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Kai the Hitchhiker: Difference between revisions

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{{achtung|I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT BECAUSE I AM JESUS}}
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==Introduction==
==Introduction==
'''Kai''', commonly referred to as the '''Hatchet-wielding hitchhiker''', is a creature of [[Canada|Canadian]] oddity roaming the streets of the [[America|United States]] using several fake names and clandestine identities. Known for his high [[nigger|sneaking abilities]] and dangerous one-handed [[spic|combat skills]], Kai could be considered as a force not to be reckoned with. His offensive stance is usually comprised of 3 very particular stages, all specifically designed to assess different threat levels. Stage 1 is merely a state of increased awareness, which will influence the Kai to start looking for possible weapons and prepare combat strategies, without showing any signs of anger to his enemies, who are always fucking crazy anyways. Stage 2 is known as the Pre-Smash phase. In this state, the Kai is to be approached with caution, and will usually grab a weapon, preferably a hatchet, or use his magicka and conjuration skills to create one out of thin air, because he's just that fucking good. During stage 2, the Kai is fully prepared to kill, but will not engage in combat unless being attacked first. Stage 3, the most dangerous of all stages, is known as the Smash Smash Smash stage. Being in a full-blown combat mode, the Kai will simply fuck you up. If you are sensitive in the back of the head, beware, as he is known to have a preference for such areas. Before attacking, the Kai will yell out a primitive tribal phrase, known as a shout, to intimidate and weaken his prey. This shout, SMASH SMASH SMASH, does extra damage to vehicle-drivers who pick up hitchhikers on a regular basis.
Kai was straight out of Dogtown, skateboarding and surfing, when the [[sick fuck|kind fellow who was driving him around]] started telling him about how he [[raep|raped a 14 year old girl when he was on a business trip]]. Then, to further entertain his [[shocked and appalled|jolly]] passenger, he states:
 
{{quote|You know what, I've come to realise that, [[lolwut|I am Jesus, and I can do anything I fucking want to]], watch this!|The driver|right before he rams into someone's car}}
Unfortunately for the driver, Kai doesn't find rape or assault with a vehicle very funny, and [[pwnt|Kai proceeded to beat the living shit out of him]].
== Origins ==
== Origins ==
[[Black_Jesus|Though it is unclear of his exact birth place and his age]], which nobody can call, the Kai can be found in several regions of North America, with concentrated populations straight out of Dogtown.
[[Black_Jesus|Though it is unclear of his exact birth place and his age]], which nobody can call, the Kai can be found in several regions of North America, with concentrated populations straight out of Dogtown.

Revision as of 19:18, 13 July 2013

I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT BECAUSE I AM JESUS
HOLD IT! STEP THE FUCK OFF!
Kai the Hitchhiker looks like shit but it is NOT a {{crapstub}}. It is a work in progress!
If you require assistance beefing up this article, then hit up the experts on our IRC.


Introduction

Kai was straight out of Dogtown, skateboarding and surfing, when the kind fellow who was driving him around started telling him about how he raped a 14 year old girl when he was on a business trip. Then, to further entertain his jolly passenger, he states:

   
“ 		 
You know what, I've come to realise that, I am Jesus, and I can do anything I fucking want to, watch this!
  		„
  		 

—The driver, right before he rams into someone's car

Unfortunately for the driver, Kai doesn't find rape or assault with a vehicle very funny, and Kai proceeded to beat the living shit out of him.

Origins

Though it is unclear of his exact birth place and his age, which nobody can call, the Kai can be found in several regions of North America, with concentrated populations straight out of Dogtown. Beware when near any body of water, since the Kai likes surfin' it up in his free time. He is inhabited by a deep religious faith and belief, often referring to himself as the anti-Christ. Kai suffers from an unpredictable speech disorder caused by turrets, sometimes making him unable to properly pronounce words starting with an s.

Trial

Posted by Kai on his Failbook timeline a day after Joseph Galfy, Jr was found dead

Even after preventing a man from snapping a woman's neck like a pencil stick and telling the guy pinned between the legs to not fucking move, otherwise you bleed out, Kai has been criminally charged with murder in another case after allegedly killing a man named "Joseph Galfy, Jr" who had allegedly raped Kai. Needless to say it's bullshit. If found guilty, he should have no problem escaping jail, due to his high lock-picking skill.

Videos

Arrested on murder charge

Kai the Hitchhiker is part of a series on

Trolls

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Kai the Hitchhiker is part of a series on YouTube.

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