo is inside you]]</big>''' [[Goatse|spreading]] my good luck. He shares my gifts with you hunny...I love you.<br/>Matt.|[http://frostbrat.deviantart.com/journal/15250683/#comments Matt]| gonna be a daddy}}
| | I wanna go |
| | I wanna go |
| | Oh, won't you please take me home? |
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| [[Image:poorclaire.jpg|center]]
| | I wanna see |
| | How could it be? |
| | Oh, won't you please take me home? |
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| <br>
| | Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty |
| | Take me home |
| | Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty |
| | Oh, won't you please take me home? |
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| ==Reaction to this Article==
| | Take me down |
| <br>
| | Take me 'round |
| {{quote|Thanks guys, really..... nice work.<br>
| | Oh, won't you please take me home? |
| My only defense was the amount of vodka that was running through my system last night when i wrote the "<oi>" remark...|Matt Crimmins}}
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| {{quote|I don't mind the article at all. I know id do the same thing to anyone being a dick.|Matt Crimmins}}
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| <br>
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| [[Image:MattBLANKING`.jpg|center]]
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| <br>
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| [[Image:Mattmolested.jpg|center]]
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| <br>
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| ==External Links==
| | I wanna see |
| [[Image:BOUT_MY_EMO.jpg|thumb|right|actually ... [[lulz|we do know]]]]
| | How could it be? |
| * [http://www.myspace.com/matt_is_jesus Matt on MySpace as "Matt is Jesus"]
| | Oh, take me home |
| * [http://bebo2nd.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=21048988 Matt on bebo]
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| * [http://vampirefreaks.com/Matticus666 Matt on VampireFreaks]
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| * Matts [http://www.corblo-ii.deviantart.com/ Deviantart]
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| * Matt's Band [http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=179595725 Project: 616]
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| * Another of Matt's [http://www.myspace.com/outsideyourboxmusic "Bands"] - sounds like '''"the makings of child pornography."''' apparently.
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| * Matt's girlfriend [http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=37387211 Claire] .. pussy assumed to be [[loli|young, shaved and tight]].
| | Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty |
| * [http://bebo2nd.com/xxpunkz-not-deadxx Frostbite on bebo] ... more kissy-kissy shit
| | Oh, won't you please take me home? |
| * Matt's [http://frostbrat.deviantart.com Baby-Mommy's Deviantart]
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| <br>
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| <br><Br>
| | I wanna go |
| ==Gallery of an [[emo]] [[vampire]]==
| | I wanna go |
| {{cg|Gallery of Fail|gallery1|0|<gallery>
| | Oh, won't you please take me home? |
| Image:MattprofeilA.jpg|Matt the [[camwhore]]
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| Image:Mattssmellypits.jpg|in need of deodorant
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| Image:Mattshowinghisfacialhair.jpg|proudly shows off his facial hair to get some [[internet]] [[pussy]]
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| Image:Mattthemosher.jpg|[[emo]] [[metal]] rocks
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| Image:Mattsotherband.jpg|Doesn't seem very nice
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| Image:Clairenotimpressedmypooper.jpg|Matt tries to get some [[anal]] [[sex|action]]
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| Image:MATTVAMPIREOPEN.jpg|Matt leaves himself [[goatse|wide open]]
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| Image:Me 2007 by Corblo II.jpg|Matt the [[camwhore|"model"]]</gallery>|<gallery>
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| Image:Angelicmatt.jpg|Matt tries to be [[god|angelic]]
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| Image:Suiciodenote.jpg|Matt's [[anhero|suicide]] note ( [[lies|not for attention]] )
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| Image:Teenlovepoem.jpg|[[emo]] [[teen]] [[gay|love poem]]
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| Image:Mattsadwhenclairecutsgerself.jpg|Matt is [[emo|sad]] when Claire [[cutter|cuts]] herself.
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| Image:Fatboyangleshot.jpg|sometimes boys use [[fat girl angle shot]]s
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| Image:Rockstarmatt.jpg|thinks he is a [[bono|rockstar]]
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| Image:Mattwearsblack.jpg|Matt wearing [[goth|black again]]
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| Image:Mattcannottakepictures.jpg|[[goth|Black again LoL]]
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| Image:Unabletouselipstick.jpg|Matt's [[camwhore]] girlfriend cannot use lipstick properly
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| Image:Goth Bear.jpg|Goth Bear - now with color! Still looks like [[shit|shit]]
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| Image:ohgod2.gif|Matt likes [[sex|fucking]] Christians who glow. He's also a closet Jesus-freak.
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| Image:Serenity Wallpaper by Corblo II.jpg|[[gay]] desktop
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| Image:Matt Crimmins is a pedoSHOOOP.jpg|[[pedophile]] Matt Crimmins
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| Image:babymommasteals.jpg|Matt's baby momma wants to "be a cartoonist and make [[fail|comics]]"
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| Image:mattclairebaby.jpg|[[lie|professional]] rendition of Matt & Claire's baby
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| </gallery>}}
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| {{goth}}
| | Yeah, baby!'''] |
| {{australia}}
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| {{clear}}
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| {{Timeline|Featured article December 28, [[2007]]|[[419 Nigerian Email Scams]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Internet Vigilante Group]]}}
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| [[Category:People|Crimmins, Matt]]
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| [[Category:Faggotry]]
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| [[Category:Events]]
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| [[Category:In_Jokes]]
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| [[Category:2007]]
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[
Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home?
Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home?
Just an urchin livin' under the street
I'm a hard case that's tough to beat
I'm your charity case, so buy me something to eat
I'll pay you at another time
Take it to the end of the line
Rags to riches, or so they say
You gotta keep pushin' for the fortune and fame
You know, it's all a gamble when it's just a game
You treat it like a capital crime
Everybody's doin' the time
Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home?
Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
Take me home
Strapped in the chair of the city's gas chamber
Why I'm here I can't quite remember
The Surgeon General says it's hazardous to breathe
I'd have another cigarette, but I can't see
Tell me who you're gonna believe
Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
Take me home
Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home?
So far away
So far away
So far away
So far away
Captain America's been torn apart
Now he's a court jester with a broken heart
He said, "Turn me around and take me back to the start.
I must be losin' my mind." Are you, blind?
I've seen it all a million times
Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
Take me home
Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home?
Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
Take me home
Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home?
I wanna go
I wanna go
Oh, won't you please take me home?
I wanna see
How could it be?
Oh, won't you please take me home?
Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
Take me home
Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home?
Take me down
Take me 'round
Oh, won't you please take me home?
I wanna see
How could it be?
Oh, take me home
Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home?
I wanna go
I wanna go
Oh, won't you please take me home?
Yeah, baby!]
