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Kai the Hitchhiker: Difference between revisions
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<center>[[file:Kai The Hitchhiker On A Crucifix.jpg|Kai likes it rough.]]<br /> | <center>[[file:Kai The Hitchhiker On A Crucifix.jpg|Kai likes it rough.]]<br /> | ||
'''Kai the true [[Jesus|Messiah]]'''</center> | '''Kai the true [[Jesus|Messiah]]'''</center> | ||
== | ==Initial fame== | ||
[[file:Kai.jpg|thumb|derp-face]]'''Kai''', also known as "'''Kai the Hatchet-wielding Hitchhiker'''" , was out of Dogtown, skateboarding and surfing, when the [[sick fuck|kind fellow who was driving him around]] started telling him about how he [[raep|raped a 14 year old girl when he was on a business trip]]. Then, to further entertain his [[shocked and appalled|jolly]] passenger, he states: | [[file:Kai.jpg|thumb|derp-face]]'''Kai''', also known as "'''Kai the Hatchet-wielding Hitchhiker'''" , was out of Dogtown, skateboarding and surfing, when the [[sick fuck|kind fellow who was driving him around]] started telling him about how he [[raep|raped a 14 year old girl when he was on a business trip]]. Then, to further entertain his [[shocked and appalled|jolly]] passenger, he states: | ||
{{quote|You know what, I've come to realise that, [[lolwut|I am Jesus, and I can do anything I fucking want to]], watch this!|The driver|right before | {{quote|You know what, I've come to realise that, [[lolwut|I am Jesus, and I can do anything I fucking want to]], watch this!|The driver|right before aiming his car at a PG&E worker}} | ||
Unfortunately for the driver, Kai doesn't find rape or assault with a vehicle very funny, and [[pwnt|Kai proceeded to beat the living shit out of him]], with a hatchet he had found nearby. | Unfortunately for the driver, Kai doesn't find rape or assault with a vehicle very funny, and [[pwnt|Kai proceeded to beat the living shit out of him]], with a hatchet he had found nearby. | ||
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Beware when near any body of water, since the Kai likes surfin' it up in his free time. He is inhabited by a deep religious faith and belief, often referring to himself as the anti-Christ. Kai suffers from an unpredictable speech disorder caused by [[tourettes]], sometimes making him unable to properly pronounce words starting with an ``s``. | Beware when near any body of water, since the Kai likes surfin' it up in his free time. He is inhabited by a deep religious faith and belief, often referring to himself as the anti-Christ. Kai suffers from an unpredictable speech disorder caused by [[tourettes]], sometimes making him unable to properly pronounce words starting with an ``s``. | ||
== | == Rape == | ||
[[File:KaiFacebook - posted after murder victim was found dead.jpg|Posted by Kai on his [[Failbook]] timeline a day after Joseph Galfy, Jr was found dead|thumb|right]] | [[File:KaiFacebook - posted after murder victim was found dead.jpg|Posted by Kai on his [[Failbook]] timeline a day after Joseph Galfy, Jr was found dead|thumb|right]] | ||
{{squote|1=what would you do if you woke up with a groggy head, metallic taste in your mouth, in a strangers house... walked to the mirror and seen come dripping from the side of your face from your mouth, and started wretching, realizing that someone had drugged, raped, and blown their fuckin load in you? what would you do?|2=[https://www.facebook.com/yodhehwawheh/posts/173196462844554 Kai the Hitchhiker]|3=[http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/16/caleb-mcgillvary-kai-hitchhiker-murder_n_3287160.html explaining a possible motive]}} | |||
Despite his previous heroism, Kai has been criminally charged with murder in another case after [[allegedly]] killing a man named "Joseph Galfy, Jr" who had allegedly [http://mashable.com/2013/05/16/kai-the-hitchhiker-arrested/ raped Kai]. Needless to say it's [[true|bullshit]]. If found guilty, he should have no problem escaping jail, due to his [[autism|high lock-picking skill]]. EDiots theorize Kai was selling blowjobs for crack money, and Kai killed the man after a night of drug fueled, moderately priced passion. | |||
==Videos== | ==Videos== | ||
Revision as of 01:45, 20 July 2013
Kai the true Messiah
Initial fame
Kai, also known as "Kai the Hatchet-wielding Hitchhiker" , was out of Dogtown, skateboarding and surfing, when the kind fellow who was driving him around started telling him about how he raped a 14 year old girl when he was on a business trip. Then, to further entertain his jolly passenger, he states:
—The driver, right before aiming his car at a PG&E worker | ||
Unfortunately for the driver, Kai doesn't find rape or assault with a vehicle very funny, and Kai proceeded to beat the living shit out of him, with a hatchet he had found nearby.
Origins
Though it is unclear of his exact birth place and his age, which nobody can call, the Kai can be found in several regions of North America, with concentrated populations straight out of Dogtown. Beware when near any body of water, since the Kai likes surfin' it up in his free time. He is inhabited by a deep religious faith and belief, often referring to himself as the anti-Christ. Kai suffers from an unpredictable speech disorder caused by tourettes, sometimes making him unable to properly pronounce words starting with an ``s``.
Rape
Despite his previous heroism, Kai has been criminally charged with murder in another case after allegedly killing a man named "Joseph Galfy, Jr" who had allegedly raped Kai. Needless to say it's bullshit. If found guilty, he should have no problem escaping jail, due to his high lock-picking skill. EDiots theorize Kai was selling blowjobs for crack money, and Kai killed the man after a night of drug fueled, moderately priced passion.
Videos
External Links
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Kai the Hitchhiker is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
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