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| [[Image:Mary-sue.jpg|right|150px|thumb|our founder, the [[whore]] in white]]
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| [[Image:Frank-offman.jpg|right|150px|thumb|yo, you likes mah grill nigga? OSA boughts it for me!]]
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| The '''Office of Special Affairs''' (moar liek [[Retard|SPESHUL EDUCATION]] amirite?), also known as [[OSA]], is Scientology's answer to bloated bureaucratic nonsense seen only in such entities as [[FBI|the partyvan]] or [[CIA|spies like us]].
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| Originally, '''OSA''' was called the Guardian's Office, but due to [[Hubbard|Hubbard's]] cock getting stuck too far up [[Mary Sue]]'s asshole she ordered eleven other [[Rogues Gallery|clams]] to break into other [[FBI|keystone cop operations]] and steal their [[dox]] on L Ron's [[homosexual]] lifestyle and [[juggalo|drug addled]] rantings. The Office of Special Affairs is constantly [[recent changes|watching you]] on the [[Internet]]. After being arrested for breaking into the '''FBI, CIA, NATO, INTERPOL, FDA, FCC, NAMBLA, al-Qaeda, World Jewry & Zionist Conspiracy''' and other government agencies in [[America]] and [[world|around the world]] Mary Sue Hubbard decided to retire to a nice prison cell while her husband went out on the lamb and let her die a miserable death from [[cancer|cancer of the anus]].
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| Internationally, OSA is responsible for killing more lulz than any [[nameless|camwhore]], [[fat whore|fat whore]] or [[Noam Chomsky]] could put together. They are consistently [[homosexual]] and take themselves [[serious business|'''way too serious''']] by using earpieces, and cameras to take pictures of those who say [[NO U|"NO U"]] to them. It is suspected that [[over 9000]] percent of OSA bots engage in [[fag|homosexual relationships]] with men and [[pedo|young boys]] and are really [[furfags]] in disguise.
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| Thankfully, OSA is also responsible for unwittingly creating lulz, such as revealing that the leader of [[Anonymous]] is long deceased soul voice [[Marvin Gaye]].
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| ==Guardian's Office==
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| In the later part of the 1970's, L Ron was paranoid about people stealing his semen in his sleep and his ex-wife coming aboard his ship and sodomizing him again in order to conceive the child he could never bear her. Thus, he decided to start the '''Guardian's Office International'''. The Guardian's Office would be L. Ron's answer to pesky questions about the legality of using a lie-detector to solve peoples' medical problems and all that annoying business of having to pay taxes. After a series of [[drama|fights]] with the [[IRS]] L. Ron ordered his [[whore|wife]] to infiltrate the [[IRS]], [[FBI]] and [[CIA]] and purge all his [[dox]] from their record rooms. Unfortunately, one of the [[Scientology|clams]] got stuck in an [[IRS]] office and got locked in like a good [[spy]] and told the government everything.
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| [[image:sgologo.gif|right]]
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| Fearing their [[God]] would go to prison, all of the people responsible turned themselves in for tax inspections and anal sex from the [[ED|justice department]] and were all sentenced to fifteen years of being fucked in the ass by [[nigras]] for their crimes of trying to spy vs. spy people who got their spy degrees from a cracker-jack box. In effect, the Guardian's Office was closed by [[Scientology]] never to be heard from again until '''Part II - Office of Un-Special Affairs'''.
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| ==Office of un-Special Affairs==
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| After the [[Scientology|Cult of Scientology]] noticed what epic [[fail]] and [[aids]] the Guardian's Office had, their insipidly tiny leader [[David Miscavige]] decided to round up his greatest and fiercest sadomasochists the '''Commodore's Messenger's''' to a special meeting where it was decided to form a new office with the same exact policies but a different name. The result of which is still considered by many to be the greatest and most epic failure the Office of un-Special Affairs.
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| Anyone wishing to join the Office of Special Affairs must undergo a rigorous course in sadomasochism, [[camwhore|photography]] and read insipid pseudo-military novels such as Art of War by Sun-Tzu. The most visible members of OSA are typically the [[Scilons]] who will attempt to come out and [[Rogues Gallery|photograph people]], annoy the fuck out of them by [[batshit insane|ad hominen]] attacks and nonsense.
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| *<b> OSA Organigram (not recent ! )</b>
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| [[image:osaorg.gif|center]]
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| ==Notable OSA Goons==
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| <gallery>
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| Image:Timlomas.jpg|a typical OSA goon inspecting his beverage for toxins prior to consumption
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| Image:Gavino-idda.jpg|Gavino Idda -- Scientology's Internet Terrorist
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| Image:Earpiece scifag.jpg|Rupert Paddy -- does NOT have hide skill leveled up enough to hide in foliage
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| Image:Gabe williams.jpg|Gabe Williams - one of MANY of their convicted criminals
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| Image:Tommy Davis.jpg|[[Tommy Davis]] - male porn star and failure
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| Image:Toni-Chambranis.jpg|[[Toni Chambranis]] -- Scientology Internet Terrorist
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| </gallery>
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| ==OSA PI Equipment Gallery==
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| <gallery>
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| image:osatoyz0.jpeg|Osa Ear Gadget
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| image:osatoyz3.jpeg|OSA X-Ray PI Glasses
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| image:osatoyz1.gif|OSA PI Mustache Kit
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| image:osatoyz5.jpeg|OSA PI High Resolution Discreet Micro Photo Camera
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| image:osatoyz6.jpeg|OSA PI Interview Camera (Fawks News)
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| </gallery>
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| ==See Also==
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| *[[Rogues Gallery]]
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| *[[Scientology]]
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| *[[Toni Chambranis]]
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| *[[L. Ron Hubbard]]
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| *[http://www.dusitplace.com/conference/ Clear Water Hotel]
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| {{Scientology}}
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| [[Category:Cliques]][[Category:Trolls]]
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| [[Category:Chanology]]
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